really tight spot. requesting help/ideas/strategies

[kmellis]

Hi all,
I've been following Bob on YT for about 2 yrs. It was curious as in oh, there's a whole different way of living out there, and entertaining, and for some time too difficult to implement because I don't means for an RV and no remote income. I spent a lot of time looking into remote work. I'm still searching for it. There are so many scams and unproductive, misleading things out there. I'm not sure if I ought to go into the story. It's been a true 180 upheaval from security and plenty of money to homelessness and just $150 in my pocket. (This was leaving a job to care for my mother. She passed. Leaving my job and place and 90% of my stuff was devastating. My mom's unexpected passing was then devastating. I went through a lot, and I spent all the savings I had on trying to turn things around. I hit walls everywhere. It boggles me. I'm facing my deepest fears. I suppose from a more remote standpoint that is really a good thing. In the midst of it, I'm just scared to death. Blah blah blah. So here's where I am. I have a small car. Chevy Cavalier. And it's needing work. I'd love to have anything larger in good shape. I've got a week or two to figure out how to live this way. I have a small side gig delivering for a restaurant. I mean, I was a marketing director and now I can't even get a waitress job at Waffle House. I'm astonished at what I've been rejected for. I do have some interviews in the works, but how I can go back into that world from living in a car????  I'm currently sleeping on the floor of a relative, and that's dysfunctional and ending in a week or two as I try to rein in as much as I can in the meantime. Letting go of the the 10 boxes of stuff in his garage will be hard. Trying to decide what to keep, what I need to acquire, and how I'm supposed to even sleep in that car is beyond me right now. I've made lists of of equipment and items from Bob's great videos, but there is no way I buy that stuff right now. I guess I'm asking for some strategies for the essential living and then I know that I need to shift this into an adventure sense of thinking, but I feel like the bottom couldn't get worse. There's only death below this level. I'm between sitting back and marveling at it all and my mind racing and gut in the worst knots. If any of you have any ideas on how I can tackle this pragmatically and emotionally, I'd really appreciate hearing it. I know this is an experience I brought for myself to change my life, but damn, I did this to myself and for myself and I feel really stuck at getting across this turbulent river of change. Thanks.

 

[highdesertranger]

Welcome Kmellis to the CRVL forums! To help you learn the ins and outs of these forums, this "Tips, Tricks and Rules" post lists some helpful information to get you started. We look forward to hearing more from you. highdesertranger

 

[Riverman]

Welcome to the forum, it's great to have you here.

Best wishes to you.

 

[John61CT]

Sorry for your troubles.

The main advice I can think is obvious - get whatever job(s) you can, start working as many hours as possible.

Do NOT let people connected to your work know about your living situation, do what you have to do to be presentable and professional, pretend everything is fine as much as possible.

Try to develop a friendship / emotional support network separate from your income-producing one.

As far as food / shelter etc details, make do best you can with what you have.

Take advantage of any and all social support services available for low-income and homeless people. Both government and charities, do not be "too proud", that is what they are for, and one day soon you will be in a position to pay it forward.

Best of luck to you, don't let them get you down.

 

[Moxadox]

Like John said: take full advantage of whatever services are available. Food pantry, job reentry assistance, Social Services which can help you get on Medicaid, food stamps and maybe even some cash assistance.

Living in one's car is often cramped and inconvenient (I'm doing it myself at the moment), but it's not the end of the world. Figuring out a sleeping arrangement in your particular vehicle might necessitate moving stuff around a lot and possibly removing a seat. You may wish to ask that specific question: how do I set up my car for sleeping? Somebody else on the forum might have your exact car and have it set up in a way that might work for you.

Hygiene will be a priority, since you don't want to show up to work looking like you're sleeping in your car. As soon as you land that job, get a gym membership so you can keep showered and tidy. If you can, put a tension rod in your car so you can hang your work clothes. That way they won't get rumpled.

Hang in there! Things will get better.

The Dire Wolfess

 

[Firtree]

Wish I could point you to a testimonial similar to your spot, but likely you have seen or read one. I always remember Bob’s early blog when he talked of his divorce and having to move out. He cried at night.

The best I do for myself is to tell my crappy story to myself and hear it as from a friend I know. — That is i listen to the story as if my friend Billie Jo was telling me her troubles. Immediately I can see steps for Billie Jo to take. I’m a bit detached and can see clearer. Then I start to do what I see for Billie Jo.

Clean up my act. If I drink I stop that crutch. Get up early, make my bed mat, brush my teeth. Don’t play in the household drama. Go to McDonald’s, jack in box, everywhere for a job, looking bright shiny happy. Do this before before 9 AM so they know you are eager and can get moving. Have water, an apple and piece of cheese in car for lunch, no going crazy with junk food.

If you do drink or do recreational drugs, even if you think not a problem, I’d suggest going to some AA meetings. There you will find people who have overcome the worse crap in life and you can find a Sponsor. A person who will give you a kick in the butt and a few specific directions to straighten your thinking and steps to take to move on with your life. I’m not a member but have seen what it has done for friends and relatives. It’s free, gives you something good to do in evening, morning or at lunch.

Where do you apply for food stamps? Go there, hopefully with paperwork they need or just find out what they need. While you wait meditate or make notes.

What else would you tell Billie Jo?

Dumber, less skilled, less whatever people have gotten out of this hole. You can too.

You know you want Billie Jo to succeed. Know that I believe in you and know you will succeed.

- - Ask specific questions on car living and other how tos, different topics and you’ll get answers here

 

[frater secessus]

I am on a phone so can't do complex quotes easily. I'll try it this way. Also, I am better at the pragmatic stuff than the emotional so I will stick to my strengths.


> Leaving my job and place and 90% of my stuff was devastating.

Consider this reframe of the same information: fulltimers do this on purpose, and find it liberating.

I am less stressed since my posessions were winnowed down. I had 3 weeks to make it happen, though I'd been doing some low intensity downsizing the past couple of years. The quick final downsizing was exhausting but at some point there is an end to the stuff.




> I spent all the savings I had on trying to turn things around.

I've done that before. I went broke trying to get a teaching job. Worked as a sub for 3 years, averaging $9K/year. Burned through savings, 401k, and credit card limits.

Here's the encouragement: It took a few years but the only debt I have now is my campervan (ie home). Savings, 401k, and 457 are getting love again, and credit rating well into the 800s. So one can recover from what feels like rock bottom.



> I have a small car. Chevy Cavalier. And it's needing work.

Reframe: I have a safe place to stay



> I was a marketing director and now I can't even get a waitress job at Waffle House. I'm astonished at what I've been rejected for.


I went through a few months of radio silence until I removed the M.A. from my resume. Boom, within a week I had three interviews. It's a strange world. I mean, even overeducated people need to eat.



> I do have some interviews in the works, but how I can go back into that world from living in a car????

I don't see any contradiction between the two. If anything, it will give you a different worldview that may help in marketing.



> I guess I'm asking for some strategies for the essential living

The general advice is to start now with what you've got. Add stuff later if required and if money permits.


> but I feel like the bottom couldn't get worse. There's only death below this level.

Well, you could be in a leper colony ("unhand me!"), or completely paralyzed and unable to communicate, or trapped in a cave like that soccer team. Anything better than that is bonus.

I find myself thrilled by tiny victories: a source of free water, some shade, a laundramat with many open machines, open wifi, or a good place to park.



> I know this is an experience I brought for myself to change my life, but damn, I did this to myself and for myself and I feel really stuck at getting across this turbulent river of change.

Once you find your "sea legs" in the new situation I think things will be much easier and the constant stress will subside.

You can do eet!





Sent from my Nexus 6 using Tapatalk

 

[Moxadox]

I gotta say, I am really inspired by the great replies and I'm encouraged by the encouragement! Hope the OP is feeling the love here. What a great bunch of nomads! Can't wait to meet y'all at the RTR.

The Dire Wolfess

 

[HalfShadows]

Hello kmellis. First of all I commend you on being the champion, advocate and primary caregiver of your mother.  To instinctively help a loved one and find yourself giving more of yourself freely, sacrificing your security is above honor. Now you are no longer in that role and the sacrifices you made need to be amended. I deducted from your post, having to ask for advice from a public forum, family support is out of the question. I have been following this forum for approx. 3 months now and found it to be a valuable resource for different aspects of this lifestyle. The previous posts have valuable information. The only advice i can provide is find someone who has your best interests at heart and discuss your situation with them (face to face). I truly know what you have gone through, there is a light, and it is in you.

 

[LivGolden]

This is a unique place. Good! :heart:

 

[LivGolden]

This is a unique place. Good! :heart:

I would like to add that when you start traveling, opportunities to socialize will be a commodity. What I do is attend church services, no matter what church. I also stop in at the visitor's bureau and find out what is going on. My best effort-payoffs though have been when I connect with the local senior center. I do this everywhere I go and I have had such wonderful times with folks my age and older. There is always something to do whether it is coffee and cakes or a music program. I find the time. I have never been turned away and the welcoming feeds my soul. You do not have to be lonely even when you are alone. Peace :heart:

 

[Gardenias]

Hi!
With everything you'd been through, reads like you've maintained mental and physical health which is of utmost importance!
Whatever your beliefs, I bet your mom is looking out after you!

 

[Jillsjoy]

What a great opportunity you’ve presented yourself with!
Starting fresh! Nothing to weigh or tie you down!
I’ve been there, done that, doing it again!
As soon as you can, pack up your car with what you need, get in and go!
It really is that simple. Overthinking causes fear, stress and analysis paralysis.
I packed up my compact car, my cat and headed out. I slept in the driver’s seat with the back reclined, not ideal, but start where you are with what you have. It’ll unfold perfectly. I used sunshades in the windows (before I knew about reflectix).
Your are a Marketing Director! There is your digital nomadness! List yourself on all of the freelance sites (Upwork, LinkedIn, etc.), start your own website and market the heck out of yourself. You’re an entrepreneur now! Your employee days are behind you. Well Done! I’m excited for you!

Blessings,
Jill

 

[kmellis]

Thank you all so much!  I'm really having trouble with the fear that is coursing through me. I understand the re-framing, but part of me is utterly terrified. I glad to know others have done it. Thank you for sharing that. I don't have any reserves, and that's fueling the fear. I didn't realize how attached to things I was. Personal things, like photos and mementos. And I'm wondering who I am if that's what I'm clinging to, but it's also the basic thing of self-reliance, especially money. The moment it comes in, it's gone toward something necessary. What do you do if your car breaks down and that's it? It's just cutting it down to the core in a way I never have before, and there are some clear moments where I see that I've pushed myself here for some greater reason. I've never felt so alone. I'm usually fine with it, but this is a really dreadful feeling. I have learned lots from Bob's videos over the last 2 years. Soaking them in, and then that bounce back with my insides in a knot. Practical steps. I sort it out in my mind then it crumbles. Then I breathe, then I'm spinning. I'm so glad you are all there. Thank you so much for your responses. Lots to do. I've been wanting to set up a website, but even the low cost of doing so has been difficult because it's been one thing after another. I'm going to this week. Please continue to share your advice if you have more ideas. Much love to you.

 

[Jillsjoy]

Kmellis,

Feel the fear (false evidence appearing real) and do it anyway.
This is a cleansing and clearing process. A gift you’ve given yourself.
Clearly, you’re not alone.
Take your attention off of what you don’t want and fix it on what you do want and what you can do (create a feee website and tell people about it).
There are free platforms: Wix, Moonfruit, Weebly, LinkedIn (list yourself and look for people and companies looking for your services).
Take your attention off of what you can’t control (which is most things) and put it on what going right, what is coming to you, the support you’re receiving in all its forms, how everything is always working out for you. Remember, fear repels, so get your confident on
And, post your Paypal address if it’s not against the rules here because people love to share what they have and spread the love!
You got this!
Be what you desire to see

Blessings,
Jill

 

[Solani]

Kmellis,

I really don't know exactly what to say or where this will take me, other than, I hear you, I feel you, I know from a certain extent what you are going through, as I'm in the boat beside yours. I took a leap of faith, or whatever one choses to call it and left my house and grown children in Sweden to get to know a man I met on the Internet over here in Canada. Things were great! Well, most things, ups and downs but mostly ups... Been here 2,5 yrs. now, got married to Dan, who is the guy I moved over here to be with after about a year. Living the prepper lifestyle, off-grid middle of British Colombia Canada and loving every second of it. First time in MANY years I've been able to feel safe, comfortable, at peace and even happy.

Well, what can I say. Sometimes good things just don't last, regardless of reason. In my case, it's immigration that is screwing me around. I've passed every hurdle they've thrown at me, background checks, medical, financial, both my own as well as my husband sponsoring my immigration but... For some reason, they don't believe that we are a "real" couple and that I'm here for some financial gain... Eh, what gain????? I left a fully paid off house. (signed it over to my children) My disability pension is actually $150 more than Dan's is per month... Yes, he has a large farm property, but, I had property too, even if it wasn't quite as big. Problem? We don't have any pictures that were taken during our wedding... So??? None of us are photo freaks and it was just the 2 of us at the lawyer’s office... No pictures from the wedding reception... So?? Didn't have one... No pictures of wedding guests... Hmm... Didn't have any guests. I do have a picture of the small store-bought wedding cake I bought but that doesn't seem to count as any sort of proof. I asked them if I should have faked it and taken loads of pretend pictures just to have in order to satisfy them. That's not who I am and I'm not faking it for anyone so...

Come a few weeks, I have to pack up what I can fit in my car, a Ford Explorer 4X4 and a empty shell of a tent trailer which I'll be using as a utility trailer to haul the stuff that I can't bring myself to part with... YET... Take my dog Nova, who then will be my only family and head south to the US, as I am originally a US citizen. IT SUXS, IT HURTS AND IT'S NOT MY FAULT...

But... you know what? Life goes on. I've had 2,5 good years where I was able to heal my  soul and rebuild my self-confidence. I've been around the world before. Only difference is, back then, it was MY choice to do so. This time around, it is not my choice. My choice in the matter has been taken away from me... And that also adds to the hurt as well as the anger... I can't go back to Sweden since I've been out of the country for too long and lost my permanent residency status. Don't have any family or friends in the US. At least no friends that I've kept in touch with over the years. I was adopted by an elderly couple from Sweden when I was a young child so, relatives in the US are nonexistent. Do I feel lonely, yeah sometimes but, I'm not afraid to be alone. Been alone most of my life and that HAS been my choice. Get hurt enough times by humans, you tend to avoid them when you can. Feel sorry for myself? No. My experiences are what has built my strengths, yes, weaknesses too but mostly strengths. I know I can stand on my own two feet. I know I can use every bit of my street smarts to get me out of whatever situation, or so I believe and therefore it is so. I might get knocked down, but I'll be damned if I stay down, even if I have to claw my way up inch by inch. I WILL get back up again and so will you. You will hurt, you will be tired and feel like giving up but, you won't... There's always that next corner to turn, that next sunrise, the belief that tomorrow WILL bring new opportunities. It's the little things that bring you most happiness and satisfaction when you're down. Those are the moments to cherish and look forward too. One foot in front of the other and keep going.

Check with Lions Club, they have lots of resources for both homeless and low income. You can find most of the things you will need to be able to comfortably live out of your car, until you can find a way to upgrade. Check with the Mormon church. Many of them are more than willing to help. But, first of all. DON'T see yourself as a victim, not even a victim of your own actions. See it as a learning experience. Learn that sometimes fear can be your friend. Being afraid is what sometimes will keep you alive. However, learn to not let fear rule you. Use your fear to get you out of a bad situation, it's called intuition, if something doesn't feel right, get out of there!

I'm very sorry if this post of mine comes of "preachy" it is not meant to be preachy. It's just to let you know that even if our situations are slightly different, they are very similar, and I know we'll both come out on top in the end! Hope to meet you on the road in the future.
Big HUGS to you if you want them
//Solani
 

 

[LeilaLight]

I want to say that reading your description of your emotional and physical responses to your situation really rings to me — I think I spin in similar ways. I feel you.

A couple of practical ideas: can you have a yard sale with the things in boxes that you’re letting go? If so, use that money to go to a good thrift store and get some things from your list to make your car more habitable or to repair your car.

Do you know anyone who is good with cars? Can you barter babysitting, cooking, tutoring, anything for help fixing your car?

I think dog walking websites are great to get some quick income going. I’ve seen some in my big city, maybe where you are, too? I know you are someone with more skills, but in a pinch, this might be quick and easy to help you keep moving forward.

Google “alternate nostril breathing” from Yoga With Adriene. She gives free yoga videos (recommended to everyone - and not me, no benefit to me from anyone going). Anyway, this technique is truly good for helping with anxiety and that spinning out thing.

I hope anything I wrote might help you.

Finally, contact local churches and synagogues and ask if they can help with food. A group called SOVA is a Jewish nonprofit that helps feeding people. You could look them up. Let people help you with food so you don’t have to spend more money eating and can put it toward your car and job search.

Other great ideas above.

Know that we’ve all had setbacks and there’s is no shame in asking for help. In my faith tradition, asking for help is actually giving — when I ask you to help me, I give you the chance to give to me. And that is a blessing — helping others is a blessing. So when you ask, you give me the opportunity to be blessed.

I hope you will keep posting. All the best to you.

 

[LeilaLight]

One more thought — it sounds like you might have a college degree? I’m making an assumption based on your work background. If so, you could consider contacting your college or university’s alumni association. Even if the school is in another location, often they have networking of some kind. Maybe a fellow alum in your area could offer housing or career networking? Just a thought....

 

[kmellis]

I would like to add that when you start traveling, opportunities to socialize will be a commodity. What I do is attend church services, no matter what church. I also stop in at the visitor's bureau and find out what is going on. My best effort-payoffs though have been when I connect with the local senior center. I do this everywhere I go and I have had such wonderful times with folks my age and older. There is always something to do whether it is coffee and cakes or a music program. I find the time. I have never been turned away and the welcoming feeds my soul. You do not have to be lonely even when you are alone. Peace :heart:

That's good idea.  I'm not wild about churches, although I'd feel at home in a universalist kind, or buddhist. I haven't found anything like that here.

 

[Perseverance]

Hi all,
I've been following Bob on YT for about 2 yrs. It was curious as in oh, there's a whole different way of living out there, and entertaining, and for some time too difficult to implement because I don't means for an RV and no remote income. I spent a lot of time looking into remote work. I'm still searching for it. There are so many scams and unproductive, misleading things out there. I'm not sure if I ought to go into the story. It's been a true 180 upheaval from security and plenty of money to homelessness and just $150 in my pocket. (This was leaving a job to care for my mother. She passed. Leaving my job and place and 90% of my stuff was devastating. My mom's unexpected passing was then devastating. I went through a lot, and I spent all the savings I had on trying to turn things around. I hit walls everywhere. It boggles me. I'm facing my deepest fears. I suppose from a more remote standpoint that is really a good thing. In the midst of it, I'm just scared to death. Blah blah blah. So here's where I am. I have a small car. Chevy Cavalier. And it's needing work. I'd love to have anything larger in good shape. I've got a week or two to figure out how to live this way. I have a small side gig delivering for a restaurant. I mean, I was a marketing director and now I can't even get a waitress job at Waffle House. I'm astonished at what I've been rejected for. I do have some interviews in the works, but how I can go back into that world from living in a car????  I'm currently sleeping on the floor of a relative, and that's dysfunctional and ending in a week or two as I try to rein in as much as I can in the meantime. Letting go of the the 10 boxes of stuff in his garage will be hard. Trying to decide what to keep, what I need to acquire, and how I'm supposed to even sleep in that car is beyond me right now. I've made lists of of equipment and items from Bob's great videos, but there is no way I buy that stuff right now. I guess I'm asking for some strategies for the essential living and then I know that I need to shift this into an adventure sense of thinking, but I feel like the bottom couldn't get worse. There's only death below this level. I'm between sitting back and marveling at it all and my mind racing and gut in the worst knots. If any of you have any ideas on how I can tackle this pragmatically and emotionally, I'd really appreciate hearing it. I know this is an experience I brought for myself to change my life, but damn, I did this to myself and for myself and I feel really stuck at getting across this turbulent river of change. Thanks.

Sorry for your situation and my knots in my stomach are tight now also! Welcome and hope you get the help you need!

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