How do you do it?

[Stargazer]

RTR sounds like fun.  I attended one when less than 100 peeps were there and after a few days, had to leave.  *Shiver*

Really, how do you stand it?  Free roaming dogs peed on everything I left outside, a few people were drunk and behaved abominably.  The gossip was rampant!  I couldn't stand it.

As I age, I become less and less sociable, or more and more reclusive.  I sit here and wonder how do others do the crowd thing?  They make it look and sound like so much fun.

 

[owl]

The rtr you attended was where I met you. I recommended Yosemite to you there. You went and loved it. The rtr was a different thing then compared to now. There were some unsavory elements then and you were right to leave. The bad still show up and care needs to be exercised. Just like the everyday everywhere. I think the rtr is done. I have some friends I met there and they tend to agree. It never hurts to to expand horizons, never hurts to meet new folks. What hurts is not being able to take advantage of the chance. Chance is exactly what we look for.

 

[DLTooley]

The secret is how far away you camp. Certainly, far enough away to not be in it 24/7.

You Ned to make your own scene, and not make too much of it.

 

[WanderingRose]

It is always so incredibly validating to read someone else’s take on something that so closely aligns with your own.

I am also much less sociable as I get older, and much, much less tolerant of group dynamics.

What is it about larger groups that they seem inevitably to devolve into gossipy cliques, targeting select others for criticism, derision and scapegoating?

I left a group I had camped with for years when just this dynamic became entrenched and ugly, with their favorite target a gentleman in his 80’s whose biggest crime was that he talked too much.

It got really, really nasty.

Attempts to speak to it and encourage kinder, gentler, more accepting of others dynamics just made others targets and the whole thing worse.

I hate it, and am just rarely interested in exposing myself to it.

 

[DLTooley]

Finding balance between alone and group time is up to you. Personally, I prefer more of the former and spending my group time with similar folks.

If you want alone time just leave, and stay friends.

 

[WanderingRose]

Good advice.

This was a group of about 25, at its peak, varying in numbers some from gathering to gathering.

We went from being a group, to some segregating themselves into a small group in order to exclude their targeted individual.

It was just so nasty and mean spirited.

I guess, ultimately, we have to do our best to police ourselves.

 

[highdesertranger]

I don't understand what RTR y'all are talking about. you don't like crowds park further away. you don't like drunks don't hang out with them. actually I like the once a year crowd reminds me that I am a little cog in a big wheel and that I am not the center of the universe. I have the rest of the year to be by myself. don't be a hater. highdesertranger

 

[Stargazer]

Not a hater but I really would like to hear from those who really like that sort of thing.  I see people talking and laughing and wonder what they're talking about?  What is it that appeals?  How do you do it?  Why do you like it?

Yes' I have walked quietly away when the situation made me uncomfortable.  Camped in the far reaches, all of that.  But how do the peeps that are in the middle of it all and seemingly having such a good time do it?  I want that (maybe, I think).

Really, I would like to know.

 

[Vonbrown]

The RTR "intimacy" has vanished for me.
I live as a nomad in a vehicle because of certain kinds of people I've encountered in my 66 years of life. The RTR has gotten so big, all kinds of people have infiltrated the very essence, just like in stick and brick community.
Fortunately, I can still choose the people I meet, the nomad lifestyle affords me that and I can still enjoy mother nature with peace and quiet anytime I desire.
I agree with the "dogs peeing on my camp" because if I can think about what my dog will do in your camp, why can't you. Remember, animals do what animals do, it's the people without intelligence.
Sometimes I feel bad that I build walls nowadays, but my time is short and I have worked so hard to get where I am to escape this rat race called society.

 

[crackedpan]

.  ...don't be a hater.  

really? 
it has nothing to do with hate, be real. it has to do with crowd anxiety, being uncomfortable with inserting oneself into a group of unknowns, living clean and sober is also problematic when trying to relate to those that like mind altering substances (not a judgement, just a fact), i have tried the group thing and met some nice people, but it is very hard for me. 
your statement really pushed my buttons this morning, judging me and don't even know me.

 

[PECVD2]

Really, I would like to know.

Introvert here but I don’t mind the mental stimulation provided by group discussions.

my rules are:

don’t talk about politics, religion or money. If someone in the group sways that way (always someone) try to gently tangent off to more interesting topics.

never be so opinionated that you are that guy/gal who cannot see another viewpoint. Unless you are the worlds most renowned expert on a subject you may just find a nugget of wisdoms from another viewpoint.


if someone's thought process or view of things makes absolutely no sense to you and you know for a fact that it is wrong, let it be. Like above, gently steer the topic to something different. 

Sitting around a table, campfire or in a bus with strangers and just exchanging thoughts on life or whatever  can be the most satisfying feeling/high one can obtain IMHO

best to you

 

[Stargazer]

Owl,

So good to hear from you!  It was the trees!  Amazing.

So let's imagine the campfire talk.  I am sick of my boring travel stories, same ones over and over.  Meh.  So wanna talk about what has been my interest the past two winters?  The relationship between the arts (especially literature) and societal changes during the 19th and early 20th centuries.  And religions and politics and how they coexist to establish various cultures.  And how different human genus homo and species erectus vs sapiens succeeded or failed and why and on and on.  What little I have studied is a drop in an ocean and what do you think and that will fall so flat around the campfire.  So I ask "what do you think" and I really want to hear different views and I get the stare.  So I shut up.  But it's too late and now carry the "brand".

A friend used to ask me "does your brain ever shut off?" And that is when I realized that not everybody is like this, although my whole family is.  My 95 year old mother is trying to learm to speak Yiddish because she is interested in the culture; a brother who reads the great philosophers and is studying magic and mysticism and how it has influenced society is teaching himself Latin because the translations of the original texts don't match.  A sister who has started a mini farm in her retirement.  A sister who is a professional musician (think symphony) and has switched to playing a uke in distilleries and pubs.  But, except here maybe, this is apparently not how to be the Dale Carnegie champ.

And if someone is talking about how they rebuilt their transmission or fixed a broken belt or whatever, I ask questions because I want to know.  But people seem to think I am quesrioning  their ability or something when really it is information I seek and they get defensive or upset.

This is difficult to explain but I still want to know how others do this.

How do you have fun and why is that fun?

 

[maki2]

I myself don't have a face that looks naturally smiley, that is a matter of genetics, an arrangement of facial muscles and the shape of the underlying bones. So it can make people think I am sad or angry even when I am perfectly happy. Of course it can get worse as we age as gravity takes the corners of our eyes and mouth downward. So I have to then force my face into looking happy and friendly when meeting new people if I want to be more instantly accepted until they have a chance to get to know me. But even friends can mistake thinking I am upset with them now and again when I am actually just relaxed and not focused on anything other than a task at hand.

Body language is a very important factor in making new friends. All politicians know that. Actors know that. But many average people don't realize it and don't use it to their advantage.

I detest being told that I need to smile more as it is not my natural facial muscle state and it is difficult to force the movement and hold it there.. But they are right because it does matter when in new social situations where people have not yet had a chance to get to know me. If I don't take the time to do that they may think I am judging them and not doing so kindly. So take the time to do a little self analysis of what signals you may be giving to others without even being aware that you are giving. Pay attention to your body position, what is called body language. Does it look like you are open to being approached or does it look like you are being defensive and don't want to make friends? There are lots of studies on this subject, read them and then adapt the friendly poses.

 

[VanFan]

Stargazer:  I can't contribute to your understanding here, but want to comment, nonetheless.  Stay curious!  And what could be more "curious" than humans interacting with their environments, the expression of those experiences through art, and the evolution of cultures?  You're right:  we can only scratch the surface in one life time!

Sometimes I think it's hard for group participants to join in on these topics, because they may be coming from a different place at the moment.  Those lines of inquiry can seem pretty intense if you don't "sneak up on 'em".

(One of my daughters worked to re-translate a poem to its ancient Nordic roots to restore its lyric grace when she was an 8th grader.  She took her third year Latin text to Girl Scout Camp for quiet time.  By brother reads a fair amount of Sanskrit in addition to speaking several languages.  Yep.  They're out there, but often wear protective camouflage in public.  LOL.)

 

[user 423]

Well, you could try the Rubber Mensan Rendezvous instead of the Rubber Tramp Rendezvous..

 

[SLB_SA]

if someone's thought process or view of things makes absolutely no sense to you and you know for a fact that it is wrong, let it be. Like above, gently steer the topic to something different.

A friend of mine (that I have supported financially at times in the past) told me she is an anti-vaccination advocate.  When the "someone" is wrong in a way that can cost lives, "let it be" is not acceptable to me.  In this respect, we are different.

 

[owl]

@crackedpan, I have never met HDR other than here. I know enough about him to know that he was not judging you or anyone else. That is not his style, I think he was saying that the event itself is not to be blamed for some's bad experience. This event has outgrown the original intent and some of us regret that. The truth is, there is a spot in the desert for anyone who wants it. Regardless of personal issues or needs. Anyone who comes to the rtr and reaches out for help and understanding will be overwhelmed with the response.

@stargazer, The rtr you and I met at was one of the earliest and some of the negative elements there were quite obvious because of the small size. Major life changes put you in the lifestyle at that time. Those things affect every facet of your day to day existence, but I don't have to tell you that. You have a brilliant mind and love to use it. That sometimes intimidates as I'm sure you know. What you asked is what are they talking about ? Conversation goes where it is pointed. That means where folks are comfortable, that is the reason campfire convos are somewhat repetitive and mundane. I can see you sponsoring a meet where topics not normally bounced around would be discussed. I love the challenge of learning, the doors opening where I didn't even know there were doors. The interesting thing about events like the rtr is complete lack of parameters, you don't have to fit the mold. Personal expectations don't need to be met. You and I have been here for years ( the forum) that in itself says volumes. We come and go but there is a like minded few here that interest us. Interest is what it is all about !

 

[MotorVation]

I think it's fair to say I have social anxiety disorder. It's a mild torture when I have to go grocery shopping for instance.

When I was younger, I was at a concert in Philly with Peter Frampton, Yes, and Gary Wright. It was in the old stadium which had wooden bleachers. Some idiots down on the field decided it was a good idea to light the bleachers on fire. There was no way down and I couldn't jump off the top or the fall would have killed me. Luckily, security was able to put the fire out.

I haven't been to a large concert since.

I like to hang with people once a while but I always have a way out or I just plain don't do it. Since I left my job last month I'm alone about 23 1\2 hrs a day and that's alright with me because that was typical of my days off.

If I ever get my ass out of here, I'll be at the RTR but I do have two feet and four wheels and ain't afraid to use them. I hope to meet some people out on the road and at the RTR but I'll still have as much privacy as I want just by closing the van doors

 

[user 423]

While this was probably meant to be funny, it does illustrate the point made. 

Now I'm wondering which emoticon I should have used to make it clear that it was meant to be funny..

 

[PECVD2]

A friend of mine (that I have supported financially at times in the past) told me she is an anti-vaccination advocate.  When the "someone" is wrong in a way that can cost lives, "let it be" is not acceptable to me.  In this respect, we are different.

I agree. 
You are are “friends” and you have provided financial support to this person in the past.
You have right to express your opinion, reasoning, thoughts and suspend financial support if necessary as they have  the right to believe or advocate as they please.
At this point, as I see it you can both argue the matter sensibly, hopefully provide factual evidence to support your stance and possibly change the others viewpoint .

But

i believe the OP is referring to people he may just have met or would like to meet and stand around a campfire with to enjoy a evening hopefully not arguing over issues better addressed in a proper forum attended by knowledgeable subject matter experts.

Yes, thankfully we are all different.