Older fulltimers... do you value intimacy less as you get older?

[AntiGroundhogDay]

Nearing 40 yrs old and I go back and forth between going solo and making the nomad lifestyle work for my GF and I.

As an extrovert (and I'm asking for opinions of those with similar personalities here), I fully expect to thrive in meeting new people, sharing a campfire/site with new people and generally enjoying all the human interaction provided I put myself "out there' to receive it.

Even with that said, I'm wondering if my want for intimacy will wane over time?  I say "intimacy" because over time it's not about getting laid or hooking up, but more about close friends I can share more with than the random person I come across in my travels.  When I was single and living alone, I had friends to hang with, but I couldn't help but want for a bit more in my connections.  Then I got a GF.

For those of you out there fulltiming solo and older than me, do you find your needs are met as an extrovert just bouncing around the country meeting new folks?  Or do you find you need deeper connections while on the road solo?  And I guess just as importantly, have you found your needs shifting as you got older or it has stayed constant?  Many thanks!

 

[Duke]

', have you found your needs shifting as you got older or it has stayed constant?  Many thanks!'

In my 60's I'd say:
change is the only constant.

 

[Gypsy Jane]

Sounds like either your GF is ambivalent about the lifestyle and you need to choose, or you're ambivalent about the GF in any case, or both.

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[wagoneer]

I travel solo and do not seek out company but don't mind sharing a campfire, at 69 My B S days are and have been over for some years. I don't like getting sucked into a relationship male or female.

 

[JustACarSoFar]

For those of you out there fulltiming solo and older than me, do you find your needs are met as an extrovert just bouncing around the country meeting new folks?  Or do you find you need deeper connections while on the road solo?  And I guess just as importantly, have you found your needs shifting as you got older or it has stayed constant?  Many thanks!

This is an interesting question that I hesitated replying to as I'm not a FT traveler yet , but I'm certainly 'Older'.  
I think the answers have less to do with either 'traveling or age' and more to do with one's inherent make up and environments~
nurture / nature?

I'm very very content not speaking to anyone for days at a time but my best friends know this and give me space. We DO connect,
whether in person or other medium on fairly regular basis and DO get sort of intimate. Meaning~ we check in on each other and how
we're doing and express our care and concern for one another as very good friends will.

On the other hand, I'm really liking the post above from 'wagoneer' !!!   lol   an that's scary/funny in a way...  we are who we are!! 

(I really have not changed much over the years...heh...)

 

[Wabbit]

The older I get, it seems like WAYYY less hassle to just cook and clean myself(I don't do this currently, just seems like it would be less hassle). However, hanging out with a partner that is who she is, is(I think) making me a more tolerant human. She put her cup of coffee on my laptop this morning and even though my blood pressure went thru the roof, I only called her one(1) name. I even said that kinda reasonable. Although of course she still got that silly "puppy being kicked" look. My feelings are if you don't want to be insulted, then DONT PUT A FULL CUP OF COFFEE ON MY FREAKIN LAPTOP!!! WHERES YOUR LAPTOP? CAN I PUT A FULL CUP OF COFFEE ON YOUR LAPTOP?!? OH, THATS RIGHT, YOU DONT HAVE A LAPTOP BECAUSE YOU KEEP BREAKING ALL YOUR SHIT!!! JUST LIKE YOUR G'DAM VAN! EVERYTIME I LOOK IT OVER THERES A NEW DENT IN IT! WTF?!? CANT YOU OPEN A CAR DOOR WITHOUT SMASHING IT INTO SOMETHING?!? I SWEAR IM NOT GOING TO FIX ANYTHING MORE YOU BREAK! YOU F'N FIX IT YOU BROKE IT! WHY IS IT YOU GET TO BREAK EVERYTHING AND I HAVE TO THEN FIX IT?!? ARE YOU PURPOSELY TRYING TO DRIVE ME INSANE??? IS IT FUNNY TO YOU THAT IM THIS CLOSE TO A HEART ATTACK?!? STOP YOUR CRYING!!! ARE YOU HURT?!? DID YOUR DOG DIE?? WTF ARE YOU CRYING? IM TAKING A WALK YOU BETTER BE DONE CRYING WHEN I GET BACK. IF YOU DONT STRAIGHTEN UP MISSY YOU CAN GO TORTURE SOME OTHER POOR SOUL!

Errrr...OK, back on topic.

 

[PattySprinter]

A warm body and an ear to bend is nice ... but I do think as I get older, I call bs when I see it now whereas in the past I did not ... which probably explains why I am untethered lol!
AntiGroundhogDay - hope you chose the most joyful path.

 

[Txjaybird]

As we are all different in our wants and needs so are our interactions with those we meet.
I've had several T.T. full timing in both TX & OK.  Some small ones for recreation and I've lived in a 2rm tent for a few months.

I'm not full timing now however the dream is there......out of reach right now.

As I' ve gotten older some things in my attitude has changed and others have not.

  Personally if some one went full out abusive rant on me, either friend or foe it would be best if they had a full tank of gas and a very fast vehicle.  

I don't know why some folks think it's o.k. to abuse others as long as there are no visible bruises or scars left.   In my world it's not.  Being a survivor of those types of relationships makes me very careful of who I even let near me.  I have friends that I've know for up to 35yrs.  There are people here I look forward to meeting soon.  My neighbors seem to like me.......mostly.  I'm quiet and helpful and LEOs only show up at my door when I've called and asked them to.

My grown son has said that the older I get the meaner I get.  My response was " At my age my OE, Other Folks BS filter, is full......broke and no replacement parts are available.  I just call it like I see it.   I'm rarely  vicious and only then when I'm seriously provoked  and defending myself or others.

However I've been like this since I was a teen.  I never lacked for true friends or lovers and had a marriage that lasted for 11ys. Even tho the divorce was not amicable, we did after it was over remain civil.  He never knocked me off another boat ramp with his truck and I didn't shoot him in the butt with a BB gun as long as he shut the bathroom door.

  I think as we age both our needs and wants change with time as we mature.  Along with our our bodies changes due to health concerns or capability.

Jewellann

 

[VanKitten]

Through many years I have come to understand that my case of wanderlust will not be denied.

I make no attempt to Cultivate relationships. Everyone understands first that I will be leaving.
Many people do not believe it, however.

For more than 15 years I lived and worked on the race tracks. Of course, everyone is leaving at the end of the meet....so, of course everyone is a nomad in that sense. It went without mention.

When I meet new people, I usually avoid discussing myself very much...I know the reaction is not likely to be a good thing. I look forward to meeting everyone in the tribe. I look forward to being with people who are not going to judge me for my lifestyle, Then, we will see if any closer friendship develops.

 

[Wabbit]

Just an FYI for any that might have been triggered by that tasteless post a few posts back, it was humor. I'm pretty sure no one thinks its OK to be abusive in any context. For some reason, I'm almost feeling offended someone could see all those CAPS and still try to pretend it was a serious statement. I have always thought that being able to laugh at one's self is a great coping method in dealing with this messed up place called earth. Humor...its what STOPS ME FROM SCREAMING AT EVERYBODY...

 

[jimindenver]

The want to be with someone has never waned. The ability to tolerate them in between times has.

 

[trailsailor]

I don't value intimacy less but I am MUCH less inclined to seek it out. With intimacy comes responsibility and the willingness to be vulnerable and take the needs and wants of another into consideration.

Also, after 3 marriages and 3 divorces it occurs to me that I'm just not very good at it so why put myself out there just to get pummeled yet once again?

Now if you're referring to just the physical aspects of intimacy, i.e. 'hooking up' then I would have to say, "meh, not my style." I'm more than a donor and not much attracted to receptacles. If that makes me a beta male or old fashioned or a boy scout that's fine, I'm finally comfortable in my own skin, finally.

Good question and an interesting thread.



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[Freak On A Leash]

After 24 years in a horrible marriage I've never been happier than now, when I'm single and have my freedom. I'm not giving that up. I have no desire to live with anyone else again. The older I get, the less tolerant of people I am in general.

In fact, after a 6 months of traveling the country alone I seek solitude more than ever. I'm buying a teardrop and full timing starting in the spring because I don't want to deal with roommates. The last thing I want is a relationship.

As for intimacy, I have two great kids so I'm lucky to have love from them. For my physical needs, that's why they make toys. I have no desire to seek that with another person and pay the price. Being independent is what I do.

 

[user 2252]

As we age, our bodies seem to fall apart and some, especially men it seems suffer a loss of the physical "tools" to be intimate and thus may give up pursuing that endeavor. I can attest to the lonely part of this equation, but personally, I like to snuggle.

 

[Linda Cripple-Creek]

"Humor...its what STOPS ME FROM SCREAMING AT EVERYBODY..."

Well said Wabbit. I've laughed every time i see anything you write. Rant On. LOL

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[vanman2300]

When I was young the hormones were raging and I would run around like a dog with 3 balls. After college I settled down and married but had not yet come all the way out of the testosterone fog. So I missed a few important aspects of what makes a good choice of a mate and the marriage failed. So by that time the fog lifted and I made a better choice of mate the second time. Now I find that there is a definite trade off between an intimate relationship and the cost of personal space and freedom that makes me say I really don't want to have a relationship. Of course at this point testosterone has been fully briught under control and a certain calm has entered my life. So I'd tell you it only gets easier year after year to keep relationships out of your life and finally live a better life of dramaless freedom. But then you have years to go before the testosterone releases its death grip on you so good luck!

 

[SoulRaven]

Nearing 40 yrs old and I go back and forth between going solo and making the nomad lifestyle work for my GF and I.

As an extrovert (and I'm asking for opinions of those with similar personalities here), I fully expect to thrive in meeting new people, sharing a campfire/site with new people and generally enjoying all the human interaction provided I put myself "out there' to receive it.

Even with that said, I'm wondering if my want for intimacy will wane over time?  I say "intimacy" because over time it's not about getting laid or hooking up, but more about close friends I can share more with than the random person I come across in my travels.  When I was single and living alone, I had friends to hang with, but I couldn't help but want for a bit more in my connections.  Then I got a GF.

For those of you out there fulltiming solo and older than me, do you find your needs are met as an extrovert just bouncing around the country meeting new folks?  Or do you find you need deeper connections while on the road solo?  And I guess just as importantly, have you found your needs shifting as you got older or it has stayed constant?  Many thanks!

My husband and I have not yet gone out on the road, so cannot give you an opinion but all I can say is I'm a peoples person and thrive through having people in my life and or around me.

 

[Motrukdriver]

I can't afford the blue pills. And, if I could afford the blue pills I can't afford the long term negative side effects they offer.

 

[DebraOak]

A warm body and an ear to bend is nice ... but I do think as I get older, I call bs when I see it now whereas in the past I did not ... which probably explains why I am untethered lol!
AntiGroundhogDay - hope you chose the most joyful path.

Yes, what PattySprinter said about the most joyful path. Fulltimers who could participate in the consumerism lifestyle but choose not to are a philosophical tribe to me. I want connection with people like that, and intimate connection too. Like the biosphere where everything is connected, it is sad to be isolated and lonely--and many are that way in relationships which is saddest of all. As I get older, I crave more symbiotic connection and (like someone else in this thread said) snuggling in whatever form or shape that takes. In a healthy ecosystem, one that is thriving, connections build each other up via trust and shared responsibility. The relationships energize. They are fun and valuable. Age does not diminish the desire for that.

 

[Deb_A]

I apologize in advance if I insult anyone, but I'm sort of outspoken, so forgive me if I rub you the wrong way.

I'm an introvert and have become almost hermit-like in the past few years. I have no desire for a relationship. I'm very personable, and get along well with others, but it's like the t-shirt I used to have. I'm 50% Sweetheart, 49% B*tch - Don't push it! I can cross that line really quickly. As my daddy used to say "I do not tolerate fools well." 

I like having friends, but I also like being able to leave when I've had enough of socializing, so I don't invite people over very much. I prefer to go visit them, so I can leave when I want to. I love having a good conversation, but that's as intimate as i want to get. I spent most of my life taking care of somebody; kids, parents, dogs, cats, whatever. I just want to take care of me now.

I'll tell you what turned me completely off to physical intimacy, was men who always led the conversation off by commenting on one of my body parts or couldn't hold off talking about sex for more than 5 minutes. It made me feel like a piece of meat. They seemingly had no desire to get to know me at all. Then there were the old guys who wanted a Barbie, and acted like having someone their own age was an insult to their manhood. I just got to the point that I would rather be alone than have to put up with that. 

Oh, I know there are good men out there, but I'm just not interested at all anymore. I never even think about being with another man. I'd rather read a good book.