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JohnnyK

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Greetings Nomads and fellow wannabes, 

I'm here because life should be more than just acquiring and surviving. The last year has brought about significant changes in mine and my wife's life. We are both mid-60s. We are Minnesota transplants to Arizona, Chandler to be precise. Wife has been here just over a year and I remained in MN taking care of our home and working a job I actually liked, my wife had relocated here for a very lucrative position. With today's tech, it was easy to stay in touch almost daily, and we had planned that we would make frequent trips to be together. Things don't always go as planned. 

Getting together proved to be much more of a challenge than we ever imagined. Her career move turned out tho, very well paid, to consume almost all of her time. Then came the holidays, because of work and money considerations, I spent them without family. In all honesty, it just plain sucked. Just after New Years, I told her that I just couldn't do it anymore. After 19 years living in a relatively large home with assorted out buildings and the collection of "stuff" in it, I was learning how much that "stuff" could restrict my options. In order to put our home on the market, let alone relocate 1700 miles away meant lots of it had to be gone. It was a very busy Winter and Spring making it so and doing seemingly endless prep to the house and necessary upgrades to make it more sale-able. Then in June, the house went on the market, with a whole new kind of stress in that. Fortunately, it sold fairly quickly. Unfortunately, that set the clock ticking on having it ready for closing in August. 

As we progressed on the sale of the house, we also had to get ready for a major move across country. That included furniture, appliances, tools, pictures, electronics, tools, clothes.... and on and on...and 2 parrots and our pups, Sadie Mae, our White German Shepard and Leo, our French Bulldog. Hiring professional movers was cost prohibitive. We decided it was best to go with Pods. That left us with the question of dogs and parrots. We decided we would do it RV style, and determined a travel trailer and tow vehicle were our best option. We found a 2011 GMC Yukon that seemed to fit the bill and a 26 ft Sportsman camper trailer at a RV dealer. I had purchased the Yukon about a month ahead and we picked up the camper immediately after closing and hit the road. It was my introduction to both RVing (beyond being someone's guest) and pulling a trailer. It's a 26 ft camper, 30 ft including the tongue. And we hit the road to Arizona. 

The trip was thankfully, uneventful but hurried as my wife was under pressure to get back for her work. The RV was little more than a take-along room to sleep in, but provided extra hauling space for "stuff" that either wouldn't fit into the pods or we deemed too important to be in them. We stopped at a couple of RV parks along the way, so I experienced doing the electrical, water, and gray water drain hook up. Also the first attempts at leveling and using the stabilizers, although I didn't ever disconnect the Yukon until we reached Chandler. 

So here I am in Chandler, unemployed as of yet, and honestly not finding many promising prospects. And then I came upon Bob's videos. If I can find a way to bring my wife around to a new way of thinking, I'm hearing the call of a life actually lived. I'd love to convince her we should go to the RTR in January and let those living the life share it with her. I guess we'll see, if anyone has suggestions as to how I can get her to at least look at and consider full time RV living, I'd love to hear them. Sorry to ramble on so long. Looking forward to learning and meeting new friends here. 

Peace out.
John
 
Welcome to the CRVL forums John! You're only 150 miles from Quartzsite! You and your wife should go to the RTR for a least a day or two. Both of you will be able to talk with a wide range of people who are living on the road plus some who are just dreaming and planning for now. The experience could change your lives!

To help you learn the ins and outs of these forums, this "Tips & Tricks" post lists some helpful information to get you started. We look forward to hearing more from you.
 
Sounds like you and the wife spent decades climbing the ladder of success and then figured out the top of the ladder is a narrow and restricting place. 



I have many of the same 'trappings' as you two, but you are way ahead of me....
 
JohnnyK said:
Greetings Nomads and fellow wannabes, 

I'm here because life should be more than just acquiring and surviving. The last year has brought about significant changes in mine and my wife's life. We are both mid-60s. We are Minnesota transplants to Arizona, Chandler to be precise. Wife has been here just over a year and I remained in MN taking care of our home and working a job I actually liked, my wife had relocated here for a very lucrative position. With today's tech, it was easy to stay in touch almost daily, and we had planned that we would make frequent trips to be together. Things don't always go as planned. 

We are on a very similar path. It is quite the process to go thru! I moved away from Minnesota many years ago and am forever thankful to not have to shovel snow.
It sounds like you have a good relationship with your wife to be able to withstand all the change this year. best of luck to you!
 
Welcome JohnnyK. Looks like the easiest way to get to RTR is just to tell Mrs. JohnnyK that you have an adventure DATE planned. Get everything planned out for the trip and SHORT stay. Make it so she has to worry about nothing. Once you get there find a cozy spot that is cozy and venture out with here to some of the workshops and meet/greets. In between focus on her and enjoying each other. Also what skills and hobbies do you have or enjoy that you can possibly monetize? While you're looking for something more traditional there are a lot of nontraditional income options out there. Enjoy this time to explore before you get back in the rat race.
 
tx2sturgis said:
Sounds like you and the wife spent decades climbing the ladder of success and then figured out the top of the ladder is a narrow and restricting place. 



I have many of the same 'trappings' as you two, but you are way ahead of me....

Indeed we have, on both counts. The wife's has been far more successful (from a compensation pov) than I have. In fact, a career opportunity spurred her to come to Chandler. Now, a little over a year later, she's in her last 2 weeks there, because her "boss" expected her to make the job her life and then ripped on her when his completely unrealistic expectations couldn't be met. It was making her miserable and no amount of money is worth that. It wasn't just her either, her coworker, hired at the same, also a lifetime professional in the field, is also leaving. My hope is that this experience will help fuel her to consider a whole new way of living. With the RTR being only a few hours from us, I'm really trying to find a way to get her to want to go and at least check it out and meet some nomads. However, it gets complicated for a variety of reasons, not the least of which, is that both of her daughters and granddaughters relocated to the Chandler area before she did.
 
FWIW, for a variety of reasons, I reached corporate 'burnout' recently and retired early. Now, I'm kind of 'sitting on my hands' waiting for some money to shake loose. In the meantime I'm trying to declutter, but it is a slow and painful process. 

Just FYI, you can always do the winter Quartzite experience with or without RTR itself.

Snowbirds and RV'ers by the tens of thousands have been heading to southern AZ and Quartzite (during winter months) for decades....so you can plan on a week, or a month or 3 in the area as your schedule permits, now or in the future.
 
ClassyGlobal said:
Welcome JohnnyK.  Looks like the easiest way to get to RTR is just to tell Mrs. JohnnyK that you have an adventure DATE planned.  Get everything planned out for the trip and SHORT stay.  Make it so she has to worry about nothing.  Once you get there find a cozy spot that is cozy and venture out with here to some of the workshops and meet/greets.  In between focus on her and enjoying each other.  Also what skills and hobbies do you have or enjoy that you can possibly monetize? While you're looking for something more traditional there are a lot of nontraditional income options out there. Enjoy this time to explore before you get back in the rat race.

Thanks ClassyGlobal. I guess I really already was thinking much as you suggest. I dropped a hint that it was coming up in January and that I thought it would be interesting to go. It seemed to get a lukewarm reception. Perhaps she'll be more open to it when she done with her current job. It would also require us to acquire an electrical source. Though I intend to go solar down the road, it's likely we'll go with a generator for now. 

And yes, I've got a lot of construction skills, but the physical part of it isn't what it used to be for me. If you know what I mean.
 
Short update: Well that didn't go at all as I had hoped. The wife immediately informed me at the mere mention of any sort of alternative life style (ie: fulltime RV) that it would NEVER happen. Not sure that I can handle or state just how that I'm being told my wants and desires don't count. This may be a deal breaker for me. She's 65, I'm 64 and she is talking about taking out a mortgage? Ahhhh crap.
 
I will be 102 years old on my last mortgage payment, that said I stopped worrying about all that stuff and do what I want let the other people figure it out. Sounds like she has security issues, I cut that chain 12 years ago still working on it. I care for her but we are different people.
 
wagoneer said:
I will be 102 years old on my last mortgage payment, that said I stopped worrying about all that stuff and do what I want let the other people figure it out. Sounds like she has security issues, I cut that chain 12 years ago still working on it. I care for her but we are different people.

I'm beginning to realize that I will likely have to cut that chain. In her own words yesterday, "I HAVE to have a place for all of my stuff." 

Doesn't leave much ground for compromise. I will not ever sign on to another mortgage. I choose to be free.
 
The only good thing about my mortgage is it's 1/3 rd of the going rent her in San Francisco the bad thing is I do not want to live here anymore 61 years I am seriously over it. You will know when the time is right life is too short to compromise on your dreams your stuff owns you not the other way around.
 
Without getting too much into the personal, there's more to where I find myself (mentally) because of some other actions by my wife. I think I deserve to be treated better, I thought I was a partner in this, but after being basically shut down by her on everything I was trying to convey about wanting to stop existing in a struggle for the legal tender and actually live before I'm too old and frail to do so, I honestly wonder if our relationship can survive. I barely slept last night after been so demeaned, feeling manipulated, and hopeless.

I think I must make it to the RTR, with her or without. If for nothing other than to talk to some nomads and possibly seek employment for the season. Perhaps I won't attempt to bring my TT, it isn't set up (yet) for off grid and my Yukon is roomy enough for a few days dry camping.
 
Johnny, my last wife was the higher income earner and as such (without ever saying it explicitly) thought that qualified her to be the decision maker and have the final say in things. I know exactly how you feel demeaned.

From the tone and tenor of your last post it seems like you already know the end game. Shit, life just sucks sometimes.

A new mortgage at 64? What a joke, you'll be a slave for the rest of your days.

Sent from my SM-T350 using Tapatalk
 
Well If you have to take out a new mortgage make it a motorhome. Plenty of comfort and places for all the "stuff" ;)
 
Trailsailor, I'm in a very similar situation. She does and has have the higher income, and it appears that she thinks it gives her final say. While contribution isn't as much financially, my "sweat equity" has always been many times what hers was. Funny thing being is that her big bucks job that she originally "had to" move here for, was so damn consuming and her boss such a prick, she gave notice and won't be working as of the end of the year. It's complicated, but something has got to give.
 
Bluewolf, no need for a mortgage at all. Took some of the proceeds from the sale of the house and bought a 26' KV Sportsman travel trailer outright. With a few upgrades, mainly a solar set up, it could be my home. I want no mortgage, (or rent) ever again.
 
Johnny, it sounds like you already know what you need to do, you have irreconcilable differences that can only end with one of your being miserable. Hopefully, you both still have some deep concern for the welfare of the other, if so, neither of you can possibly be happy with the idea of getting what you want at such a huge cost to the other.

But, before you do anything maybe try a “cooling off” period. Take your trailer over to Ehrenberg and talk to the great folks there (especially JiminDenver who recently went through something very much like this). But maybe go even further, go down to Yuma, Holtville then the Slabs and over to Lake Havasu. You’ll have a more realistic idea of what mobile living is really like and she’ll get a taste of being alone.

For both of you, it may be heaven or it may be hell—either way, you’ll know more than when you started.

Hopefully, when you come back together passions will have cooled and you will each have a better idea of what you need. If they can’t be reconciled, then explore ways to make the spit the very best it can be. All those years should count for something.

The one thing I’d say is, if now isn’t the time to demand the very best out of life and what you want out of it—when could the time possibly be?
 
akrvbob said:
Johnny, it sounds like you already know what you need to do, you have irreconcilable differences that can only end with one of your being miserable. Hopefully, you both still have some deep concern for the welfare of the other, if so, neither of you can possibly be happy with the idea of getting what you want at such a huge cost to the other.

(snip) 

The one thing I’d say is, if now isn’t the time to demand the very best out of life and what you want out of it—when could the time possibly be?

Thanks Bob. Beyond my changing view of what's important in life, we have a fairly decent relationship. That actually makes this transition more difficult. I crave simplicity and downsizing. In this last year, I was given an important life lesson when I made the decision to sell our home in Minnesota and join her in Arizona, where she had taken a career opportunity and was living with our daughter and granddaughter, since a year ago July. I found out just how much "stuff" we had accumulated and how much it owned me. I won't burn up your valuable data with the tale of just what I went thru just to whittle it down to two shipping Pods, and still some left over that we packed into the TT. That was just the "dealing with the stuff" issue, I was also working full time and prepping the house for sale. I promised myself would never put myself through that again. 

Yet, here we are in a rental house in Chandler, with every available storage space filled with unpacked boxes of "stuff," including half of the two car garage, and more "stuff" from Amazon arriving often. I don't know how to get across to her that less is actually more. That "stuff" will never bring that elusive happiness we are all seeking. Rather than more crap (stuff) to cram into this house, only to have to pack it all up and move it to another  place to keep all of the "stuff," I would like Amazon to be bringing the upgrades for our camper that would turn it into a fairly comfortable off grid home on wheels. My problem is, I can't even get her to start the conversation without her immediately picking apart everything I ask her to look at, without even looking at it. Maybe the best way of describing it is, the move here killed the materialist in me but it's alive and well in her. I don't see a good compromise between the two. 

Anyway, bottom line for me is that I will find a way to make it to the RTR, and hopefully get to meet you Bob, you've inspired me to take another look at what my life can be. It is indeed time to demand the very best out of life and I'm going to reach for it.
 
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