How to tell your friends and fam?

[myvangoghs]

My family is pretty conventional, and it's hard enough for them that I left my husband almost a year ago although they do understand that better now.&nbsp; To ask them to accept another big change to living from a van might strain an already tight set of parameters for them.&nbsp; So far my online friends know all about my plan to sell off my stuff and move into my van... my IRL friends do not (well, except for the boyfriend who is amazingly supportive.)&nbsp; Any suggestions?&nbsp; What was it like for you?&nbsp; What kind of responses did you get from conventional folks?&nbsp; Any suggestions on how to talk about this kind of transition with people to help them "get it?"<br>

 

[vonu]

I run into a lot of people who don't full-time who don't really understand the difference between a weekend and a decade.</div>

 

[sl1966]

I would type it here, but I ate a heavy lunch and am in an awesome food coma. <b><a href="http://haven106.blogspot.com/2011/06/why-are-you-doing-this.html" target="_blank">I did blog about it though</a></b><b>.&nbsp;</b><div><b><br></b></div><div>Steve&nbsp;<img border="0" align="absmiddle" src="https://vanlivingforum.com/images/boards/smilies/smile.gif"><br><div><b><br></b></div><div><b><br></b></div></div>

 

[Guest]

<font face="Arial">Why are you traumatizing over gaining other people's approval?<br>Do your family and friends live their lives based on <i>your</i> opinions of their actions?<br><br>Not being mean, I'm genuinely curious, because I absolutely cannot relate to needing anyone's approval for anything.<br><br>Naught for nothin', but.......<b style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153); font-style: italic;">Friends are the family we choose for ourselves&nbsp; </b><img src="https://vanlivingforum.com/images/boards/smilies/thumb.gif" align="absmiddle" border="0">&nbsp; And true friends will support your happiness regardless of their own opinions.<br><br></font>

 

[Guest]

I agree with 4x4chvy partially, although I don't think it's so much approval you're looking for as it is&nbsp;support, or at the very least, no nasty backlash&nbsp;from those who can't grasp the concept.&nbsp;<br><br>I personally, recieved primarily "down by the river" jokes, but most were supportive. Those that were not, well, I didn't hang out with them much. I have a blog post about it as well on my blog, under "<A href="http://thevandweller.blogspot.com/p/who-is-arathi.html" target=_blank>Who is Arathi?</A>", and I mention little things throughout the blog such as in "<A href="http://thevandweller.blogspot.com/2011/05/turning-your-friends-onto-idea-of.html" target=_blank>Turning your friends onto the idea of Vandwelling</A>". You'd be amazed at how anyone will accept your lifestyle (at least publically, and to your face) when you explain it to them in a way that shows you're not ashamed of it, and actually having a better time than they are in life.<br><br>All you need, is to perhaps give them a little bit before you tell them, and then discover the things you love about it that you can share with them to help them understand. <br><br>Here's an exerpt from my blog:<br><br>

I explained to them that I don't need a lot of space, and the freedom that I have now is amazing. My one favorite story to tell is the day I realized just how free I really was. My daily grind was to get up, drive to the nearest train station, brush my teeth, get ready, and go to work, then come home, and sit back (in the parking lot), watch a movie, wait for rush hour to go away, and then head off to visit whoever I felt like visiting.<BR><BR>One day, after the above routine, I started driving towards a friends place, when in a split second, quite literally at the light I was going to turn at, I chose to keep driving. Straight out of town, and to a lake about an hours drive away. I didn't have to pack, I didn't have to plan. <EM>I had everything I needed to spend the weekend away. <b>That</b> is freedom ladies and gentlemen.</EM><BR>

<br><br>Hopefully, you will find your path, and find the strength and courage to stand up for what you want without getting whittled down by the people who can't possibly grasp the fulfillment that this lifestyle can bring!<br>

 

[dragonflyinthesky]

<B><FONT size=3>I spent most of my life feeling responsible for others and trying to be the good daughter. I wouldn't recommend it though. Really has not paid off. All I got out of it was older and wiser.&nbsp; If you need emotional support, look out to places like this site.</FONT></B><br>

 

[WanderingRonin]

I haven't been interviewed intensively yet. Although my sister in law does bring up logistics, etc... the topics you mentioned. I said I'll have water and everything. No problem. But I anticipate it in the months to come as I visit relatives. <img src="/images/boards/smilies/smile.gif" border="0" align="absmiddle"> I plan to be nice and to the point. And yeah.... Like 4x4 said.... I don't really live my life based on the approval of others.&nbsp;<div><br></div><div><br></div><div>I believe a really simple way to explain to them is this:</div><div>"I am just trying it out just for a change. I can go back to my apartment and my old life ANYTIME if I don't like it." That usually does the trick.</div><div>I think people are bothered because it is something not in their usual experience.</div>

 

[Suanne]

<P>

My family is pretty conventional, and it's hard enough for them that I left my husband almost a year ago although they do understand that better now.&nbsp; To ask them to accept another big change to living from a van might strain an already tight set of parameters for them. ... Any suggestions on how to talk about this kind of transition with people to help them "get it?"<BR>

</P>Actually,&nbsp;I think following up with another big change may be a good thing for you.&nbsp; It&nbsp;would show your family that you&nbsp;are truly&nbsp;serious about making changes right now, vs.&nbsp;the divorce just being a fluke.<BR><BR>I come from a very traditional family ... think blue-collar, leave-it-to-beaver types.&nbsp; Although I'm not considered a "black sheep" ...&nbsp;they do scratch their heads over my decisions.&nbsp;&nbsp; I was the first to get a divorce, the first to go to college, the first woman to have a business career, and certainly the first to live out a vehicle.&nbsp; When I recently went back for a family funeral, they all kind of avoided how I got there and where I was staying (in denial).&nbsp; It's OK, tho', I know they love me.<BR><BR>For my husband and adult kids, I know they were/are genuinely concerned for me (vs.&nbsp;maintaining some social norm).&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;So, for them, I started a blog.&nbsp; In it I explained in detail the research I had done.&nbsp; I poured my heart out about how being on the road feeds my soul.&nbsp; I explained how I was to sleep, eat, bathe, etc.&nbsp; I also shared how I was maintaining my vehicle in good condition.&nbsp; I further itemized all of the things I was doing and bringing to maintain my safety.&nbsp; I posted maps of my possible routes.&nbsp; And, when I'm on the road, I stay in communication with them daily.<BR><BR>I hope some of my tactics may work for you.<BR><BR>Suanne ... currently focused on downsizing her possessions (g-sales)<BR><A href="http://SuanneOnline.blogspot.com" target=_blank target=_blank>http://SuanneOnline.blogspot.com</A><BR>

 

[WanderingRonin]

This reminded me of a rather long conversation I had with my then girlfriend's Mum. She seemed to really find it weird that I abandoned my apartment and began living a mobile life. What about your stuff, she asked?<div>What stuff? I would say.</div><div>I have very little and what did not fit in two suitcases went to storage.</div><div>It really seemed to bother her that I did not maintain a "home base" although I really could have gotten any apartment at any given time when you think about it.</div><div><br></div><div>The idea that nothing is anchoring you down seems to frighten some folks. I mean, it used to be me as well. I loved being surrounded by my books. But I think I've had enough of it when I began moving for the 3rd time and discovered I just mindlessly box all my stuff up and then rearrange them in the new apartment. Some of the stuff I haven't even opened in years. That decided it for me, I guess.</div><div><br></div><div>But there will be folks who will be freaked out by these choices.&nbsp;</div><div>I am anticipating it with my own family. But I think I have an ace when I began to say I can always just get an apartment again... So there really is nothing to lose.</div><div><br></div><div>I say just jump in and experience life! <img src="/images/boards/smilies/smile.gif" border="0" align="absmiddle"></div><div>Happy travels to everyone!</div>

 

[vonu]

The most unfortunate persons to have fail to understand ones modus vivendi are those for whom one would hope to work.<div>The absence of a physical address at which one dwells is a indicator of instability for most human resource types.</div>

 

[WanderingRonin]

The lack of a permanent address used to be a good yardstick. But in these days, it can no longer serve as the sole reason for not accepting anyone (especially if it's only contractual work).&nbsp;<div>With the advancement of modern psychology, there's plenty other indicators one can tick off and check to see whether a person is reliable or not.</div><div>So hopefully, that stigma will change somewhat.</div>

 

[vonu]

Those who operate based on what they were taught to add the letters behind their names frequently lack the common sense to find a better practical approach. &nbsp;I don't have an optimistic view of what will happen as employment continues to decline. &nbsp;I am heartened by the recent report that rural populations continue to move into the cities, leaving the rural areas less attractive for bureaucratic activity.</div>

 

[sl1966]

Valid point 4x4chvy. For me it wasn't ever an approval thing. I've learned the value of how opposing viewpoints can sometimes help me to see something I wouldn't have considered otherwise. We can only cover so much ground on our own.<div><br></div>

 

[Guest]

I guess I am with the crowd that never needed validation from family...I left home at 16 and never really looked back...my family lived in Vermont and I lived all over the country, mostly in the west and in Alaska....for years.....I just figured that my Dad did not approve of much of what i did....imagine my surprise when he told me just before he died, how proud he was of me and how my striking off on my own and doing&nbsp; my own thing made him really appreciate me and my adventures.... go figger....<br>As far as we know, you only get one life (I happen to believe in reincarnation but don't have proof) so if you don't live it how you want to how are you going to be the shining gem you were meant to be...?<br>Bri<br><br>

 

[Guest]

<b><font face="Arial">Much of the time, displays of dislike or disapproval are thin covering for some form of jealousy.</font></b><br><font face="Arial">It's mostly men (of all ages) who openly admit to me how they wish <i>they</i> had the 'nads to just up and go, ending up wherever; responsible only for themselves. Rarely do women admit it. <br>Those who can't relate, and therefore do not approve, usually criticize or revert to labeling. <br>But even then - <i>whether they voice it or not</i> - they are curious, they will walk away and 'ponder upon it', they wonder to themselves 'what if.....'</font>, <br><font face="Arial">they will walk away and re-evaluate their own lives and happiness after talking to you <img src="https://vanlivingforum.com/images/boards/smilies/biggrin.gif" align="absmiddle" border="0"></font><br><br>

 

[vonu]

Sometimes displays of dislike are in response to the disliker's recognition of the disliked within themselves.</div>

 

[sl1966]

<b><font face="Arial">Much of the time, displays of dislike or disapproval are thin covering for some form of jealousy.</font></b><br><font face="Arial">It's mostly men (of all ages) who openly admit to me how they wish <i>they</i> had the 'nads to just up and go, ending up wherever; responsible only for themselves. Rarely do women admit it. <br>Those who can't relate, and therefore do not approve, usually criticize or revert to labeling. <br>But even then - <i>whether they voice it or not</i> - they are curious, they will walk away and 'ponder upon it', they wonder to themselves 'what if.....'</font>, <br><font face="Arial">they will walk away and re-evaluate their own lives and happiness after talking to you <img src="https://vanlivingforum.com/images/boards/smilies/biggrin.gif" align="absmiddle" border="0"></font><br><br>

<div><br></div><div>Spot on! I do have one such friend who did that very thing.&nbsp;</div>

 

[WanderingRonin]

4x4 has a point there.&nbsp;<div>Men are natural "warriors". We like being out there facing challenges. When we don't get enough stimulation in that field, we fill our lives up by engaging in activities that have a hint of danger in them.&nbsp;</div><div><br></div><div>Far too many guys live lives of quiet desperation, as the saying goes...</div><div><br></div>

 

[vonu]

In the world of hunter gatherers, men were the former, women were the latter.<div>More important than just men is the behavior of standing armies, which the founders tried to prevent by at least two provisions in the Constitution, because an army not engaged in fighting will find one.&nbsp;</div>

 

[dragonflyinthesky]

<b>So true-hunters and gatherers, making of wars, making of babies.</b><br>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;<FONT size=4><b>Viva la difference!</b></FONT><br><b><FONT size=4>&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; </FONT></b><br>