Speaking of dating and relationships

[Corinne]

...This is a thread about dating and relationships.<br><hr>I thought the doomsday "dating" was about dating and relationships too.&nbsp; <img src="https://vanlivingforum.com/images/boards/smilies/confused.gif" align="absmiddle" border="0"> <br><br>Have a nice evening. <br>

 

[Simran]

I think one thing that has been overlooked here is the fact that many of the women living this lifestyle are very independent, self sustaining&nbsp; people; they have to be. Anyone that lives like this would have to be. My wife is fiercely independent which is one of the things that allows me to be who I am and do what I do.Geez I love that lady!<br>I have had the opportunity to live at home for months on end and we've always gotten along very well but, alas, work always takes me away. So many tears when I leave after being home for so long. I've been traveling off &amp; on for years. The first question anyone ever asks me, that knows me is,"where are you working @ now?"<br><br>gus<br><br>

 

[Seraphim]

I enjoy reading threads like this because I'm always hoping there is someone who can enlighten me and turn my negative views on my past experiences into positive ones. Viewing experiences of others helps me to understand the limited knowledge gained from my own experiences. Even if I don't necessarily agree with your version of "truth", I want to understand what lead you to believe that way so I can make my own judgement of what is "truth". Rae

All I can personally offer, Rae, is that building a relationship of any type takes time. In all the domestic disputes I'm called to deal with, the most common denominator , IMO, is the maturity level of the relationship (not necessarily the people). Couples who rush into physical relationships without taking the time to really know their partner are asking for difficulties. It's the old line: if the other person respects you, they'll wait for the physical aspect. If they won't wait, they're not thinking long term. Let them walk.

Just take your time.

Corinne: the sex drive is the second strongest drive among men and women. Men think a lot about sex, and may even fantasize about some of their attractive female friends, without ever making their thoughts known, or making any type of suggestion; which you questioned me about. That's different than your original comment, that most men in your experience don't want a friendship unless sex is involved. I think you're extrapolating too much from perceptions. But, perhaps not.

As I stated, I removed my comment because, after re-reading yours, I caught your 'in my experience' disclaimer, which made my original reply irrelevant. I don't think you were bashing anyone, BTW. We each have our own opinions.

 

[yesican]

<p style="margin: 0px;">Gus, nothing warms the heart more than hearing a man say how much he loves his wife.&nbsp; You and your wife&nbsp;have my respect.&nbsp; </p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">Rae</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p>

 

[Simran]

I think i may just be looking for the one that thinks chasing butterflies in a meadow is a bit more fun than planning dinner parties <img src="/images/boards/smilies/biggrin.gif" align="absmiddle" border="0"><br>

<br><br>. . . .or you may find one like mine that lets you live your life as you see fit as long as you just."Send your paycheck home Honey!"<br><br>It has not escaped me by any sense of the imagination just how good I've got it. However, it is a double edged sword as it were. It does allow me to scratch an itch I believe I was born with; but I sure miss my family sometimes.<br><br>gus<br>

 

[Seraphim]

<p style="margin: 0px;">

but for me, i guess I cant imagine a bigger nightmare than getting married to a woman that would constrain my personality... you cant change people you can only love them... so before ever committing any woman would have to know that there is a part of me that strives for nonconformist adventure... wandering... and self sustainability... so although im sure there are plenty of sweet 9-5 gals out there... <br><br><br>

</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">The key, IMO, is finding someone who - once they really get to know you - doesn't WANT to change you. Been married 35 years coming up the 28th. We dated four years before we were married. She married me anyway *shrug*.&nbsp; I KNOW there are things about me she would wish were otherwise, but has never tried to change them. I happen to think she's practically perfect.</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">There's nothing better IMO than having a partner with whom to share life - both the burdens and the joys. Just takes a bit of looking, then a bit of time to know and accept the other person.</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">Old man speech over *grin*</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p>

 

[wilcofan]

<p>I think a lot of it also depends on the context of how the relationship starts. It has been my experience that a girl can go out on a few dates with a guy, and decide that she doesn't want a relationship with a guy but she really wants him as a friend. However the guy is still in pursuit mode, because that was the context that framed their entire interaction. Usually, if two people meet in a relationship that is framed as a friendship from the beginning, there's no disturbance in the friendship.</p>

 

[Seraphim]

<p>Good observation.</p>

 

[txanne]

<p style="margin: 0px;">How strange---</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">I married my best friend(lost him in '95 from cancer)</p><p style="margin: 0px;">But I wouldnt do it again.</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">As friends we would do anything for each other,</p><p style="margin: 0px;">there wasnt the (ya gotta do this or that) required</p><p style="margin: 0px;">by marriage /loyalty mantra.</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">The friendship ebbed and flowed--its a strange feeling</p><p style="margin: 0px;">the direction the friendship took after we married.</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">It felt like the freedom to chose what you would do/not do</p><p style="margin: 0px;">LEFT!!</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">I miss my friend dearly---but not the husband.</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">annie</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p>

 

[yesican]

<p style="margin: 0px;">Annie, </p><p style="margin: 0px;">You never know someone till you marry them.&nbsp; Ownership can change some people for good or not so good.&nbsp; I've seen people who've lived together for 10 years get married and then divorced within a year.&nbsp; I've seen men and women&nbsp;turn into controlling dictators once they say "I do" while others turn into Saints who only want to build their partner and support them; most fall somewhere inbetween.&nbsp;That's not strange, that's life because, "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what your going to get".&nbsp; </p><p style="margin: 0px;">Rae</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p>

 

[sl1966]

"Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what your going to get"

<div><br></div><div>Unless of course you're like my friend who is allergic to chocolate and pretty much knows she'll be getting a real bad case of hives no matter which one she eats.&nbsp;<img border="0" align="absmiddle" src="https://vanlivingforum.com/images/boards/smilies/rofl.gif"></div><div><br></div>

 

[yesican]

<p>Tell the person to take some Benedryl.&nbsp; Still, it's not good to try every chocolate in the box...at least not at the same time!</p>

 

[sl1966]

Tell the person to take some Benedryl.&nbsp; Still, it's not good to try every chocolate in the box...at least not at the same time!

<div><br></div><div>Believe me she's tried. She's deathly allergic to the stuff. She'd accidentally eaten a tiny bit and I had to haul her off to the emergency room @ 3am once. Oh and she was my roommate, and not an overnight guest.&nbsp;<img border="0" align="absmiddle" src="https://vanlivingforum.com/images/boards/smilies/angel.gif"></div><div><br></div>

 

[txanne]

<p style="margin: 0px;">Yesican</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">How very true---</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">annie</p>

 

[Journeyman]

I have found that what I wanted when I was younger is so much different than what I want now. &nbsp;I am no longer hunting for a relationship. &nbsp;I have found that I am more comfortable with myself than I ever was with any woman, even my ex-wife. &nbsp;When I was younger I was always trying to live up to the expectations of the other person for fear that I would lose them if I didn't. &nbsp;But then I was never happy with my own life.&nbsp;<div>And if I wasn't happy then there was no way that I could ever make them happy. &nbsp;</div><div><div><div><br></div><div>Now, I have come to the realization that if I want to be happy then I need to follow my dreams and they have nothing to do with the "Classic" American Dream of a white picket fence and all the other things that go with it. &nbsp;The wanderlust is too great. &nbsp;I would now never get into a relationship with anyone whose dreams didn't match mine in this regard. Neither one of us would ever be happy. And if I truly cared for the other person then I wouldn't put them through the pain of the inevitable separation.</div></div></div><div><br></div><div>As far as the sexual part of this discussion goes, I no longer define my life as a success or a failure by... &nbsp;a) whether I'm in a relationship (which my family doesn't understand) or b) having sex on a regular bases (which my friends don't understand). I have been in many platonic relationships over the years and have found them longer lasting and more satisfying then any sexual relationship I've ever had. &nbsp;I always prefer to have a life-long friend to having a short time sexual partner.&nbsp;</div><div><br></div><div>So my priorities have changed. Now I only seek friends. &nbsp;If at some time in the future a friend becomes more that's fine, if not, that's also fine. As long as I have friends, and I ever get this van on the road, then my life is complete. &nbsp;</div>

 

[yesican]

<div>

So my priorities have changed. Now I only seek friends.&nbsp; If at some time in the <br>future a friend becomes more that's fine, if not, that's also fine. As long as I <br>have friends, and I ever get this van on the road, then my life is complete.

&nbsp;&nbsp; </div><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;You said that very well and it is how I view my life now.&nbsp; It must be something that comes with age and maturity.&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp; After my divorce almost 20 years ago,&nbsp;those&nbsp;I've dated became some of&nbsp;my best friends.&nbsp; Our hearts connected but our life desires were so vastly different that we parted to allow each other to grow in the directions we were each headed.&nbsp; I've always been the wanderer and one who desires experiences more than possessions while those I dated&nbsp;were just&nbsp;the opposite&nbsp;and it made me feel stifled and suffocated.&nbsp; Its funny how in hindsight, the view of the problem in relationships is so much clearer. Knowing how I'm wired allows me to feel empowered to live life to its fullest without the expectation that others have to be wired the same way. Those who are not make great friends but not partners.&nbsp; For now, I'm satisfied that my partner Pita the Akita/huskey who is more than happy to go exploring with me and for my greatest partner who is my faith that guides me.&nbsp; Life is good.&nbsp; </p><p style="margin: 0px;">Rae</p>

 

[sl1966]

Journeyman &amp; Rae. I've come to this conclusion myself recently. At first it was self imposed avoidance of relationships, but now I've come to learn that I prefer it this way. Besides, I don't think my beagle is about to share me with anyone else anytime soon.<div><br></div>

 

[Journeyman]

Now all I need is to get back out there. And I need a dog. LOL

 

[txanne]

<p style="margin: 0px;">Journey,</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">Totally agree.</p><p style="margin: 0px;">My kids say I am a closet gypsy lol and</p><p style="margin: 0px;">I think they are right.</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">I didnt realize until after I was married</p><p style="margin: 0px;">He had to live next door to a 7/11 or</p><p style="margin: 0px;">2 blks from his office.</p><p style="margin: 0px;">He literally had anxiety attacks when we</p><p style="margin: 0px;">went camping--A total difference in our</p><p style="margin: 0px;">personalities--a no-win situation.</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">A buddy to have a cup of coffee with&nbsp;in the evening</p><p style="margin: 0px;">or someone to hug--that human closeness-that yes ended up</p><p style="margin: 0px;">in the er huh humm--er bedroom.</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">I too have matured--didnt know how to be alone for yrs--</p><p style="margin: 0px;">Now I relish it--but still miss the closeness/companionship.</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">My 2 doxies--sleep w/me and each has its on side--Which</p><p style="margin: 0px;">they dont share LOL LOL</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">Good fedback--I am not alone in my feelings</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">annie</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p>

 

[Seraphim]

As friends we would do anything for each other, there wasnt the (ya gotta do this or that) required by marriage /loyalty mantra.

To us, the wedding was just a ceremony.Changed nothing. Still best friends.