Solo traveling while disabled - How to comfort parents?

[transient]

I have a type of dwarfism that stunted my growth to just under 4 feet. Other than body pains just for no reason, I'm pretty capable and don't have many health problems because of it. I'm not as strong and of course much more vulnerable than most people traveling, and because of this my parents are VERY hesitant for me taking this journey. I've been researching it for months now and am currently looking for a van to buy in my area, so I'll wanting to be leaving this fall or sometime in February. The only thing is that my parents are again, very worried.

I plan on having 2 cans of pepper spray and some hunting knives (also for utility, I like campfires.), I live in Canada so a gun is out of the question and also something I'm not comfortable with anyway. Basically, I'm wondering what I could tell them to comfort them? They're worried to the extent of trying to convince me not to go and making it hard to plan out & put in action. I just turned 20 and it will be my first time living on my own so I do see their reasoning and I understand it, I just want them to get on board better, and it's pretty frustrating to have them against my plan. I'm also a new driver, so that doesn't help lmao.

The only real obstacles I can think of having is mechanical issues and carrying water/groceries. But I already know it's easy to get assistance carrying out groceries and that pretty much every supermarket will help with that, and I'll have a cell phone for emergency calls if my van breaks down. They're more worried about the possibility of me being stranded somewhere, or of me getting hurt or attacked.

I'll write down these responses and show them to maybe help ease their minds a bit so anything helps! Thanks.

 

[SoulRaven]

I was 25, had never lived on my own before, was disabled enough to require a caregiver for basic daily essentials and I still skipped out on my own to the unknown of living on the streets of Seattle in a van that had just a bed and a cooler.

I had some close calls, I'll admit. But I needed to do it.

My parents were very worried at first, but actually doing it is what helped the most, I think. The longer I was away, the greater the gaps in communication, the more they had to learn to come to terms with the situation. My mom tries hard to avoid being a helicopter parent, but despite this I still got a lot of texts in the beginning simply asking "you okay?" I'd tell her that yep, I'm okay. That'd be the end of it. And at the end of the day I think that's pretty much all you or I can really do to make this any easier on them; the bulk of the processing has to happen on their own time.

It's already hard for parents to "let their kids grow up" and leave the nest, out into the real world unshielded from the hard knocks of reality. When the grown kid has some sort of disability, it's often even harder, and/or used as an excuse to be unable to let them go.

It sounds like you've made up your mind to go do it, so I'd just advise proceeding with your plans! My own parents were so against my initial plans that I ended up proceeding with a lot of it behind their back just so that the process would be less stressful, and then informing them after the fact. For me this simplified the process, as well as helping them adjust to the fact that I'm an adult now and as such do not require their permission to make major life changes.

I was concerned about handling mechanical issues as well. Roadside assistance was invaluable to me when my first van broke down a bunch of times. I'd recommend prioritizing mechanical reliability hard in your selection of vehicle and something like AAA.

Welcome to the forums!!

 

[moorejames]

You could offer to always carry one of these, if they pay for it of course

http://www.findmespot.com/mobile/

 

[Optimistic Paranoid]

One of our regulars, Almost There, is Canadian and she knows a roadside assistance program that works in both Canada and the US.  I'm sure she'll be along in a bit and will tell you which one it is.

Cell phones:  The general consensus here is that Verizon has more coverage than anyone else, although AT&T seems to be a strong second.  If you don't get TOO far from the towers, there are external antennas and amplifiers that can get you a strong signal when the phone can't hack it on it's own.  Check out a company called WeBoost.

If you get far enough off the beaten path that even the amplifiers can't get you a cell signal, then a SPOT 3 is definitely the way to go.  It uses satellite service.  In a life and death situation, you can use it to relay your gps position to the search and rescue authorities.  On a more mundane level, you can send a daily "I'm OK" signal along with your gps position to several different email addresses.  I believe there is also a non-life-threatening help function if you're just broke down somewhere.  See the SPOT pages for more details.

The SPOT requires a subscription service.  It is possible to buy Personal Locator Beacons (PLB) that goes DIRECT to the search and rescue center, no subscription service is necessary, but it lacks the ability to send routine "I'm OK" messages to your family.

BTW, are you a dog person?  Dogs can be great travelling companions, can perform a useful alarm service, and can even be great protection, IF they are properly trained.  And by properly trained, I DON"T mean turned into the slavering attack dog from Hell.  With proof of their rabies shots and such, no problem crossing the border with them.

Finally, guns.  A lot of us here wouldn't travel without one.  A lot of people here think they are totally unnecessary.  I will neither try to talk you into one or out of one.  I will just mention that they make youth sized .22 rimfire rifles that should fit you quite well.  They are not expensive. There is no recoil to speak of.  With the proper Canadian Firearms Owners ID you should have no trouble getting one in Canada, and I don't believe there would be any problem with crossing the border freely with it.  It is, of course, up to you.  'Nuff said on that subject.

Welcome to the forum.

 

[transient]

One of our regulars, Almost There, is Canadian and she knows a roadside assistance program that works in both Canada and the US.  I'm sure she'll be along in a bit and will tell you which one it is.

-

BTW, are you a dog person?  Dogs can be great travelling companions, can perform a useful alarm service, and can even be great protection, IF they are properly trained.  And by properly trained, I DON"T mean turned into the slavering attack dog from Hell.  With proof of their rabies shots and such, no problem crossing the border with them.

Awesome! I will be going down into the US a lot so that's helpful to have a program that works in both countries. And unfortunately I'm actually pretty scared of dogs but I've been really wanting to get used to them more, and perhaps when I'm more accustomed to traveling decide on adopting one. I don't want to saddle myself with a companion I might not be able to take care of, especially when I'm just learning myself.

I was 25, had never lived on my own before, was disabled enough to require a caregiver for basic daily essentials and I still skipped out on my own to the unknown of living on the streets of Seattle in a van that had just a bed and a cooler.

I had some close calls, I'll admit. But I needed to do it.

My parents were very worried at first, but actually doing it is what helped the most, I think. The longer I was away, the greater the gaps in communication, the more they had to learn to come to terms with the situation. My mom tries hard to avoid being a helicopter parent, but despite this I still got a lot of texts in the beginning simply asking "you okay?" I'd tell her that yep, I'm okay. That'd be the end of it. And at the end of the day I think that's pretty much all you or I can really do to make this any easier on them; the bulk of the processing has to happen on their own time.

It's already hard for parents to "let their kids grow up" and leave the nest, out into the real world unshielded from the hard knocks of reality. When the grown kid has some sort of disability, it's often even harder, and/or used as an excuse to be unable to let them go.

It sounds like you've made up your mind to go do it, so I'd just advise proceeding with your plans! My own parents were so against my initial plans that I ended up proceeding with a lot of it behind their back just so that the process would be less stressful, and then informing them after the fact. For me this simplified the process, as well as helping them adjust to the fact that I'm an adult now and as such do not require their permission to make major life changes.

I was concerned about handling mechanical issues as well. Roadside assistance was invaluable to me when my first van broke down a bunch of times. I'd recommend prioritizing mechanical reliability hard in your selection of vehicle and something like AAA.

Welcome to the forums!!

That's really helpful! They'll be happy to know other disabled people have done it too, thank you for commenting. I do plan on going ahead with it, but a lot of the issue (being rural) is getting the help required to purchase the van which they're very reluctant to do haha. Gonna take some convincing, since I'm going to be buying it likely from somewhere hours away.

I am on disability though so the prioritizing of a "good" vehicle is not necessarily available to me due to money. I'm looking more for the best used camper van I can find that isn't too difficult to acquire and is within my price range. I'm not going to get an ol' hunker, but it won't be the best vehicle. Just something that works.

You could offer to always carry one of these, if they pay for it of course

http://www.findmespot.com/mobile/

That's neat! I'll definitely show them that thank you!

 

[gcal]

One of our regulars, Almost There, is Canadian and she knows a roadside assistance program that works in both Canada and the US.  I'm sure she'll be along in a bit and will tell you which one it is.

Cell phones:  The general consensus here is that Verizon has more coverage than anyone else, although AT&T seems to be a strong second.  If you don't get TOO far from the towers, there are external antennas and amplifiers that can get you a strong signal when the phone can't hack it on it's own.  Check out a company called WeBoost.

If you get far enough off the beaten path that even the amplifiers can't get you a cell signal, then a SPOT 3 is definitely the way to go.  It uses satellite service.  In a life and death situation, you can use it to relay your gps position to the search and rescue authorities.  On a more mundane level, you can send a daily "I'm OK" signal along with your gps position to several different email addresses.  I believe there is also a non-life-threatening help function if you're just broke down somewhere.  See the SPOT pages for more details.

The SPOT requires a subscription service.  It is possible to buy Personal Locator Beacons (PLB) that goes DIRECT to the search and rescue center, no subscription service is necessary, but it lacks the ability to send routine "I'm OK" messages to your family.

BTW, are you a dog person?  Dogs can be great travelling companions, can perform a useful alarm service, and can even be great protection, IF they are properly trained.  And by properly trained, I DON"T mean turned into the slavering attack dog from Hell.  With proof of their rabies shots and such, no problem crossing the border with them.

Finally, guns.  A lot of us here wouldn't travel without one.  A lot of people here think they are totally unnecessary.  I will neither try to talk you into one or out of one.  I will just mention that they make youth sized .22 rimfire rifles that should fit you quite well.  They are not expensive. There is no recoil to speak of.  With the proper Canadian Firearms Owners ID you should have no trouble getting one in Canada, and I don't believe there would be any problem with crossing the border freely with it.  It is, of course, up to you.  'Nuff said on that subject.

Welcome to the forum.

If one is disabled or very small, the size of the dog and how active the dog is important. I am a big woman, about as tall as the average man, but even our 25 pounder hurts my bad bad back and twingy hip if he pulls or lunges at a squirrel. A very small person, or one plagued by arthritis and joint issues, might be happier with a small dog. Even little dogs will bark a warning.

 

[Almost There]

OP is right, I can recommend a roadside assistance program that covers both Canada and the US - it's from a company called Paragon

http://www.paragonmotorclub.com/roadside/

I've had them for years and they've never let me down....had troubl e identifying where I was in the backroads of northern Ontario but they still called the nearest tow service and let them find me - driver knew exactly where I was.... .

As a fellow Canadian I share the mentality of not having a gun! It's just the way we grew up. I carry bear spray when out walking but never worry about where I'm parked. It's on the dash if I need it.

Unfortunately I am not much help when it comes to soothing worried parents - I'm the exact opposite - I ran away from home literally when my youngest graduated from school. Yes, my parents worried about me but by then I had raised 3 kids all on my own and wasn't about to let a parents' worry stop me from doing anything. Today, it's my son that worries about  me....  

I compromised with him and send him a marker each night when I'm moving using an app called LocSMS.

My mother still worries about me, unnecessarily I might add. Since there is no cure for her worrying and now that she's almost 90 and I'm retired, I'm not going to change her thinking. If she chooses to worry, it's on her. I've proven for 40 years of travelling all over the continent that I'm capable of making the right decisions...sigh!

If you're travelling in the US I recommend getting Verizon for service, not only is their coverage good but they also offer a call to Canada plan that is only $10.00 for a 1000 minutes a month.

As to having a dog, well, my advice on that will depend on what you're travelling in. If you end up with a commercially made RV, even a class B that has an onboard generator and a/c then a dog will work. If you need to go shopping in the daytime, you can draw the curtains, fire up the gennie and the a/c and go. If you're converting a van yourself then it's more than likely still going to be titled as a passenger vehicle. At that point it becomes illegal in many states and dangerous to the pet to leave them while you run errands. I deliberately chose not to have another dog in my life because I'm living in a DIY converted van. When I did this life before I ended up having to plan my life around the dogs needs - like shopping at 11 PM. There are also a huge number of places I want to go where having a dog would be a total pita. I just did 3 days at the Grand Canyon, all of it in places where I wouldn't be able to take a dog, just as an example.

I'm not saying don't, but that you think very, very carefully about the issue before deciding!

The Spot could be handy but truthfully, this whole winter of exploring the US southwest, I've been without cell/internet coverage maybe twice and even then last night while camped at the Wild Spirit Wolf Sanctuary...yeahhh me, it was on my bucket list! - I still managed to get a text message out. Took forever to send but it went! 

As an interior canoeist some of my friends carry either the Spot or another type of PLB for when they are going into really remote places in northern Ontario where they are days from a cell tower. IMO, it's not really necessary for the type of travelling we do with our vans.

 

[highdesertranger]

good for you transient for coming here and asking questions. I feel so far you have gotten some really good advice. it doesn't surprise me as this is a great group of people. I really don't have anything to add at this point but keep asking I am sure I will throw my 2 cents in eventually. highdesertranger

 

[cyndi]

Disability or not, some of the basics remain the same and have been covered in previous threads.

https://vanlivingforum.com/Thread-How-do-you-stay-safe

This thread has a lot of posts with responses to family questions
https://vanlivingforum.com/Thread-Should-You-Tell-Your-Family-Friends?highlight=family

Both of these threads have posts that will help put your families more at ease with your plan

 

[gcal]

OP is right, I can recommend a roadside assistance program that covers both Canada and the US - it's from a company called Paragon

http://www.paragonmotorclub.com/roadside/

I've had them for years and they've never let me down....had troubl e identifying where I was in the backroads of northern Ontario but they still called the nearest tow service and let them find me - driver knew exactly where I was.... .

As a fellow Canadian I share the mentality of not having a gun! It's just the way we grew up. I carry bear spray when out walking but never worry about where I'm parked. It's on the dash if I need it.

Unfortunately I am not much help when it comes to soothing worried parents - I'm the exact opposite - I ran away from home literally when my youngest graduated from school. Yes, my parents worried about me but by then I had raised 3 kids all on my own and wasn't about to let a parents' worry stop me from doing anything. Today, it's my son that worries about  me....  

I compromised with him and send him a marker each night when I'm moving using an app called LocSMS.

My mother still worries about me, unnecessarily I might add. Since there is no cure for her worrying and now that she's almost 90 and I'm retired, I'm not going to change her thinking. If she chooses to worry, it's on her. I've proven for 40 years of travelling all over the continent that I'm capable of making the right decisions...sigh!

If you're travelling in the US I recommend getting Verizon for service, not only is their coverage good but they also offer a call to Canada plan that is only $10.00 for a 1000 minutes a month.

As to having a dog, well, my advice on that will depend on what you're travelling in. If you end up with a commercially made RV, even a class B that has an onboard generator and a/c then a dog will work. If you need to go shopping in the daytime, you can draw the curtains, fire up the gennie and the a/c and go. If you're converting a van yourself then it's more than likely still going to be titled as a passenger vehicle. At that point it becomes illegal in many states and dangerous to the pet to leave them while you run errands. I deliberately chose not to have another dog in my life because I'm living in a DIY converted van. When I did this life before I ended up having to plan my life around the dogs needs - like shopping at 11 PM. There are also a huge number of places I want to go where having a dog would be a total pita. I just did 3 days at the Grand Canyon, all of it in places where I wouldn't be able to take a dog, just as an example.

I'm not saying don't, but that you think very, very carefully about the issue before deciding!

The Spot could be handy but truthfully, this whole winter of exploring the US southwest, I've been without cell/internet coverage maybe twice and even then last night while camped at the Wild Spirit Wolf Sanctuary...yeahhh me, it was on my bucket list! - I still managed to get a text message out. Took forever to send but it went! 

As an interior canoeist some of my friends carry either the Spot or another type of PLB for when they are going into really remote places in northern Ontario where they are days from a cell tower. IMO, it's not really necessary for the type of travelling we do with our vans.

Ditto on the dog being a pita. We have a good sized rv and we usually are in rv parks with electricity for the a/c. We can afford daycare kennels (if we can find them) if we need them. The dog is remarkably well behaved and easy to travel with. We had him in the house before we decided to fulltime, so he came along. But if I  had been making the choice, today, I would not have gotten him.

 

[Stargazer]

Many years ago, I was told, "If you say something, it can be wrong. If the other person says something, it is right."

All parents worry. Instead of them asking you questions and your answers are wrong (in their minds), you might try asking them questions, because in their minds, their answers are right. For instance,

You: "Mom and Dad, have you taught me to take care of myself? Is there more I should know?"

You: "What do you think I should do to follow my dreams successfully?"

You: "What do you want for me in my life?"

You need them to say what you want to hear. Ask whatever questions that will get those answers. Because when they say it, in their minds, it is true and right. And they will have to admit that either they didn't parent you well by not teaching you how to take care of yourself, or that they did a good job and must let you fly the nest.

I hope this makes sense. I'm not always good at explaining what I mean.

Best wishes

 

[akrvbob]

Many years ago, I was told, "If you say something, it can be wrong.  If the other person says something, it is right."

All parents worry.  Instead of them asking you questions and your answers are wrong (in their minds), you might try asking them questions, because in their minds, their answers are right.  For instance,

You:  "Mom and Dad, have you taught me to take care of myself?  Is there more I should know?"

You:  "What do you think I should do to follow my dreams successfully?"

You:  "What do you want for me in my life?"

You need them to say what you want to hear.  Ask whatever questions that will get those answers.  Because when they say it, in their minds, it is true and right.  And they will have to admit that either they didn't parent you well by not teaching you how to take care of yourself, or that they did a good job and must let you fly the nest.

I hope this makes sense.  I'm not always good at explaining what I mean.

Best wishes

Stargazer, that's brilliant!
Bob

 

[akrvbob]

Here is an idea that may be a compromise. In the winter many of us gather in AZ and camp loosely together in November and December in the Arizona desert. Usually there is 20-40 of us together until our big gathering in January in Quartzsite when there will be close to 200 of us. I suggest you find all the stuff you can on the internet about us and show your parents, and then you do a trial run to join us in December and January.

No one here will babysit you, but no one here will pity you either, in fact we will all admire you for the courage you are showing us! Many of us have been dealt bad hands in the game of life and what's important is how you play the cards. You're playing a bad hand really well!

You wont be alone, you'll be surrounded by caring and happy people. We have got very good internet and cell phone, you can talk to your folks every day. In fact they can fly down on holiday and join us. I bet they'd be glad to be here in a Canadian winter!! Maybe they can drive down with you and meet us, then fly home.

You can tell from the response you've got here already, we are an amazing group of people! You are always welcome in my camp!

Call it an experiment and then you can all make the final decision after.
Bob

 

[Txjaybird]

Hello and welcome.  On the first page of my PTM  [Parents Training Manual] it clearly states.....You will always worry about your child.....It's what we do from wet diapers to ......are you sure you want to marry THAT ONE!  It's required of us parents.

I would suggest that you offer to not roam too far right at first, and maybe even offer to have a parent or friend on  a few short trips/camping to put their worries to rest.  You never know what you're getting with a used vehicle and since you're a new driver it might be good to have someone else along if there is a problem.

One of my grandsons is vertically challenged.  At 16ys he is about 2ft shorter than his basket ball playing buddies....he says he just has to jump higher!

I don't know if you have considered this however I think most camper vans are made for taller people.  You may want to consider getting some vehicle to build the interior to suit your needs.  I'm sure you know what you need as far as counter height, upper cabinets, even your bed and other storage space.  Lot's of folks start out with a bare van/car and go from there.  There is a lot of info on this site about all kinds of conversions.  Only an individual can say what they need in their "homes" to be comfortable and happy.. Lots of you tube videos that are linked to here and others building off grid homes on wheels.

I hope things work out for you and your parents...they are still gonna worry tho  

 

[sephson]

I'll add another "Your parents will always worry about you.". It's a simple fact of life that if you have good, loving parents, they will worry about you, no matter how old you get or how well you're able to take care of yourself. I'm an able bodied (mostly, damned knees), 41 year old man with a stable, full time job and my mother still worries about me. It's been many years since I lived under her roof, but to ease her mind when I go on my road trips I keep her in the loop. I may not know exactly where I'm headed, but an occasional phone call or e-mail (I still can't convince her that texting is easier.) from helps her sleep better. You'll probably find that things are very much the same with your parents.