Where I'm at...

[michele0203]

FWIW, I looked at CPAP batteries recently just out of curiosity, and my whole solar setup is like the price of the manufacturer's CPAP battery. Of course it is more unwieldy and positioning is important, but then I can also use it for other things.

Yes, they are pricey.  Right now I'm comfortable with a yeti 400 and a solar panel...I know there are cheaper options but I haven't been able to grasp how the cheaper set ups work despite the countless videos I've watched and instruction I've read!  One day!!!

 

[michele0203]

I did it!!!! I QUIT MY JOB!

Ok, well i resigned from FT and will likely take a PT position which is way less stressful, but STILL this is HUGE for me. I have been employed FT for the past 21 years.

There have been SO many signs for SO long...

Stepping outside of my comfort zone

 

[bigsallysmom]

Yay. Good for you. That comfort zone is going to get some serious modifications.

 

[michele0203]

Yay.  Good for you.  That comfort zone is going to get some serious modifications.

LOL!  Yes it is!!!

 

[Queen]

I did it!!!!  I QUIT MY JOB!  

Ok, well i resigned from FT and will likely take a PT position which is way less stressful, but STILL this is HUGE for me.  I have been employed FT for the past 21 years.  

There have been SO many signs for SO long...

Stepping outside of my comfort zone

Congratulations!!!!  It's a big, important step.

 

[rvpopeye]

Alright !
Now , what will you do with all that extra time?

Just kidding , enjoy your new freedom and ask us anything that will help you with your set up.

 

[michele0203]

Congratulations!!!!  It's a big, important step.

Yes Queen, it really is for me.

 

[michele0203]

Alright !
Now , what will you do with all that extra time?

Just kidding , enjoy your new freedom and ask us anything that will help you with your set up.

Ha!  Will do, thanks, rvpopeye!

 

[michele0203]

I was triggered by a client who verbally attacked me in group yesterday. I broke down and cried in group. That's never happened before.

What's become really clear to me is that I've accepted bad treatment from clients because I thought that's what a good social worker did. Help people work through their feelings. I've blamed myself for not being 'enough' to help everyone. Not to memtion that the system itself has so many flaws and lacks tremendously in resources.

So I've taken the day off as a FMLA day. I've been crying and ruminating over the events that transpired yesterday at work. How nuts have I been to continue working at a job that adds to my PTSD? What a fool I've been!

I'm trying to cut myself some slack because of the social conditioning that I've been brainwashed with along with the rest of modern society. UGH! I'm utterly disgusted that I've just been so blindly following along. NO MORE!!!

 

[DannyB1954]

I think I might be good at that job. Some nutcase criticizes me I would probably find that amusing. Try not to get your self worth from what others think or say. There are a lot of stupid selfish angry people and no matter what you do they will not be happy with you.

 

[michele0203]

I think I might be good at that job. Some nutcase criticizes me I would probably find that amusing. Try not to get your self worth from what others think or say. There are a lot of stupid selfish angry people and no matter what you do they will not be happy with you.

Well, we're currently hiring because lots of staff have left in a mass exodus!  

It's not about me getting my self worth from this individual, rather, it was the fact that I was verbally abused, no less by an individual who most people would consider to be a 'nutcase', but for whom I was sincerely trying to help who then also enlisted several of his peers to also gang up on me.  The event itself was distressing but then there was all the crappy old feelings and emotions that came up tied in from the past. 

I'm proud of myself for taking care of myself yesterday by calling off.  I even was honest with my supervisor. She's the one who helped me put into perspective that his behavior was in fact abusive. It took me a while to fall asleep last night and I cried driving in to work this morning, and for a second thought might need to turn around and just say forget it.  But I pushed through, and I ended up having honest conversations with 2 of the involved parties.  Both of whom apologized and expressed visable embarrassment and shame for their actions.  I feel like these can be such therapuetic moments and love being able to use them as teachable moments.  However, these encounters can deplete my tank.

I've become keenly aware that I am just not cut out for this population and that's perfectly OK!  Instead of having this near constant internal struggle with why I can't be more effective or what can I do differently, it's now, oh yeah, duh, I am simply not cut out for this work!!!  What a concept!

 

[DannyB1954]

On second thought I wouldn't be good at that job. I have been a Mechanic all my life. Machines can be fixed. I am not so sure about people.

 

[Cammalu]

Michelle, congratulations on quitting and making a change. It sounds like it may take some time to get over the hopelessness of that job but I'm sure you will be a brand new person within a little time after you get out of there. Dream and plan to hold yourself together until then!


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[Queen]

Michele, I was the same way when I became a deputy sheriff, didn't take me too long to realize it was a very bad fit. Didn't mean I was a bad person or a flake or incapable, I just did not want to do the job the way it was supposed to be done... so after trying for almost four years to fit in, I left. Way too many people stay in jobs they're not suited to because they went to school for it, trained for it, are pressured into it by family or peers or even money (which I KNOW is not the case in social work ). Hope you can transition to a different caseload as long as you're still working.

 

[michele0203]

Michelle, congratulations on quitting and making a change.  It sounds like it may take some time to get over the hopelessness of that job but I'm sure you will be a brand new person within a little time after you get out of there.  Dream and plan to hold yourself together until then!


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Thank you!  It's amazing how freed up I feel already!!!  I have a renewed sense of hope and excitement about life and new ideas are coming my way!

 

[michele0203]

Way too many people stay in jobs they're not suited to because they went to school for it, trained for it, are pressured into it by family or peers or even money (which I KNOW is not the case in social work ).  Hope you can transition to a different caseload as long as you're still working.

Completely agree,  Queen!  I'm just breaking free from the societal brainwashing...I heard someone today talk about a job offer he got for a really good wage and for an instant I felt a flutter in my stomach like oh, I'm throwing away this once in a lifetime lucrative job...in my case, actually i am making substantially
more than the average social worker. ..but I'm still miserable!

I quickly acknowledged and dismissed this thought and reminded myself of the freedom I'm gaining!

 

[michele0203]

Crazy how attached i can feel to objects...my bed and kitchen table seem to have a bit of a grip on me. Silly, because i know these are merely objects. Just gets me thinking about the traps I've fallen into buying useless things too.

I'ver committed to not buying any more things until I've run out and also want to improve on preparing meals instead of eating out so much...I know this will be easier when I'm not working FT.

 

[michele0203]

On second thought I wouldn't be good at that job. I have been a Mechanic all my life. Machines can be fixed. I am not so sure about people.

I'm an eternal idealist and believe that people can heal if they so desire!

 

[Almost There]

I'm an eternal idealist and believe that people can heal if they so desire!

I'm the same way but I've had to learn countless times that most people don't 'desire' to heal enough.

It puts them outside of their comfort zone which as you know from trying to downsize can be very painful.

It is much easier to stay where one is at than it is to do some hard work and change.

 

[michele0203]

Yes the key word is 'desire'!