WOMENS' FORUM: Do you use your van to take vacations from unhappy husbands

[SilverVoyager]

Sometimes my husband is so unpleasant I need to get away. It gives me security to know that I can get away and take a nap, meditate, think, shop and be around nice people whenever I need to. Hubs doesn't hit me but he has acted in abusive ways at times. 
I've got Big Girl, Chevy Express Cargo Van 2500, fixed up with a bed , quilts, iPad and cell phone charger, granola bars and juice. 
Anyway, just wondering if I'm the only one that uses her van as a retreat.

 

[JustACarSoFar]

hey there  .. I'm sorry, I'm still chuckling at the title..  and it's not truly a laughing matter.  I'm willing to bet .. LOTS  that you are
not alone in this.

I'm singularly splendorous~ meself.. but in the past, you betcha! I found any where I could hide to get away from just
the stress of emotional turmoil roller coaster rage etc.  I'm sorry to hear of your troubles, I recall what that feels like.

I'm Positive other gals use their rigs for such Peace of Mind.  :heart:

 

[Charlotte's Web]

I was married once upon a time! 

The marriage was fortunately short lived,  but Oh!  how I would have suffered without time away!  My spouse
was neither abusive, nor much of a cad or bounder.  He was neither fiscally irresponsible or lacking in social skills.  He was attractive & well educated.  But somehow it just didn't add up.

His great sin was that  he lacked wit, imagination, & joi de vivre.   The very air that I breathe!

He bored me.  (A fate worse than death!)   I was essentially, elementally, invisible to him---simply beyond his comprehension.  I never felt so alone as when in his company.  I left him rather soon after our marriage.  

Luckily for me, I am feisty & independent.  No bitterness.  Few regrets.   At heart, a Zen approach to life.

Do whatever it takes to live an authentic life!
:heart: Charlotte

 

[Charlotte's Web]

"...I'm singularly splendorous..."

What a gift you are to this forum!   
:heart: Charlotte

 

[Kia girl]

Well I don’t have a van anymore (died in September) but I do use my car to escape at times. My car is pretty much well set up and being short I have plenty of room without removing seats. One thing about my husband is he tries to control what he can which isn’t much with me (aka must get a new car so I don’t get stranded and had to be in a certain price range). He had control over that because he makes the money to pay for it. So yes I do that.


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[SilverVoyager]

In order to buy the van I referred to how WE could camp out, take day trips together, etc. I work on it mostly when he's gone for a few hours so he won't take charge and control everything.
Taking two hour vacations as needed is much easier than a divorce. We've been married almost twenty years and he's almost 70 and so grumpy he would never find another woman to marry and take care of him!
P.S. I'm much younger than him! Lol, not really, I just act childish.

 

[jaxtonsgram]

he's almost 70 and so grumpy he would never find another woman to marry and take care of him!

My husband is 69 and I am 59. Is it the age? My husband can be grumpy as well, and...he can have a very negative attitude  alot of the time. I know a lot of it is dealing with our business. Im hoping selling it will help. We hopefully will be traveling in a motor home (him) and a van ( me). So often we will be together but it gives us the opportunity to do things by ourselves, for example I can go to womens gatherings without him. Or I can  workamp and he can stay in his motor home. Nora

 

[bigsallysmom]

No matter how much you like them -- or don't, you still need a quiet place for yourself. I've only had the van for three weeks and it's become my lounging spot.

 

[S.IX:Phoebe]

No, but I'm in a lesbian-marriage. If my wife was abusive, however, then yes I would take off with the car and do some camping as a time-out.

 

[cheapnewbie]

Do you use your van to take vacations from unhappy husbands ?
YES, YES, YES! My partner is not abusive, just the opposite, he smothers me with kindness. It may sound strange but it is possible for somone to be too attentive. He watches for every opportunity to do things for me and it drives me crazy. I was a single mother of three boys with my own business before we got together and now I feel so confined. I had a Eurovan that I traveled in for months at a time in pure delight at my freedom. He has depression and anxiety and does not want to travel so I am free to go on my own. My vehicle is definitely my happy place.

 

[greendragon]

My husband is 69 and I am 59. Is it the age? My husband can be grumpy as well, and...he can have a very negative attitude  alot of the time. I know a lot of it is dealing with our business. Im hoping selling it will help. We hopefully will be traveling in a motor home (him) and a van ( me). So often we will be together but it gives us the opportunity to do things by ourselves, for example I can go to womens gatherings without him. Or I can  workamp and he can stay in his motor home. Nora

I'm 47 and dh is 50.  He's the same way.  He has always hated every job he's had and is unhappy most of the time I am with him. He also doesn't want to be a full time rver or vandweller.  On the one hand I think he would be happier getting away from it all.  On the other, I really like the idea of getting away from him for part of the time.  Currently I plan to use wherever he is as a home base, but leave when I'm feeling like I want/need to.  I went to see my friend in my van last month and was gone for 6 days.  I absolutely loved it.  He talked about how awful it was for me to be gone.  But when I am back, he still seems to think life is awful.  IDK.

 

[SilverVoyager]

I call it taking a vacation! Had a nice one yesterday, drove around, parked, hung out in back on the bed and played with my iPad. Visited a dog rescue adoption event and saw some I liked, but hubs says two dogs are enough, but I stopped in anyway.
When I get home from my vacations he doesn't ask a lot of questions, he probably knows he's obnoxious and I need time away. Lol.
I need protein bars, water, and a taser next.

 

[dawnann7]

Is it the age? My husband can be grumpy as well, and...he can have a very negative attitude  alot of the time. I know a lot of it is dealing with our business. Im hoping selling it will help.

Nora, this sounds exactly like what I am going through - but my husband won't sell and he won't go for van travel. I think our days as a couple are numbered.

In answer to the OP's question, yes. I used to get away by myself as much as I could, but one day I just had to leave for good. I *should* have gotten a van but I got an apartment in another city instead; now I'm kicking myself. But the ultimate goal is to become mobile, hopefully within the year. Fingers crossed!

 

[Bohemian scout]

I used all kinds of means to get away from my husband any chance I could until I left for good after 38 years. I went on trips by myself and with friends, sometimes he went with me. He didn’t like traveling and exploring as much as I did, never wanted to take beach walks, ride bikes, kayak. I found myself doing these things alone while we were traveling on a trip. He complained a lot and never seem to be happy so I decided I would be happier doing it on my own. Everything was a debate or I was questioned about my decision, I got sick of it! Now I go when I want, where I want and stay as long as I want in my van that I am constantly trying to improve. I decided to have a homebase and take shorter trips of a month or two for right now Because I have a daughter and grandkids here. I’m healing, growing, changing trying to be the real me, the person I was meant to be before I entered this dysfunctional relationship of nearly 40 years. Yeah money is tight but it’s worth it!

 

[bigsallysmom]

Gotta hand it to you, Bohemian Scout. You got nerve.

 

[Freak On A Leash]

My question: WHY do you stay with these people?

This thread is why I'm happy I'm divorced and plan to stay single for the rest of my life.  And yes, when I was married for 24 years to a miserable human being I took frequent road trips to keep my sanity. As a result I've traveled all over the eastern U.S and Canada and did all sorts of cool things. My "marriage" was like 2 divorced people sharing the same space. IMO, if you stay in a relationship like this it had better be for a good reason. The reason I stayed was that I had two kids to raise and wouldn't leave them so once they were on their own I filed the papers and left that life behind. Best day of my life was the day my ex and I went our separate ways. I will never, ever give up my freedom again. I love not having to answer to or deal with anyone else!

 

[Freak On A Leash]

he's almost 70 and so grumpy he would never find another woman to marry and take care of him!

My husband is 69 and I am 59. Is it the age? My husband can be grumpy as well, and...he can have a very negative attitude  alot of the time. 

It seems that when men get older they get fat, grumpy, melodramatic and boring. Another reason I have no desire to date.

 

[SilverVoyager]

Well, hubby is getting worse, so I might have to leave for a few days at a time. I have a question. If I take a drawing with measurements to Home Depot, will they cut the plywood for me? It would be to fit sideways over the wheel wells for my bed. The cut outs are to make it fit around the ribs and keep the thing in place. Would they do that for me? I think they will help me put it in the van, it will be heavy.
The support underneath, havent figured that out yet.

 

[dawnann7]

If I take a drawing with measurements to Home Depot, will they cut the plywood for me?

They may. Some hardware stores have "cutting" areas that have helped me in the past. Give them a call. If they don't have a cutting area they can probably direct you to someone who does.

 

[Almost There]

All the lumber yards I've ever been in will only do straight cuts. I've never had one that would do any notching for me as they use nothing but big commercial straight saws.

A jigsaw is really easy to use for cutting out the notches. If you've never used one watch a few videos and then practice on some scraps until you're comfortable with it.

I always did layouts of the plywood so that I got maximum use out of a sheet. Multiple cuts had to be figured out in advance for the person using the saw so I figured it out myself and then dictated it cut by cut.