Humor

[blmkid]

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[John61CT]

Above is a donkey braying

 

[Putts]

 

[Cammalu]

Typical lonely donkey wanting attention. Poor guy needs a playmate. They don't like being alone.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[TrainChaser]

"Rare image of a shark stepping on a Lego."

With WHAT?

 

[rm.w/aview]

Lately, her dog, a Schnauzer, was not hearing so well so she took it to the vet. Turns out, the dog's ears had too much hair growing in & around them so the vet gave 'em a trim, and the dog hears just fine. The vet then tells her that to keep this from recurring, she should get some Nair hair remover and apply it to the dog's ears regularly. So she takes the dog home and a little later takes her motorcycle up to the drug store for the Nair. At the register, the pharmacist says, "Do not use deodorant under your arms for a few days after applying the product", to which she replies, "I'm not putting it on my underarms." The pharmacist then says, "In that case, don't use scented lotions on your legs for a few days after applying the product." She says, "I'm not putting it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm putting it on my Schnauzer." The pharmacist says, "In that case, stay off that bike for about a week."

 

[Motrukdriver]

This is an amazing product that puts a layer of stuff on the toilet water that seals in the stink when you poop. What is even more amazing is that they found someone that can poop donuts. Incredible talent...

 

[johnny b]

since i always click on another you tube after watching one....and its the season....here's some Xmas poo humour:

[video=youtube]

 

[John61CT]

+1 brilliant!

 

[rm.w/aview]

On the last day of kindergarten all the children brought wrapped presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher his gift. She shook it, held it up, and said, "I bet it's some flowers!". "That's right!" shouted the little boy. Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher her gift. She held it up, shook it, and said, "I bet I know what it is! It's a box of candy!". "That's right!" shouted the little girl. Next, the liquor store owner's son handed the teacher his gift. The teacher held it up, saw that it was leaking, and touched a drop with her finger to taste it. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No", the boy answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No", the boy answered. "What is it?" she said. The boy replies, "A puppy!"

 

[rm.w/aview]

The couple was asleep in bed upstairs when there was a knock at the door. He rolls over and looks at the clock, 3:30 a.m. "I'm not getting out of bed at this hour" he thinks, and rolls back over. Then a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" she asks. So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door to find a man that is clearly very drunk who then slurs, "Hi there. Can you give me a push?" "No, get lost! It's half past three. I was in bed", says the man as he slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened, and she says, "That wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain and you had to knock on that man's house to get us going again? What would have happened if he told us to get lost?" "But the guy's drunk" he says. "It doesn't matter", she says, "he needs our help." So he gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the front door, and not seeing the stranger in the dark anywhere shouts out, "Hey, do you still want a push?" And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please." So, still being unable to see the stranger shouts out, "Where are you?" And the drunk replies, "Over here, on the swing."

 

[rm.w/aview]

He gets to work early, and immediately begins to hang upside down from the ceiling. Moments later the company nitwit shows up for work, and upon seeing him hanging there asks, "What in the world are you doing up there?!?" "I'm a lightbulb!", he replies. "What?!?" He then explains, "You see, I have a reunion to go to next week, and since we don't get vacation time I'm acting a little crazy so that the boss might give me a couple weeks off due to the stress around here." Moments later the boss shows up for work, and upon seeing him hanging there asks, "What in the world are you doing up there?!?" "I'm a lightbulb!", he replies. "Get down here, and take two weeks off, you're way too stressed." So he jumps down and heads towards the door, with the nitwit right behind him. "Where do you think you're going?", shouts the boss. The nitwit replies, "I can't work in the dark!"

 

[rm.w/aview]

While sitting on a bench outside the barbershop I see two guys stumble out of the bar, singing and leaning on each other as they stagger to their car. They began checking their pockets & fumbling around until they realized that they locked the car with the keys in the ignition, so they go back into the bar to get a coat hanger. A long while later they come out and sway over to the car with coat hanger in hand. They tried for quite awhile trying to get the door open, cursing, stumbling, fumbling, and telling each other how to do it when one of them sees that it's starting to rain and yells out, "Thass juss great, it's starting to rain and the top's down!"

 

[rm.w/aview]

I see Ohio is going to put the legalization of marijuana on the ballot again after voting it down the last time. Now this may mean nothing to you, but for many others it means that there's still no legal way to enjoy a Cleveland Browns football game.

 

[Charlotte's Web]

"... but for many others it means that there's still no legal way to enjoy a Cleveland Browns football game."

Hi Rick,
To say that I am not a sports fan would not be putting too fine a point on it.  But this last line just brilliant.  Haven't 'seen' you around lately & touch base.  Loved old school baseball.  When the World Series closed shops and old black and white TVs were plugged into grade school classrooms...
!Vaya!

 

[rm.w/aview]

Hi Charlotte,
I'm not a sports fan by any stretch of the imagination. There were three news items that were behind that post, the first being weed on the ballot again and the others were the Browns going 0-16 this past season and the city having a parade to mark the occasion. Ciao

 

[wistful vista]

Why men shouldn't write advice columns:

http://img.memecdn.com/why-men-shouldnt-write-advice-columns_c_379125.jpg

 

[rm.w/aview]

^ that's funny ^ In the minutes that I'm allotted I'll sometimes view forum categories that I haven't seen or don't normally view and think, "What am I doing here?"

 

[johnny b]

A man went to the doctor with a strange complaint.

"Well it's like this Doc, when I drive to work in the morning through the country lanes I start to sing 'The green green grass of home'. If I see a cat then it's 'What's new, pussy cat?'. It's so embarrassing, even when I'm asleep and dreaming, I still keep singing. Last night, it was 'Delilah', and my wife was not amused!"

"Yes, it would appear that you have the early symptoms of 'Tom Jones' syndrome."

"Well I've never heard of that, is it common?" asked the man.


"It's not unusual," replied the doctor.

 

[B and C]

A riddle:

A man is in a room with no doors or windows with only a table and a mirror. The room was built around him. How does he get out?





He looks in the mirror and sees what he saw. He takes the saw and cuts the table in half. Two halves makes a hole that he crawls out of