Single Mom Traveling with a 2.5 year old

[sanensatisfied]

It will just be me and my daughter on the road. She will be about 2.5 years old when we start. Should I be worried about the dangers of it just being me and her without another adult (male) with us? Can you give advice on how I can make our RV and travel as safe as possible?

 

[Patrick46]

Yeah, I'd think there's a bit more risk, but as long as you use your brains about where you go, and where you decide to park for the night, you should be just fine.

Dark alleys and parking lots, bad neighborhoods, seedy looking campgrounds. If you don't get a good vibe and/or a bad feeling in your gut about a place, then I'd say it was time to move along.

I'd be especially sure that your RV was in good working order, and mechanically sound. This way you can avoid most roadside breakdowns. (or at least keep 'em to a minimum.)

I'd probably put a good deadbolt lock on the door for an extra bit of security. (I always did that to our rigs too.)

This is your daughter, and a young one at that. Taking alittle extra time and care in choozing where you spend the night, will keep you both safe and sound. And nothing is more important.

 

[sanensatisfied]

Is there really any more danger to mobile living than there is living in a stationary house?

 

[compassrose]

This may sound bad but put your daughter in a toddler harness and attach a leash to it. You are opening her world up wide open. Give her the freedom of wandering around on her own two feet. Putting a leash on her means she can be on her feet exploring rather than kept away from everything in your arms.

Second thing is this. Teach her from a very early age that no one but you are allowed to pick her up. She does not go into anyones RV, tent or camper except your own. She goes no place with any one else, not even other kids. Sad to say but pedophiles are in the campgrounds and they are not outfitted with warning signs.

 

[akrvbob]

Welcome sanensatisfied!! We are really glad you are here!!

I firmly believe that you are much safer living mobile instead of in a fixed house. You don't say but a lot depends on where you are going to be living in your van or RV:

1) You can boondock on Public Land and if you do you will be tremendously safer. The violent crime rate on Public Land is almost non-existent. It's so rare that if there is ever a violent crime it makes the national news and everyone talks about that. If there is a violent crime in your home town, no one even hardly notices because it's so common!! In big cities its every single night of the year! Minor thefts do happen on Public Land, but even then it is rare. You almost never hear about crime on Public Land.

2) If you are going to stay in RV Parks, again, you are safer there than at home. In an RV Park there are more people packed in together but they are usually older, retired decent folk with disposable income. How are you going to rob that without waking everyone in the Park? And if you do rob it, most don't have anything of any real value in them to make it worth it. Compare that to a nice residental area where all the house are seperated from each other and are covered with bushes and have valuable things in them. They are inviting and easy targets. Or even better, compare that to any low-income housing where many of us would be if we weren't in our vans!!

3) You can stealth Park in a city. I did that for 6 years and I believe I was just as safe as I would have been in an apartment, but I'm not sure of that. I think I was at least as safe. I never had a single issue and I doubt you will either. But, again, what do you have of value in there to make it worth the risk? Nothing! So if you are ever a victim, it will just be of a petty theft of opportunity. Those guys are no real danger, you yell "I'm dialing 911 right now and I've got a gun!" and they will be gone faster than you can finish the sentence. If you have a shotgun and rack a round in, they will also shit their pants while they're running away!

So tell us more about what you are thinking your plans are, but I believe you will be very, very safe. Safer than you are now if you live in the horrible nightmares that we call cities.
Bob

 

[jeanontheroad]

Just wondering, is your your ex on board with this plan? He may not like the idea of loosing touch to this degree with his child. He may seek custody or make sure he doesn't.

 

[owl]

You asked if you should be worried without a male onboard. Where you live now is there a male around? Do you feel you need a male around to feel safe and confident? Are you strong and independent? Will you be on the road or living in one area?
It has been my experience that women are, most often, far more capable than they may give themselves credit for. I believe that attitude counts for everything. If you think you can, then everyone else better get out of the way. Women,by nature,can endure situations that would have men wetting their pants. The fact that you are considering this life with a 2 1/2 year old tells me two things. 1. You are weighing your options and this one appeals to you. 2. You may have no other choice. Regardless, if you can,go slow. Research your options. Be very, very careful of offers to help you personally. As anywhere else in life, there are people willing to take advantage.
To answer your question,I think with some planning and situational awareness you will be fine. Learn everything you can about the life you are planning. Remember, people are basically good and will go out of their way to help. The idea that the world is collapsing around us and that civiization is evil is simply nonsense. With the right attitude, people find that the world is populated by wonderful people, eager to meet you, embrace you, help you, comfort you, care for and love you.
I wish you and your lucky daughter the very best life has to offer and I envy your journey.

Take care, Michael

 

[Optimistic Paranoid]

... I never had a single issue and I doubt you will either. But, again, what do you have of value in there to make it worth the risk? Nothing! So if you are ever a victim, it will just be of a petty theft of opportunity. Those guys are no real danger!

Bob, I don't know how to break this to you, but last time I looked, you were not a woman. You never had to worry about attracting the attention of creeps and perverts.

As my ex-cop partner used to say when I was working for the armored car company: "It ain't paranoia when there really are people out to get you."

Sanensatisfied, there is a subforum here called The Girls Room. Hang out down there and you will meet a number of smart, savvy women who have been living this life for some time. They will welcome you with open arms and answer all your questions about safety on the road from a woman's perspective.

They're a great bunch.

Regards
John

 

[compassrose]

I would think twice and then think again about stealthing with a child. The gov could decide that you are raising a child in an unsafe enviroment and remove the child. Your ex could have grounds to get full custody too (even if you think he wouldn't). You really need to think about things like that when a child is involved. Bear in mind this is from a married woman who's mother decided that living in RV parks and campgrounds fulltime was not the right way to raise children and she could do it better. Luckily my Dad stopped her by having a private chat with their lawyer (the one who helped them get my sister's kid... my sister is still a mess at 57yo and her kid is a selfish vindictive beotch thanks to my mother).

 

[sanensatisfied]

Hmmm... a lot to think about.

I'm not that worried about our safety. I just know that when I "come out" to my parents and family about my idea they will probably be worried so I wanted to have a response.

I have not talked with my soon-to-be ex about this idea yet. I do plan to though. I'm not just going to take off without telling him. He knows I've wanted to move to the East Coast for a while (we currently live in Illinois). And when we begin discussions about custody and visitation I will test the waters by talking about "what if one of us moves far away". I think mobile living would be ideal for a visitation. We won't have to spend money on plane rides or long driving trips. I would just work the visitation schedule into our travels.

I haven't decided *exactly* what our plans will be. I have a few places in mind where I would like to stay for an extended period. I think I would like to do something like travel to one place and stay for a month or two and then travel to another place for a month or two and then come back "home" for a bit. I have 3 places in my hometown where I can park and stay. One place in Wisconsin we can stay.

Optomistic Paranoid, I will check out that women's group. Thanks.

 

[jeanontheroad]

Sanensatisfied, what's your hurry? You sound young, and we know the child is very young. You are getting way ahead of yourself. Frankly, with a young child involved, it's not just all about you and what you want.

How do you plan to support yourself? Do you think you are going to live on child support paid for by your ex? Do you think you will make enough to pay for child care at any job you will get with your transient plans? Are you capable of home schooling, working, entertaining an active young child in a confined space in bad weather and taking care of all the many other tasks of life? Being a single mother of a young child in a van is going to be a challenge in many, many ways for both you and the child.

You say you will work visitation into your travel plans. Does that mean you will be swinging be every weekend? Do you think your ex will be able to keep a close relationship with his daughter that way? Do you think he does not have a right to do so? Most fathers I know do not think of themselves as disinterested sperms donors.

If the judge hears about your plans and your ex has can provide a stable environment, YOU will probably be the one asking for visitation rights. Actually, that may be for the best for your daughter right now.

If your ex gets custody and you just take off with her, he could have you arrested and jailed. Your daughter is already going to have an upheaval in her life. Why do you think more instability will be good for her?

 

[owl]

Never ceases to amaze me the conclusions people can come to about other folks lives! Sane, look for advice that is positive and relevant. What happened a long time ago in another galaxie far, far away probably isn't relevant to you. It sounds like you have a level head and are planning this well in advance. Only you know your situation and the best answers for you and your daughter. Take care

 

[sanensatisfied]

Wow, Jeanontheroad. Where do I begin. Not only was your reply extremely condescending you must have missed many points I've mentioned already and have assumed an astronomical amount of information about me and our situation.

First of all I'm not in ANY hurry. If I go through with this plan it will not be sooner than at least 1 year. Until then I'm going to do research and talk to as many people as I can in order to see if this is viable.

Second, I design websites and can do that anywhere in the country. I make a decent amount of money and have a few more skills up my sleeve to add to our income.

Thirdly, I'm am completely open to the fact that traveling for long periods might not work out. And have mentioned that there are at least 3 locations I can park my RV or tiny house (not a van, by the way) in my hometown. So I'm obviously not in any way thinking of doing this to keep my daughter from my soon-to-be ex.

And, I'm actually thinking about my daughter in this decision. How many kids have the opportunity to see the country in their life? And actually I had always planned on homeschooling her so that's not going to change.

As far as visitation goes, I will work with my ex on this as I've said before. Divorced families have all kinds of visitation agreements. Ranging from every weekend to once a month or only holidays. I have always planned to talk with him about this if and when it becomes more definite.

And lastly, why in gods name would you think I would kidnap my own daughter if my husband got custody?!?!?

Long story short, your entire reply was completely uncalled for. You actually do bring up some good points. But there was a plethora of more respectful ways to share them with a person who is only asking for help and advice.

 

[AltTransBikes]

When my son was 2, I was able to parley accumulated time into a years leave of absence and we traveled the country and central America in a Ford van and fiberglass egg TT, 15k miles. In hindsight, it was the time of our life and I still look back and reflect fondly on it.

 

[rvwandering]

A "Fulltime Families" blog that I follow may be of interest to you. http://alifemadesimple.blogspot.com/

The Woods have been fulltiming since August of 2011. Their daughter was 2 1/2 at the time and seems to be completely adjusted to a nomadic lifestyle. The most important thing for children is a stable, loving caregiver. Then food and shelter. Living and traveling in a RV does not preclude any of this and actually opens the world to them in ways that can never happen in a stationary home.

Also check out the bumfuzzles - http://www.bumfuzzle.com/blog/2014/10/03/san-francisco/

 

[akrvbob]

I've deleted several posts in this thread. I feel really bad about that but I felt like I had no choice.

Before you scream censorship I want you to know that basically I agree with everything you say. I was a single dad and if my ex announced one day I would never see my kids again--the war would have been on!

But those posts read and feel too much like a personal attack and we just don't allow that.

We readers know almost nothing about the OPs full circumstances and yet we are reaching conclusions with a total certainty which is ridiculous.

Your concerns are very valid and I'm sure you mean them from the best intentions, but they come across as so harsh and judgemental that they feel totally like accusations. No one will see the advice, just the judgement.

Try again, your points are too important to lose.

Be kind!
Bob

 

[jeanontheroad]

Ok. I will try a third time, then give up.

1. At 2 or 3 years old, a child does not understand why daddy is not around a lot, only that he is not around a lot.

2. From what you say about your husband not liking the idea, I infer that he cares about his daughter and wants to be a greater part of her life than he will be able to be if you are gone with her for extended periods.

3. A child under 5 or 6 will not remember any of the travels longterm. Google "childhood amnesia." Nor will she be about to understand or appreciate what she sees. We traveled and camped with our son. He had fun, but has no clear or detailed memories of any trips before 9 or 10 yrs old.

4.As an only child who lives a nomadic life and is home schooled, she will have limited opportunities to make friends and practice how to establish longterm relationships. When she does start public school, she will always be The New Kid.

My advice is to wait until your daughter is 9 or 10 and to not home school her until then. By that time, she will understand why dad is not coming along. She will have established friendships. She can keep in easy touch with her father and her friends thru pictures and texts. She will understand and appreciate what she is seeing. She can also decide for herself if she wants to travel longterm, just for the summers when she is out of school, only for short trips, or not at all.

 

[sanensatisfied]

Thank you, akrvbob. To get back on track and to better help people give me the best advice here's some more information about how our situation will be like on the road (to the best of my ability, obviously I cannot tell the future).

1. We will not leave for at least a year.
2. I intend to talk with and work with my soon-to-be ex on visitation ranging anywhere from every two weeks, every month, every 3 months to my daughter staying with him for 3 months and then with me for 3 months. And a whole bunch of options in between. I am merely gathering information right now to even see if any of this will be possible. Even though my husband cheated on me for 2 years and he's the one who put us in this situation I have no intention of keeping my daughter from him and will work with him as much as I can.
3. I haven't decided yet what our travel plans will be. I know many mobile livers travel a lot and some travel once a year and some travel to a new place every 2-4 months. I may not even have to go far from my hometown. If I only buy a plot of land and build a tiny home to stay for the majority of the year then that will be fine. Again, I am simply gathering information to figure out what options would be best.
4. My main reason for considering a mobile lifestyle is because I do not want to be in debt anymore. Every time I think about having to buy a new house or rent an apartment I feel sick. Another option I've considered is living in a trailer in a trailer park. Although an RV is more appealing because I've always wanted to travel.
5. I intend to bring in income by continuing my website design business and growing it online. I also make handmade spa products I can sell on the road. (And our life might just be going to a fair or festival every month or so and coming back home in between). I'm also looking into other online business ideas. And I plan to save money for at least a year while we are getting ready for this venture.
6. As for my comment about babysitting, I'm not anticipating needing one a lot. I was again, just brainstorming solutions and ways to help this lifestyle should I pursue it.
7. If everything else I've mentioned goes smoothly and we are able to buy an RV and set out I'm open to fact that it might only be for a year or so.

There are just so many options available to you when you live in a tiny house, RV or other mobile home. I'm just brainstorming right now to figure out the best option for us.

---

Jean, I don't know where you got that my soon-to-be ex probably won't like this arrangement. I never said that. And I've said countless times I'm willing to work with him on this idea.

Apparently there are plenty of families traveling with toddlers. A friend of mine had their baby on the road and he is now about 2 years old.

Homeschooling, no matter if it's on the road or stationary does not automatically doom a child to no friendships. I make friends easily and plan to introduce my daughter to many people along the way.

And I've said countless times I will come home frequently. I am friends with 3 families in town who have children my daughter's age and she will see them and more children along the way.

You have made your opinion well known. Now can you please allow the conversation to get back on track?

 

[jeanontheroad]

As I cannot say what I would without being censored, please, by all means, continue up without me.

 

[owl]

Sane, a good way to judge whether you want to take someones advice here is to look at their total posts, you will quickly see the pattern. You can then choose to not have their posts displayed to you. There are a number of helpful folks here with a wealth of information, there are also some who see only the downside just like in the real world. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to figure out which is which. This tape will self destruct in 10, 9, 8, 7----------------