New and dreaming

[maki2]

True. I am trying to be content in my life now. There are definitely things that are easier but I still feel trapped. Idk. I think the advice to camp more and more is good. I don’t work unless you count homeschooling and taking care of 5 kids lol. Usually I feel like this more in the winter.

Every parent with children, especially multiple children, feels trapped at times, especially in winter time. That trapped feeling is perfectly normal during parenthood years and it does come and go. I suggest you join some skoolie forums where there are plenty of parents living in smaller spaces doing homeschooling. That will give you a very relevant emotional support group you could fit into if you aspire to become nomadic, the nomadic lifestyle parents doing home schooling. There are Facebook groups for that as well as the traditional website forums and even zoom groups too. But do not be overly concerned, while uncomfortable the emotions you are feeling are not indicative of poor mental health. You are instead right smack in the normal emotional range of parenthood reactions to raising 5 kids! I am one of 5 siblings. It was tough on my parents too, especially in summer when school was out and my mother got no real time to herself. With homeschooling you do not even get those winter time hours of alone time.

 

[rruff]

Thanks for explaining that. I don’t know how I could accomplish it though - short of medication to numb my brain. But my husband doesn’t want me to take anything anymore. I get what you are saying that it would be easier to do alone. I think the only problem would be I would eventually lose my will to live. When I think of dying I think mostly of what it would do to my kids. Without them it wouldn’t matter. I don’t really know who I am, just what I am, what I do, but not who.

The mind doesn't need numbing... it's the relationship to it that needs changing. If you take it seriously, then it will be "you". If you don't, then it loses power. It's best to not fight or struggle with it, rather regard it with compassion but don't let it take over. I actually think a parent-child relationship with the mind is closest to the mark, and you have a lot of experience with that!

I just remembered a teacher I like... he mentioned that his main teacher was a woman who went through the whole process while raising 5 kids, so it is possible! At any rate you start where you are; no point in wishing for things to be different. Your life is no accident as it is.

There are many things you can practice; just paying attention to it when you can, or surrendering for a few seconds like I mentioned above. Just a few seconds of relief can bring a wondrous shift in perspective.

It really isn't "finding out who you are" but rather learning who you are not. Unlearning. Letting go of all the conditioning. Becoming free.

Why do you think you would lose the will to live? What are the thoughts that lead to this conclusion?

 

[Psalm139]

The mind doesn't need numbing... it's the relationship to it that needs changing. If you take it seriously, then it will be "you". If you don't, then it loses power. It's best to not fight or struggle with it, rather regard it with compassion but don't let it take over. I actually think a parent-child relationship with the mind is closest to the mark, and you have a lot of experience with that!

I just remembered a teacher I like... he mentioned that his main teacher was a woman who went through the whole process while raising 5 kids, so it is possible! At any rate you start where you are; no point in wishing for things to be different. Your life is no accident as it is.

There are many things you can practice; just paying attention to it when you can, or surrendering for a few seconds like I mentioned above. Just a few seconds of relief can bring a wondrous shift in perspective.

It really isn't "finding out who you are" but rather learning who you are not. Unlearning. Letting go of all the conditioning. Becoming free.

Why do you think you would lose the will to live? What are the thoughts that lead to this conclusion?

The world makes it too hard to just exist. We were homeless about 5 years ago. We lived in a shelter for almost a year and there was a constant threat of being kicked out. All I wanted then and now was somewhere to go, alone, to be. To not bother or need anyone or anything. But you have to have a house or acceptable place to live with kids. Vehicles break down. Everything is crazy expensive. I don’t need much for food or anything else, but obviously everyone needs water and some food. But without the kids I don’t think I would care enough to struggle even for that. I probably don’t make sense. Sorry.

 

[maki2]

… But without the kids I don’t think I would care enough to struggle even for that. I probably don’t make sense. Sorry.

Every word in that sentence that you wrote clearly indicates you are solidly in mental health state defined as atypical “depression”, which is the most common type. Either start on self help for it or seek professional help. There are all kinds of factors that can contribute to it. I myself will slide down into it if I do not take some extra key mineral supplements that are essential precursors for serotonin production. For me it is really not related to how I live or where I work, it is just about getting enough of the right minerals that I do not seem to be able to absorb from the foods I eat. You are online, look up essential vitamins and minerals for serotonin production. Make adjustments and see if you start feeling happier naturally.

 

[eDJ_]

Best wishes in your quest and welcome to the forum

 

[Tony's Dream]

Dreams are only dreams unless you have a plan. As my name implies, I too had this dream but its only partially being realized. I am unable to go full time living so I am currently a traveler. I go on trips of 10-18 days at a time. My dreams and plans have helped me along over the last two years. I have traveled through alomst every state in the lower 48. Its been a great journey so far and I continue to dream and plan for the future.

I also struggle with depression and its gets harder with age. I would to be 41 again!! Pushing myself out of my comfort zone helps me overcome my depression and simplicity of traveling is so calming.

 

[INTJohn]

 

[Morgana]

You're making plenty of sense; don't worry about that.
In the hardest moments of my life, I thought "I could be going through all this -- and taking care of kids." So, respect on that front.
Everybody has unique challenges and finds unique solutions, so I don't want to belabor this too much, but if depression is an issue, I'd like to say make sure you're getting exercise and eating healthy. Sometimes when you least want to do those things is when you most need to.
As far as the choices of our parents, (1) we are not responsible for them and (2) we are not them. There's a tremendous amount of pressure out there to believe that our fates are determined by the DNA pool that launched us. This comes mostly from careless lazy thinkers who haven't thought it through. It's horse puckey. To heck with them; you do you.
In my experience when things get better it's usually one tiny piece at a time, and at first you don't notice it, but then one day you look around and think "wait, this is better; well all right then."
Good luck and keep following your dreams!

 

[Psalm139]

Every parent with children, especially multiple children, feels trapped at times, especially in winter time. That trapped feeling is perfectly normal during parenthood years and it does come and go. I suggest you join some skoolie forums where there are plenty of parents living in smaller spaces doing homeschooling. That will give you a very relevant emotional support group you could fit into if you aspire to become nomadic, the nomadic lifestyle parents doing home schooling. There are Facebook groups for that as well as the traditional website forums and even zoom groups too. But do not be overly concerned, while uncomfortable the emotions you are feeling are not indicative of poor mental health. You are instead right smack in the normal emotional range of parenthood reactions to raising 5 kids! I am one of 5 siblings. It was tough on my parents too, especially in summer when school was out and my mother got no real time to herself. With homeschooling you do not even get those winter time hours of alone time.

Yeah I know about those groups. From what I’ve seen they mostly have fancy rvs to travel in and are doing it right now or have immediate plans to. I don’t fit there either. And while I agree some of the feelings I have are normal

Every word in that sentence that you wrote clearly indicates you are solidly in mental health state defined as atypical “depression”, which is the most common type. Either start on self help for it or seek professional help. There are all kinds of factors that can contribute to it. I myself will slide down into it if I do not take some extra key mineral supplements that are essential precursors for serotonin production. For me it is really not related to how I live or where I work, it is just about getting enough of the right minerals that I do not seem to be able to absorb from the foods I eat. You are online, look up essential vitamins and minerals for serotonin production. Make adjustments and see if you start feeling happier naturally.

I will research vitamins and see if there is anything I’m missing. I am a vegetarian (probably 95 % vegan) so b vitamins can be an issue, and iron. I probably also need vitamin d because I don’t like going outside much unless it’s away from too many people. Thank you

 

[Psalm139]

You're making plenty of sense; don't worry about that.
In the hardest moments of my life, I thought "I could be going through all this -- and taking care of kids." So, respect on that front.
Everybody has unique challenges and finds unique solutions, so I don't want to belabor this too much, but if depression is an issue, I'd like to say make sure you're getting exercise and eating healthy. Sometimes when you least want to do those things is when you most need to.
As far as the choices of our parents, (1) we are not responsible for them and (2) we are not them. There's a tremendous amount of pressure out there to believe that our fates are determined by the DNA pool that launched us. This comes mostly from careless lazy thinkers who haven't thought it through. It's horse puckey. To heck with them; you do you.
In my experience when things get better it's usually one tiny piece at a time, and at first you don't notice it, but then one day you look around and think "wait, this is better; well all right then."
Good luck and keep following your dreams!

I

Dreams are only dreams unless you have a plan. As my name implies, I too had this dream but its only partially being realized. I am unable to go full time living so I am currently a traveler. I go on trips of 10-18 days at a time. My dreams and plans have helped me along over the last two years. I have traveled through alomst every state in the lower 48. Its been a great journey so far and I continue to dream and plan for the future.

I also struggle with depression and its gets harder with age. I would to be 41 again!! Pushing myself out of my comfort zone helps me overcome my depression and simplicity of traveling is so calming.

Thats really cool that you’ve traveled through almost every state! It encourages to me know I’m not the only one that can’t jump in 100 percent. It’s crazy how much planning and preparation and waiting is required to have a “simple life”!

 

[rruff]

The world makes it too hard to just exist. We were homeless about 5 years ago. We lived in a shelter for almost a year and there was a constant threat of being kicked out. All I wanted then and now was somewhere to go, alone, to be. To not bother or need anyone or anything. But you have to have a house or acceptable place to live with kids. Vehicles break down. Everything is crazy expensive. I don’t need much for food or anything else, but obviously everyone needs water and some food. But without the kids I don’t think I would care enough to struggle even for that. I probably don’t make sense. Sorry.

You have pretty much the opposite of a simple life, homeschooling 5 kids! Kudos to you! I think pretty much anybody who took on a project like that would occasionally wonder... wtf did I get myself into?!

It was not a mistake. You are not trapped. You do not need to escape. The way forward starts from precisely where you are.

I was going to suggest that Iowa had poor public benefits, but it seems to be one of the better states. Budgeting for vehicles breaking down, and having a decent stash for any emergency is like... Vagabond 101. When your vehicle is your house, this is even more important!

I'm reminded of a bunch of studies that show that both positive and negative fortunes have very short term effects on mood and outlook on life. Winning the lotto for instance. Or being in a car crash and becoming paralyzed. After several months the person is no happier or sadder than they were before. Happiness and contentment come from somewhere else.

It's all in the mind. Pay attention to what is going on in there. We need to really appreciate what we have to be thankful for, and be at peace.

 

[maki2]

Depression is not just in the mind. You can’t just fix it by having a change in attitude. There are underlying physical causes and it is not just about where you live, how much money you have and what job you work.

 

[Tony's Dream]

I

Thats really cool that you’ve traveled through almost every state! It encourages to me know I’m not the only one that can’t jump in 100 percent. It’s crazy how much planning and preparation and waiting is required to have a “simple life”!

I started my planning 3 years before I retired. I set up and bulit a special traveling fund so I can travel without impacting our monthly budget. I bought a national park passport book and a rand mcnally map book. I litterally spent hundreds of hours mapping 18 travel routes throughout our great nation so I could go to all the national parks, historical locations, and monuments. Also taking in any points of interest along those lines of travel. It is so comforting to me to be able to get in my van and go. Not having to book hotels, RV parks, or campgrounds. I stop where and when I want. A planned trip could take 15 days or 20 days, depending on how things are going.

 

[Psalm139]

Depression is not just in the mind. You can’t just fix it by having a change in attitude. There are underlying physical causes and it is not just about where you live, how much money you have and what job you work.

Oh I am very aware of the way depression works - at least for me - I was first diagnosed at 15, one suicide attempt, years of self harm, hospitalized 5 times. Some things make it a little better or worse. I’ve tried lots of medications too but the side effects are hard and most didn’t work anyway.

 

[Psalm139]

I started my planning 3 years before I retired. I set up and bulit a special traveling fund so I can travel without impacting our monthly budget. I bought a national park passport book and a rand mcnally map book. I litterally spent hundreds of hours mapping 18 travel routes throughout our great nation so I could go to all the national parks, historical locations, and monuments. Also taking in any points of interest along those lines of travel. It is so comforting to me to be able to get in my van and go. Not having to book hotels, RV parks, or campgrounds. I stop where and when I want. A planned trip could take 15 days or 20 days, depending on how things are.

 

[Psalm139]

That sounds like a lot of work but so worth it I’m sure! Does your wife go with you? You make me want to buy books and start planning lol. I doubt that we’ll go very far for quite a while but I don’t mind that. Just really want to get out!

 

[Tony's Dream]

I travel alone. She prefers better accommodations like hotels.

 

[Psalm139]

I travel alone. She prefers better accommodations like hotels.

Ah bummer. At least she lets you go!

 

[WanderingRose]

But without the kids I don’t think I would care enough to struggle even for that. I probably don’t make sense. Sorry.

It makes sense, really.

I believe that our kids, pets, whatever external structure and expectations we have sometimes prop us up and keep us going when we otherwise might just quit.

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate, and I wish for you the strength to get up each day, put one foot ahead of the other, do what you need to do for yourself and your kids and trust that life will eventually level out.

When you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, you use your flashlight, step over the rocks and just keep going.

It does sound like a professional to talk with would be helpful for you, and I’ll also share this article I came across a couple of months ago.

I haven’t used this little mind trick yet, but have shared it with a few others and think it could be very helpful in difficult times.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2024/03/28/future-self-present-well-being/

If a paywall prevents from reading, it suggests writing a letter to your future self about how you handled a difficult time, or, conversely, composing a letter from your future self advising your present self on how to deal with whatever turmoil is present today.

It sounds to me as if this could be helpful, a way to step out of something for a bit and look at it objectively.

Hang in there, hold on to your dreams, and all the best to you.

 

[rruff]

I travel alone. She prefers better accommodations like hotels.

I had 3 women live with me for extended periods (5 months to 2 years... at different times!) when I was vagabonding in an old Toyota pickup... ya space was pretty tight! I thought it was fine though. I don't think the accommodations were the main issue, rather just about anybody would get bored living the way I like to...