really tight spot. requesting help/ideas/strategies

[Perseverance]

Thank you all so much!  I'm really having trouble with the fear that is coursing through me. I understand the re-framing, but part of me is utterly terrified. I glad to know others have done it. Thank you for sharing that. I don't have any reserves, and that's fueling the fear. I didn't realize how attached to things I was. Personal things, like photos and mementos. And I'm wondering who I am if that's what I'm clinging to, but it's also the basic thing of self-reliance, especially money. The moment it comes in, it's gone toward something necessary. What do you do if your car breaks down and that's it? It's just cutting it down to the core in a way I never have before, and there are some clear moments where I see that I've pushed myself here for some greater reason. I've never felt so alone. I'm usually fine with it, but this is a really dreadful feeling. I have learned lots from Bob's videos over the last 2 years. Soaking them in, and then that bounce back with my insides in a knot. Practical steps. I sort it out in my mind then it crumbles. Then I breathe, then I'm spinning. I'm so glad you are all there. Thank you so much for your responses. Lots to do. I've been wanting to set up a website, but even the low cost of doing so has been difficult because it's been one thing after another. I'm going to this week. Please continue to share your advice if you have more ideas. Much love to you.

I don't feel so all alone Now! Thank you for being here and we will get stronger!

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[Perseverance]

Kmellis,

Feel the fear (false evidence appearing real) and do it anyway.
This is a cleansing and clearing process. A gift you’ve given yourself.
Clearly, you’re not alone.
Take your attention off of what you don’t want and fix it on what you do want and what you can do (create a feee website and tell people about it).
There are free platforms: Wix, Moonfruit, Weebly, LinkedIn (list yourself and look for people and companies looking for your services).
Take your attention off of what you can’t control (which is most things) and put it on what going right, what is coming to you, the support you’re receiving in all its forms, how everything is always working out for you. Remember, fear repels, so get your confident on
And, post your Paypal address if it’s not against the rules here because people love to share what they have and spread the love!
You got this!
Be what you desire to see

Blessings,
Jill

I'm in the same fear mode and you have helped me here!

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[Perseverance]

Kmellis,

I really don't know exactly what to say or where this will take me, other than, I hear you, I feel you, I know from a certain extent what you are going through, as I'm in the boat beside yours. I took a leap of faith, or whatever one choses to call it and left my house and grown children in Sweden to get to know a man I met on the Internet over here in Canada. Things were great! Well, most things, ups and downs but mostly ups... Been here 2,5 yrs. now, got married to Dan, who is the guy I moved over here to be with after about a year. Living the prepper lifestyle, off-grid middle of British Colombia Canada and loving every second of it. First time in MANY years I've been able to feel safe, comfortable, at peace and even happy.

Well, what can I say. Sometimes good things just don't last, regardless of reason. In my case, it's immigration that is screwing me around. I've passed every hurdle they've thrown at me, background checks, medical, financial, both my own as well as my husband sponsoring my immigration but... For some reason, they don't believe that we are a "real" couple and that I'm here for some financial gain... Eh, what gain????? I left a fully paid off house. (signed it over to my children) My disability pension is actually $150 more than Dan's is per month... Yes, he has a large farm property, but, I had property too, even if it wasn't quite as big. Problem? We don't have any pictures that were taken during our wedding... So??? None of us are photo freaks and it was just the 2 of us at the lawyer’s office... No pictures from the wedding reception... So?? Didn't have one... No pictures of wedding guests... Hmm... Didn't have any guests. I do have a picture of the small store-bought wedding cake I bought but that doesn't seem to count as any sort of proof. I asked them if I should have faked it and taken loads of pretend pictures just to have in order to satisfy them. That's not who I am and I'm not faking it for anyone so...

Come a few weeks, I have to pack up what I can fit in my car, a Ford Explorer 4X4 and a empty shell of a tent trailer which I'll be using as a utility trailer to haul the stuff that I can't bring myself to part with... YET... Take my dog Nova, who then will be my only family and head south to the US, as I am originally a US citizen. IT SUXS, IT HURTS AND IT'S NOT MY FAULT...

But... you know what? Life goes on. I've had 2,5 good years where I was able to heal my  soul and rebuild my self-confidence. I've been around the world before. Only difference is, back then, it was MY choice to do so. This time around, it is not my choice. My choice in the matter has been taken away from me... And that also adds to the hurt as well as the anger... I can't go back to Sweden since I've been out of the country for too long and lost my permanent residency status. Don't have any family or friends in the US. At least no friends that I've kept in touch with over the years. I was adopted by an elderly couple from Sweden when I was a young child so, relatives in the US are nonexistent. Do I feel lonely, yeah sometimes but, I'm not afraid to be alone. Been alone most of my life and that HAS been my choice. Get hurt enough times by humans, you tend to avoid them when you can. Feel sorry for myself? No. My experiences are what has built my strengths, yes, weaknesses too but mostly strengths. I know I can stand on my own two feet. I know I can use every bit of my street smarts to get me out of whatever situation, or so I believe and therefore it is so. I might get knocked down, but I'll be damned if I stay down, even if I have to claw my way up inch by inch. I WILL get back up again and so will you. You will hurt, you will be tired and feel like giving up but, you won't... There's always that next corner to turn, that next sunrise, the belief that tomorrow WILL bring new opportunities. It's the little things that bring you most happiness and satisfaction when you're down. Those are the moments to cherish and look forward too. One foot in front of the other and keep going.

Check with Lions Club, they have lots of resources for both homeless and low income. You can find most of the things you will need to be able to comfortably live out of your car, until you can find a way to upgrade. Check with the Mormon church. Many of them are more than willing to help. But, first of all. DON'T see yourself as a victim, not even a victim of your own actions. See it as a learning experience. Learn that sometimes fear can be your friend. Being afraid is what sometimes will keep you alive. However, learn to not let fear rule you. Use your fear to get you out of a bad situation, it's called intuition, if something doesn't feel right, get out of there!

I'm very sorry if this post of mine comes of "preachy" it is not meant to be preachy. It's just to let you know that even if our situations are slightly different, they are very similar, and I know we'll both come out on top in the end! Hope to meet you on the road in the future.
Big HUGS to you if you want them
//Solani
 

I've been searching for weeks for a boost out of my fear rut and this has helped so much!!!

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[Perseverance]

That's good idea.  I'm not wild about churches, although I'd feel at home in a universalist kind, or buddhist. I haven't found anything like that here.

I needed to see this! Thanks

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[kmellis]

I want to say that reading your description of your emotional and physical responses to your situation really rings to me — I think I spin in similar ways.  I feel you.  

A couple of practical ideas:  can you have a yard sale with the things in boxes that you’re letting go?  If so, use that money to go to a good thrift store and get some things from your list to make your car more habitable or to repair your car.

Do you know anyone who is good with cars?  Can you barter babysitting, cooking, tutoring, anything for help fixing your car?

I think dog walking websites are great to get some quick income going.  I’ve seen some in my big city,  maybe where you are, too?  I know you are someone with more skills, but in a pinch, this might be quick and easy to help you keep moving forward.  

Google “alternate nostril breathing” from Yoga With Adriene. She gives free yoga videos (recommended to everyone - and not me, no benefit to me from anyone going). Anyway, this technique is truly good for helping with anxiety and that spinning out thing.  

I hope anything I wrote might help you.

Finally, contact local churches and synagogues and ask if they can help with food.  A group called SOVA is a Jewish nonprofit that helps feeding people.  You could look them up.  Let people help you with food so you don’t have to spend more money eating and can put it toward your car and job search.

Other great ideas above.

Know that we’ve all had setbacks and there’s is no shame in asking for help.  In my faith tradition, asking for help is actually giving — when I ask you to help me, I give you the chance to give to me.  And that is a blessing — helping others is a blessing.  So when you ask, you give me the opportunity to be blessed.

I hope you will keep posting.  All the best to you.

 Thank you! Lots of breathing, while I try to get my head together. Lots of massive panic and anxiety. Every bit of money I make goes right back
into needs like gas and tiny bit of food. I'm too upset to eat much anyway. I've looked for used camp gear, but haven't found anything here via Craigslist. It's a huge reframe. I can't do a garage sale here as it's apts. The little bit of what I have is in my brother's garage which I have not had access to. But honestly, it's some blankets, some books, photos/letters mementos, some kitchenware, not much else. If there's anyone here near Atlanta that has used gear they no longer need or want, I'd be open to meeting up. I really need to figure out how to keep my pc and phone charged too. I looked up solar panels, and that's way out of what I can do. Any ideas?

Thanks,
KAren

 

[rvwandering]

Just a reminder - Please trim any quotes as small as possible. Be kind to all of the members who are trying to read the forums on their phones and must scroll through lines of text to get to the new material. Thanks!

 

[kmellis]

I'm in the same fear mode and you have helped me here!

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Thanks for sharing all that. I've been alone forever, and always was self-reliant. I think losing so much, career, friends, my mother, my cat, my whole life as I identified with it just whammed me. I will say that I had such fantasies of driving until there was no more road. But i could never get in my mind how to do so I hung on to all that stuff, while a deeper part of me was making changes that apparently I wanted. I'm just so scared! It's really because I haven't been able to make money that I need. Really subsistence level. I still need to set up profiles and such for freelancing. I've been rejected for fast food jobs here. It's really been unexpected, yet i can see how I have been so unable to adapt.  I have used some local food banks. There are no resources here for homeless at all. I did receive assistance from SVDP. THanks, again.

 

[kmellis]

Just a reminder - Please trim any quotes as small as possible. Be kind to all of the members who are trying to read the forums on their phones and must scroll through lines of text to get to the new material. Thanks!

Sorry! Will do.
K.

 

[John61CT]

That's good idea.  I'm not wild about churches, although I'd feel at home in a universalist kind, or buddhist. I haven't found anything like that here.

Highly recommend Quaker meetings, especially the silent worship variety.

Also meditation groups, often free sponsored by Park & Rec, senior center etc.

If there's an Interfaith group meeting, turn up and see what non-mainstream faiths are around.

Few religions are actually inhospitable to a friendly respectful travelling Seeker.

12-step meetings listed as Open as well, Al-Anon if any family members were/are substance abusers.

 

[Moxadox]

Website: WordPress is free, and extremely easy. I highly recommend blogging. It will help you organize your thoughts, and you will meet even more amazing people! I started blogging when I lost my home back in January '11. It literally saved my life.

You may already be doing this, but here's another practical trick that helps me a lot: make lists. Lists of everything: to-do lists, of course, but also lists of what I'm worried about today, lists of potential resources, lists of solutions to problems. Lists of things that are in storage that I would like to see again one day (this list has gradually diminished until there isn't much on it). For some reason this quiets the brain. I guess Brain feels reassured that I have not forgotten about all the tiny details she obsesses about ;-)

Another trick that keeps me going is to actually talk to my brain and reassure her that yes, I realize that things are challenging and not what I'd envisioned for this part of my life, but really I'm OK in this very moment, and since life is lived in the present and not in the past, and the future is built from the moments I navigate now, everything is fine. Sometimes I even chant, "I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine." Life is a lot like surfing: if you stop to think about the fact that you're falling down a wall of moving water, you're guaranteed to wipe out. The only way to get where you're going is to be in the moment, single point focus. You'll be fine.

The Dire Wolfess

 

[Perseverance]

Thanks

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[Perseverance]

That's good idea.  I'm not wild about churches, although I'd feel at home in a universalist kind, or buddhist. I haven't found anything like that here.

Thank you! I NEED to do this!

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[Perseverance]

Kmellis,

Feel the fear (false evidence appearing real) and do it anyway.
This is a cleansing and clearing process. A gift you’ve given yourself.
Clearly, you’re not alone.
Take your attention off of what you don’t want and fix it on what you do want and what you can do (create a feee website and tell people about it).
There are free platforms: Wix, Moonfruit, Weebly, LinkedIn (list yourself and look for people and companies looking for your services).
Take your attention off of what you can’t control (which is most things) and put it on what going right, what is coming to you, the support you’re receiving in all its forms, how everything is always working out for you. Remember, fear repels, so get your confident on
And, post your Paypal address if it’s not against the rules here because people love to share what they have and spread the love!
You got this!
Be what you desire to see

Blessings,
Jill

Thank you! I so needed to see this[emoji604]

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[Perseverance]

Thank you all so much!  I'm really having trouble with the fear that is coursing through me. I understand the re-framing, but part of me is utterly terrified. I glad to know others have done it. Thank you for sharing that. I don't have any reserves, and that's fueling the fear. I didn't realize how attached to things I was. Personal things, like photos and mementos. And I'm wondering who I am if that's what I'm clinging to, but it's also the basic thing of self-reliance, especially money. The moment it comes in, it's gone toward something necessary. What do you do if your car breaks down and that's it? It's just cutting it down to the core in a way I never have before, and there are some clear moments where I see that I've pushed myself here for some greater reason. I've never felt so alone. I'm usually fine with it, but this is a really dreadful feeling. I have learned lots from Bob's videos over the last 2 years. Soaking them in, and then that bounce back with my insides in a knot. Practical steps. I sort it out in my mind then it crumbles. Then I breathe, then I'm spinning. I'm so glad you are all there. Thank you so much for your responses. Lots to do. I've been wanting to set up a website, but even the low cost of doing so has been difficult because it's been one thing after another. I'm going to this week. Please continue to share your advice if you have more ideas. Much love to you.

I'm here also with tremendous fear[emoji853]

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[kmellis]

Moxadox, thanks. I make lots of lists, always have. It does help. Breathwork has really helped too. I meditate for an hour before sleep and then upon wakening almost every day. I found myself making things so much worse because I kept focusing on the things that were what I was trying to change. I finally started doing it with rhythmic breathing, and it really makes a difference. So simple. It doesn't change the circumstances, but keeps me in the moment and slows down the anxiety. Yes, it's moment to moment awareness with analytical thought.

I have yet to set up a blog. I know wordpress is free, so no excuses. I would like to have an independent host so I can have options for affiliates or shop plugins. And i have no idea about a domain name. Actually, maybe that's all excuses. Probably.

I watched a recent video of Bob's with Kathleen living in her car, which is about the size of mine. I'm so glad they made that video, and the timing was perfect for me. To see her quite content really helped me feel better. The most important (it's all important though) issue right now is income. I'm searching for online work. Once that is going, I can manage the rest I think although I expect it will be challenging. I need a few essentials for sure, and a way to recharge electronics. I was searching through the videos -I'm sure i saw one about that, but i can't find it. If I charge off my car battery while the car is running, does that degrade the battery much?  There's also getting internet, but that's not quite as challenging. Being able to be around others is also really important to me. I don't have a problem in general being alone, but with this enormous step into the unknown for me, I'd really like to be near others who are comfortable and have some experience with all this. Community connection is so important, even if at a distance.

Thanks for your ideas and encouragement. I really appreciate it.
Karen

 

[kmellis]

Jill, I want to thank you for your response. I actually did pack up my car with my cat and headed into the middle of Mexico. Turned out to be a nightmare, so I came back. I was feeling a bit of fear. That was the second time actually that I did that. Now, why is this any different? It's the lack of a known landing spot. And lack of funds. I think also the fact of my mother passing, not just that we rebonded in a wonderful after so many years, and my own regret in waiting, but that whole mother archetype (the good mother) got activated. The loss knocked me out, and having to step into the unknown, which was always and exciting adventure to me, is suddenly a fear-filled venture that I have little choice about and without the sense of a safety net (mother) even though there never was one or rather there always is one in the most esoteric sense.  Thank you, and everyone else, for helping me choose a different perspective.

Karen

 

[John61CT]

Meditate / visualize + affirm

"The Earth is our mother, I am safe and sound in the arms of the Mother."

developing vivid imagery, maybe with relaxing music.

Both on waking and as you fall asleep, ideally also whenever you get a chance during the day

 

[SLB_SA]

kmellis: Best of luck to you.  You asked about flexible jobs.  There is a service, https://www.flexjobs.com, which costs money but tells you about flexible jobs; part of their page says "With FlexJobs, you can access hand-screened remote, part-time, freelance, and flexible jobs—quickly and easily!"  I am subscribed but have not found any suitable jobs; I was offered a job but rejected it when I read the contract.  With your background, you might have a good chance of getting a remote job.  Without subscribing (and without paying anything), you can go to https://www.flexjobs.com/jobs and look at job categories.  (Just to be completely above board, let me state that I have no connection with the flexjobs.com company, I personally have not found the service useful and I will not renew my subscription when it expires.  However I believe other people have found jobs there.)

If I live closer to Atlanta, I might be able to offer some help.  If you were in my city, I would help you immediately, for example letting you look at jobs through my flexjobs account.

 

[SLB_SA]

kmellis: Available jobs on flexjobs include working at hotels (at the desk) on a temporary basis, working for the U.S. Census Bureau, account manager, recruiter, project management for grants, math tutor, etc.

 

[Perseverance]

Wish I could point you to a testimonial similar to your spot, but likely you have seen or read one. I always remember Bob’s early blog when he talked of his divorce and having to move out. He cried at night.

The best I do for myself is to tell my crappy story to myself and hear it as from a friend I know. — That is i listen to the story as if my friend Billie Jo was telling me her troubles. Immediately I can see steps for Billie Jo to take. I’m a bit detached and can see clearer. Then I start to do what I see for Billie Jo.

Clean up my act. If I drink I stop that crutch. Get up early, make my bed mat, brush my teeth. Don’t play in the household drama. Go to McDonald’s, jack in box, everywhere for a job, looking bright shiny happy. Do this before before 9 AM so they know you are eager and can get moving. Have water, an apple and piece of cheese in car for lunch, no going crazy with junk food.

If you do drink or do recreational drugs, even if you think not a problem, I’d suggest going to some AA meetings. There you will find people who have overcome the worse crap in life and you can find a Sponsor. A person who will give you a kick in the butt and a few specific directions to straighten your thinking and steps to take to move on with your life. I’m not a member but have seen what it has done for friends and relatives. It’s free, gives you something good to do in evening, morning or at lunch.

Where do you apply for food stamps? Go there, hopefully with paperwork they need or just find out what they need. While you wait meditate or make notes.

What else would you tell Billie Jo?

Dumber, less skilled, less whatever people have gotten out of this hole. You can too.

You know you want Billie Jo to succeed. Know that I believe in you and know you will succeed.

- - Ask specific questions on car living and other how tos, different topics and you’ll get answers here

Very helpful, THANK you!

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