I know how you feel. For the last 2 years or so, I've been researching, planning, and doing everything I can to figure out if this would really work for me.
This whole thing started for me out of a period of "oh shit im going to be homeless, how the hell am I going to survive?". I found this after thinking of a few other things and pretty much became obsessed with it over the last few years. Ironically, I ended up with a really high paying full time job exactly 1 year ago. Im making more money than I ever imagined I could, and I never even considered going to college. I know how fortunate I am, but the stress of the job has really robbed me. I work long hours and lots of overtime. When I got the job, I was all excited, and was going to jump in and buy a massive house and forget about the whole thing. Then I started thinking about it, and realized that the industry im working in is dying, and I dont think I'd really have the skills to go anywhere else. All the skills Ive learned at this job, really only apply to this job. So if I lost this job, I'd probably be way in over my head in a house and risk losing everything. So I went back and stuck with the van plan, which can still work out since its a tech job and I could potentially work from home. I work from home on saturdays and think I could negotiate with them to let me work virtual full time.
So 2 days ago, I took the plunge and actually found a really nice high top conversion van out of pure chance. I'd been checking craigslist for years, and never really found anything that great. turns out the place I stopped at to look had just gotten this in yesterday and they didnt even have it out on the lot yet or posted on their website. After experiencing car trouble recently, I had to come to terms with the fact that my car is on its last legs. It has almost 200k miles on it, and it cant really handle the insane distance I have to travel daily anymore. This tears me up more than anything else. I love that car more than life itself. It was the first car I ever bought on my own, when I was 18. Its nothing special, just an old cadillac, but damn it its MY cadillac. I dont have a problem throwing away anything else I own, but selling that car will truly be one of the hardest things I've ever done. I know it sounds ridiculous, but that thing truly means a lot to me.
Now that I have the van, I feel the same way. I've been obsessed with van dwelling for years, and anytime something happens here that pissed me off, that was always the first thing that came to mind. "Im gonna get that van and get the hell out of here and never deal with this stupid shit again". But now that I've got it, I'm having second thoughts. Is this really the right thing to do? Am I really going to make a better life for myself, or am I just going to throw away everything I've worked so hard for? I dont feel as confident as I did about it before. Maybe I was just caught up in the fantasy of living free, without realizing how much work its going to be. Maybe this will be harder than just living a "normal" life. I realize I wanted this kind of life so badly for the freedom. To pursue all the dreams I had and do all the things I wanted to do. But now I kinda realize all those dreams are dead. This jobs taken up all my time, and dragged me so far away from goals that I'm consumed with day to day life now. I dont have any passion for anything I used to care about, and I think now, even if I did hit the road and just live off savings for a while, I still probably wouldnt be able to pursue any of the things I wanted. Real life catches up with everyone eventually, and maybe instead of trying to do this, I should just keep going the way things are currently headed.
But regardless of how I feel, I've already started down this road, and now that I have the van, it seems like its too late to turn back. Only time will tell now if this was truly worth it, or if it was just all a big waste of time and life. But as others have said, its all just stuff. Even if this doesnt work out, what have I lost but stuff? I'll still be saving tons of money, that much is certain. You can always leave this lifestyle behind and go back to apartment/house living one way or another. Theres really nothing to lose here. Either I find ultimate freedom, or I just find this wasnt for me. With the vin number, I can always track down my old car and get it back if I really want to. As long as no one crushes it, I'll be able to find it. Or hell, maybe I'll find a storage unit somewhere else and store it there. If its cheap enough, why not. Then I can pretty much say, I've lost nothing. Its the only possession I can say I truly care about. Everything else I own is just junk accumulated over the course of my lifetime. If my experience in life has taught me anything so far, its that things tend to work themselves out in the end. No matter what you do, you'll be ok.
