This is the GIRLS' ROOM!!! Unencumbered

[cherterr]

"Just pissed that I have to deal with the confrontation of breaking up with someone I never agreed to be in a relationship with! lol "

ROFLAMO!!!!

I would advise you, but... I'm still working on what I call the '3 year break up'! lol
(Well... he DOES do some chores occasionally for me.)
I just hate the calls when I go to town, and the text messages accusing me of 'seeing someone'.. WT???

Just keep repeating "It's a good thing I'm NOT your girlfriend anymore, because... " etc etc etc. I think EVENTUALLY it'll brainwash them into seeking solace elsewhere.

What is WITH these guys??.. I mean... no sex.. nothn'....

I guess you and I are just too dang charming. (Nice to know I"m not alone.. but my "BFF" does seem a little more mature than yours!!
Let us know what happens!!

 

[Jana]

I think we've all been there at some point in our lives. The problem is not people invading your personal and emotional space, it's you not having clear boundaries to keep them out. It takes strategy and practice. It helps to start by envisioning a force field around yourself that you can open when and as much as you want. Grandkids for a day--wide open. Telemarketers--slammed shut. Make up situations both common and comical and figure out your response.

Also come up with ways of practicing disengagement. When people try to suck you into their tale of woe (as opposed to people with genuine problems that you want to help or give sympathy), try saying something like, "It sounds like you are really upset. I am so sorry." Then follow up with, "I have another call coming in, I have to go." If that doesn't get them off the phone, go to the always successful, "I have diarrhea and have to go right now" or "the police are here again and I have to go." Don't use "the house is on fire, I have to go" too often--they get suspicious after a while.

It's hard to strategize when you feel trapped. Work on strategies to have on hand before you need them.

(based on decades of dealing with "vampires" who try to suck up all my time and energy)

 

[mockturtle]

I really like your post, Jana. Unless we are dealing with a bona fide psychopath [and I've dealt with a couple], we are in the driver's seat regarding control over the degree of intimacy we allow. Truly, it's a matter of not caring if they think you are a bitch.