People Think I'm Crazy!!!!!

[Boris Badanov]

Seriously, I'm going to have to be extremely selective about who I talk to be about my van dwelling plans. So far I've been told "You're on the slippery slope towards homelessness", "You're putting your future at risk"', "Think of the danger!", "What happens when you get tired of it?", "No one will take you seriously!" and my favorite (and most hurtful - from my sister), "Why can't you just lead a normal life?"

It's very disheartening and even though I have a rational answer to almost every objection they raise (I HAVE been doing my homework), I am still met with skepticism, doubt, derision and shock. I feel like a social pariah.

I'm a smart woman. I worked for over 30 years, making good money, walking the mainstream walk, dancing the dance that was expected of me. And I was miserable. 4 years ago I had an epiphany, dropped out of the rat race, got a job I love that pays very little, and became one of the working poor. I am lucky enough that my job provides excellent health care. But I can't justify my rent any longer, I hate the feeling of being trapped by that crushing monthly payment, and I want out. My Mom is 89, lives in assisted living in Northern Florida and I can transfer jobs to be near her in her waning days. When she passes, I can go anywhere I wish because the company I work for is nationwide. Van or camper dwelling is the closest I'll ever come to owning a house and it's mobile!

Why would folks be so appalled and horrified by my choice? I figure most of them are projecting their fears all over me though some have asked questions and raised points I will have to work out. But "Alarm Bells" are going off, "Immediate apprehension" is over-taking my friends and family, and I have to say it's kind of getting to me.

I'm sure many of you have experienced something along these lines. If you have any advice (besides "shut the hell up" which I figured out for myself), or support, I'd sure appreciate it. I want this; I want it badly and I can't let the bastards get me down!

Thanks for listening.
Boris/Monica

 

[dominique21]

2 pieces of advice......if your going to be that sensitive of what others think; A) This is the wrong lifestyle for you and you might be better off renting a room from a little old lady, or; B) Don't tell anyone.

Do you really expect family and friends to hug you and say good choice in lifestyle, where can I sign up????

 

[cyndi]

Monica, give your family time to see you live a successful life as a rubber tramp. They may never like it, but if they love you they'll, at the very least, be happy you are happy0.

 

[Boris Badanov]

Thanks, Cyndi.

 

[DollarJoe67]

I went from US Air Force salary, great pay and benefits.&nbsp; To CNC machinist, poor pay and okay benefits.&nbsp; And now I plan to move into my van, drive to the beach and take a part time job, probably no benefits and min. wage.&nbsp; I've been slowly shedding "valuable" items and voluntarily slipping into "poverty."&nbsp; Every day I feel a little more stress free.&nbsp; If anyone dare criticize me, I charge them with jealousy.&nbsp; They wish to live on the beach or out on the road but have trapped themselves with their "family, house,or career" or any variety of "commitments" and "responsibility."&nbsp; All of which are tied to chasing the almighty dollar, but in the end it is just projected fear.&nbsp; Modern people have been brainwashed into thinking the straight line is all there is.&nbsp; I have met very few people who know how to live life without&nbsp;instruction from others.&nbsp; <br><br>So, buy your van or small RV.&nbsp; When someone criticizes you, smile and tell them "don't project your inhumane lifestyle on me."&nbsp; Then when they get upset, tell them "don't project your frustration on me."&nbsp; Then when they get defensive, smile and tell them "don't project your&nbsp;fear&nbsp;on me."&nbsp; Eventually, they just stomp feet and go away.&nbsp; Life is a search for your own happiness&nbsp;and NO-ONE can tell you where or how to find it.<br><br>That's what my 32yrs on this planet have taught me.

 

[suestuck76]

I completely agree with DollarJoe. The naysayers are speaking out of either fear or jealousy, or both. You are unhappy and are taking action to find happiness. They are also unhappy, but are too afraid to do anything about it. Don't let them get you down! No one other than you has any say in how you live your life.

 

[Boris Badanov]

Thanks for your replies. I am coming to believe more and more that the responses I'm getting are more or less projections of the individuals I speak to. The one who ask me sensible questions are usually okay with my answers. Those who remain "concerned", well. I think I'm really going to have to examine the source.

Dollar Joe, just the idea of doing this makes me feel more lighthearted every day. I'm not escaping responsibility, I'm simply taking control of my future.

Really appreciate the support.

Monica

 

[mockturtle]

<span id="post_message_1278434580"> I have met very few people who know how to live life without&nbsp;instruction from others.&nbsp; </span>

Same here, Joe.&nbsp; And therein lies the secret to freedom.&nbsp;

 

[DollarJoe67]

I don't think anyone on this forum&nbsp;is escaping responsibility.&nbsp; We are taking responsibility for our own happiness.&nbsp; Thats what I mean.&nbsp; <img class="emoticon bbc_img" src="/images/boards/smilies/smile.gif">

 

[Ocean]

I know it's difficult but try not to dwell on what others think too much. Over the last couple of weeks I've told several people about my plans to live in my vehicle and the reactions have been a bit varied...I've had some folks express genuine concern but be supportive nonetheless because they just want me to be happy...and I've had a few people that have actually quit speaking to me altogether because they either can't comprehend why I'm choosing this lifestyle or they're simply jealous because it's not something they're capable of doing (for various reasons). That being said, it's actually shone a light on who my true friends are. The people that truly love you will come around to your way of thinking eventually (it may take some time but that's ok) and the ones that don't probably aren't worth the energy you're wasting worrying about what they think to begin with. Stay strong and follow your heart...everything will work out as it should. <img class="emoticon bbc_img" src="/images/boards/smilies/smile.gif">

 

[Boris Badanov]

Ocean, I think you're absolutely right. Adversity and change are two things that really separate your true friends from the "sheeple". In the time since I wrote the first post in this thread to right now, I've done an 180. As Joe put it, I'm taking "responsibility for my happiness". It makes people uncomfortable when you color outside the lines. And honestly, the only person I must answer to is myself. Thanks for your kindness.

 

[Stargazer]

Monica,

I hear so many people say the same things as you. I don't know why others feel they have any say so in how you choose to live. It certainly does, however, display their narrow minded attitudes. Did you not know they were this way???

If you feel the need to explain yourself (!!!), just say you're retiring and will be traveling for a while. Smile, wink, giggle, and follow that with, "Eat your heart out."

 

[Pikachu711]

Boris &amp; Monica,<br><br>I received some of the same responses you did when you told people of your future plans. I also get the same type response from some of my family members. Only a few of them are supportive of my decision to become a van-dweller. My immediate family are some of my harshest critics with a list of many of the negatives associated with this way of life.<br><br>As a result of this reaction I don't volunteer this subject unless the subject is mentioned by the family members who do not support my decision to make this change in the future. The ones who accept my choice are supportive and realize that they cannot tell me how to live my life. At 55 years old this year, they've given up trying to convince me of give up this option. The family members who keep attempting to convince me that this is a mistake, or a "phase" according to some of them, I've learned to respectfully listen to their opinions &amp; ignore&nbsp;their&nbsp;perspective on this way of life. Every time I bring up reasonable &amp; rational solutions to living in a van they keep&nbsp;bringing up&nbsp;what they think are the risks why I shouldn't do it. I'll respectfully disagree with them &amp; allow them to have their opinions. We'll never agree on this subject so that's the way it has to be.<br><br>As others have already mentioned, don't let others tell you dictate how should live your life. Live it on your own terms.

 

[Boris Badanov]

Stargazer, I only told people who would be impacted by my decision. Really, just a handful of people. I guess it was naive of me to assume the news would be met with unqualified acceptance. I'm a people pleaser, but that's changing as I get older. Hell, it's changed since I started this thread. I'm going start working on that smile and wink for sure!

Pikachu, an early Happy Birthday to ya! One of the reasons I'm doing this is so that I can make sure no one can dictate how I live. A certain financial freedom that I'll gain will help (I know there are plenty of expenses with this way of life but I pay a ridiculous sum in rent). I know I gotta do what my bosses tell me, and I have be law abiding but that's going be the end of it. I can totally relate to the family members - those are the people who shocked me the most. But they've always underestimated me and I've let them get away with it. No more! &lt;&lt;Cue "I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar&gt;&gt;. : p As your signature says, it's not about the destination, it's about the journey.

BTW, Boris and Monica are the same person. Boris and Natasha are my cats and the main reason I'm going for a step van. They need the room. But Boris was very interested in your post.

The best to you both,

 

[highdesertranger]

boris follow your heart, it's your life not theirs.&nbsp; highdesertranger

 

[suestuck76]

I've learned to respectfully listen to their opinions &amp; ignore&nbsp;their&nbsp;perspective on this way of life.

<br><br>This made me chuckle. I do the same thing, Pikachu. I smile and nod and say, "Thank you for your opinion", and then walk away and forget about it. I think if you feel confident that you are making the right decision and let your own fear go, no one's negativity can have any effect on you.

 

[VanLifeCrisis]

I met resistance from my mom mainly.&nbsp; But in the end it is your life to live.&nbsp; I have taken great heart in the few people who surprised me with almost immediate support.<br><br>Mom's latest was "But you are so smart,&nbsp; too smart to have to live in a van."&nbsp; /facepalm &nbsp; Guess all people living in vehicles are dumb. &nbsp; I had to tell her why i think its a smart move again.&nbsp;&nbsp; I know her feelings, while grossly off, are coming from a good place and from a concern for me though.

 

[Boris Badanov]

I'm not even going to tell my Mom. I'm just going to show up! I could live in a yurt and shed just be happy I was close by. As I get closer and closer to making this happen, I become more confident I'll be able to shrug off the negativity. And I'm keeping my yap shut, as Gramps (that old charmer) used to say.

Seeing the van on Tuesday. Got a list of questions 5 miles long, I've been educating myself until I'm cross-eyed and I'm hoping for the best.

 

[Ocean]

I understand what you're saying as I've decided I'm not telling anyone what I'm doing anymore. Today a friend of mine asked me what I was doing with a van. I told him that I was converting it into my home (I told him a couple of weeks ago what I was planning to do but I guess he didn't believe me). He looks at me like I'm some helpless child (I'm 43), shakes his head, gives me a hug...then goes behind my back and tells another friend of mine that I'm bat-crap crazy. I understand this lifestyle isn't exactly typical...and it's certainly not for everyone...but damn. <img class="emoticon bbc_img" src="/images/boards/smilies/rolleyes.gif">

 

[Boris Badanov]

Ocean, that dude is NIOT your friend, I'm sorry but true friends don't behave that way. I'm prepared to write some people off. I really am sorry.