GIRLS' ROOM: My niece broke my heart tonight

[Cheli]

So I've been talking about my plans to sell everything and hit the road for about a year now but more so in the last couple of weeks.  For some reason I'm super excited lately and I talk about it a lot, even though I'll be lucky if I can actually do it by the end of the year.

Tonight I was at my sister house after work.  We are very close and I am VERY close with my 9 year old niece, she's also my Goddaughter.  My sister had asked me if I had anything on my wish list on Amazon because my birthday is coming up soon and she would rather get me something for my new journey instead of more stuff for my house, since I'm getting rid of everything.  Even though we are very close and talk almost every day and see each other at least once a week, if not more, my sister is amazingly supportive of my dream to be a van dweller to travel the country.

Anyway, we were going on and on talking about all sorts of things about living in a van and traveling.  Then I looked over at my niece who was sitting on the floor next to me, I was sitting on the couch.

I saw a look on her face and her bottom lip started to quiver.  I said "what's wrong honey"?  She burst out in tears, jumped up in my lap and said "I don't want you to leeeeeeeave"!!!!  Omg I felt like such an idiot.  Why would I sit here going on and on about leaving to travel, right in front of her and not realize it would hurt her?  I feel like such an awful person.  My sister looked at me and said "she's brought this up several times lately and she wants NO PART of you leaving".

Ugggggh I knew of all the things that could easily hold me back, she would be the biggest.

As much as I want this, it's going to be so hard to leave them behind.

Have any of you dealt with something holding you back from this lifestyle, and if so, how did you do it?  It breaks my heart to even think of not being so close to them, my eyes are tearing up as I type this.  But I feel I need to do this.

I guess it's harder for me because I'm doing it by choice, not by necessity.

 

[gcal]

Have her come to you for a couple weeks during summer vacations.  Do Yellowstone, Disneyland, camping by lakes and woods and seashores. Our grandkids loved it.

 

[my_vantasy]

Set up a blog so she can follow you. This is a great opportunity for her to learn geography, too.

 

[Queen]

I didn't follow my dreams when I was in my late 20's, I have the opportunity to be a divemaster in Cozumel but I passed it up, because I didn't want to hurt someone, didn't want to disappoint them, I felt like I should "do the right thing" and be there. Well, I'm 55 now, and that's a long time to go without following your dreams. Think about how much more you'll be able to show her, the example you will set, when you've seen the world and you can share that with her.

 

[Cheli]

I've discussed both of these things with her, about coming with me here and there and about following me online and doing FaceTime chat. Her response was "it's going to be like when you lived in Plymouth and you were far from us and we didn't see you as much as now". After my divorce four years ago I moved back to the town where I grew up, near my family. But before I moved back to the area I was living an hour away and apparently she remembers me being far even though she was five when I moved back to the area.

The thing is she's a very emotional little girl and she's very attached to me and others that she loves. I think more so because she's lost a lot in the last couple of years. Her parents got divorce when she was three. Both of her grandparents on her fathers side passed away within a year of each other about four years ago. And my mother just passed a month ago. So for a little girl she's dealt with a lot of loss. She sees me leaving as more loss, and since we are very close I can understand how hard that must be for a little girl. It's going to tear me apart too but must be hard for her.

 

[Cheli]

I didn't follow my dreams when I was in my late 20's, I have the opportunity to be a divemaster in Cozumel but I passed it up, because I didn't want to hurt someone, didn't want to disappoint them, I felt like I should "do the right thing" and be there. Well, I'm 55 now, and that's a long time to go without following your dreams. Think about how much more you'll be able to show her, the example you will set, when you've seen the world and you can share that with her.

That's exactly why I need to do this.  I feel that my entire life I've done the "right thing" and living the "normal" American dream, but at my own expense.  I'm 46, divorced four years ago, nothing really holding me back from living the free life that I want.

I told her tonight that we will still be very involved over the phone and video chat and she can go on some trips with me and I can share my experiences with her.

I know I have to do what I have to do........but it's going to be real hard.  And tonight was the first time it really teared me up inside.

 

[Cheli]

Tell her you are going on an adventure, and will be sending pictures just for her.  

Give her something to hold for you.     Something she can keep safe.

Great idea!

I know it will all be ok but I just don't want her to feel that I'm leaving her.  I need to make her understand she will be a part of my life no matter where I am and I will ALWAYS come back to see her and spend tie with her.  It just won't be as often as now.

 

[Cheli]

Something interesting you might consider doing is buying something together, like a teddy bear or some sort of stuffed anima, and take pictures of it sitting up on top of a mountain, or hanging out on the beach.

It might not be much, but it could be a fun little game you play with her, it'll keep her looking forward and awaiting all the images of your guys stuffed toy.

That is actually an amazing idea......she would LOVE that!!!!  Thank you!!!!!

 

[Stargazer]

Cheli

I absolutely get that. During my adventures three years ago, my daughter married and gave birth to her first child. I came back to take care of him because I didn't want him in day care at three months old. When he was eight months old, I went back on the road. By that time, we were so close, I missed him so much, I returned after six weeks, bought a large RV, parked it in an RV park not too far away, and here I am still. I have him two days a week now (my choice), he's 2 1/2 years old. Now and then, I think of loading up the van and getting back out there. But the days I have him are filled with joy and we have so much fun together. I'm planning now on how I can take him and my other grandchildren on summer trips. Not Disney World. Not water parks. But Little Molas Lake, CO, hike, camp, fish, learn about the natural world. Or any one of hundreds of other places, including the deserts. Just a few days ago, my Lil M, his mother (my daughter) and I were walking the trails around this park. Mommy commented on the small holes dug all around and he told her, "That's where the armadillos dig to eat bugs." Mommy looked at me with raised brow; I had told him that a few weeks before.

You go! Tell your niece you are scouting for places to take her later. Share your adventures and ask her which she thinks she'd like to do next year. Maybe have her keep a log for you. She can keep track of you with a map and highlighters.

A friend of mine whose daughter is now 12, says her daughter was inspired by my adventures. She told her mom she wanted to be like me, when she grows up, get a van and travel, even by herself. A woman alone, self sufficient, happy and telling great stories around the campfire. Your niece may see how she, too, can be independent and happy, just like you! You can be her inspiration! Yes, you will miss each other. For now. But what you will learn and pass on to her may be priceless!

Build new dreams, one well-lived day at a time.

 

[Cheli]

You go!  Tell your niece you are scouting for places to take her later.  Share your adventures and ask her which she thinks she'd like to do next year.  Maybe have her keep a log for you.  She can keep track of you with a map and highlighters.

Another awesome idea!!!  I was hesitant to post this story here but so happy I did.  You are all so great and have awesome ideas that will make this less painful for us both.

A friend of mine whose daughter is now 12, says her daughter was inspired by my adventures.  She told her mom she wanted to be like me, when she grows up, get a van and travel, even by herself.  A woman alone, self sufficient, happy and telling great stories around the campfire.  Your niece may see how she, too, can be independent and happy, just like you!  You can be her inspiration!  Yes, you will miss each other.  For now.  But what you will learn and pass on to her may be priceless!

That's fantastic.......you have been a great influence, there is nothing better than that.  That is what I want to be for my niece.  I love my sister but she has never been independent and I have always been confident and self sufficient, that is what I want for my niece.  She's such a smart and beautiful little girl so I need to make this a positive learning experience for her.

 

[Stargazer]

Cheli,

If you make it a positive experience for yourself, she will see that. Think first of yourself. Your happiness will flow into those around you, including your sister.

I did not realize this until recently. When my daughter told me that visiting me here in my RV for Sunday at Gramma's is like going on vacation. I see myself as just an old lady and her old dog, with an old van, living in a "trailer park". Who knew?

You will become a different person. Don't you wonder who that person will be?

 

[Cheli]

Great points and yes I wonder who that person will be!!!!  That is exactly why I need to do this.  I've had a lot of crap in my life the last several years and I feel it would help me "find myself".  I know that sounds cliche but I really think it would help me become healthier both physically and mentally.

I know they will also be better and share my experiences with me and also learn from them.  It wouldn't be so hard if I wasn't planning on crossing the country.

It's going to be fine in the long run, it's just that initial leaving that is going to be so hard to begin with.

Thank you everyone for all of you support, suggestions and understanding.  It really helps.....this group really is the best!!!

 

[Cheli]

One last thing. I am hoping I can be on the road by January 1st, we'll see if I can make that happen.

But, my sister is bringing her to Disney in October and she doesn't know yet. She also doesn't know that I'm going with them. She is going to be so excited and this will be my last "normal" vacation. Everything after that will be my life adventures and I will always be on vacation. I was hesitant to go with them because I really want to put all my energy into my plan but I decided $1,500 wasn't going to 'make or break' me hitting the road. My biggest hold back is selling everything in my house and building up my virtual business so I can sustain income on the road.

 

[Queen]

Oooh, Disney could be a great place to get the stuffed animal and get started on the pics of it having fun with her, and then continue on with you as you travel. She'd have great memories to go with it then.

 

[Cheli]

Great idea! 

 

[RV-Hopeful]

I guess it's harder for me because I'm doing it by choice, not by necessity.

There are soooo many great suggestions on here to include your niece ... just let her know you love her and you just go ahead.  schedule a special time once a week or so that you and she spend time on the phone or skype.

Hugs ... it'll be okay ... don't wait, I'm 63 ... it doesn't get any easier ... go for it.

 

[ggwoman]

This is one of the greatest threads ever. I agree Cheli, these are the years and you are a great role model. The advice here is good and strong and true. Follow your heart. Nothing is forever except Love and you can share all with that with this special little girl. She's gonna wanna GO! How fun will that be when the time comes? So much for both of you to look forward to.

 

[Cheli]

Thank you!  Yes there is a lot of great advice here, you all are so amazing and I truly appreciate all your input.

Prior to the other night, anytime I asked if she would go with me for a night or two she kept saying no.  Then I was showing her some pictures of some really girly van interiors and she said "oh that's cool" and I asked again if she thinks she would want to go with me here and there and she said "yeah maybe".  I think before I showed her the pictures she thought I was just going to have a big, empty, metal van with a sleeping bag in the back.  hahaha  But once I showed her I will have a nice bed on a platform and a little sink and storage and light strings around the interior she could see it would actually be homie.  

I think if I make it as positive as I can for her then when she's a little older she would be more comfortable coming with me for a week or so.  She sleeps over my house but that's a safe place for her.....she needs to see when I actually get the van and ease her way into it.

Thank you again all of you.......you have been so understanding and super helpful.  I really think I can make this work.