Translator

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Optimistic Paranoid

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Since this is the time of year we all have to shop for gifts for our loved ones, I thought this translator might be useful to some of you.

“Free gift” Translation: “You’ve already paid for it”
“Complementary” Translation: “You’ve already paid for it”
“Up to 40% off” Translation: “On trash we can’t give away”
“Your results may vary” Translation: “This stuff doesn’t work”
“Results shown not typical” Translation: “This stuff doesn’t work”
“New and improved” Translation: “We’ve changed the wrapper”
“Minimal impact” Translation: “Life destroying”
“Not responsible for damage” Translation: “Of course we’re responsible,but we’re confident you’re stupid enough to believe this”
“A diamond is forever” Translation: “Divorced six months later”
“Subject to change without notice” Translation: “It’s all BS”
“Your call is important to us” Translation: “But not important enough for us to answer the phone”
“You could be a winner” Translation: “But more likely you’re an idiot”
“Guaranteed for life” Translation: “Submit a death certificate with your claim”
“User assumes all risks” Translation: “This will not end well”
“All natural” Translation: “Maybe at one time”
 
"Organic" - translation - A few chemicals omitted and the price doubled.
"Free Range" - translation - Our cages are bigger.
"Buy one, get one free" - translation - We doubled the price on the first one.
"Classic" - translation - We found some old stock and doubled the price.
 
I'm from the government and am here to help you.  - translation -   :dodgy:  Y'all ain't gonna like this.
 
Vintage and classic = Old
cute and quaint = Small
hard to find = They were crap and didn't last long
On sale = what isn't at a retail store?
Won't last long at this price = Speaks for itself. Junk
If we can't beat the competition price we will give it to you for free = I will sell for a penny less than someone else, cause you sure ain't getting it for free.
Highly sought after = Then sell it to the next person that comes looking for yours.
Prices won't last = When we can't sell it we will drop the price again.
 
Enter to win = We want to sell your info to EVERYONE!
 
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