If I may, I don't understand where all the rudeness is coming from towards GaiaGoddess (mostly in these later pages - it's not intended as a blanket generalization of all). What I understood her to be asking was if there was something in the
broader picture (not $1 here-and-there details) that she might have missed or hadn't thought of. Plus, people are reading things she didn't say. For example, she said her friends went to the movies a few nights a week. She didn't say she always went with them; but that was assumed and she gets comments like, "Odd. Weird math, Curious, etc." By the way, where I live there
is a theater that charges only $5 per ticket, full price. It's not unheard of. Please stop making all these assumptions of people.
If you want the name and exact location of the marvelous theater, you may PM me. By saying her and her boyfriends' things wouldn't probably fit into a tent, that didn't necessarily mean he was going to 'move in with her' unless I missed that part somewhere. You're accusing her of only
"Yes, but..." but are spinning everything she says to the negative yourselves.
She and I actually have very similar scenarios. In my case, I do have a way to do what I want as soon as my home sells. She's stuck because her wage doesn't permit her to try and save much to where she'd feels like she's making progress. It's very tough for many people in that regard and it is mentally discouraging.
She's saying she can float on what she makes, and even trying to live modestly, she's having trouble having enough left over to save, so she can make more changes. This is
not an uncommon problem. I don't see that she's doing these terribly extravagant things - she lives in an inexpensive mobile for crying out loud. It's not like she's purchased gold-plated toilet paper and consumes Alaskan Crab every night and runs off to Broadway weekly. She does not live in the Taj Mahal - in fact, she and I live in homes (currently) that others turn their noses up at; many dwellers even run into that same perception and attitude. She doesn't have a 200 channel dish or cable bill, etc., etc. She is already on her way to doing her dream, I feel. And a dream is going to have different important details from person to person.
The problem is that her wage realistically just doesn't go very far anymore to allow for much savings.
She doesn't have a lot of money because she doesn't make a lot of money and is currently in a smaller area without as many opportunities to switch up what she's doing in that regard. Without disintegrating into political nonsense,
she puts in the time at her job. I'm hearing from her that she'd like to be able to save without having to completely turn off the heat or utilities or subside on bread crusts; she already has done quite a bit of compromising. I'm exaggerating with the bread crusts, but trying to make a point. We've all been there at times, sometimes you just want to express frustration that things maybe don't work in this reality the way they ought to - and maybe someone had an idea she hadn't thought of? That's what I was hearing from her. Reality is kind of structured so things can be easier said than done to actually pull off. Sometimes we tend to blame the person more than acknowledging maybe something isn't right that it's tough to get things done sometimes. You decide where your boundaries are for the choices you make, she will decide where hers are.
Instead, she's been judged because she bought a cooking pan for $1. Further assumptions were made that is was a 'special' pan. She only said it was a meatloaf pan. Meaning she wanted to cook meatloaf in that pan, not that it was necessarily special. Maybe she didn't have a breadpan-type pan and will use what she bought for double-duty in some way? Well, $1 is certainly far more sensible that $50, and that $1 is worth it to
her if she enjoys cooking. She shouldn't have to justify something like that to anyone. And she's kept her good attitude and stayed around, even with comments mocking what she bought as well as people saying they didn't 'want to be like her' - wow. I think GaiaGoddess actually does have hope for a bright future doing exactly as she'd like one day.
She and I have paid-off homes with nearly the same lot rent. Were I to have her income, I'd likely be floating about the same. I actually pulled up our budget here (I ran a business at one point). Drilling down to some savings measures still didn't net much to save on that kind of income. She has indicated she puts some extra towards paying down her credit card (
very responsible). She doesn't have a lot of extra. Much of her expenses are just for some things you can't cut. We were able to make things happen because I have a family member here also working to help with those expenses.
For example I have property taxes (I don't know if she has to deal with that) plus water, plus natural gas, etc. MN, where she is and I'm from originally, has brutal winters which equals brutal heat bills. And mobiles aren't known for their stellar insulation - and things go wrong with them. We had a faucet blow here, different odd and ends. There's vehicle and house insurance, etc., etc. It just all adds up and there's little left over. MN is also the Land of the Taxed which doesn't help. It's
not that she's being so hella irresponsible as implied. One or two people assumed this, and others took off with that idea. Life happens, and no one can really know another person's life unless you've walked in their shoes.
She works. In no way should people be making fun of her for purchasing $1 meatloaf pan or going to an occasional movie.
A chunk of her budget goes towards food/household. I'm sure that includes for when she's needed clothing, like a pack of socks or laundry soap or a faucet or stuff like that. She probably has a little cushion in her 'food' budget for that stuff that comes up that when many people do budgets, they don't account for and end up surprised that they went over their budget. She's trying to answer all the questions, but her answers are now being used to assume there's something wrong with her or what she's trying to say and to criticize her to an unwarranted degree. She shouldn't have to post a justification of every single penny, this is an internet forum.
She buys the food she does because she doesn't feel it's worthwhile for her to compromise on that. I'm actually in agreement with her, I do the exact same thing she does in that regard. Yes, it is more expensive. For people that think like she does, as well as myself, she does it to avoid the excess chemicals which can harm a person's brain and thinking, and avoid propagating cruelty to other living creatures. That would be like getting after anyone else because of the particular things they have to do for their health. In my case, I suppose everyone could throw stones. Without realizing that my nervous system shorts out on chemical overload. You'd call the food a 'luxury', I'd call it a necessity. My point is - you all don't know why she might actually choose what she does.
One of the things on this site is a philosophy of treading more gently upon the planet. There are multiple ways to do that (re: different food choices).
She seems pretty bright to me. Her name indicates she cares about the earth and she's smart enough to recognize not eating as healthy as you are able can ultimately prove to be poisonous. She bought her home outright, she isn't a slave to a mortgage. She's already right there demonstrated the mindset that will
eventually get her where she wants to be.
When you work full time, you should have the 'means' to be able to live decently. None of what GG does is overly extravagant in my eyes. Were that so, many dwellers could also be considered extravagant and worthy of anecdotal story-posts highlighting that extravagance as compared to cavemen.
The fact that only the negative has been highlighted with what she has done shows a lack of balance in overall perspective. Trying to justify that lack of balance only boils down to an
"I have to be right" mindset, which granted, we all have sometimes.
She has asked for clarifications on things posters have said that she hasn't understood, and she's acknowledged that some of the input has been useful.
To paraphrase a concept that Bob has also tried to state with other subjects, just because you can't do something 'all the way' (especially to someone else's liking) doesn't mean that no attempt should be made or that a person isn't making one as is seemingly being assumed here.
Just because she hasn't reduced herself to crackers and Alpo and tin cans and some string for communication - or hasn't done things to everyone else's preferences - doesn't mean she isn't trying in the way she feels okay with doing for her own self. The beautiful thing is that we can each try and tailor our lives and realities for what suits us. If she is not harming someone else, she is well within her rights to make her own decisions.
I'm quite sure she does hear what people are saying, even though she isn't immediately apparently rushing to fling in the dumpster the things she does enjoy and feels she needs right now. Just because it isn't being seen or she's not broadcasting what she is doing doesn't mean she's not making decisions privately. People are jumping to conclusions. One starts in - and then a lynch mob kind of forms.
Being overly critical of her thinking is a double-edged blade. On one hand she's being accused of not wanting it bad enough. But, what if she does? The flip side to this perspective on thinking is she doesn't feel she's being unreasonable. Maybe she *can* find a way, and not have to seemingly settle for something that perhaps she'd be ultimately unhappy with if she loses sight of what constitutes the dream
for her. By settling for the belief that there are no 'loopholes' you certainly cement yourself right into that prison. I was able to make some things happen because I refused to believe there were no loopholes. I eventually found ways to get things done. She's got 'feelers' out, so to speak. That's a step in the right direction. Bob, in fact, learned this himself and found a new way for him because he most definitely found a loophole - he thought out of the box by thinking into the box (van)
and he changed his life so he's much happier. He provides tips and encouragement, not a set "do-this-my-way-or-else-you-don't-want-it" formula.
Of course, GG's circumstances are different than Bob's, or anyone else's. There are sometimes ways to do what you want without having to immediately go all-out austere if you don't have to. Sometimes there might be something we haven't thought of that makes what we want work. Some of the things she'd like - she doesn't have to settle right now. There are some vans and campers that do have showers. I don't blame her for wanting a shower. If you're not handy, nor physically able, nor have the tools, building something isn't always an option. Maybe the compromise she chooses to make is the shower is more important to her, so maybe she has to wait a little longer or think a little harder to figure out how to acquire the right rig for her as opposed to consuming stale bread crusts or whatever to live
right now in something she doesn't want.
If I had listened to everyone that told me I couldn't have done something, or was crazy, or foolish or just didn't want it bad enough because I didn't do it their way - I'd be literally dead, I nearly ended up that way. But I'm now sitting with a paid-for home, a paid-for vehicle, and have done other things that completely defied the odds. And I will come out and live my dream as well, even if I buy or do something that wouldn't work for someone else - or maybe I do it a different way than them. I've had to 'think out of the box' to accomplish nearly everything that I have thus far. It's hard to do that when society programs you with some identity of who it thinks you need to be from the time you're born and only pushes a few non-choice traps disguised as 'choices'.
And when I started trying to make sense of the mess society (those that run it) tends to program us to be stuck in by design, it was hard. Depression with that programming, especially being alone, dictated how impossible it seemed. Many thoughts we think are our own are programmed on a subconscious level that works to try and keep everyone trapped. It takes time to learn to separate the fear and programming from your own actual thoughts. You have to give a person time to work through things and deprogram themselves, sort it out and prioritize when the need for doing so becomes more pressing to them. It will appear initially impossible. Programmed thinking will confirm this, you're supposed to give up and stay stuck at that point. It's overwhelming initially to try and break out of that and overcome the fear that becoming free won't work for you.
I'm pretty sure GG will weigh what she wants to do and come to decisions that work best for her. I've stepped forward here because what I initially heard from her was frustration/disillusionment for where she's at for the efforts she is already trying to make. People who are trying to figure out ways to make what they want a reality and have actually shown good sense should also be told as much
along with any suggestions - and I was just reading an awful lot to the negative. She's actually doing pretty good holding her own I think with the replies; but nearly every one of these later replies is her having to try and defend and justify herself, down to her preferred choice of cookware which many seem to be waving as proof of her gluttonous ways. I want to provide a voice that encourages her to keep at it and to keep thinking - a person may need to make some compromises at some point, but I actually think she can get pretty close to her ideals. Having ideals, no matter how crazy they seem to others, is what moves us forward into changing the parts of 'reality' we don't like.
