Pain

[owl]

A friend of mine had a heart attack awhile back. I visited him and his wife often in the hospital. Sharon, his wife was undergoing treatment for breast cancer at the time. I have never had many friends and these two were important in my life. One afternoon when I was reading to Dwayne he asked me to put the book down that he wanted to talk. He told me about how he and Sharon met, how they had bonded instantly and married within a year. They were married almost 40 years. He asked me if something happened to him would I watch out for her, make sure she went to the doctors, help if the house needed something or the car. He especially wanted me to keep an eye on the attorneys who executed his estate. He gave me power of attorney after this talk. Without thinking much about it I agreed while assuring him that he would soon be fine and none of that would be necessary. Dwayne passed two days later. I did everything I could to help Sharon. Got her to doctor appointments, helped with shopping. Interviewed and hired caregivers for her when the time came. Kept the attorneys inline and saw to it that Dwayne's will was implemented as he wanted. Sharon's cancer progressed to stage 4. I would read to her and share pictures of her and Dwayne's life, the new car they bought, their first home, trips abroad. I usually travel summers, this summer I stayed and helped care for Sharon. Sharon passed a week ago. I made arrangements and will be working with the attorneys to see that the proceeds of their life get to the charities they picked. I have never felt so much pain and heartache as I have losing these two friends. I never thought of myself in the role I assumed, I didn't realize how crushing it would be. I believe they are better off without the suffering and I'm glad I was able to do what I could. I bring this here because I have no other place or people to share it with and I'm hoping that by writing it out I will feel some relief.

 

[abnorm]

Owl...…………..Thanks for BEING there...……

 

[CityWoman]

Owl,
You eased their suffering and grief in their final days which enabled them both to have peace at the end.  Let that be a consolation to you. 

You may also want to see if you can find a support group for caregivers where you can talk to others who have been through similar circumstances. Caregivers take on a great deal of stress.  Some support from other understanding souls could help you find peace for yourself.

 

[Queen]

Owl, you really are an excellent friend, you certainly made the end of their lives more peaceful.

 

[highdesertranger]

good for you, truly a good friend. brought a tear to my eye. highdesertranger

 

[MeiraNomadRN]

They were very lucky to have you, and you to have them. My best friend of 31 years passed suddenly two years ago, it's not the worst heartache I've experienced but it's so close. I try to remember how lucky I am to have had her in my life, to know her so well and for so long.

Being with someone who's dying is not easy, but I think it's one of the most beautiful things a person can do for a loved one.

May their memory be a blessing to your life.

 

[B and C]

Owl my condolences and good on you. You are the best kind of friend, there when needed.

 

[maki2]

You were a true friend to them and that counts for a great deal when one looks at one's own life accomplishments. It means a lot more than many other things in life. So as you grieve for them rest a little easier by knowing you are exactly the kind of person everyone wishes they had for a best friend.

 

[mert3957]

I hope I have a friend like you when my time comes. God Bless you. What goes around comes around.

 

[RoamerRV428]

Ahhh, that was heart wrenching to read.

I am so sorry for your losses and you were a very kind and faithful friend.

So sad as life marches over us. So sad so much as to change when you find such great people to bond.

I hope your grief heals with time! My prayers sent to heaven for all.

 

[owl]

I want to thank you all for the kind words. I believe I did what anyone would do under the circumstances. I shared this experience here as I said 

before because I really had nowhere else to go. It is weighing so heavily on me I don't no what I can do. The bond something like this builds

between people is so hard to imagine. It is beyond my words to explain or understand. I feel like we transitioned normal human experience,

if that makes sense. I hope what little I was able to do made a difference in their lives. Dwayne's request of me changed my life in ways i don't

understand and find troubling. I'm way out of my depth.

 

[michaelwnoakes]

Owl, most of us will never change the world but what we can do is make the person in front of us world a little less terrible. Your friends knew you loved them and they loved you and honored you also. You successfully changed their world, and that's why God put you here.
Grace to you.

 

[owl]

You're so kind, thank you

 

[1shemp]

Sounds like you are a great friend.

 

[Dingfelder]

You have to live through it day by day. Luckily you had the presence of mind and charity in your heart to make sure that they were treated well face to face, day by day, and well cared for in the hearts of people close to them. Something in your past, or in your inherent spirit, maybe boosted from the spirit of loving people in your past who taught you how to live and be a real human being, a mensch, put you in the position to be kind today, yesterday, these days when it counted so much. Maybe you even undid some of the pain of living by way of your kindnesses, so it couldn't pass along, and some of the damage was undone. The kindness in you may have released the kindness in others, and let them come to their peace with more open and accepting and healthy, happy hearts.

 

[Gr8ful]

You have to take the cards dealt you & make the best of them. One day your wonderful life can change in a second. It did for me when I was 49 & in the best health & shape of my life so moral of the story is don't put off any adventure or fun, have faith in something bigger than youself, have good long term disability insurance & live life like it's your last day because one day it will be.

 

[owl]

I've read and reread the nice things you all said about me, I want to thank you. Your words help more than you know. I miss these two people.

I'd like to share what I think I've learned about them. I have a tendency, as I think many here do, to isolate myself. Cut off the world. Thinking 

about that Dwayne and Sharon pulled me in and opened a part of me without my noticing. They started relying on me and I on them. They helped

me much more than I them. Dwayne put his trust in me and counted on me to help his family through tough times. What an incredible 

responsibility. Not once did Sharon complain, she was one of the strongest people I have ever known. Her battle was long and drawn out, she 

came ready to fight every day, without fail. I will draw on her strength as long as I live. I like helping people and will make that a part of my life 

going forward. @ michaelwnoakes said I successfully changed their world and that's why God put me here. They sure changed mine. Thank you 

all for your support and understanding.

 

[Element Gypsy]

I re read this thread. I was having a hard time today and my strength wavering. To hear about love, trust and strength gives me hope.

 

[TexanAviator]

Owl, reading your post has me in tears. I hope to shake your hand some day, you should be very proud of the comfort you gave your friends. You will always carry a piece of your friends with you.

 

[Marvin]

You're a good person, don't get depressed, it's just life and you acted right