My better years behind me?

[caseyc]

I appreciate the fact a number of you remember me posting here for the past few years. Thanks for all the kind words. I guess I'm going through a phase which seems to happen every several years. My life is not bad, could always be better. For the most part, my essential needs are met. I have earnings and able to work still even though at relatively low pay as a temp worker. I have a relationship for the past several years, although we can only see each other on the weekends since I no longer have my apartment and we have different schedules. I only have 2 or 3 guy friends that are close that I have out with, no longer the large circles I used to have. I have to admit, being in a van makes me less inclined to go out and socialize as much as I used to. My health is good, no problems really, other than a general loss of energy level that I used to have. I'm encouraged to know that others who are older than me are keeping a positive outlook. I believe things will get better. You people on this forum are the only ones I can talk about this cuz none of my family members know how I live. So I appreciate your comments.

 

[caseyc]

Yes, it's so true that when I first started doing the van thing it was new and exciting. Now it seems ho-hum to me. It's probably a good thing cuz that means things are going rather routine and smoothly with no major problems. The one thing I take comfort in is entering the van at night and seeing my comfy bed inviting me in. That's priceless.

 

[SternWake]

Too much Introspection can lead me into a hellhole of depression.

Living this life is so different from stick and brickers, one can have little cross over interests with them. The human nature to desire to feel superior to the person standing next to them is rather Ugly, and in California who you are is apparently directly related to what you own, its value in both monetary terms, and how well it might or might not impress others.

For me, living here leads to a rather high contempt for society in general, and a generally self isolationist strategy, being completely alone in the most crowded place I've ever lived, among a mindset foreign to my own.

What keep me going is intensive salt water therapy sessions, where happiness is restored, temporarily. Knowing my time here is coming to a close is also good and bad. I feel that the stationary aspects of my current situation are detrimental. I was on the freeway the other day, just for a few miles, and dreamt of having the funds, just to keep going find someplace to be literally and physically alone rather than just figuratively in the midst of a Zoo.

I've travelled the world alone, driven x country here 12+ times seeking something, wound up back here and mostly stationary, Happy enough, I tell myself, just to be able to achieve submersion in salt water a few times a week as the ocean gives me the love I do not get elsewhere.

Not taking advantage of the mobility inherent in this lifestyle is not good for me.
Perhaps CaseyC, you too, need to get out of the hometown for a bit.

 

[Canine]

Some really good and insightful posts here.We are all going to have a few bumps in the road when we get older.

 

[Gary68]

i will never run with the wind again and wake up in pain,clone me,clone me now and in a few years i will have a brand new body and wont do the crazy thing i did in this one,maybe

 

[caseyc]

What helps to make me feel better is knowing I had my day in the sun when I was in my 20s and 30s and partying and living it up like there's no tomorrow. So when I see the current crop of young techies and hipsters living it up, it reminds me of what life was like for me some 25 years ago. It's their turn to bask in glory now. I accept it since I have no choice. Makes me a little depressed if I reflect on it too much, as per SternWake.

 

[caseyc]

What also consoles me about the van life is reminding myself that I was depressed about all kinds of $hit when I lived in a comfy apartment and with a decent job too. So going through rough patches while van living shouldn't make me feel any worse off.

 

[akblack10]

Casey, I'm 51 and life is full of fun! (Yes I meant to rhyme!). 30 was tough for me...40 was easy and I didn't even blink when I turned 50.
As mentioned by others... your health is your wealth, when we are young we don't think about it... as we age we realize how true it is... Somewhere I read something like.... "When man is young he sacrifices his health in his quest for money and when he's old he sacrifices his money in his quest for health"... I think the key is to find a balance between your health and need for money!
-AK