Trapped for a while

[Raygor]

I'm 50, with a wife and 3 children ages 8, 10, 12.

I guess I'm having the quintessential mid-life crisis.

We own a house (insane mortgage, of course) in one of the most expensive places in the USA. It's wonderful for the kids, and my wife is happy with the status, but I'm hollow and feel like I'm dying every day.

I'm in a cage of my own making.

Recently, while my family was away, I went on a short trip in our SUV. I put a futon in the back with the seats down, did a bit of research on how where to park and what to do. It was wonderful and I want more.

I'm learning, reading, thinking, and will probably buy a van at some point to convert into a stealth camping vehicle. I'm not sure if I can get my wife to go with me, but perhaps some long weekends with one of the boys to start.

My wife is unlikely to take to a nomadic life style, but I hope to someday when the kids are older to be able to sell our house (that is currently worth more than a million, perhaps it will still be 10 years down the road, assuming an earthquake doesn't level it) and buy a cheaper home base outright somewhere near skiing (which my family loves) and then travel more in my retirement.

In the meantime, I will dream, and perhaps build my dream van stealth camper. 

I look forward to chatting with you.

 

[GotSmart]

Welcome to the forum.

First, buy earthquake insurance.  

I would give you other advice, but who listens to strangers on the internet.  

Read up on the various subjects, and perhaps get a small RV that you can take the family on weekends with.  At that age, the kids will have memories they will always talk about.  Get plenty of pictures.  

It is the times I spent with my kids outdoors that they laugh about.  I remember them whining, but at the end it was a great time.

 

[SternWake]

Sooo, Southern California, or the SF bay area?

In regards to influencing the family, try renting a Class B camper van/rv for an Outing rather than building one out first.

If the Wife is happy with the 'status' of a million+ dollar stick and brick home, this could be sign where she might also need the status and comforts of a high$$ Class A diesel pusher to ever accept sleeping over Wheels, even temporarily, and this can be trading one cage for another.

My experience with native California women and those that have moved here eventually attain, is that a disappointingly high percentage, really need to impress their friends first and foremost and make them jealous with shiny expensive objects and visions of luxury. Each and every action of theirs is basically a means towards this end.

Best of luck with escaping your self inflicted cage. You are in a lot better financial position than most here, but if it is not satisfying.........

 

[DannyB1954]

Five people in a van would be a bit tight. How about a used Class C that would have beds for everybody. Hit some national parks, introduce the kids to nature? Instead of getting away from them, get away with them.

 

[LoupGarou]

Life is what you make it. I hate to break it to you, but your committed for the long haul.

The best investment you can ever make is in your kids. With three, you have college expenses coming up. Doing the math, the first one hitting college at your age of 57 and the last leaving college at your age of 65. Somewhere in the middle you may have to deal with the failing health and/or death of both your and your wife's parents.

Not to sound doom and gloom, but take pleasure where you can find it. Go camping in the back yard, seek out local parks and take the clan fishing. Make it a biking trip for them and a fishing trip for you.

I swing by a local park, 1/2 a mile from my house, after work almost every afternoon and fish with my Tenkara rod for just an hour or so.

[video=youtube]

 

[cyndi]

Welcome to the CRVL forums, Raugor! I hope you can find a compromise that works for you! I have several friends that live on the road for a good amount of time and return to their home and loved ones to keep things in balance.

To help you learn the ins and outs of these forums, this "Tips & Tricks" post lists some helpful information to get you started. We look forward to hearing more from you.

 

[Raygor]

Life is what you make it. I hate to break it to you, but your committed for the long haul.

The best investment you can ever make is in your kids. With three, you have college expenses coming up. Doing the math, the first one hitting college at your age of 57 and the last leaving college at your age of 65. Somewhere in the middle you may have to deal with the failing health and/or death of both your and your wife's parents.

Not to sound doom and gloom, but take pleasure where you can find it. Go camping in the back yard, seek out local parks and take the clan fishing. Make it a biking trip for them and a fishing trip for you.

That is what I'm thinking with the van, take the boys or maybe the wife on weekend trips. 
I am not obligated to pay for their college. I will certainly help if I can, but I think they would much rather have their father than the money for college, and I know I won't be able to keep this overly expensive lifestyle up that long.

 

[Raygor]

Sooo, Southern California, or the SF bay area?

In regards to influencing the family, try renting a Class B camper van/rv for an Outing rather than building one out first.

If the Wife is happy with the 'status' of a million+ dollar stick and brick  home, this could be sign where she might also need the status and comforts of a high$$ Class A diesel pusher to ever accept sleeping over Wheels, even temporarily, and this can be trading one cage for another.

My experience with native California women and those that have moved here eventually attain,  is that a disappointingly high percentage,  really need to impress their friends first and foremost and make them jealous with shiny expensive objects and visions of luxury. Each and every action of theirs is basically a means towards this end.

Best of luck with escaping your self inflicted cage.  You are in a lot better financial position than most here, but if it is not satisfying.........

Bay Area.

She is actually from a formerly communist country, which perhaps in some ways accounts for her desire for better things.

There is some aspect of status, but it's more about the children going to the best school possible.

Finances are all relative. All the value is in the home, no where else, and it takes a lot of money to keep it all. 

I've thought about renting an RV to have the family try that, and will look at it again.

 

[rvpopeye]

Welcome aboard RayGor!

Ohhhhh oooooooooo ! You've contracted the disease called "Hitch Itch" , by the travel trailer crowd initially but adopted by most of us nomadic folk.

I think your plan might pass the scrutiny of the keep up with the neighbors type you married for you and the kids anyway , but the suggestion of something a little more opulent may be needed to win her over.......It sounds like you could afford a rental rig ,maybe a class C , or a class A a'la Robin Williams' movie RV (watch it with her and the kids if you haven't) !

Oh and remember , the stuff in that movie DOESN"T happen to everybody,,,,,,,,but it could...................

 

[msbarth]

Raygor, my husband is a very caring and understanding man that thinks camping is a stay at the Holiday Inn.  On the other hand he tolerates my taking trips.  It works for us and maybe for you too.

 

[eDJ_]

Welcome to the CRVL Forum  

I'm sure you will find help and assistance here even beyond what you may have expected.

There is something about travel and getting away from it all occasionally that helps us to
recenter ourselves.......

msbarth wrote:

Raygor, my husband is a very caring and understanding man that thinks camping is a stay at the Holiday Inn.  On the other hand he tolerates my taking trips.  It works for us and maybe for you too.

My Dad used to say the same of my Mom.  Her sitting beside the swimming pool  at the Holiday Inn with a drink and novel to read.

 

[rvwandering]

Have you talked to your wife about all of this, especially the stress on you from trying to maintain an expensive lifestyle? She may be agreeable to a simpler life and a smaller house which will free up money for fun things that the entire family will enjoy.

Kids do not need to go to the best schools in the best neighborhoods to get a good education and grow up to become successful adults. I think that is another fabrication to make sure people keep buying all of the houses in the new subdivisions that are constantly being built.

 

[Raygor]

Have you talked to your wife about all of this, especially the stress on you from trying to maintain an expensive lifestyle? She may be agreeable to a simpler life and a smaller house which will free up money for fun things that the entire family will enjoy.

Kids do not need to go to the best schools in the best neighborhoods to get a good education and grow up to become successful adults. I think that is another fabrication to make sure people keep buying all of the houses in the new subdivisions that are constantly being built.

Yes, in great detail, it has lead to many disagreements. She does not seem to get the idea of the stress from the lifestyle. She wants stability, and I want mobility. 

I agree the kids do not need the best of the best to be successful, but again, my wife and I are in disagreement. 

I will continue with my plan to get a van to get away for long weekends in, and we will just have to see what the future holds when the kids get older. Likely she would then be willing to be in a smaller place closer to nature.

 

[Theadyn]

Hi and Welcome!!

I agree, try renting something and take them all. And then, also build out your van and go on smaller trips if nothing else just to keep your sanity. Hang in there.