Seriously, so you want to be in love again...

[RoamerRV428]

So limiting!

:blush: , I was addressing a couple of course 

 

[RollingOm]

Love is all we need. 
And a van, with unlimited boondocking.
And a motorcycle.

That would work for me

 

[PattySprinter]

… and Nutella ...

 

[John61CT]

I love Nutella too

 

[camping bum]

Love? ... yea let me know how that works for you
at 59 years old i still believe in love but starting to think
it's like Santa clause, Easter bunny & the tooth  fairy

 

[BigGirlLilVan]

For those who are solo, how do you address the issue of love, attitude, focus and perspective? Or anything else?

Being dumped and having my soul shattered has been the catalyst for this vandwelling adventure of mine.

I was actually inspired a few months ago by the documentary Destination Happiness on netflix (i think that is what it was called) and I told my boyfriend then we could totally do something like that since we don't have kids or anything holding us to AZ.

Then he dumped me and 2 weeks later it randomly popped into my head "I should just do it myself... now I REALLY don't have anything keeping me in AZ!" It took some time for me to figure out if it was just me trying to run away from the pain or if I really want to do it and I have settled on that yes, i am having a third-life crisis, but I know if I did not do this, I would regret it and I don't want to live with that regret. I would rather go out and try it for a week or month or whatever and not like it and come back to my normal life than to not even try it at all.

Right now, to me, this van life journey is my self love. It's finding myself. It's loving myself back to a state of unconditional love. Stripping me of the material world and discovering who I am when I am just love.

I'm really excited for it. So much so that I am debating if I would even be open to my boyfriend coming back in my life! I love that man with every fiber of my being, but if he wants to come together, he better be okay with the van life because I am OUT OF HERE.

 

[WILD@HEART]

So limiting!

LOL

 

[WILD@HEART]

I couldn't be more serious...But there's so many opinions...

Let's ask  aretha's opinion  

Is there a Doctor in the house?   

 

[John61CT]

The queen, RIP

Can't wait to see her Sydney Pollack film from '72, coming soon, her gospel roots belted out in her prime.

 

[WILD@HEART]

I couldn't be more serious...But there's so many opinions...

Let's ask  aretha's opinion  

Is there a Doctor in the house?   

Just an attempt at humor (not serious) , a mix of sarcasm & music... if  anyone missed it.

 

[John61CT]

Relevant post, curious how that first longread article linked resonates with the women here? I found the resulting discussion both hilarious and depressing at the same time.

Finding another person to love is finding another person to lose
http://www.metafilter.com/178035/Finding-another-person-to-love-is-finding-another-person-to-lose

 

[WILD@HEART]

It's one person's experiences, perspective..Is the glass half empty or half full? ..Depth of emotion? ..Where's the love?

Cheese goes with wine.  (Not worth reading, found no value in it to me...To each his own)
 
We miss the important things and opportunities, because we focus too much on more trivial & superficial things. 

I think that a person's true beauty is within, and personality, attitude & heart, are far more important, valuable & attractive.

We miss the point of sharing our lives....We should be more compassionate, have a willingness to look beyond someone's numerical 

age, disabilities,, physical appearance or limitations,  etc.

Maybe it's better not to create unreasonable expectations (Obsticles) that no one will ever meet and accept people for who they truly are...

...As they are.

Our connection with another human being is only limited by the openness of our hearts & minds. 

 

[Moxadox]

Sigh....I hear that, John.

The Dire Wolfess

 

[maki2]

I don't feel an emotional need to be "in love", I don't feel a need for the physical side of it either. Mother nature had the say in that change. That actually made me feel happy and free now, as if I have been let out of some odd type of emotional prison that I used to dwell in. That former phase now seems like a very odd way of living, I am glad it is in the past and will not in my future.

Of course you might be still in that earlier stage of life and think...oh how horrible... but when you get there you will find out it too is its own great stage of life.

No one can tell you to quit thinking about being in love or finding love. But your body sure can make that happen.

 

[Moxadox]

Maki, I totally agree. This stage of being free from the hormone-driven "need" for whatever our body chemistry thought was love is wonderfully liberating. I am sorry that I never did find "the one," but at least I'm not torn up over it like I was as a young sprout or even a middle-aged sprout. Now that I'm an old 'un I just don't care. And I'm grateful for that.

The Dire Wolfess

 

[Dingfelder]

I don't feel an emotional need to be "in love", I don't feel a need for the physical side of it either. Mother nature had the say in that change. That actually made me feel happy and free now, as if I have been let  out of some odd type of emotional prison that I used to dwell in.  That former phase now seems like a very odd way of living, I am glad it is in the past and will not in my future.

Of course you might be still in that earlier stage of life and think...oh how horrible... but when you get there you will find out it too is its own great stage of life.

No one can tell you to quit thinking about being in love or finding love. But your body sure can make that happen.

I don't think it's necessarily a stage everyone goes through.  My mother is 75 and she still misses her husband terribly six years after his death.  My neighbor is a few years older and feels the same about her deceased husband.  Another lost hers just this year, at 85, and is inconsolable.  She married him at 16 or 17, worked with him in their family business every day, and retired very happily together with him.  When her girlfriends would ask her out to a girls' luncheon, she would want to bring him along.  She wouldn't even go to the grocery store without him.  For some people, love and the presence of a cherished other is pretty much everything.  Like two of the three other widows mentioned above, her life is completely different without her lifelong love, only perhaps even moreso, and she has no idea how to live now or what to do with herself.  For some, life is nearly unthinkable without being in love.  

And I don't think what you describe is ideal, either.  It is merely something that works for some people, though not for others.

That said, I'm with you.  But I realize how different that makes me.  People often try to set me up with their friends, but I'm not interested.  I'm happy to have friends, but don't need to see them, or anyone, every day.  

Part of this is merely personal, a description of who I am now.  Part is that society has relaxed its tight grip, at least somewhat, on both its expectations of what I as a person am supposed to do and who I am supposed to be.  First of all I'm old enough that society by and large doesn't give a damn as long as I stay out of the way.  I'm not expected to compete viciously for the corner office, have a better car and more and shinier things than the next person, or go out partying on the weekends and come back with stories about it to tell the crowd on Monday.  Nobody cares whether I constantly chase the opposite sex and jabber about it, and if I don't, there isn't any contempt or ridicule about it, nor the leap to assume I must be gay.  I'm older; there always jerks, but for the most part, all people ask is that I don't get in the way.  I otherwise have very little "image" to live up to outside of being settled enough not to be impulsively jerky like a kid myself.

And the personal side of that is that I don't care so much if I don't meet expectations. For one thing, it holds little threat to me.  I'm not in anywhere near as much danger of losing a job due to non-conformity, for example.  And as to losing the personal approval of others outside the workplace, there is a very narrow band of people whose approval even matters to me in the first place, and they are content to maintain their individual opinions and not be swayed by crowds or the gossip of the moment, and I like keeping it that way. The rest, I'm pretty much fine with if they're fine with me, and if not, oh well.

In sum, I'm less vulnerable to people and their whims, prejudices, and gossip than I have ever been before, and I like it.  I like it a lot!

For some people, that plus a loving partner would be ideal.  For me, I'm as happy as I am likely to be, given all things within and without -- and believe I will remain happier -- just on my own.  A few friends are nice, and I wouldn't mind a couple more especially good ones too.  But I don't need to see anyone every day.

I do agree that the physical thing makes a difference.  I was as crazed with lust as anyone when younger, but now that those hormones have slacked off, it's easier to enjoy life more.  To paraphrase some author dude on that, my hormones made me feel like I was chained to an idiot for 50 years.

 

[squire]

The simple answer to that question is "hell no". After a certain age anyone looking is just looking for a "checkbook or nurse or both". Not to mention the extended families involved. Some will disagree but most will agree if they are honest. I'm not saying "never" just "never again".

 

[Dingfelder]

My mother feels the same way. Any guy who would chase her, even if completely legit, is so close to needing a nurse that she wouldn't want to waste the rest of her life confined indoors catering to him.

 

[maki2]

Remember sometimes older persons put off their friends and families who keep pushing them to get out and meet someone new with the scenario that they are still grieving and could never love anyone else again. That tactic stops the pushers who are clueless that it is very possible to not want to be involved again for reasons other than grief. Younger people often don't understand that indifference to being "in love" does happen.

Losing ones spouse, partner, best friend, parents, siblings, pets and missing them the rest of your life is also very normal.

The fear of the emotional pain that loss can bring can inhibit wanting to get involved again. But that can happen at any age including in young childhood. Fear is a tremendous de-motivator for being "in love", or other close friendship connections.

 

[RoamerRV428]

there are a gazillion reasons people 'need' other people and some call that 'love' and there are a gazillion reasons people don't want other people to be a ball and chain or a noose around their neck.

It is also one's outlook on life. Do you want love in it? Then you go look for it.
If not, then don't. Simple as that.

Everyone's mileage and life experiences come into play big time. It is way to personal on how we roll to lump everyone into a general blanket statement when it regards big emotions. Everyone's emotional needs will never fit into the same box, especially as we age, those emotional needs change over the years for many and we flip in and out of wants/desires/needs etc. that make us whole. (whole I mean our personal needs/wants as each person requires them in their own lives at any given time) Everyone has their own status to make them feel whole again and well balanced in life. Many strive to find that right fit.