How to approach a solo woman

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GraceinMotion

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So I'm walking my dogs Thanksgiving morning in a deserted county park. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a guy walking in my direction, no other cars/people in sight. I do an avoidance turn and walk faster; he follows. I do another avoidance maneuver and jog a bit; he follows. Final strategy is full frontal aggressive walking towards him, saying loudly, "why are you following me?" He laughs and says sorry, he is just interested in taking a video of my dogs for his daughters. I felt the need to school him about his actions from my perspective and the potential reactions he might expect from a woman in my situation. He was apologetic. I allowed him to take a video of his intended targets at a distance I felt comfortable with. Thots anyone?
 
Yea, my gut instinct on this one is he was toying with you. The alternative would be that he's just so socially inept that he didn't realize his actions were unacceptable. But it seems like he really should have known.

Even given his "reasoning" for his actions, it doesn't make sense that he acted the way he did. I would not approach a dog owner (man or woman) without talking a bit first, and I've been a life long dog owner. Even a little ankle-biter can be really defensive of their owner and tear you up a little if they are feeling threatened.

Yea, there was definitely something weird going on there. Good job trusting your gut.

~angie

Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk
 
Predatory males often use pets as an excuse and a lure to come up to women be it the woman's dog or through the action of their own dogs or your coming up to admire their friendly dog. Every woman who travels solo should have street smarts about this.

If some guy is making you uncomfortable by trying to approach your dog just tell them to please keep their distance that the dog is not reliable, one minute he is friendly and the next minute he sometimes takes it into his head to decide you need protecting.
 
I carry weapons when I walk. I started this when I was living in the middle of the Klamath National Forest, because I was concerned about wild animals (cougars, especially) but the weapons would also help in a situation like this.

I carry a small pocket knife, a loud whistle, and my hiking stick could double as a spear if I take the cap at the bottom off - there's an inch long spike down there. I couldn't buy pepper spray in California so didn't get that, but tried. And then there's the loud alarm I can set off using the key fob for my car, if I'm close enough - and it has a long range. I think a kubaton is a great idea too because it is small and fits on the key ring for easy access.

Predators should be concerned about all the options women have for self-defense these days... and women should be prepared for the unexpected. If I had a man approach me that way, I'd be preparing for defensive action, and I wouldn't mind doing damage to anyone who went out of his way to change direction to follow and frighten me.
 
GraceinMotion said:
So I'm walking my dogs Thanksgiving morning in a deserted county park.
.... Thots anyone?
First thought ... deserted county park ... I'd say "no" in general. And I'd be especially careful if there were 2 guys, or if there were just 1 other car parked there with guy(s) in it. Always safety in numbers.

Secondly, in regards what travelaround said, I think I would carry 2 things, mace and an air horn (like Spiff always recommends). And make them plainly visible if this guy got too close. Maybe even do a quick blast with the air horn, once he made the 2nd move towards you. I don't know about other weapons, as it's possible they could be taken away and used against you.

You were clearly trying to get away from him, and yet he pursued you.
This is very bad. Any judge would consider such as action to be stalking.
 
ssminnow
You don't approach solo women. But if you think you really, really have to because ...
Don't.
Really.
DON'T.

Let her approach you. By the time she approaches you she has already decided how dangerous you are.
 
I was thinking the same thing.

Don't approach a solo woman in a remote area. The woman won't appreciate it even if you're being friendly, under most circumstances.
 
Nobody's perfect. He said his motivation and while I wasn't there to get a face-read or check body language, neither were any of the other potential commenters. I don't think any comments as to his motives besides your own, therefore, carry much weight.

On the other hand, you have made me re-think leaping out of the dark in my Batman outfit.
 
Dingfelder said:
 I don't think any comments as to his motives besides your own, therefore, carry much weight.  
Ding, she said she made TWO avoidance moves. How many does it take to satisfy you?
 
The quote you just used showed that I did not question her judgment.

The full post showed that I would, however, question anyone else's -- and by doing so, I implicitly questioned my own -- because we weren't there to see for ourselves.
 
In that context, the assumption of bad intent has to be, and should be the default.

Unfortunately the more innocent the male, the more clueless about such issues.

It will take decades of increasingly widespread and better education, ideally starting at a very young age to change our rapey culture.
 
Dead wrong on all counts for pretty much every reason.

You are making the world you live in every moment. By assuming the worst of people by default, you make the worst possible world for yourself, and almost certainly for others you come into contact with, too, as they will have to interact with you based on the filters you see through, the barriers you put up, and the responses you make in accord with them. Most of whom will have no clue what is going on in your head, but will be subject to it anyway.

This is usually the board where people say they are brave and encourage it in others, where women regularly encourage other women not to be fearful, and so does everyone else to everyone else.

There is a critical difference between what gets in our mind through paying attention to concrete events and what we cram in there on our own. I've seen it referred to as mental hygiene. It is certainly the case that you have to be careful what you put in there. That is taken far too lightly by some, who don't seem to realize that GIGO -- garbage in, garbage out --applies to what we put in our minds as well as our bodies.

And for that -- it is we who are responsible, not the rest of the world.

I see this almost every day in the neighborhood I live in, and with the people I work with, who are almost well into their senior years. The more they decline, the more paranoid they get. The more fights they pick with each other. The more sure they are that whatever their old friends are doing is now unacceptable and worth punishing somehow. The whole neighborhood used to be friends and now half of them are cussing out the other half over nothing, constantly exaggerating the drama and ramping up the thoughts that everybody else is evil.

Same thing with the seniors I've worked with as a guardian/conservator. A lot of them get more and more convinced the world is full of loonies and unacceptable people and behaviors ... and eventually they alienate all their friends and even their children and grandchildren until they are utterly alone.

It is not a symptom of enlightenment. Experience has nothing to do with it, and we can assume everyone involved has a lifetime of experience by this point anyway. It is a symptom of decline. I've begun to think it happens almost like clockwork ... but I do still know that not all succumb.

Still, it's nothing to feel proud of or superior about. I'd go so far as to say it's worth watching for in yourself. Even if you don't see it/realize it as part of your own decline, others probably will. One day, it may turn out that you've become the last to know that it's not the whole world that has gone nuts, but actually ...
 
I think that it's safe to say that he was doing it on purpose. He himself even admitted that. Why someone would continue to follow, speed up to keep up with a fastwalking and then jogging person is creepy.
I get that the default response should be the one that keeps your personal safety in mind. Admitting this does not mean you think the whole world is @$$holes, kidnappers, and rapists. Admitting this just means that even if only 2% of the strangers you meet in your life time are jerks of one sort or another, keeping your own safety in mind when someone, anyone, starts acting inappropriately, is a good idea.
And btw, following a stranger around a park, speeding up to keep up with her, changing direction when she does, and continuing to follow as she jogs to avoid you IS inappropriate. And he admitted that the reason for it was to get vid of the dogs. Which is admitting he was following her, even if the excuse is a lame one. Again, this is not cool. It is not acceptable.

And her fears did not conjure up this creeper. She didn't make it happen by being aware of it happening.

If your default mode is thinking that the whole world, all 100% of it, is out to rape and kill you so you never leave the house, then I'd agree that you've turned the world into a very scary place for yourself. But if your default mode is recognizing when people are behaving in strange ways, and taking a clue from their behavior and recognizing that you're safety may be threatened because of something someone else is doing, then that seems pretty normal.
Don't go overboard, but don't think that the world is a completely safe place either.

~angie

Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk
 
Here we see the reason for the WRTR. Many men don't understand the safety concerns of women. Total paranoia is a mental illness... but caution is a virtue.
 
If the original poster had a question in her mind, and she herself was there, what extra knowledge entitles any of us to be more certain than she was?

Meantime, nobody said caution wasn't a virtue.

Her ability to question remains a positive lesson in itself.
 
I doubt the man's daughters (if they even exist) would encourage, or approve of, him shadowing a woman to get video of two random dogs for their amusement.

My vote? He was either lying, a dumbass, or a stalker. Probably all three.

But what do I know, I wasnt there.
 
I agree this guy probably was up to no good and backed off when you confronted him. I think the suggestions by others to carry weapons and be prepared are good.
 
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