Money vs social life

[Mobilesport]

I work a manual labour job cleaning a manufacturing plant ,  I make very good money and plus there's alot of overtime if I want it .
The work is extremely physical but I like it , it keeps me in good shape  and plus sometimes I can relieve my legs by driving a forklift .
The problem is that there is no social life there for me  , its all different cultures  , Bosnians , Africans , Asians , Mexicans etc.
They all have there cultures but I have nothing here , I think about quiting my job to work somewhere else but I think I'll take a huge hit on my income , I estimate my hourly rate will drop by 35% , plus I'll lose my vacation time and senority that I'd have built up .
I have no education except a massive amount of knowledge that I learned on the Internet , I also have 1 felony from when I was a young and dumb 20 year old drinker.

I was hurting big time financially when I was young and I worked hard to turn it around , being so obsessed with getting back on track financially got in the way of my social life , there was sometimes when I started going to the night clubs but it didn't take long for me to notice that lifestyle hitting my bank account hard.
I don't know how to rebuild my social life at 48 years old.

I lost all my old contacts
Some friends went off to jobs/careers/families. 
Alot of my friends I lost to drugs like meth , I didn't want no part of that so I went my own way.
When I was young 15 I left my girlfriend that I was in a very serious relationship with because I thought that I wasn't going to be able to keep up with her success wise , I was having trouble in school because my parents worked all of the time ,

Dad built house's 12---13 hours a day , mom worked nights and sense she got home around 3 am I had a hard time getting her to wake up to take me to school , missing  so much school it didn't take long for me to fall behind . Long story short I never graduated high school .

I started drinking/partying at 16 years old and hit rock bottom in my drinking life by age 21 ,  I decided I didn't want to drink anymore so I left all of my drinking friends behind .

That partying lifestyle really messed me up financially and the longer I drank the closer it seemed like I was becoming like the people that live under the bridge. 

Another girl I was dating I left at the same time I left my drinking friends , the reason I left her was (1) I didn't want her to drag me back into the drinking lifestyle and (2) I didn't want to get her pregnant when I couldn't even get a job to be a good provider. 

Anyways when I was young I always had alot of friends and girlfriends but I had zero confidence in making money or even getting a basic job , my young life was very miserable always starving for booze , food, cigarettes etc.

I tried very hard to grow out of that misery and I quit drinking , I quit smoking , I don't have to give the police and court systems my money no more , I don't have to pay to get my car out of a impound because I was arrested .

I solved the money problem I had and got rid of alot of the things that made me miserable but I never built a new social life because I was trying to stay away from the negative things that would bring me down. 

Any opinions or advice?

 

[BradKW]

We're the same age, and I think the first questions you should ask yourself are 1) how important is a social life to you, and how much time are you willing to allot it?

There's lots of good ways to meet new people that don't involve drugs or alcohol.

1) Volunteer as a dog walker at local SPCA/Humane Society
2) Attend faith-based services, even if its The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster,
3) Go to AA meetings...plenty of pretty women and opportunities for sober social activities
4) Take a class at local community college...learn to scuba, weld, speak Spanish, computer design, etc...usually pretty cheap.
5) Join a volleyball league 

For me, I think there's not a lack of opportunity, but more a lack of willingness to spend the time on a regular basis to create new friendships....

 

[highdesertranger]

what are you interested in, got any hobbies? go hang out with other people that have the same interest as you. that's the best I can do. highdesertranger

 

[USACelt]

Just be you, the rest will follow. You cannot push something that will not follow.

 

[Txjaybird]

 You mention many different races and cultures in your work place.  To me that would be a great opportunity to learn from others about their cultures.  I'm very out going and often start conversations with perfect strangers.  That's just the way I am.

I was 42 the year I took my GED tests and started classes at a  community college  The last grade I had finished was the 8th grade in middle school.  Like you I was pretty much self taught.

There is nothing wrong with doing physical/manual labor.  You have a good skill set that you can take to another job if you want to.  Sounds like you make good money.  After all a workplace is a job not a social club. 

I don't mean that in a mean way.  Like someone said how much time do you want to spend pursuing a social life style?  Speaking for myself I consider myself to be "social" even tho I've never liked big groups of people except on a dance floor or at a roller rink or bowling alley.  I worked in Honky Tonks in Texas from the age of 16ys off and on until my early 30s,  Like you the bar scene isn't my scene.  I see opportunity for me to socialize everywhere I go.  I still consider myself a loner.

There are some good suggestions here in these posts.  I think if you first define to yourself exactly what the term social means to you and that what level of sociality you are seeking would be good.  Everything from a "hello" to a neighbor to a "oh baby oh baby" moment can be called social interaction.

Good Luck in Your Quest 

Jewellann

 

[DannyB1954]

Going to a bar to find a good partner is like going to a wrecking yard to find a nice car.

 

[RVTravel]

www.meetup.com is about meeting others to do the things you love.

 

[cyndi]

When I was more social I volunteered and played cribbage amd scrabble. There are all kinds of clubs out there: cribbage, scrabble, backgammon, chess and pick up sports. Some of the volunteer organizations welcome drop-in volunteers, others require a commitment. The game and sports are usually drop in.

 

[skyl4rk]

Congratulations for putting the drugs and alcohol lifestyle behind you. I recommend buying a van to live in, selling all your stuff, saving up some money and then heading out to the RTR.

 

[Every Road Leads Home]

I'd keep the job you have because you like it and it pays really well. Changing jobs has no guarantee of changing your social life, just a guarantee of being paid less.

Just start doing things you like to do and you will meet others with doing the same thing you like doing. Someone mentioned joining Meetup.com and I think that's an excellent start. I joined that site when I was 29 because none of my friends liked the same things I did. I joined a hiking and rock climbing group on it and have made a few very close friends from it. You could also join a dating website like Match.com.

Getting a dog can also fill a big void and they are a great way to meet other people as well........taking them for walks, to the dog park, into stores that allow them. I find people are a lot more apt to start a conversation with you when a dog is there. They are a natural ice breaker.

 

[vsession]

Changing your job is a option but first you should try to be more involve with your coworkers. Even with the different culture, I think this is a nice opportunity for you to learn about them. You could search on Google about one culture and then go talk to your coworkers. Do the same with all the different culture and just be curious about it. The key is to be genuine in your approach, if you really don't care about it, I'll not try it because they will feel that it not a real interest. You will learn new things, make new social contact and probably be more involve with your coworkers.

I'm that kind of person at my work, I'm curious and like to lean new stuff so if I overheard something that I don't know, I'll ask the person to give me some knowledge about it. You need to be careful not to disrupt the initial conversation but with trial and error, you will find a way to include yourself in the conversation. I'm on a team of 30 people that work closely together all day long. In 6 years, they learned that I listen with attention. I don't talk often but when I do it's usually for a good reason and people will stop talking to listen to me. The power of my words have more impact that some of my coworkers that like to talk all day long saying the same thing over and over again. My social interaction with my coworkers is enough for me to be 'socially happy', I don't have any friends right now but I'm ok with that at this time in my life.

Good luck with your decision

 

[SternWake]

I tend to find myself more interested in those who grew up in an entirely different manner than myself. Foreigners are way more interesting to me.

My current location, Southern California, I have little to no desire to interact with the population.
Seems Most everybody I encounter in my routine is self obsessed, dazzled only by shiny objects, the prospect of obtaining shiny objects, discussing their own attainment of shiny objects, Claiming to know or name dropping those with lots of shiny objects, and engaging in oneupmanship, in their never ending pursuit of shiny objects, and the appearance of security.

Makes me want to pursue the exact opposite, not that that takes any effort.

So I simply do not bother. These are not people I am comfortable around, and I have no social life. Heck, on the weekends i don't even want to start my Van. Every time i've done so I am just reminded how much of a Misanthrope I am.

 

[Mobilesport]

We're the same age, and I think the first questions you should ask yourself are 1) how important is a social life to you, and how much time are you willing to allot it?

There's lots of good ways to meet new people that don't involve drugs or alcohol.

1) Volunteer as a dog walker at local SPCA/Humane Society
2) Attend faith-based services, even if its The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster,
3) Go to AA meetings...plenty of pretty women and opportunities for sober social activities
4) Take a class at local community college...learn to scuba, weld, speak Spanish, computer design, etc...usually pretty cheap.
5) Join a volleyball league 

For me, I think there's not a lack of opportunity, but more a lack of willingness to spend the time on a regular basis to create new friendships....

Thanks   good advice , I think you nailed it with spending time on a regular basis to create new friendships .
Thats the key.

 

[oricha1984]

Brother let me congratulate you for doing what you think is best for you.
Thank you for providing us with details and creating a good image of you past and present.
But It seems that you are over thinking it.
LIFE IS SUPPOSE TO BE SIMPLE.
We make it complicated.

Just try to do things that you enjoy.
For example, today I was flying from Texas to Florida. And I met the most nerdy guy ever; however, he just came from a video game convention.
So there you go.

Use the KISS model. Keep it simple stupid.
Courage, the worst of your life is already over. Just enjoy it now
Peace and love to you.


Sent from my BLU LIFE ONE X using Tapatalk

 

[Headache]

My current location, Southern California, I have little to no desire to interact with the population.

Thanks for reminding me why I hate going back there!  One side of my family worked at different film and broadcast studios in various capacities so I know exactly what you're talking about and it drove me bonkers!

However, in consideration of your name here I did enjoy good times at the Anacapa Isle Marina and Coast Guard Auxiliary weekends.


Mobilesport in order to decide what kind of social life you'd like to have you're going to have to face what kind of a person you are.  It seems you've have faced some trauma throughout your life and if that hasn't been addressed you may find yourself breaking off relationships again because you are afraid as to where they "might" lead.  If this is still true now you might find it hard to make new friendships and give up because you never learned how to cope with the stress in a healthy way that relationships can bring with them.

I do like the idea of volunteering at an animal shelter.  Animals are a great "neutralizer" as in caring for them it levels the playing field(for the most part) of the humans around them.  You might also find a new 4-legged friend that will teach you patience and coping, which can translate to the people around you as well.  This is the safest way to start out.

Talking with your coworkers could also open doors.  Don't ever let ethnicity get in the way of interacting with others unless they are a "country club"(members only) style of group which I've run into a number of times.  They are mostly based on ignorance but at the same time I understand how it develops.  The thing with interacting with coworkers is you don't "have" to do anything with them other than talk and work with them, so this kind of personal interaction can be less stressful than meeting people in a one-on-one kind of scenario.

For myself I've chosen to be a loner because my mental state doesn't allow for a healthy relationship and it's torturous for those around me to see me in a "bad" way and be helpless to do anything about it.  I wasn't diagnosed until my mid 40s and am now in my early 50s.  I've learned a lot in that time but not near enough to handle myself well when I'm anxious and triggered so it would be very unfair of me to get involved with someone knowing that most likely they won't be able to handle it for long.  It would be like me punishing them on purpose and I just can't do that to someone.

You can do something about not having a diploma.  With my encouragement before we were married my now ex-husband finished out his credits at the local community college to get his.  I don't recommend GEDs because some businesses won't accept them.  Get your high school transcripts and find out what you are missing.  Many colleges now offer "challenge" tests and world experience for credits.  You may be able to reduce credits through that.  They WILL test you initially to predetermine what level you are at.  After having found what credits you need you might be able to educate yourself for them for free from Khan Academy.  I take their math classes.  After educating yourself through something like Khan you MIGHT be able to challenge test and upon passing get your diploma that way.

You can also learn a foreign language for free from DuoLingo.  I'm studying Spanish but they have many others including KLINGON!  That might help you connect better with your coworkers because then you'd have native speakers to converse with and help reinforce proper pronunciation.  All this edumacation is unfortunately why I need a big data plan and even bigger solar capacity!

Good luck to you!  Oh and come to the RTR!

 

[BigT]

As others have mentioned, volunteering and Meetup are good options if you want to meet new people and make friends.

I don't know where you are in the country, but there's a volunteer organization called "One Brick" (onebrick.org) that does single-day activities instead of requiring that you commit your time for an extended period. I'm sure there are others, but this is the one I'm familiar with.
The One Brick folks also have a "Happy Hour" get-together they hold on Fridays so the "members" can hang out and talk and get to know each other better.

As for Meetup, I've met some really nice people in the kayaking and bicycling groups.