The Nomad Life Is Not For Everybody

[Moxadox]

Last night I watched a YouTube that I just cannot shake off. I want to hear what other people think about this. I'm not going to post the video here because I don't want to expose the person who made it. Those who know who it is will already know.

The gist of it is: a woman embarked on the nomadic life, and after 4 months she stopped because she felt continuously "hit on," from moment one, by men. She feels this had something to do with her appearance, as she considers herself particularly attractive.

I find this disturbing, and I'd like to hear reactions from both men and women. While this has never been a problem for me, because I first hit the road in 1970 and quickly learned how to blend in with the trees and literally disappear, there seem to be a lot of folks hitting the road right now, and I'd like to understand the situation. Is there an actual safety problem? Do we need to be more proactive helping newbies learn how to conduct themselves while boondocking? Or is this simply a case of one person's perceptions and not a common situation?

Thanks in advance!

The Dire Wolfess

 

[AMGS3]

Here's the link to the thread I think you might be looking for.

https://r.tapatalk.com/shareLink?ur...&share_tid=32447&share_fid=70271&share_type=t

Hopefully I did that right.

~angie

Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk

 

[John61CT]

Well done

 

[Moxadox]

Actually, I'm not looking for any thread. I was hoping to get some feedback on the question I asked.

The Dire Wolfess

 

[Spaceman Spiff]

. . . The gist of it is: a woman embarked on the nomadic life, and after 4 months she stopped because she felt continuously "hit on," from moment one, by men.  She feels this had something to do with her appearance, as she considers herself particularly attractive . . .  

It is difficult when you are asking about the feelings of a person I don't know nor the situations she was in.  The first question that popped into my mind is: Did she feel this way when she was out in public when living in 'normal' housing?  If not, why?  What is different?

 

[Jack]

Last night I watched a YouTube that I just cannot shake off..
 Is there an actual safety problem?  Do we need to be more proactive helping newbies learn how to conduct themselves while boondocking?  Or is this simply a case of one person's perceptions and not a common situation?

 Do you mind if I answer from the viewpoint of being a newbie, a guy, and not yet on the road?
  
I can't answer with certainty, of course, since I'm not a woman or on the road yet.  However, as a neutral observer, I say yes and no.  No, because there are many solo single women who have been on the road for years and are loving it.  I've not heard any of them talk about feeling threatened.  But yes, because people in this world are scarily unpredictable today.  How many stories have I heard about abusive/violent Uber drivers and passengers?  You just don't expect to get murdered or sexually assaulted for either getting a ride home, or driving a customer to their destination.  

That's why the police are so edgy every time they approach someone.  They have every reason to be!  So, I think the chances for trouble are certainly there.  However, the woman in question seems (from your post) to be overly wary of it due to the fact that she considers herself particularly attractive.  That's part of the root of her fear.  "I'm really attractive so I need to be extra careful!"  That kind of thinking can come out in how you act and, if people see you as weak, some will take advantage.   

I don't know her experiences, of course, but based on videos I've seen of some pretty incredible solo women van dwellers, they don't appear to be all that worried about it.  At the end of the day, it's all going to depend on a person's personality and thought processes.  I've known plenty of people who worry about certain things so much that they practically invite the very thing they fear.

You can only help people who want to be helped.  As a single 52 year old man, I invite every single piece of advice any experienced person is willing to offer!  If it weren't for you folks, I would have gone out and boondocked in inappropriate ways, but also in unnecessarily cautious ways!  Even when I hear conflicting opinions, I take both into consideration.  I not only want to learn how to dwell in a van safely and correctly, but in ways that will improve the image of van dwellers!

Basically, in this case, based on the woman's self-perception of being "particularly attractive," it sounds to me like it's more her perceptions than a wholly accurate concern.  These are just my thoughts which, with 25¢ will get you a gumball.

 

[Dingfelder]

I'll say here what I said there:

I don't think you can hope not to attract attention when building a youtube channel. Would you want to? Aren't those contradictory aims?

As commonly occurs in the mating game, a bitter truth for both attractors and attracted is that you can't choose the attention you attract.

Don't want your youtube experience to resemble the mating game? That choice may not be entirely up to you, especially since given a population of hundreds of millions, loonies are a fact of life.

Not everyone tries to attract attention, so most won't attract as much as someone trying to plaster herself across screens worldwide and be recognized.

People who want both privacy and to be youtube stars are at cross-purposes with themselves.

 

[LivGolden]

Actually, I kind of have a heart for people who proclaim to the world that their attractiveness or intellect or social status has caused them to be victims of others in some way. Truth be told, these individuals may be feeling inadequate in those areas, for whatever reason. It may be a valid reason which is quite sad but it's still a bit delusional. I just smile and nod like I understand. Then I move to the last pew and sit with the infidels. 

 

[QinReno]

And +1 for LG.

 

[Jack]

I don't think you can hope not to attract attention when building a youtube channel.  Would you want to?  Aren't those contradictory aims?

People who want both privacy and to be youtube stars are at cross-purposes with themselves.

You're mostly correct and won't get an argument from me.  Speaking for myself, there is an exception to the comments here that I've highlighted.  

I want nothing to do with fame or recognition.  I actually went through a time in my life when I had it and hated it!  It made me more reserved and introverted, even though I'm an extrovert by nature.  

I will be creating a YouTube channel.  I never thought there would come a time when I would because I like being wallpaper in person.  To be honest, I detest social media passionately!  I even had a YouTube channel in the past, about a very specific subject, and I panicked when I reached 500 subscribers so quickly and received tons of glowing praise!  I shut it down.  

But, when I discovered Van Life through Bob's videos, there aren't enough words to express what that did for me! It was an absolute knowing, no hesitations, that this was the life for me.  I even went through a recent health scare due to intense stress.  My checkup after watching Bob's videos shocked the doctor who wanted to put me on stress medication!  I was in perfect health and he couldn't believe the change in me.  His last words to me were, "Keep doing whatever you're doing because you have no need for my services anymore."

I say that to say this:  If YouTube can help me earn money to live the life I dream of, then I'm willing to step out of my comfort zone and back into being an extrovert.  I realized that I don't have to have a YouTube channel to ONLY make money, but to make a difference, too!  If I could figure out a way to do it without using my real name, I would.  (I'm all ears for suggestions!)  Even so, as uncomfortable as I am with recognition, the benefits outweigh the cons.

One mistake that I think YouTube Van Life people make is to broadcast their positions in real time.  They've had problems with stalkers - fans and haters!  People can hate me all they want.  That's none of my business.  But to stalk and harass because they know where I'm at?  Not gonna happen.  I plan to be two weeks ahead of the time when I upload videos.  So, if my video says I'm in Yellowstone at a specific campsite, that info will be two weeks old.

So, I'll have a YouTube channel in hopes of partially supporting my life on the road, and to make a difference.  But for fame and recognition?  No thanks!  As for my privacy, I value it!  My life will be shared honestly, but will not be an open book spilled before the world for views or even money.  I've already set boundaries and will stick to them.  Fans are NOT entitled to know everything about you.  That's another mistake YouTubers make.

 

[John61CT]

Or is this simply a case of one person's perceptions and not a common situation?

I think mostly this.

Sh1t does happen, but it is rare, and nowhere is perfectly safe.

We each create our own reality from our projections / perceptions.

 

[sephson]

Another factor that is probably in play is that quite often, people make a change in their lifestyle or living situation and expect that change to fix all their problems. Unfortunately, life just doesn't work that way. Anytime someone makes a change of this sort, they're exchanging one set of problems for another. The best anyone can hope for is that they're better equipped to deal with the new problems.

 

[Moxadox]

We each create our own reality from our projections / perceptions.

If that ain't the unadorned truth, I don't know what is.

The Dire Wolfess

 

[Moxadox]

Another factor that is probably in play is that quite often, people make a change in their lifestyle or living situation and expect that change to fix all their problems. Unfortunately, life just doesn't work that way. Anytime someone makes a change of this sort, they're exchanging one set of problems for another. The best anyone can hope for is that they're better equipped to deal with the new problems.

Yep! I learned that when I left home at age 16. "Wherever you go, there you are."

The Dire Wolfess

 

[Moxadox]

Actually, I kind of have a heart for people who proclaim to the world that their attractiveness or intellect or social status has caused them to be victims of others in some way. Truth be told, these individuals may be feeling inadequate in those areas, for whatever reason. It may be a valid reason which is quite sad but it's still a bit delusional. I just smile and nod like I understand. Then I move to the last pew and sit with the infidels. 

Mind if I sit with you and Q?

The Dire Wolfess

 

[Moxadox]

The first question that popped into my mind is: Did she feel this way when she was out in public when living in 'normal' housing?  If not, why?  What is different?

Spaceman, that is an excellent question. I'm really trying to understand this form of insecurity. I can grok if people are lonely, or afraid of bears, or the unknown stuff that people get freaked out by. This one kind of threw me, so I want to understand it better and increase my compassion quotient. I think for some reason she has this fear, but feels safer in a S&B but very exposed in a mobile setting. That's opposite to me: I feel safe when I know I can simply pull up stakes at any moment and disappear!

The Dire Wolfess

 

[tav-2020]

These are just my thoughts which, with 25¢ will get you a gumball.

dang, the price of gumballs is just criminal these days.

on topic response: anyone on youtube, for whatever, altruistic or not, reasons, wants hits.
she's getting them.

 

[QinReno]

Another factor that is probably in play is that quite often, people make a change in their lifestyle or living situation and expect that change to fix all their problems. Unfortunately, life just doesn't work that way. Anytime someone makes a change of this sort, they're exchanging one set of problems for another. The best anyone can hope for is that they're better equipped to deal with the new problems.

Good answer, but unlikely in regards the last sentence. +1.

 

[lenny flank]

I'm not sure this is due to vandwelling, or even YouTube. Guys have been hitting on girls ever since there have BEEN guys and girls. Some are assholes about it, and some aren't. But it ain't gonna end. Ever.

I'm not seeing how vandwelling would make that situation any different. Nor is dealing with unwanted advances any different for a vandweller than for anyone else.

 

[RowanFae]

Watched a few more of her videos, even after saying I wouldn't.

My take, and I hate to say this because it sounds unkind: She wasn't getting the subscriptions she was needing, the money didn't pan out and she shifted her marketing strategy to capitalize on the negative drama.

1) she criticizes "E-beggars," but has a "support this channel with PayPal" popping up in the top right corner of her feed.

2) She recently mentions (on another video discussing "E-beggars " again)how she received notification from YouTube how her channel was going to be non-monetized because she didn't have enough subscribers.

To answer the question MoxDox poses, I have no solid basis for my opinion but I suspect it is one person's perception and probably not a reasonable sample of the majority experience. She does talk about a stalker, and mentions the police have spotted the stalker around the new town she settled in. A stalker can be a very scary and dangerous situation and I'm certain that could very well have driven her perceptions regarding safety.