Women Only: Safety on the road - sexual assault

[JustACarSoFar]

I am thinking of trying to figure out a security camera set up so if this were to ever happen to me, I would have a chance of being believed.

oooh, those are terrific!  There are so many out there now I'm sure the price is dropping. Excellent choice, besides all the standard common sense practices.

 

[Maggie Flinn]

I'm not excusing the jerk who invaded womens' spaces and peace of mind. He's an asshole of the worst kind. But, nobody, man or woman, should be sleeping with their doors open or unlocked in the world we live in today


He should be outted and shunned by the entire community, at the very least.

The reaction has been the total opposite. She is being labeled a troublemaker, a drama queen by the group as a whole. I am here camped by Crystal and am sickened.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[JustACarSoFar]

The reaction has been the total opposite. She is being labeled a troublemaker, a drama queen by the group as a whole.   I am here camped by Crystal and am sickened.  

 I've seen the trail of haters since this happened and I'm rather shocked that this horrid attitude and behavior continues to victim blame.
I really didn't expect this from people 'of the community' but there it is.

I'm quite sick of it so haven't commented much lately. But, seeing you are near her* give her our love. 
Lot's of love from so very many of us here.  :heart:

 

[GypsySpirit]

Just throwing this out there, but I have an idea. Since Crystal loves the color red, we can fly a red ribbon on our vehicle antenna in support. We can also use that as a sign that we welcome other females to camp with us.

 

[VanDwellerMod]

FYI: If I remember correctly from last year's RTR, putting a red ribbon on your vehicle meant that you were not available for visitors.

 

[GypsySpirit]

Well damn. So open to options, then.

 

[JustACarSoFar]

she posted a new video that's worth listening to.  NOPE not posting it here.

OH and creds to BOB for a really nice new video about our ethics and behavior!

 

[Ms Daisy]

FYI: If I remember correctly from last year's RTR, putting a red ribbon on your vehicle meant that you were not available for visitors.

I've followed Crystal since she was introduced during the beginning of the van build and did a few narrative tours.  I just noticed she had a comforter or duvet that had orange in it ... maybe we could use orange as a symbol of solidarity?  I'm going to my first RTR next year and am glad someone has suggested this as a symbol of "awareness" and solidarity.   I have 2 dogs ... who of whom is large, a shepherd mix and can be intimidating.  So while I'm not concerned about myself, I support this effort.

 

[GypsySpirit]

I like the orange.

 

[urbanhermit70]

I don't follow Crystal Vanner anymore on Youtube/Instagram but another gathering drama happen again in Dec 2017. Why is this Crystal Vanner/Youtube Famous drama keep growing ? We NOW have Crystal and this guy friends and social media taking sides ,making videos and blocking comments. This should be about warning people about rape. sexual assault, and sexual harassment safety on the road.

 

[AdventurousAdriana]

Is this creeper Jake guy going to be allowed at the RTR? I never saw a resolution from the mods on if he was going to be banned or not... (I may have just missed it). Thanks to anyone who can give me a straight answer one way or the other.

 

[bigsallysmom]

She didn't file charges so he can go where he wants, when he wants. Nobody can ban him from the RTR as long as he behaves himself. BTW the guys name was taken off this forum because there will be more than one guy with that name at the RTR. It's important to not paint the other same name guys as perps. It's not fair to them.
Go to the event. Have fun. Use the usual precautions you'd take when in a crowd of strangers.

 

[AdventurousAdriana]

Hmmm.   I'll have to give it some thought on what I want to do.  Thanks for the response.

 

[respect.life]

Hello sisters ~ I'm new to the website. I'm female. I go by "respect.life." You can call me Em. I'm so glad this thread was started. I read all the replies. I just learned of Bob Wells and this website and this forum, on 2.3.18. I'm sixty, and have been a hiker and a camper all my life. I've driven across country a number of times, and have made sure to follow my spiritual guidance and my gut. They both have kept me safe in adulthood. I especially appreciated TrainChaser's Comment/Reply, including her equation (A+B+C=stupid). I don't mean that anyone should be called stupid, but the train of thought that was laid out, as to why some women feel like they won't get targeted, or don't need to take any precautions for safety, isn't logical. I went through some stuff when I was a young kid, by an older male sibling (4.5 yrs older), but I figured it out when I was about eleven, and I haven't been physically bothered by anyone since then. I lost a wonderful job once, due to being harassed at work by a male who'd been targeting women there for seven years. I exposed the history of his behavior; then resigned my job and left the state. I was pretty sure that had I stayed, he and his "good ole boys" might well have tried to teach me a lesson for revealing his harassment of women. But when I reached my destination, Gavin de Becker's book quickly crossed my path and crystalized my awareness of my powerful inner resolve to either flee, fight, or die trying. No ifs, ands or buts. I believe in peace, but if something is not Just, there can be no Peace. And we each have the right to self-defense. I noticed that one shorter comment mentioned Crystal Vanner, and the next reply seemed to be referring to something that had happened to her at an RTR?, involving some male, and there was a question about whether that male was now banned from RTR. And there was mention that Crystal had either not reported it or had not pressed charges. I'd like to know what that was all about. Part of my concern is due to the fact that she's a black person, as am I. And there are very few black women (or black men?) involved in the circle that Bob has helped create at RTR. So that makes us more visible. My last comment for now is a suggestion: I truly feel that women would be well-advised to strengthen the bonds between and among each other, for our safety. If we (and our best male allies) are looking out for each other, much less harm would come to any of us. I was partnered with a most honorable man for fifteen years. I respect all people who I find to be deserving of respect. I believe that each male must earn respect, and not expect that respect should be automatically extended. I am a firm believer in healthy boundaries. I'm interested in PM with any woman on this forum who is confronting racism in their own life, and who is educating herself about the true history of this country. The past is prologue, and this country has yet to admit its historical wrongdoings, or to solve its current continuation of the same. My dad served in WWII, and my grandfather was a police officer, in a place and at a time when it was very rare for a black man to aspire to that job. I'm very proud of them both, for having prevailed despite the odds arrayed against them. Back to women and sisterhood, I believe that women, united as the bearers of the next generation (even if symbolically), have a responsibility to insist that men (and errant women) correct their behavior. And to do that, I believe that women need to show the way for all of us to heal our society. The statistics of sociopaths and psychopaths could be greatly decreased, if we would heal our society. Women are not weak; we are strong beyond measure, and we must own our strength, concentrate and apply it, in service to the coming generations. Once we begin acting in concert together, the good men will be catalyzed to take their rightful place beside us, in healing all our wounded psyches and our society.

 

[DrJean]

Danger is real. Fear is a choice.



I rely upon God and support that with the Scout motto:  be prepared.  



We owe it to ourselves to be the best prepared we personally can be.  Even so, things can still occur because predators are professionals at their perversion.

That's when resilience is important. :heart:

 

[leslymill]

I bought a van and joined this forum last month because I was going homeless. Things have changed for the better and now I can slowly do my van build instead of tossing everything in the back and heading to the woman's shelter...I am responding because of my initial visit to the woman's shelter last month. I THOUGHT I HAD PROBLEMS. I was in a room with three other young women....I am older. I could do nothing but hug and cry with them. One had left her family in Washington State with her boyfriend. she had never been away from home and now she is in Las Vegas with a dislocated right shoulder, no money, no family feeling she has to go back to this man who drove her from her home and started beating her because he had all the money and the power. Since she is right handed and need of shoulder surgery, all I could do is encourage her to go back to her family and get skills and money. since she was so emotionally dependent on this monster, I stressed she could not go back to him till she had the upper hand to fight his alcoholism. Of course it was alcohol that turned him into the beast. The other women had been raped after her car was stolen because she fell asleep on the street. The other two women went into a serious rant explaining how you never ever SLEEP WHEN YOUR OUT ON THE STREET. Apparently that is a complete invitation to becoming a rape victim. Sure enough outside this "Shade Tree" women's shelter of dozens and dozens of homeless men walking around with tents, shopping carts and backpacks. The third woman was alone because her rottweiler was having a surgery. the shelter won't take that breed of dog. She was in tears showing pictures of her pup. He was huge and scary and she felt lost and vulnerable without him. So much so that living on the street with him was better than the shelter without him. I am so glad mu situation improved. Women really do have to be more careful than men and when things go bad for us they can really really really go bad. Be safe ladies and be strong.

 

[RowanFae]

This is a tough subject. One I have a hard time discussing, because of how deeply a negative response can cut at you even long after you thought yourself healed and having moved on.

I decided to respond, because if there was one thing I could say to men and women alike it is this: You can do all the right things, and still find yourself harmed by someone.

Yes, Be diligent, be proactive toward your safety. I would never say don't do all you can to be as safe as possible, just don't internalize guilt because you feel you 'did something wrong.'

If thoughts like, "if I hadn't..." or "if only I had..." keep running through your mind; please don't be offended by my saying this, but please seek counseling.

In regards to being on the road, I once had a guy open my passenger side door and try to hop into my van when I was at a red light. At the time I had a black lab who was lying on the floor between the seats. Faith lifted her head, bared her teeth and growled at the guy who jumped back and slammed the door. In retrospect, I wish I'd called the police. The guy had opened the door and looked right at me with a big old smile on his face like he knew me. He didn't. There's no telling what would have happened if not for my dog, but I do lock the doors now when I am driving alone.

 

[Moxadox]

In 2010 I spent 3 months in India. Eh, sheet, at this moment enormous hail is pelting down! Anyway, one afternoon I was sitting drinking chai with my landlady in the mountains outside Coonoor, Tamil Nadu, and this very powerful Jain lady says to me,

"You know, women are intrinsically inferior."

This shocked me, because this lady owned a large tea plantation, along with other assets. She ran her operations with an iron hand. Jet husband kind of followed meekly along. She was the last person I would expect to say something like that.

"Why do you say that?" I asked.

"Because we can be raped," was her answer.

So...does it really boil down to having an extra hole?

I disagree. Nope. I refuse to accept that having an extra hole to be raped in makes us somehow karmically vulnerable. Men CAN also be raped, and sometimes are. But what is it that makes some men think that simply because we are women, that makes us targets?

I should know the answer to that question. Beginning in 1970, I was raped so many times that after 100 I stopped counting. I was a homeless, trafficked teenager. At 4'10" and chronically underfed, I was a target, OK, and I learned just how low the male factor will sink, just to get off. In effing credible.

The thing I learned was that they aren't all alike. Where one is scared off by fighting back, another will find that exciting. The best thing by far is simply not to be found. The next best thing, as you discovered, is a good dog. That's a terrible way to live, I think, but until we can figure out a way to debunk the myth that females are just holes walking around on two legs, we are going to have to live strategically.

The Dire Wolfess

 

[RowanFae]

@Moxadox, I wish I knew what to say in response to your post. it hurts my heart to hear your story of such a horrific childhood. You have such a strong, vibrant sense of humor that comes through so clearly on these boards, it is a testament to what I can only imagine is your resilient nature.

"Not being found." Yes, I spent a large majority of my life living in such a way that allowed me to feel invisible. So much so, I almost believed I was invisible and was always shocked when people remembered me.

I don't know why the "women are intrinsically inferior," dogma persists in so many cultures and religions. I tend to think it is less the extra hole and more to do with stigma of feminine sexuality and reproduction. The whole, "Madonna/Whore" thing. Who knows. The strong prey on the weak, is a reality pretty much throughout the animal kingdom. Generally speaking, men are stronger than women. Ipso Facto and all that.

Truthfully, I just don't know. Better minds than mine have tried to fathom why humanity can be so awful to its young and helpless. I have come to believe that humanities penchant for evil is only equaled by its capacity for good and between the two extremes is where most people fall.

 

[Moxadox]

Very well said. Somewhere I learned that the true measure of a society is: how does it treat the weakest and most vulnerable?

As in the ancient human village excavated, I believe, in Florida, where they discovered a skeleton of an adolescent who had been born with cerebral palsy. This youngster, who, from what his skeleton showed, had never been able to walk, had nevertheless been lovingly cared for until his natural demise from pneumonia. That find really touched me, as we know that the youth's tribe had to have sacrificed a lot of resources to care for him. And yet we still have women dying in childbirth in 21st century America. Blows my mind.

The Dire Wolfess