When Forgiveness Comes Knocking...

[Roadworthy]

It seems like the universe is trying to teach my husband and me forgiveness, because it seems like we've had a lot of opportunities to practice it lately.

Last night, in the RTR camp in Quartzsite, our motorhome was vandalized. Someone bashed out our driver side mirror, either with a large rock or some other heavy, blunt object. We don't know why.

It could be that they didn't like the looks of our motorhome. Maybe they didn't like that we're traveling with kids. Maybe someone was just walking across the desert on a midnight walk and decided that we looked like a good target. Maybe someone was upset that we used a generator, and didn't realize that they could have just asked us to turn it off (which we would have, even though it would mean I wouldn't have enough battery power to make it the whole night to run my CPAP, which I need to breathe when I sleep). Maybe it was someone driving by, popping out one mirror from each campsite they came across, for shits and giggles. I guess we'll never know.

My oldest daughter cried. She's very sensitive, so when something upsets her, she has nightmares and can't sleep for weeks. My younger children are afraid the "bad person" will come back tonight. My older sons were nervous this morning when someone came knocking on our door. They will all be afraid for a while, now, until enough time passes.

That's the hardest part--seeing my children cry, seeing them afraid, because someone else decided to violate their home, and their feeling of safety, for sport (or frustration, or entertainment, or whatever). That makes it hard to forgive. I'm a very forgiving person when someone offends me, then apologizes. That's easy for me. I admit that I find it very hard to forgive when the offender has no regrets, goes on with their life, amused at their little "joke", never considering the repercussions or the consequences. It's infinitely harder when their actions affect my babies.

But I guess the universe knows that I have a hard time forgiving, and is trying to teach me that lesson. If I were a better person, I probably wouldn't need to work so hard on it. I'll just remind myself that this is nothing more than a blip on the radar of life. We live a very, very blessed life, and everything is going so well for us now. We have a lot of love, a lot of joy, and a lot of kindness in our hearts...that's what I need to focus on.

And maybe if I'm quicker and better at forgiving, the universe won't need to throw quite so many lessons in our direction.

Thank you to everyone who was so kind and welcoming to us at the RTR. I met a lot of nice people, and the seminars were great. I only wish we could have arrived sooner, and enjoyed the entire two weeks, instead of only a few days.

 

[user 423]

That sure sux and I'm sorry it happened to you. Out of the possible reasons you listed, I would think the generator use is the most likely. Was it the middle of the night? Or fairly early?

 

[Stargazer]

Roadworthy,

I am so sorry this happened to your family. What sort of person does something like that? They don't deserve forgiveness.

Unfortunately, everywhere you go there will be one of "those". The more people, the better chance of that. There were a few unhappy incidents at last year's RTR, too.

Meanwhile, you just keep on loving your babies.

 

[ice_maiden]

It is sad that this happened to you and your family. It's also sad that it was not a good intro to RTR. I have to agree, it was probably the genset, but it NEVER should have been handled that way.

 

[Roadworthy]

Let me be more clear...

I'm not saying it was anyone in camp. There are other campers around the area besides RTR attendees. I don't know who did it.

Also, I was extremely considerate in my generator use, and I'm hurt anyone would assume otherwise, without knowing the situation.

First, I announced several times at camp that I needed to run it to charge the battery for my CPAP machine, but that I would be more than happy to turn it off at any time if it became a bother, or that I would move to a different part of camp. I would have left camp, if necessary, to keep people happy.

Second, I only ran it about four hours a day on most days, usually between 1pm and 5 pm. BLM rules allow generator use from 6 a.m. to 10 p.m. You can run it all night if you need it for medical equipment. I risked not being able to sleep at night because of a low battery, rather than irritate anyone unnecessarily.

Last night was the only time we ran it up to the beginning of BLM "quiet hours" (10pm), and I didn't have a choice. We were stranded in camp because of the broken brake light, right before sunset. We hadn't run the generator much that day, because we anticipated being in LaPosa LVTA, where people run generators until 10pm. When we realized we were stranded, I had to run the generator later than usual, or else not be able to sleep (and risk a possible stroke or heart attack--I have severe sleep apnea). But again, it was off by ten, I was way up at the front of the camp, and parked as far as I could get, facing the generator away from the camp, behind the motorhome, --and it's super quiet on eco mode. And I still felt bad about it.

But I prefer to think that no one at the RTR would have deliberately stranded a family with young children in the desert, in a town where there are no appropriate replacement parts. I just don't want to let my mind go there. There are other people out here, and I'm assuming it had to be one of them.

---

I forgot to say, thank you all for the kind thoughts. I guess this is just one of those bumps in the road of life.

It's hard, because I already have trust issues, and don't join in on social gatherings very often because of it. When stuff like this happens, I trust even less. But I think that's part of the forgiveness thing. If you really forgive, you let go of it, and don't worry about it. I have a hard time letting go. But I'm working on it.

In the grand scheme of things, it could have been a lot worse, and if this is the only bad thing that happens this month, it's been a damn good month! And next month will be even better.

 

[caseyc]

That sucks, sorry to hear that. Obviously, without knowing your full situation, I'd also have to guess it would be the generator usage. Can't think of anything else, unless maybe your kids were loud at night, which I probably doubt.

Again, I'm totally guessing here to simply provide some type of plausible explanation for you. Although the "rules" might say 10pm is curfew for generator usage, I would venture to say that during the winter season when it gets dark quite early around 6pm, even the stated 10pm curfew might possibly seem rather late for some. Maybe it would have been different had it been during the summer months when daylight lasts longer?

When I was there at Q for a week, I noticed it got quite dark and very quiet past 8pm. I'm guessing people must have been sleeping already, or at least in bed. Hence the sound of a generator might have kept people up for a bit? Don't know. The only people I saw up past 8pm were those few/several members sitting around a campfire.

Again, I'm only trying to offer some type of reason for the bad behavior. I'm not trying to blame you for anything. Hopefully you will have a better experience next time.

 

[user 423]

It's sad but true but some people would feel put out that they should have to ask. Or they may feel that they would get a hostile reaction if they knocked on your door. Still doesn't excuse that kinda crap though.

 

[flying kurbmaster]

sorry to hear this. I would just like to add, I used to work in the glass business and often was called out in the middle of the night. Just about everytime they assumed it was something they had done to annoy someone. One night I was in town late and witnessed this very angry person turn and smash a window of a shop. I hung around as I assumed I would be called. When the owner arrived I opened up our shop and patched it up however no matter how many times I told her it was a random act of violence, she kept coming back to the thought that someone was out to get them. I wouldn't overthink this. Maybe you saved someones partner from getting punched by having your RV in the right place at the right time, an act of kindness of your part.

 

[akrvbob]

Roadmaster, I was probably parked closer to you than anybody and I don't think I ever heard your generator! It certainly was not a problem for me.

Also, everyone should know this happened after the RTR had ended so the great majority of vandwellers with us had already left.

Another factor is that we were right beside a VERY LARGE (probably 50 or more) group of Escapees in big RVs and MANY of them were running their generators a LOT! So if it was someone who hated generators they are who I would have gone after. They were actual a problem.

As far as your kids being there, I loved it!! They were all very nice and well-behaved. I hope they are here every year and I think nearly everyone else felt the same way.

I'm pretty inclined to think this was just a random act of evil from a passerby. Unfortunately it's out there,
Bob

 

[corky52]

Are you sure the breakage was even done intentionally? Over the 35 years I've been RVing, I've had two windows and a mirror broken by tire thrown rocks, I witnessed two of the accidents and my son the third, so I know they were accidents. A small rock shot from under a tire has much more force than many would believe.

Chance happenings are often hard to believe, but are often the case.


Corky

 

[owl]

It doesn't make any difference why the individual did what they did, what the motivation was. They were the aggressor and these folks were doing nothing wrong. There is no excuse for vandalism and it is always done by gutless cowards. Roadworthy, you know what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. You have family, hold them close and show them by example what strenth is. Sometimes that's the hardest thing in the world, but you always get Karma points. What model MH? Which mirror? Does it need the mirror glass or the whole unit? Is is remote controlled?

 

[Roadworthy]

Flying Kurbmaster, that's an excellent way of looking at it.

Bob--Thank you! I was worried that the kids would bother people, so I'm glad to hear they didn't upset anyone. I try to keep a tight rein on them, and keep them as quiet as I can. And I agree, if the mirror was vandalism, it could have been anyone passing by.

Corky--The mirror broke overnight, after we moved from one part of the campsite to another. It was intact when we parked, because Mr. Roadworthy used it a lot to get into position. And it was on the side away from the road--it would have been quite a trick for a passing van to churn up a rock and hit it. But we did examine it a second time this afternoon, and Mr. Roadworthy thought there was a slight possibility the mirror could have fallen off and broken on the ground. But I found a few shards inside the mirror housing, so while I think the mirror falling off is still a possibility, it's unlikely. It really did look bashed-in to me. But either way, we're over it. Whether it was vandalism or just an accident, that's the only real problem we've had on the trip, so our luck could be far worse! Especially with an old gal like our motorhome.

We went ahead and took the risk of driving with the broken mirror, because we really needed to dump tanks. (The brake lights are working now, totally unrelated.) We'll hang out in La Posa until we get paid this week, and then we'll fix the mirror and see where we go from there. We were thinking of leaving (we are soooo over the traffic and crowds here), but then we found this awesome campsite just a little further than we were before--more private, pretty, and other people here are using generators, too. If this spot ends up as nice as we think it will, we might hide out back here and wait the crowds out.

We thought about going to Yuma, but it's already getting warm...do we really want to go farther south? :-/

OWL--thanks, I appreciate the kind thoughts. And Karma points are always a good thing! I think it's mostly the glass. We could glue a piece of glass in there, but I'm thinking we'll just order a new set, for both sides, online, after we get paid. Honestly, I hated those mirrors anyway.

 

[owl]

When the big tent show is over Q slows down. A lot of those folks head south. RW, you have a great attitude. I bet you are a great MOM ! Good on ya, as the folks down under say.

 

[Roadworthy]

Thanks, Owl.

Yep, looks like the traffic might finally be slowing down a bit. I'm starting to worry how much I'll enjoy traveling, when I hate traffic this much, LOL.

 

[Patrick46]

I used to drive semi trucks coast to coast. (in the early 80's) Absolutely LOVED it!!

I was offered a job driving OTR by my friend a year ago, and after considering it, said NO. Spending all day on today's freeways would suck!

however, I still adore traveling, butt not at that speed...and moving along at a leisurely vandweller's pace is definately the way to go!!

So take your time. Let the traffic blow by, and find your own happy pace! ENJOY!!

 

[Blue]

Thats always been a trap for me, when to forgive and forget, and when to seek vengance (or justice).

Humans do a lot of terrible pointless destructive things, and often for little or no reason. Many times just because they think they can get away with it and risk taking is fun.

I remember reading that after being robbed or stolen from, typically people will spend twice as much on the security system for their home than the cost to replace what was taken, even if that means they cant replace what was stolen. That sense of violation and not wanting to feel that again is what drives it I think, and it sticks with you long after you fix your mirror or replace the stolen goods.

It's an increase in your mistrust of others, a sense that your world is less secure and less predictable, and your faith even in your own ability to protect your self and your possessions has lessened.

I understand the forgiveness, dont hold on to poisonous or toxic emotions if you cant do anything about them, but dont forget either... take a couple of smaller precautions, put a sign up stating why you must run your generator at night, heck security webcams are dirt cheap right now (think you can get like two of the low rez ones for 10 bucks at some discount stores).

 

[spd2918]

Vandalism can be expensive, but don't let it upset you. I consider such stupidity the cost of living around other humans.

Your kids key off you and your reactions more than they do any other stimulus. If you don't let your anger / sorrow show, it won't get them down. I'd explain it to them that some people do s t u p i d things because they are jealous of what you have.

The electronic editor required me to put those spaces in. Geez.

 

[nomad+1]

So sorry. One for being late in reading this, two for for the vandalism. Hugs to the kids from both of us.

 

[Terry]

It sounds like your already getting over it. Are the rest of your troop coping as well as you seem to be? This brings to mind an old song Willie Nelson sang, something about "forgiving is easy but forgetting takes a longer time". I won't say to forget, but if you dwell on the act itself, you will have problems getting past the experience. That is, to me, the most important thing, getting past it. Fear, hate, worry are costs we pay with our soul. when we can't shake those feelings, we are paying a heavy price. If your doing as well as it appears from your posts, your doing well. Now you just need to be very close with your children and openly talk about things with them. Give them as much comfort as you can and teach them that they shouldn't' waste any more of their lives on fear, hate, and/or worry as they can help. Good luck.

 

[Thoreau]

Roadworthy,

My sympathies to you and your family on the trouble you've had.

Forgiveness is a very tricky and difficult thing. For many of us, myself included, the effort can often seem a fine line between noble, saintly, and self-empowering forgiving, on the one hand, and, on the other, the self-degrading act of accepting abuse without standing up and protesting strongly--in one way or another, even internally if there's no other way.

True, when we hold on to resentment and anger for too long, we are hurting ourselves more than anyone else. I think it's also true, though, that if we too quickly squelch our feelings of anger and sorrow at being victimized...we may be hurting ourselves further, and adding to the victimization.

There are no easy or universal recipes for how best to handle the emotions after being victimized. The best advice and encouragement I can offer is that you listen to your heart. You will know when you're ready to let go of the pain and the anger.

And I wish you the very best.