Disconnecting from former friends....

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Roadtramp

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I've lived on the road six years....about fourteen months ago I noticed myself disconnecting internally from former friends/acquaintances (who all live in stick and brick houses)....feeling disheartened around them and when talking with them...I've no interest in the things they do or talk about thru social media...I no longer relate to any aspect of their lives and they don't relate to any of mine...and it seemed once people would get their curiosity about how I live sated, that was the end of relating other than superficially...

In the last year I've made lots of new connections with folks on the road...(until last December I had no rv community)... and I've kept in touch with a grand total of 2 people whom I had friendships with before going on the road...

I've sort of felt it was intolerant, maybe a sort of snobbery, and now I'm less certain that is the case...

I feel, after being on the road this long, I've finally hit my stride, and am very clear I'm unwilling to compromise living life on my terms - for any one or any thing...

I'm curious to know if others have experienced this...
 
With over 52 years on the road, the only lifetime friends I have ever been disconnected from was due to death. Since retirement, the added ability to visit them more often has only strengthened our relationships.

Perhaps the fact that I am interested in their families, lives, and careers plays a role in this. I have helped several in remodeling their homes, I've helped rebuilding travel trailers and motorhomes, helped restore old cars, and rebuilt engines, helped installing an underground sprinkler system, and many other things.

Friendships require both parties to be interested in each others lives and interests. I'm interested in just about everybody and everything, so this part comes easy for me. People tell me they enjoy my eternally positive attitude, my smile, and my easy going personality...

I value all of my friends a great deal. They are my family by choice rather than by blood. The same holds true for friends I have made later in life. If that bond doesn't exist, then perhaps a little distance would help. It has been said that absence makes a heart grow fonder, and also that distance can strengthen bonds.

Good Luck & Best Wishes!
 
Like you, I have no friends left from my old life, but I didn't have many anyway. I was so unhappy living the "American Dream" that I just didn't make friends.

Today it is totally different!! I have lots of friends! I few are deep friendships, but really, I've fond I can only have a few of those. Most are just people I like and enjoy hanging out with.

I think he quality of a Nomads friendships are very different, because we are so independent and self-reliant our friendships aren't based on neediness, they are deeper connections. Almost like people who go through hardship together, we all had to fight our way out of the rat race and that gives us a connection and common peace of mind that unites us.

But most of all my friendships are very elastic. I can go months, or even a year or more and not see or contact them and yet when we get together the bond is as strong or stronger than the last day we were together--like no time had elapsed.

I can practically guarantee that if you will join is in the desert southwest for the winter, you can make friends like that as well.
Bob
 
I am finding my friends and those I meet are jealous of this life.  I have a brother who sells real estate  When he has had enough he heads out with his 52 and the teardrop. 

This is a way  to reconnect with them, on my terms.
 

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I am not sure this is related to van dwelling or just changing or growing in different directions. I have heard this from others lately as well people loosing old friends. Personally I have found in the last few years that this has come up for me as well, not really that interested in the lifestyles or conversations some of my old friends are living. I have decided not to make too much of it, at first I thought I would be dramatic and end these relationships but upon reflection I have decided that they will take on a new course rather then stop altogether. I have a lot of years invested in these people and even if our lifestyles are different there is still value in maintaining some kind of relationship. It may be that in aging we become less willing to compromise, as you said, perhaps we realize that life is finite, there is no time to waste doing things that are of little interest or uninspiring.
 
Sometimes it is just the divided path of life and not personal. I have lost touch with a lot of old friends because of life changes but gained new ones on my new paths. I have 3 military kids and find my Army mom friends understand me and my life more than my old friends who don't have kids serving. My old friends are not as into current world events and politics as much as myself since it isn't affecting them the same way. I don't judge them for it, but I love having my Army mom friends who get it. With 2 sons serving and a son in law serving, conflicts around the globe really hit home for me in a way non military friends cannot possibly understand. It's the same with van dwelling. My Army mom friends are very supportive but may not be able to relate once I go full time into that lifestyle. We will still have our kids as a bond though so I know they are always there for me in that respect. I plan to meet other van dwellers who "get" my new van lifestyle. It's okay to have different groups of friends for different things and phases in life. All of us are growing and changing (or should be). Some friends grow with us and others grow apart from us. It's just life.
 
The ties that bind my friendships are stronger than can be strained or torn by distance. We keep in touch often, even though we usually only see each other once a year. [We are literally scattered around the globe!] Though we don't share common lifestyles, we share bonds that were formed from common backgrounds and experiences. Those bonds will endure, I believe, until we die.
 
Most of my old friends are either dead or dying.Which we will all do if we live long enough.
 
I "disconnected" from everyone in my family, other than my son, years ago. This was just after my mother's funeral.

I had just come to realize that they never really cared for or about me. They had never bothered to try to understand me. I was just someone for them to assign "shoulds" while never encouraging "coulds."

At that funeral I saw that I had absolutely nothing in common with those people. And that most of what they believed was in direct opposition to everything I stand for. So, rather than go to the reception after the funeral, I got in the car, drove back home, and never looked back.
 
GrantRobertson said:
.

I had just come to realize that they never really cared for or about me. They had never bothered to try to understand me. I was just someone for them to assign "shoulds" while never encouraging "coulds."

Grant, you took the words right out of my mouth.
All of my "Besties" died at very young ages, 39, 45 and 49, then my Mom passed. These were the only people that "got me" and loved me for me. I haven't found anyone since these guys who were really interested in who I am. Sad but true!
Lots of selfishness out there I think.
"what a world...what a world"
 
I'm sure we all have dropped some of our old friendships...just due to the nature of people changing as they get older.

Our life experiences, our outlooks and attitudes, and our quests for what we want out of life is in a perpetual state of evolution.
Due to the experiences I've been through, I no longer relate to many of my old comrades, and I'm sure it's vise-versa.
I don't understand the way they did things, or why they did them at all, and they don't understand my choices that I've made.

This doesn't make us bad people or anything, but just folks that have lost their 'link' to one another. If I can't relate or understand the things you're doing in your life, then we're going to have a hard time sustaining a relationship.
I have a number of friends who've gone by the wayside, mostly due to their attitudes and values changing in a way that are so dis-similar to mine that I no longer relate to them.

What gets me, is that some of these guys are doing the same dumb stuff we did way back in High School! One of my old stomping buddies just cannot hold a relationship with anyone, and the other is STILL going to jail over childish, petty stuff!!

Guess what....they're no longer on my list of friends. I've moved on.
 
Roadtramp said:
I've lived on the road six years....about fourteen months ago I noticed myself disconnecting internally from former friends/acquaintances (who all live in stick and brick houses)....feeling disheartened around them and when talking with them...
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Yes, those who were truly friends will remain friends...I've heard said we never lose friends, we just learn who the real ones are....

and the former acquaintances are great people...and I understand my going mobile left a space which is now filled by other people and things, just as my life is...so of course I can't expect things to be the same...and, I can't expect them to be any more interested my life mobile than I am in their lives stationary....

tho, I "get" their way of life - having lived it...it's lonely having them not "get" mine, and yet there are lots of folks who do get mine, and I'm filling my life with those...so I guess a transition is to be expected, and no need for the drama of ending old relationships...they'll continue or not on their own...

i wonder tho, if my lifestyle is seen as a bit challenging - that some might subconsciously think there's something "wrong" with their life by virtue of exposure to mine...I know when I'm faced with something new, I evaluate the old - at least subconsciously...

I've certainly experienced that with being vgan - I just mention I'm vegan in passing, and all sorts of defenses go up - as if it is condemnation of an omnivore...

i guess also uts it's a level of security - if one is truly doing so something because it's their deep down, conscious choice to do it, it's different to doing what one is conditioned to do...
 
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