Where I'm at...

[masterplumber]

Michele, I love that your are so open posting your thoughts and feelings while trying to figure each step. Also, never apologize for, or try and change who you are (referring to a post from you above). There is one you to bless the world and if you want to be someone else, who's going to be you.

 

[michele0203]

Thanks masterplumber!

 

[michele0203]

Really triggered unexpectedly today with fear and panic. Shouldn't be as surprised as I am...this is how my body responds to stress overload. But still feeling ashamed that I'm not tougher'

 

[michele0203]

Or something...feeling like I'm less than or not enough. I know these are lies. I'm me. An imperfectly OK human.
Gotta try to catch a nap before working 3rd shift tonight

 

[Yogidog]

That is exactly the time to be extra nice to yourself, as much lovingkindness and unconditional friendliness as u can muster third shift is hard!

 

[DannyB1954]

To expect someone to do better than their best is setting yourself up for disappointment and resentment. This includes if that person is yourself. Experience is the best asset to have in dealing with anything, and experience comes from mistakes. If you look at all the great inventors and scholars, they didn't get things right the first time. They just kept plugging away. That is what we need to do as well. Keep going and trying until we figure out what works for us.

Another big mistake is trying to get your self worth from what you think others think about you. This includes people you work for and with. About 5% of the people you meet will like you for whatever reason. About 5% will dislike you for whatever reason. 90% couldn't care less about you either way. If you come across someone that likes you, are you a wonderful person that day? If you come across someone that dislikes you, are you an evil person that day? See how crazy this can get?

 

[ArtW]

When things get overwhelming, it's helpful to remember the parable of the Elephant and the pygmy
One day traveling through the brush a man came upon a pygmy, who had just managed to bring down an Elephant
"what in the world are you going to do with an entire Elephant?" the traveler asked
"I'm going to eat it, of course" replied the Pygmy
"What, you ? All by yourself?" the traveler asked "How in the world are you going to eall all that by yourself?"
"One bite at a time" the pygmy replied

 

[michele0203]

That is exactly the time to be extra nice to yourself, as much lovingkindness and unconditional friendliness as u can muster third shift is hard!

Thanks yogi dog! You're absolutely right 

Ps I tried to reply via pm but got a message that you're pm is full.

 

[michele0203]

About 5% of the people you meet will like you for whatever reason. About 5% will dislike you for whatever reason. 90% couldn't care less about you either way. 

Interesting to think about!

 

[michele0203]

ArtW what a great reminder!

 

[rvpopeye]

AND we're the 5% that will like you !
Does anyone else REALLY matter?

 

[michele0203]

AND we're the 5% that will like you !
Does anyone else REALLY matter?

Awwww....that's so sweet!  Thanks rvpopeye!

 

[michele0203]

So in retrospect, I think I had a panic attack yesterday... intense emotional flooding as a result of triggers. When I'm running on empty I'm more susceptible. In that intense moment it can be hard for me to see that what I'm experiencing isn't solely based on the present. Sort of what I describe as an emotional flashback.

How does all this relate to van dwelling? I think this lifestyle will provide me with a security of being able to support myself and live more freely and independently without being a prisoner to an employer 365. Having the financial freedom to chose a job because I really believe in the work versus because I am dependent on the income will relieve an emotional burden for me.

I'm not fooling myself that I won't ever experience a panic attack while van dwelling. I'm certain there will be much anxiety as I transition to this lifestyle. I think that's why I'm leaning towards practicing locally before hitting the road. Starting in the comfort of my home area will help ease my transition and also allow me to gain perspective.

 

[Yogidog]

That 5 percent thing is good!

 

[ArtW]

My Ex had panic attacks, nasty business

 

[michele0203]

I'very decided that having an end date at my current employer will help me to see the end is near. I plan on being out of there by the end of January. That's 17 weeks, 119 some odd days.

That will allow me 2 months to really clear out what i don't need and put some things into storage that friends have graciously volunteered to me.

I've been looking into 'house sitting', being a nanny, and even traveling social work but that would be later down the road. I've even thought about getting my CDL license.

It's fun to see there's all sorts of options available and that I can be flexible in my plans.

 

[rvpopeye]

Sounds like you found the push you needed , hope it all falls into place for ya !
Don't be shy asking about anything that pops up .....

 

[michele0203]

Thanks so much rvpopeye... sometimes I feel as though I have so many questions that I don't even know where to begin!

 

[michele0203]

I've really been hesitant about buying a van. I think I would be more comfortable 'testing' out this lifestyle with my current vehicle. Using my current vehicle will also provide me with the emotional comfort of keeping one thing constant in this otherwise massive change I'm looking to undertake!

I have a Toyota Camry. Yes...very small quarters. But I feel like if I could manage in a Camry then surely I could make it in a larger vehicle! I was really inspired by Bob's recent video with Kathleen...and felt like it was confirmation of what I've been thinking. She's doing it out of a car and is loving it!

So I went ahead today and experimented with my car. I was pleasantly surprised at how easily the bench part of my back seats came out. I was beyond thrilled! It felt like a big step forward. Now just need to get a cpap battery and take Cammie out for a whirl!

 

[muddy]

FWIW, I looked at CPAP batteries recently just out of curiosity, and my whole solar setup is like the price of the manufacturer's CPAP battery. Of course it is more unwieldy and positioning is important, but then I can also use it for other things.