Parents found out I am about to be a van-dweller.

[RevDrMartian]

Well, a truck-dweller.

Mother is losing her shit and father is also upset. Now, the worst part about this is that they found out through a third party rather than through me. 

I am very, very tired of the rat race and giving most of my paycheck to a landlord for the privilege of living under their rules in a shoddy establishment. A while ago I found this place and the gears started turning in my head and I started giving closer examination to my Explorer in terms of living arrangements that would reduce my cost of living from ~$800 a month to just $300 a month, food and gym membership included. After a couple months of percolating on it, I decided to go ahead with the plan. I've given away most of my meager belongings to goodwill, shipped off the valuable family history books and heirlooms to my brother, and sorted out what I have left into an amount that can fit into two totes and a duffle bag. Things are looking great- by this time next week I'll be rent-free, working my part-time job, saving money, and bettering myself by being at the gym everyday (they have a sauna and showers, and I might as well work out for an hour or two at the same time, yeah?) As well as the library and a number of other activities that will get me out and about and actually being alive.

See, I'm a hermit. I don't like being around people and I don't like talking, which of course means that if I have a hole to hide in, I will hide in it. I haven't left my apartment in ten years for any reason other than work or shopping for food, and I know this is not good for me. Hence, truck dwelling will force me to have to get outside and do more things rather than sit inside and stare at a screen and steadily grow fatter and fatter.

I'm not telling you guys anything new- you know this.

But how does one explain to a distraught mother than this is the case, and not the way she is thinking of it, which I am pretty sure is being imagined as me living in squallor under a bridge, smoking crack and getting into knife fights over half-empty listerine bottles.

I could use some advice for this.

Also, I am 33, which makes her panic feel all the more irritating.

 

[SoulRaven]

All I can suggest is explain to her and give her some time to adjust to it. I had a mother who, I think was more concerned about what others would think about my choices than what she thought about them and I have a son that left home a couple of decades ago to do something I didn't approve of at the time, well, a mother gets used to it like I did or doesn't like my mom. My plans were about me. I left home at 20, over 40 years ago.

In the end, if this is what you need, your mother gets on board or she doesn't but in my case, I decided it was best for me. I wasn't wrong either.

I have a brother that mom just didn't want to do anything other than be her little prince. He couldn't marry because mom needed him. She died about 8 years ago, dad many years before, and my brother inherited the house where he moved back to after her death. What I see him doing is marking time until he dies. He is just so dysfunctional at this point. She didn't want him to follow any dreams and he didn't. What a waste. He is now just to paralyzed to make any changes at age 57. I can't fix it.

Follow your dreams. Fingers crossed that mom comes around and understands this isn't about her but about what you need. Good Luck!

 

[mayble]

Show them this website
Just about every fear and every objection has been addressed at some point, from financial security to personal safety to how to poop in a bucket.

 

[cherterr]

Send her HERE!


Without Bounds - excellent documentary about vandwelling (this forum's 'daddy' is in it too!

 

[arctic cat]

Well I left home at 17 for the Army (Parents permission under 18) I have three daughters and I put them out at 18 yrs old, you either go to college or leave home. So to me it would be easier for me to tell you're an adult and can take off whenever you want. But for the sake of discussion, I would reassure your parents. Show them a plan and tell them that it's something you been wanting to do and that other people just like you are doing it. Even that they love you and care for you, tell them that you're an adult and you want to try your wings a little bit. Make sure to call them and write to them often and like someone said show this website and how others just like you are coping with been mobile. You obviously have done your research and share that with them. While they may not understand it today, they will come to their senses and accept your decision for what is worth. Good Luck

 

[flying kurbmaster]

my advice, when in a knife fight remove your jacket roll it on your left arm and use it as a block, and you will have a better chance of ending up with the Listerine.

 

[TMG51]

There are a lot of introverts in the vehicle life, for whatever reason. Don't think it will make you an extrovert. I'm not discouraging you from going through with the vehicle thing - I advocate it for anyone with interest - but if you want to be more outgoing then change your habits before you end up shut inside a truck instead of shut inside an apartment.

 

[ZoNiE]

There are a lot of introverts in the vehicle life, for whatever reason. Don't think it will make you an extrovert. I'm not discouraging you from going through with the vehicle thing - I advocate it for anyone with interest - but if you want to be more outgoing then change your habits before you end up shut inside a truck instead of shut inside an apartment.

Very good point. I couldn't have said it better myself, however, this lifestyle may help, depending on venue. One tends to live "out of" an RV/vehicle/Van/whatever as opposed to 'In" one. When my wife and I go camping in our RV, we spend most time outdoors, interacting with nature or people around us. It will help, but you have to make the effort to say hello to people, and not hide from them in your Explorer.

 

[cyndi]

12 pages of good information, here:
https://vanlivingforum.com/Thread-Should-You-Tell-Your-Family-Friends

 

[steamjam1]

Well, a truck-dweller.

Mother is losing her shit and father is also upset. Now, the worst part about this is that they found out through a third party rather than through me. 

I am very, very tired of the rat race and giving most of my paycheck to a landlord for the privilege of living under their rules in a shoddy establishment. A while ago I found this place and the gears started turning in my head and I started giving closer examination to my Explorer in terms of living arrangements that would reduce my cost of living from ~$800 a month to just $300 a month, food and gym membership included. After a couple months of percolating on it, I decided to go ahead with the plan. I've given away most of my meager belongings to goodwill, shipped off the valuable family history books and heirlooms to my brother, and sorted out what I have left into an amount that can fit into two totes and a duffle bag. Things are looking great- by this time next week I'll be rent-free, working my part-time job, saving money, and bettering myself by being at the gym everyday (they have a sauna and showers, and I might as well work out for an hour or two at the same time, yeah?) As well as the library and a number of other activities that will get me out and about and actually being alive.

See, I'm a hermit. I don't like being around people and I don't like talking, which of course means that if I have a hole to hide in, I will hide in it. I haven't left my apartment in ten years for any reason other than work or shopping for food, and I know this is not good for me. Hence, truck dwelling will force me to have to get outside and do more things rather than sit inside and stare at a screen and steadily grow fatter and fatter.

I'm not telling you guys anything new- you know this.

But how does one explain to a distraught mother than this is the case, and not the way she is thinking of it, which I am pretty sure is being imagined as me living in squallor under a bridge, smoking crack and getting into knife fights over half-empty listerine bottles.

I could use some advice for this.

Also, I am 33, which makes her panic feel all the more irritating.

Yeah I feel yer irritation. My mum lost her sh*t too when she found out what I was doing. Then gradually over a few months she saw I was alot happier, so she mellowed out. So did my dad.

 

[GotSmart]

Dock Martin, and a bear on the mountain.



(Gods own DRUNK!) 

When my family found out, they were happy for me.  I traveled around the country and visited them.  We all had a wandering streak, and this gives me a focus to keep me out of trouble.  

Buff up, and they will calm down.

 

[eDJ_]

You know,  some times the apron strings begin to look more like octopus tentacles.   This happens to a lot of young men and women when they don't cut the apron strings at a certain age and Mom and Dad "assume" you aren't capable of leading your own life (because of that) so they presume to do it for you. 

There are a lot of ways of going on the road,  but the main thing is you should have a plan of some kind.  It may be driven by places you want to see or have read about and you are intrigued by,  or set up some kind of itinerary of places where you could work and travel.  (this depending on your skills, trade, or education)
When people know you have some vision for yourself and show some self confidence they will tend to be more trusting of your judgment.

If you have a laptop computer and a digital camera of some kind, consider looking at some of the blog's  people here have done.  You could start one as your travel journal and when you leave mail the link to your family members so that they can be along on the tour with you.  (again this would be a read and view only
in order to not have directives being issued to you from home.....that's what you are wanting to escape)

If you like reading there  is this thread about "book suggestions" for reading.   Good source reading for ideas,
or even things you could replicate that others have done if they sound interesting to you.


https://vanlivingforum.com/Thread-Book-suggestions--17358?highlight=Books

Below in my signature line there are two links.  One for setting up a beginning Van and a trailer to tow behind it
with domestic utilities,   and the other is what I call a "Swiss Army Knife" of useful info to plan and get started with once on the road.  Learning to use the content of that site well could take you from chaos and panic to control and confidence as if the Captain of your own ship.

And remember, "the longest journey begins with the first step". (and that first step is often the hardest one to take)

 

[Txjaybird]

Hello, I would suggest  you watch with your parents some of Enigmatic Nomadics videos made with Bob Wells and especially the ones where they interview people living in or out of their vehicles.  That way if they have questions about the lifestyle you can discus them at the time.

I am the roamer in my family & I would embrace the idea of a nomadic life for my son or any of his children.  Right now my 18yr. old grandson is working @ $10 an hr. for 12hr shifts and will start college in July to become a lab tech.  He and I have spoken many times about "portable" careers . By the time he was 9yrs. old he had lived in 3 states with his parents.  He drives a 1997 4x4 truck with steel skid plates  and has been survival camping since his pre-teens.  I think he may be another "square peg" like this G-Ma.

Even with all this I've said at the end of the day I would still worry....... It's in the parents instruction manual you get with your first born       It's what we do.       I hope things work out for you.        Texas Jbird

 

[USExplorer]

Hi, a fellow Explorer dweller here, although I'm working a housing provided seasonal job for the next four months. My parents freaked out the first night I slept in my truck at the local Walmart (I was 19 at the time). Two years later they wish they could see the great sights of the American West as I did, though in a more luxurious RV. What helped was a break in contact for a few weeks when I started traveling. Parents hate this, but such a break is necessary for them to start respecting you as an independent person.

Car dwelling can constrict your life to a little box or can broaden them to the distant horizon, it is your choice. My advice is to spend as few waking hours within your Ex as possible. Browsing on public WiFi is my cop-out, my time waster, that I try to limit. Try to avoid making the easy choice all the time. Car dwelling will be one challenge, why not take another and search for someone like-minded?

I left my parents' house for the road in February of 2015 with 400 bucks to spare and a newly paid-off Explorer. I did feel some apprehension for sure, but if we take no risks we get nowhere. After an adventurous hundred days on the road I found a seasonal job that provided housing at a lodge in beautiful northern NH, and left with 6000 bucks to spare.

 

[RevDrMartian]

Thanks for the thoughts, folks. I'm gonna percolate on them for a bit and figure out how to approach mum to calm her nerves.

It is a funny thing, though- my parents are avid RV'ers and go on multi-week trips... but me in a truck causes them to lose their minds.

 

[Luciano151]

Being that you are 33, you are of the age that you can say and do whatever you want. If van dwelling is something that you want to do, you are entitled to do it. It's your life. Nobody can live it the way you want like you do, although many will try. In this case your family members. The only thing we are responsible for is to state our truth. We can't be responsible for how people react to our truth. I'm older than you and my family still makes comments about how I live. I graciously laugh it off, knowing that they don't get it, and they probably will never get it and that's OK. What's most important is that I get it. Nothing else matters. Do what serves you.

I used to be a people pleaser when I was young, and I whittled myself from a tree to a toothpick in the process. I've learned to put God first (as I understand him) me second and everybody else third. I no longer put peoples wants in front of mine. I don't stay in relationships out of guilt, I don't say yes when I want to say no, I don't subjugate myself in order to be accepted by someone or a group. I can only be true to me. This is my life and I am going to live it the way I want.

You have your life. You live it the way you want, because nobody can live it truer than you.

 

[Almost There]

Thanks for the thoughts, folks. I'm gonna percolate on them for a bit and figure out how to approach mum to calm her nerves.

It is a funny thing, though- my parents are avid RV'ers and go on multi-week trips... but me in a truck causes them to lose their minds.

Ahhhh, I suspect that's because they see an RV as a place where one can live and a truck as a thing that one drives from point A to B.

Maybe, , just maybe, if you haven't already done so, you can spiff up the interior of the truck so that it looks like a home. You know, with things like curtains, walls, cupboards, a bed, a toilet, a kitchen sink, dishes, a small stove, a refrigerator...that type of thing.

No one ever looks at my van and thinks that I'm living a deprived life - and I'm NOT!!

Here's a link to my build thread:

https://vanlivingforum.com/Thread-Building-Arabella



Bob also did a video of my van, it's on Enigmatic Nomads somewhere!

 

[rvpopeye]

Rev
Try this out on mom.
Tell her you will call so she knows you're doing OK.
Maybe once a week or so......even every night when you're traveling and she might change her mind about your choice if she knows you're fine and having a good time.........

 

[ArtW]

Yup, 'I want to live in my car, truck, SUV, a van' is right up there with 'I'm never getting married / having kids' on the mom flipping her shit paradigm, (In fact that might be part of the flipping her shit thing, OH NO! HE'LL NEVER FIND A WIFE / HAVE KIDS LIVING IN A CAR)
just gonna have to tell them it's your life and, as much as you love them, they have to respect that
Keep in touch, let them know you're ok, and they should calm down after a while

 

[RevDrMartian]

Yup, 'I want to live in my car, truck, SUV, a van' is right up there with 'I'm never getting married / having kids' on the mom flipping her shit paradigm, (In fact that might be part of the flipping her shit thing, OH NO! HE'LL NEVER FIND A WIFE / HAVE KIDS LIVING IN A CAR)

Well, they already know I am not getting married or ever having kids- I was never shy about telling them that I had zero interest in fathering squalling, stinking maggots. They are pretty cool with that thought at least, namely because my brother has three boys of his own, so their line is secure.