GaiaGoddess said:
I don't want to live like a starving homeless person. And I am too much of a traveller to get by with a bicycle, I couldn't get to work without a car, or see my family and friends. Everyone saves money in areas where it doesn't matter to them, and everyone has things they prefer to spend money on, don't make me out to be worse than anyone else.
GaiaGoddess said:
It's not a matter of it sinking in. Apparently some things are important to me that other people are willing to sacrifice on. But I am still not giving up, there is a way, I just have to keep looking.
Hey, Gaia.
There are some ways in which I can relate to you. I'm also under 100 pounds and not able to lift minimum weights. I also have social anxiety and can get panic attacks from a phone call. I, too, am sentimental and hang onto "priceless" items with a death grip--in fact, I would go so far as to say I have hoarder tendencies, which I have to work hard to keep in check in order to keep my life functional.
I've also moved out from living with my parents because it literally made me suicidal--it is simply not an option for my mental health. Like you, I realized I would rather be homeless than that.
Which is why I actually moved into a vehicle and left. Income was $733/month and only improved very recently.
I'm not terribly comfortable living in a minivan, I'll be honest with you. I don't like living with no shower, no cooking, no heat. But that's what it took to get out of my situation. In fact, at first it was a 2-door car! I'll tell you, the minivan is an upgrade from that. LOL
I do not "save money in areas where it doesn't matter to me." It matters to me alright, I just don't have the money for it! Like you, my health is important to me and I need to eat healthy. But some months I couldn't. I literally did not have the funds for it. So I ate unhealthy and got sicker. Some weeks I alternated between not eating and eating small amounts of food bank food that made me nauseous to the point of sometimes vomiting, much as I tried to keep it down. I actually went on dates as a strategy to get solid meals.
But it kept me able to pay my bills. It meant those emergency repairs on my vehicle didn't spin me into a spiral of debt.
Similarly, I am letting go of a lot of sentimental things. They are important to me, yes. But my survival and my mental health is even more important. Certain sentimental "stuff" feels good for my mental health, but that's the hoarder tendencies and
it's a trap. It becomes a problem when it begins interfering with something else you want out of life or need for your survival.
I hate to let things go that I've invested a lot of money or energy in, too. That's called the "sunk cost theory". The reality is you can't get back what you put into it, so if it's not benefiting your life now the healthiest thing to do is suck it up, let it go, and move on.
These are
hard things to process, and you seem to think there must be some loophole out there that gets you a solution without making those tough decisions. Fact is we all have to choose between things we want. I could be living in a nice house right now but I'd be deeply traumatized and suicidal, so I've decided living like this is better for me. I could be maxing out my substantial credit cards to rent a place of my own for a bit, but put simply debt makes me feel really really bad about myself so again, I feel this is the better option for me personally.
Getting rid of stuff is still hard for me. Having so much sentimental stuff actually feels very similar to debt for me. It requires energy and sacrifice to get rid of it, so it's much easier to just keep it around, except I pay for it both financially and with the stress of managing so much. Seeing it as debt is actually really helping me pare down. And though I HATE to see an item I spent $20 on go to the thrift store, or something I paid $40 for sell for $5, I remind myself that I'm
getting rid of a debt that is actively interfering with the life I want. It's okay for me to feel bad about it, so long as it gets truly GONE.
Again, this isn't what I want, if I'm sketching out the ideal life for myself. But I have to be realistic to my means.
Sacrificing to live within my means now leaves potential for a bright future ahead. That's what I
want. With no credit debt and an excellent credit score it paves the way to get back on my feet whenever I can find some way to. If I can't right now, well, I at least know nothing is getting any worse and the opportunity is still sitting there waiting for me. Similarly, with less stuff to deal with I'm no longer paying for storage and can keep things better organized.
I am honestly shocked that you bought gifts. I have done entire years when I did no gifts at all...and felt HORRIBLE about it, mind you. It was anything but easy for me. But I didn't have the money. It wasn't there.
It wasn't possible. Kids will have to learn to understand when something isn't possible. That's life.
Last Christmas I stood up in front of my relatives and gave a tearful speech about how my presents for them are all re-gifts of items I already had. I told them I won't be offended if they swap or don't like them, but it was all I could afford to give and I wanted each person to know I thought of them.
I can understand you not wanting to do something like this. I didn't want to either! But what were my choices? I didn't have the money. Other years I have written personal letters as a gift, or for birthdays spent some extra time with them.
I guess I want to thank you, in a way. You've reminded me of why I'm doing this. Why I make these sacrifices. It's so that I don't end up like you. I suppose you might not want to end up like me...but I've got solid hope for a brighter future, and each year has been significantly better than the year before for the past 5. Can you say the same?
I'm truly sorry you're in a rough situation and are trying so hard to find a way out. It must feel absolutely horrible and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I find when I'm in horrible situations, finding a way to take back control of my life helps a lot. Usually it involves sacrificing something that feels really important to me, but it feels better when I'm making the decisions instead of them being forced upon me by the whims of the universe.
I hope you find your way out.