Seriously, so you want to be in love again...

[winterwanderer]

"Being in love" as in overwhelmed by happy hormones? Ain't happened, and it ain't gonna happen. No use commiserating over it. 'Sides, I've only seen a handful of people for whom falling in love did them any good in the long run.

 

[JuliaAnne2018]

To Minivanmotoman,

I gotta remember that phrase:

"crotchety curmudgeons"

These are two "nicer" C-words to describe some of the people I know.

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[Element Gypsy]

LoveCareThinkDo
Nope.

Ain't got enough life left in me for another multi-year swirling vortex of hell, then the subsequent recovery.

I got shit to do!



Yeah, I get it... I know...I'm still hoping I will pick wisely now that I have been the brunt of and seen the dark side of others selfish and narcissistic childish ways.  Maybe now I will be loved in a real and normal way.

 

[swlands]

I think for many what they mean by love is not a gift - it is a contract. Which might be fine if it is all up front and everyone abides by the terms. Think about those early settler days in the US. The man went into the wilderness and tamed a piece of it, then sent out a request for a bride. And women would head off into the barely tamed wilds to partner up and raise kids with a complete stranger. It started out with a cold contract. There was a job to do - break in the wilderness and raise a family. I think many times those relationships became deeply loving.

And now we are barraged with marketing that plays on our insecurities and tells us how we need to be to be attractive and have a loving partner - they start by promising the love and then deliver the contract and it all goes to shit because the contract was never acknowledged and no one can agree on the terms.

In the end love is a gift that we give. I like looking out for other people. So I do it for selfish reasons. I do it for me, in as much as I try to be helpful - I want to live in a supportive world, so I do my part, but I don't expect to be rewarded. It is respectful.

I doubt I will ever partner up again. I had a 30 year marriage, have an adult child, lots of friends. It could happen, but I am very happy in my own company, now. I do want a lot of friends. I love people. But romance? I did that when I was 16, and I wasn't very good at it, though I never really got over that highschool girlfriend - that romance was incredible. Or was it the hormones? No - that was hormones. Never doing that again.

 

[JuliaAnne2018]

SofisinTown,

This past fall, I met a man who has an RV who is living the life (this life) I've considered living for at least a couple of years. But I unfortunately have to keep my job and stay stationary for a while before I would feel free. But I'm saying this cause I think it is possible to find a partner that matches our personal dreams, goals and interests.

Some of my earliest conversations with this person was about maybe if I traveled with him, I'd at least need a pop-up tent in case I sometimes need time to myself lol.

I believe you can have companionship romantic or platonic even if you choose to live in a vehicle instead of a "brick and mortar" home.

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[abnorm]

NEVER...…..I say...…… ""Never Say Never""

 

[RoamerRV428]

so true what Doug said....never say never cause the minute you do.....lol

 

[moontiger]

NEVER...…..I say...…… ""Never Say Never""

I was not looking for a partner. Neither was Doug. But we found one another. So it's not impossible, even for old farts. [emoji3059]

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[Cammalu]

And a better match will never be. So happy such two great people found each other! I hope you are keeping him in line Pauline [emoji12]

 

[JeanInaBox]

“Be the change in your world you want to see & experience, enjoy the journey along the way.
Every day is another chance to create the quality of relationships & life you need & desire.
Love is a valuable investment & worthwhile endeavour.”

@ WILD
Took the words out of my mouth. Well said!

 

[Dingfelder]

“Be the change in your world you want to see & experience, enjoy the journey along the way.
Every day is another chance to create the quality of relationships & life you need & desire.
Love is a valuable investment & worthwhile endeavour.”

@ WILD
Took the words out of my mouth. Well said!

This is kind of a garbage amalgam of other stuff better said.  The original from the first line, if I recall correctly, is Be the change you want to see in others.  

That's pretty powerful.  Certainly on point.  All the rest you've added gets diluted, not amplified.  Not least by its going on and on.  Lesser minds trying to hang 10 on the original glorious surge.

 

[JuliaAnne2018]

See, JuliaAnne, the problem with most of us "old farts", is that we are rather well set in our own ways, and we are at least reluctant -if not outright intolerant- to accommodate a partner's needs.

If I'm traveling with someone I just need to know I have my own "room" in case I need it once in a while. I'm in my 40s and already stubborn at that age. I don't think I'd be much different on the road as I would be staying in a home.

Everyone needs their space occasionally. It's hard to be alone all the time for me but still need space once in a while. Even if I do really like the person.

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[Truckin]

I think it's possible that life is a movie.. I'm not sure if anything is real. All my life I have lived in different realities created by my brain in conjunction with other people's brains. These realities come and go. I wake from them in the morning, after movies, after relationships, and maybe after death. I think the dual reality created by two souls requires a leap of faith. That belief, held by both, yet fully known by neither, is a dream.. A movie. I like the movie. IRL human relationships are thought to only last about 10 years. After that amount of time has past, people grow apart and see each other in a different light. Then one partner typically defects. If the couple does not split, both suffer. How sad reality is. I think we should make our own and believe in it. Is that crazy? I feel like it's Hope.

 

[B and C]

IRL human relationships are thought to only last about 10 years. After that amount of time has past, people grow apart and see each other in a different light. Then one partner typically defects. If the couple does not split, both suffer. How sad reality is. I think we should make our own and believe in it. Is that crazy? I feel like it's Hope.

My wife and I have been married over 42 years.  Have we been through some struggles, yes.  These struggles have only brought us closer together.  Growing apart or growing closer together is a choice.  Lust wears off after a while and if lust is the only thing that brought you together, yes, one will bolt and look for more lust.  Suffer?  Surely you jest.

I am glad I don't share your doom and gloom.

 

[rruff]

I think it's possible that life is a movie.. I'm not sure if anything is real. All my life I have lived in different realities created by my brain in conjunction with other people's brains. These realities come and go. I wake from them in the morning, after movies, after relationships, and maybe after death. I think the dual reality created by two souls requires a leap of faith. That belief, held by both, yet fully known by neither, is a dream.. A movie. I like the movie. IRL human relationships are thought to only last about 10 years. After that amount of time has past, people grow apart and see each other in a different light. Then one partner typically defects. If the couple does not split, both suffer. How sad reality is. I think we should make our own and believe in it. Is that crazy? I feel like it's Hope.

Great post! The best part of relating often doesn't last, even if it was there at the start. The self transcending surrender of the initial leap of love, often gives way to neediness, codependency, routine. Practical matters. Fear of separating (the unknown) becomes the primary motivation to stay together.

If both are willing to grow and change... have faith in the unfolding process... there may be no reason for the dream to ever end...

 

[Truckin]

Thanks, but the post is a reflection of my pain. I have a hard time reading it since I know what's between the lines.

 

[rruff]

Thanks, but the post is a reflection of my pain. I have a hard time reading it since I know what's between the lines.

Sorry to hear that.

I'd have to say that the most growing and liberating experiences in my life have started with a lot of pain. Giving up the familiar and the "once very pleasant dream" is scary territory. But it has happened often enough that I learned to trust it. I still go kicking and screaming sometimes but surrender a little sooner. Our minds tend to imagine the worst. In reality, with an open mind and heart, it has always resolved into exactly where I needed to be. I wouldn't change a thing.

Best of luck to you...

 

[Truckin]

Thanks alot! That really does make me feel better! I think I know now why Bob started the tribes. Well, I knew, but never felt it work.. Thanks! Even this forum is a tribe. I'm only human.

 

[crofter]

@John61CT
"Did you know that true love asks for nothing" from Stevie Wonder song.

Now that is profound.

I did find true love once, but then I think I lost it that same day. But I do know that true love exists.

The enemy of true love is betrayal. When the extended family falls in love with one's beloved, they prevail during times of betrayal and keep the love alive. Is a love true that has betrayal in it? The long haul lovers would say that their love has overcome all of the betrayal, even that last time their beloved breathed on this earth and then left for the other side. ~crofter

 

[crofter]

...I stumbled into the arms of Jesus and found out what real love is....

I was really glad to be loved & adopted also and never not lost forever.  But... that's another kind of love. Unconditional. Eternal. And there are no betrayals ever.

But this human thing is really quite flawed apparently as many have experienced it. The long haul lovers stay in it anyway, or maybe theirs is less flawed than what the rest of us have experienced.   ~crofter