New heartache

[Capricci]

Well, my husband divorcing me might kill my van dream, after all.

I'm never going to make it. I'm not even going to survive the first week. I'm so lost since I got the news. So confused. Can't eat. Can't sleep. Can't stop crying, thinking, crying, thinking. And the one person who could give me the closure I need to move on...

How can I move on without closure? Is closure a concept only women understand?

 

[Van Man Dave]

This too shall pass.............
I understand how hard this situatiuon is. Closure is a process, it will take time.
Keep your head up and muscle through it, it won't be long and this will be much easier to deal with. Best wishes to you sister,

VMD

 

[Minivanmotoman]

Life has just given you a challenge. Your emotions and feelings are taking negative control over you. Sadness, depression and rumination have seized you. You must be mentally strong and take back control of the situation, no matter what, for your emotional survival.

Adapt, improvise overcome. Go join the Marines. Or climb a mountain. Then you will see that what you think is hard now is nothing. It is only all in your own mind. Really.

What you must do.
1. Accept this new reality. Writing about your thoughts and feelings in a personal journey can be therapeutic. Write, read, write, reread.

2. Learn from this moving forward. What could you have done different or better, if at all? How will you do better next time? Were you the best person that you could have been in that relationship? Read and learn about relationships, coping, happiness, etc...
It is an opportunity to learn how to deal, cope, understand yourself, overcome your emotions and become stronger.

3. Look forward, always look forward. Appreciate the time, moments, experiences shared and lived. Thank God and be happy for what you had. There is more and maybe even better. Work at it and it will be.

4. Stay busy and keep your mind occupied. Do NOT allow yourself to dwell or ruminate on the past. Kick yourself in the butt when you find that you are and go do something to keep your mind off of it or any depressive thoughts. Jog a mile, write the next great novel, start a new hobby, listen to music that you enjoy, take a course, create art, spend time with your loved ones. Life isn't over and don't let negative thoughts take over your life.

5. When one door closes, another one opens. Go find, explore, create, explode through that door.

6. You have not lost anything. You are still alive. You now have freedom to make your own choices, to be spontaneous, impulsive, independent and make your own decisions. Life is a continuous, ongoing learning process, constantly changing and we must all evolve with it.

7. Fill your life, heart and mind with love, joy and happiness every single minute of every single day.
Live the moment. Cherish, savor life passionately.

8. That relationship was a stage in your life. All good things must come to an end. Now get onto the good parts of the next stage of your life.

9. You are not a relationship. You are you and it is your one and only life. You have your qualities, characteristics, choices, decisions, opportunities, etc... Go live your life and don't fall into the trap that it has to be in a relationship and that it will be happily ever after. Be so busy, happy with your life that a relationship won't be the end all be all.

10. Move forward, absolutely positively.

 

[Capricci]

Beautifully written.

 

[judyg]

You are now free to do as you please with your life.
I couldn't become a van dweller until my last husband and I were divorced.
Because he wouldn't allow it. He thought I was nuts & needed medication.
I've been a van dweller since 2013...guess I showed him, eh! ;-)
All the best to you!

 

[tx2sturgis]

He thought I was nuts & needed medication.

We all do!

It's called 'Freedom' and it comes in many shapes and forms, but NEVER in a small pill bottle. 

 

[Stargazer]

Minivanmotoman has written some excellent ideas.  (Do you hear this coming?)

BUT...

When someone is hurting like this, it is almost impossible to start a new hobby, to think positive thoughts, to be thankful for what you have, to write a journal.  Maybe in a week or two, those would be doable.  But in the beginning, it's almost impossible to just get dressed or brush your teeth or do everyday chores.  Those things will come though.

Right now, just wait.  Wait one hour, then wait another hour and soon you have made it through one day.  The next day will come and you will feel a little bit better for a little while.  Wait another day.  The day after that will be a little bit better for a little bit longer.  And one day you will be forced to do something.  Shower. Grocery store. Something.  And little by little it will be a lot better.  But just wait.  Please wait!  Those who have been there know what I mean.

Allow yourself to feel awful right now, it's ok.  It's normal.  THEN you can begin work on a new life.

 

[CautionToTheWind]

Nothing happens overnight. Take time to feel all the pain in a healthy way. Not by going for a drink or disassociating by unhealthy methods. Go through it not around it as the body will hold onto unhurt not dealt with and future bad choices may arise. Just be gentle with yourself and not beat yourself up.

 

[free2enjoy]

One

Day

At

A

Time

And when that's too hard....

One

Moment

At

A

Time

Just say "no" (seriously, say it again and again) to all thoughts that are repetitive, self-deprecating, victimizing, etc....

In 2004, I kicked in just a few days debilitating Irritable Bowel Syndrome simply when I started interrupting my thinking by saying "I don't think that way anymore".

The quality of our lives starts with the quality of our thoughts. Love yourself by being as free as you can be and help others live that way too. The best of life is yet to come as we all move towards greater and greater freedom while finding fellow travellers to explore synergies with so that life can be a fun community experience.

 

[Jeremiah Diminovich]

Absolutely not my wife left me for another man without explanation after being married for 20 years All she will say is I said something that hurt her feelings I have never been physically verbally or emotionally abusive to her I was only ever supported raise 7 kids with her and out of the blue she leaves me for another man so yes I understand when you say you need closure. I had a hard time moving forward because I never knew if it was a joke was she just pissed or did she really move in with another man it took me deciding that there are more women out there that are more compatible to my lifestyle and choice of living in the materialistic things she decided was more important then a mental and physical connection I had to choose my own closure and that was if I did not make her happy enough to stay I would never make her happy enough to come back it would be better to let go now and try to find my real connection in life and the person that fits my lifestyle I wanted to travel and see this beautiful country instead of sitting in a house or an office...

Sent from my Z799VL using Tapatalk

 

[JustPlainJim]

Capricci, 

A year ago my fiance left me and left her whole family for some guy she met online and went to Texas with him. I went through a lot of the same emotions as you are wondering why and wondering how I would go on. Believe it or not things will get better and hopefully you are starting to see that now after a few months.

I am definitely doing better especially financially! I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Emotionally I am stronger than ever. I have found MYSELF now and there's no looking back. In the next couple of months I will be able to buy my van (finally) and get it built the way I want and hopefully by winter I can hit the road and get to the RTR in Quartzite.

The funny thing is that I'm doing so much better without her. I've lost 35 pounds of excess weight and I'm taking better care of myself now. I heard from her sister who I'm still friends with that she and her new boyfriend are homeless and not doing well. I won't wish anything bad on her, BUT she definitely lost a good thing because I was the only one working and I was paying all the bills. 

It sucks to be her with her alcoholic boyfriend that can't keep a job and can't even keep a roof over his teenage daughters head let alone my ex. 

Keep your chin up girl, things can only get better I promise.

Don't give up on your dreams of anything you want to do. 

Take care Jim

 

[Springie15]

Oh Capricci, I’m a year late to see this message but wow, your words describe my current life right now and I wish I could hug you and invite you to my pity party.
I divorced after 22 yrs and moved to NM. I met the man I was SURE would be with me till the end and after 3 years he decided to take a job away from here and pretty much left me behind. I didn’t see it coming, so the heartbreak has been the absolute worst I've faced in my 48 yrs. 
As if things weren’t bad enough, my beloved 12yr old dog passed away 2 weeks after that. I quickly realized I’ve never been completely alone (always around humans and/or my dog) and began to get desperate to leave this place and start fresh. I feel the vanlife is a good option for me but yeah... taking on anything this life changing  now is so scary because of the uncertainty that these heavy losses have brought me, and what I thought my future looked like.
I hope that in the year that's gone by you have found yourself and know that you can do this and meet people of kindred spirits. That's what I hope to get by joining this forum.... aside from converting a van, my vision is to caravan in small
groups of 2-3 vans and still everyone have their solitude before I can feel a bit feel a bit more secure about selling it all to move into a van. 
You might say I want to be alone in the company of others

 

[WILD@HEART]

View attachment 22146  May your new beginning surpass even your best expectations!