Living Vicariously

[thatchickinpa]

Hello all!

Even though I've been lurking - and occasionally posting - in these forums for almost two years, I haven't introduced myself in Newcomer's Corner yet. So I thought it was about time!

I am an engineer, but currently taking a hiatus to work on a few unrelated businesses. I'd love to travel and live out of my vehicle while doing so, but I have obligations that make that difficult. Although childless & not married, I own a house with my SO. Even though I knew I never wanted to own a house (didn't want the debt, or the upkeep, or the inability to move easily), he very much did, so we compromised. We would own a house for five years then sell. You can probably see where this is going - at the five year mark, he claimed to have "changed" his mind (that was five years ago). Which puts me in a difficult position of dealing with this obligation that I thought was going to end years ago.

And anyone who has owned a house knows how expensive - in time, money and energy - it can be.

That hasn't stopped me from taking short jaunts by myself. I didn't live out of my car entirely - I hadn't even heard of vandwelling or knew that kind of life was possible until just a couple of years ago. Obviously I have lived a sheltered life    But the idea of staying on the move fused with minimalist living greatly appeals to me.

Inspired through reading posts here and a few blogs, I have (mostly) prepared everything I need to give living out of my car while traveling a whirl early next year. If all goes well, perhaps I will seriously look into making it a way of life. I've told only a few people about this. One of them is my mother, and she thinks I'm nuts!  

Sorry this isn't more exciting, but for the time being I will continue living vicariously through everyone here    I really enjoy your posts, and I'm amazed by several of you who demonstrate such courage & confidence to live your lives the way you want. Especially when it deviates from what most others want & expect.

Thanks everyone!

 

[cyndi]

TCinP, Welcome to the CRVL forums! Perhaps your SO will see you enjoying life on the road and develop an interest. You're lucky to be in a position to take it slow, experiment and find out what really works for you. A homebase can be nice,too.When you return those endless showers and a real kitchen will feel really extravagant.

Are you thinking about making the RTR? http://www.cheaprvliving.com/gatherings/

To help you learn the ins and outs of these forums, this "Tips & Tricks" post lists some helpful information to get you started. We look forward to hearing more from you.

 

[TMG51]

With regard to getting started, I have just a couple observations:

1) A great many people are interested in this lifestyle, but spend more time focusing on why they think they can't do it instead of actually trying to do it.
2) If you've spent enough time thinking about the lifestyle to make it this far, you won't regret going through with it.

Best of luck!

 

[akrvbob]

Welcome, we're really glad you finally introduced yourself. You just can't have enough friends!

I'm sure you've given this endless hours of thought, but I have to say this, the fact that you are a woman doesn't mean your happiness should ever take a backseat to anyone else's!

Your first obligation is to yourself to live your very best life.
Bob

 

[thatchickinpa]

TCinP, Welcome to the CRVL forums! Perhaps your SO will see you enjoying life on the road and develop an interest. You're lucky to be in a position to take it slow, experiment and find out what really works for you. A homebase can be nice,too.When you return those endless showers and a real kitchen will feel really extravagant.

Funny you say that ... the only potential downside to mobile living (for me) is lack of plumbing. I'm a chick her likes her plumbing  

Are you thinking about making the RTR?  http://www.cheaprvliving.com/gatherings/

I do hope within the next few years! It sounds like a great time!

To help you learn the ins and outs of these forums, this "Tips & Tricks" post lists some helpful information to get you started.   We look forward to hearing more from you.

Thanks! I don't remember if I read it or not ... but even if so, it is time for a review  

Welcome thatchickinpa! For reasons beyond my control I'm living vicariously as well. One day, one day.

I suspect there are many like us lurking in these forums  ;-)  One day indeed  

With regard to getting started, I have just a couple observations:

1) A great many people are interested in this lifestyle, but spend more time focusing on why they think they can't do it instead of actually trying to do it.
2) If you've spent enough time thinking about the lifestyle to make it this far, you won't regret going through with it.

Best of luck!

Thanks!

Yeah, I agree with both points. I think it is human nature to want change, yet make excuses in order to maintain status quo out of fear of the unknown. Truly the best thing to do is just do it.

Welcome, we're really glad you finally introduced yourself. You just can't have enough friends!

Too true!  

I'm sure you've given this endless hours of thought, but I have to say this, the fact that you are a woman doesn't mean your happiness should ever take a backseat to anyone else's!  

Also true!

Your first obligation is to yourself to live your very best life.
Bob

Agreed. Sounds like you speak from experience  

Thanks for your responses! I've enjoyed perusing these forums for a few years now, and hopefully soon, I will be a contributing member!

 

[SoulRaven]

thatchickinpa, I had to respond to your post because it is sooooo very close to and parallel to what I am experiencing and the type of things I am right now...6 years in a house, sick and tired of the maintenance,
wanting to get out, but am with someone that wants to stay put.

Also, like you, I have put together the things that will sustain me out on the road or where ever I will be. I have done the extended trips and stayed in the car with it set up to be as comfortable as possible. I have went through a few dry runs, and except for the things you mention about the plumbing problems (I too need to be kept clean and washed regularly or I am not happy), and also a few others, I did ok. Had some fun times. And when I got back to the house I immediately fell into a depressed slump.

Even though it was challenging at times I had a sense of accomplishment on the things I overcame. But like someone else mentioned, it's hard to give up those nice showers and other creature comforts that a house provides. I have thought of a RV, motor home, van, to be more comfortable but they have their negative aspects as well.  I like to be able to just move on to the next place or adventure when I get bored of sitting in a place for awhile. My present vehicle, a 2014 Ford Escape gives me that. Plus anything I could afford right now would have too many miles on  it to be dependable, and motor homes are too big to explore things the way I like to.

I am seriously thinking about attending the RTR and see how that goes and how I would do there. But there are still the hygiene and comfort problems that face me. Maybe some day you and I will find a solution to make this work to our liking. There are a lot of different ideas on this site from people that has helped me solve a lot of the problems to doing this. I am going to keep trying to solve the rest.
 Good luck to you

 

[Tinman74]

Stevesway
It sounds like a class "B" van camper such as a RoadTrek/ Pleasureway, or one of the many other class"B" campers would fit the bill for you both.
Most have bath room facilities including hot water, toilet and a shower + fridge, stove ,microwave etc. and are no bigger than a full size extended van.
Bob

 

[B and C]

I have a class B for the stated reasons, but (there is always a but isn't there?) they do require more maintenance than a regular van because they have all the amenities of a S&B plus more.  I just replaced the hot water heater in mine (by myself) and the water heater alone cost $302 (it is 15 years old now).  This is why it is imperative to have a "rainy day" fund for anything you may call home.  I can go almost anywhere a regular van can go too.

Everything's a compromise of some sort.  You just need to figure out what would work for you.

Brian

 

[WriterMs]

I understand the fears expressed about having a shower and toilet. However, it is NOT like most of us go around sweaty and smelly. LOL

My rig is primitive, but I already owned a pretty darn big pop-up shower/privvy tent. It folds into itself to make a large flat circle/hoop that is not too hard to store at all. Someone living out of a car could use this for extra room and privacy if the car was parked outside a city. I heated my shower water most times via putting a couple of clear gallon jugs in the front window of the van in the sun. Many simply heat water and combine it with some cold. But some days I washed my hair inside the van in cold water and then took a thorough "spit bath."

Our shower mechanisms vary widely -- there is a TON of info on the Personal Hygiene threads.

Same with toilet systems. They vary from built-ins with black water tanks to 5-gallon buckets. I found no problem in adjusting to the simplest method used by Bob and many others: good quality garbage bags, a comfy topper for a bucket,and a little kitty litter. I found that I like to buy quart sized freezer bags (heavier than storage versions) and use that to seal up the sealed up garbage bags. Using a commercially made porta potty of some sort is the compromise in between.

Is all this as easy as a s&b bath? No way. Are the other rewards worth a little extra work or inconvenience? Oh yes.

 

[SoulRaven]

Same with toilet systems. They vary from built-ins with black water tanks to 5-gallon buckets. I found no problem in adjusting to the simplest method used by Bob and many others:  good quality garbage bags, a comfy topper for a bucket,and a little kitty litter. I found that I like to buy quart sized freezer bags (heavier than storage versions) and use that to seal up the sealed up garbage bags. Using a commercially made porta potty of some sort is the compromise in between.

I never thought about the freezer bags. That was always a problem when it comes to getting rid of the potty waste. Nothing seemed to be able to contain the odors until getting rid of it somewhere. Double and even triple bagging didn't work. I will keep the extra thick freezer bags in mind and try them next time. Thanks

 

[Patrick46]

Man...

I have a hard reading this as I too am also in the same boat.

I am right now...23 years in the same house, sick and tired of the bills, upkeep & maintenance.

wanting to get out, but am with someone that wants to stay put. (married 30 years to a wonderful gal, but she wants to stay in one place and play with her roses and the grandkids.)

Have some fun times, but when I get back to the house I immediately fall into a seriously depressed slump.

Some days I wonder if it's worth continuing on down this path.
I've lived on the road, and now have a job that will PAY ME VERY WELL while out traveling.

I almost feel like I can never be happy...as I either a.) leave my wife and home behind,

...or b.) stay here with her, and be miserable while I live vicariously though those of you who are out there doing it.

Oh sure, she does like to go on the 1 or 2 week trip every now and then...but has no interest living out on the road.
And for those who tell me to take trips and travel as much as I can...well this house eats up so much of our time and money that there's no way I could bring in enough to maintain the homefront expenses and upkeep, while I'm out on the road. (other than very short trips)

We were gearing up to live on the road when we first got together, but children quashed that dream. (I felt that after they were gone we would go...but that's not gonna happen.) 

All I know, is once my truck project is done, and I can close my big shop, (by this coming spring), that this can't go on much longer.

This all makes me feel selfish...but I know where my heart is.

 

[Travelman]

Greetings Patrick, all I can say is that life is too short so follow your heart. Good luck.

 

[thatchickinpa]

Also, like you, I have put together the things that will sustain me out on the road or where ever I will be. I have done the extended trips and stayed in the car with it set up to be as comfortable as possible. I have went through a few dry runs, and except for the things you mention about the plumbing problems (I too need to be kept clean and washed regularly or I am not happy), and also a few others, I did ok. Had some fun times.

Yep, I've done dry runs like this also. And not having water facilities was an issue. I too need my showers ... preferably every day, but definitely not longer than every other day.

And when I got back to the house I immediately fell into a depressed slump.

Yep, this happens every time I return from my trips. For me it is because I am not being true to myself. I am living someone else's life, like a part in a play. It all feels very false.

Even though it was challenging at times I had a sense of accomplishment on the things I overcame. But like someone else mentioned, it's hard to give up those nice showers and other creature comforts that a house provides. I have thought of a RV, motor home, van, to be more comfortable but they have their negative aspects as well. 

Yep, whenever I'm out and about, and something catches my eye, I search for it online and look for a bath area first thing  

I like to be able to just move on to the next place or adventure when I get bored of sitting in a place for awhile.

Definitely me too. As a matter of fact, I specifically told my SO that I get bored when in one place too long. I feel ... stagnant.

My present vehicle, a 2014 Ford Escape gives me that. Plus anything I could afford right now would have too many miles on  it to be dependable, and motor homes are too big to explore things the way I like to.

Yep, this is exactly why I want something on the smaller side. And there are many roads that I couldn't even travel with something large. So I've been looking at the options available for something small but with water facilities.

I am seriously thinking about attending the RTR and see how that goes and how I would do there. But there are still the hygiene and comfort problems that face me. Maybe some day you and I will find a solution to make this work to our liking. There are a lot of different ideas on this site from people that has helped me solve a lot of the problems to doing this. I am going to keep trying to solve the rest.

Yes, I think there are definitely solutions. We may have to iterate a few times though  

 Good luck to you

You too! I will keep an eye on your posts to see how you are progressing  

thatchickinpa, I had to respond to your post because it is sooooo very close to and parallel to what I am experiencing and the type of things I am right now...6 years in a house, sick and tired of the maintenance,
wanting to get out, but am with someone that wants to stay put.

Yes, after reading & responding to your post, it does sound that we are in very similar situations  

I've brainstormed different ways I could live the life I want, and of course the most obvious one is to strike a compromise by traveling a portion of the year, and living at "home base" for the remainder. But ....

And for those who tell me to take trips and travel as much as I can...well this house eats up so much of our time and money that there's no way I could bring in enough to maintain the homefront expenses and upkeep, while I'm out on the road. (other than very short trips)

This. I've went on several trips, and one was six months. And during that time I essentially financed two different lives. I've read that others have succeeded with this approach, but almost all of them are retired or semi-retired. That is at least two decades away for me and supporting a double life is not looking doable for me - at least at the moment.

So I feel trapped. I've been put in a no win situation because

I almost feel like I can never be happy...as I either a.) leave my wife and home behind,

...or b.) stay here with her, and be miserable while I live vicariously though those of you who are out there doing it.

This. I either leave everything or stay. Both choices involve a great deal of pain and destruction, with the latter resulting primarily in my self destruction since I will be miserable. And I tried to prevent this situation by being completely honest with my SO at the beginning about what I didn't want. At the time the problem was that even though I knew I didn't want to lead a "typical middle class life", I didn't really know what the other options were. I wanted to keep those options open for the time when I did know.

Our compromise about living in a house for five years seemed to meet in the middle, but at the time I had no idea that my SO was intending to take that opportunity to take the middle ground for himself.

However ...

... that this can't go on much longer.

This all makes me feel selfish...but I know where my heart is.

This. Though as times goes on, I feel less selfish about it because I have been open and honest about my feelings, and what I wanted. I haven't manipulated or lied for personal gain. I didn't ask my SO to sacrifice for my personal benefit. Still, I don't want to cause a lot of pain, but I don't see better choices.

In any event, I can't go on like this forever. When I think of the future in the life I'm in now, it is just ... blank. I just don't want it. So I will keep thinking of & planning that future of hitting the road, living simply, heading to wherever my whims take me. I'll continue gathering ideas, increasing motivation and developing courage by reading the posts here, and perusing related blogs & videos. Someday I will be living the dream ... hopefully soon  

 

[SternWake]

As far as the comforts of indoor plumbing go, well one can adapt.

When one has go dig a hole and squat for a week, then that plastic public porta potty with a locking door does not seem so bad. And your personal Bucket with a screw on lid, might even seem luxurious, briefly. Nothing like flinging that plastic baggie in the trash though.

Makes a clean toilet all the better when one gets to use one.

 

[Patrick46]

Though as times goes on, I feel less selfish about it because I have been open and honest about my feelings, and what I wanted. I haven't manipulated or lied for personal gain. I didn't ask my SO to sacrifice for my personal benefit. Still, I don't want to cause a lot of pain, but I don't see better choices.
In any event, I can't go on like this forever. When I think of the future in the life I'm in now, it is just ... blank. I just don't want it.

x2

I too have more than clearly stated my opinions and true feeling about what and where I wanted to go in life.

Even with kids, I wanted to live and travel in a bus, or on a sailboat. I've read tons of books about other families who do just this, so I know it IS doable.

My wife has always stated that she wants a place to call home, but I like the idea of traveling but bringing your home with you. This way, wherever you go, or whatever you do, you can be at home. If you don't like where you're at, then it's time to pull up the anchor and move on down the road. This is the way it was when I was single...it shouldn't be any different doing it with kids. (except we'd have to miss out on that wonderful "American Dream" crap.)

The point is...is that we did it!! The kids are all grown now, and all doing well. It's time to get back to our dreams, and mine is NOT about sitting here working my ass off, for the main purpose of paying my monthly bills on a house I don't want to own.

There's a big world out there, and we're not getting any younger.

I'll quit here, as I feel like I'm hijacking this thread.

Good luck Thatchickinpa. I'm here with ya!


Living Vicariously in Oregon

 

[thatchickinpa]

x2

I too have more than clearly stated my opinions and true feeling about what and where I wanted to go in life.

Even with kids, I wanted to live and travel in a bus, or on a sailboat. I've read tons of books about other families who do just this, so I know it IS doable.

Actually, that sounds like it would have been fun for everyone ... always off on an adventure  

My wife has always stated that she wants a place to call home, but I like the idea of traveling but bringing your home with you. This way, wherever you go, or whatever you do, you can be at home. If you don't like where you're at, then it's time to pull up the anchor and move on down the road. This is the way it was when I was single...it shouldn't be any different doing it with kids. (except we'd have to miss out on that wonderful "American Dream" crap.)

Agreed. My SO appears to have tied much of his self worth to achieving that dream. But I think a lot of people do.

The point is...is that we did it!! The kids are all grown now, and all doing well. It's time to get back to our dreams, and mine is NOT about sitting here working my ass off, for the main purpose of paying my monthly bills on a house I don't want to own.

There's a big world out there, and we're not getting any younger.

That is exactly how I feel. Also, I had a life threatening illness a few years ago, and facing my own mortality so young really drives home the fact that there may not even be a chance to grow old. Life really is too short to delay living dreams.

I'll quit here, as I feel like I'm hijacking this thread.

Haha ... I didn't think that at all    I'd like to know why others are living vicariously ... several of us have a theme in common.

Good luck Thatchickinpa. I'm here with ya!


Living Vicariously in Oregon

While I'm not happy you (& others) and I are in the same boat, I admit that it is comforting to know I'm not alone  

Thanks for sharing, Patrick46. I look forward to reading your future posts in the forums!

 

[thatchickinpa]

I understand the fears expressed about having a shower and toilet. However, it is NOT like most of us go around sweaty and smelly. LOL

Haha! Too funny  

My rig is primitive, but I already owned a pretty darn big pop-up shower/privvy tent. It folds into itself to make a large flat circle/hoop that is not too hard to store at all. Someone living out of a car could use this for extra room and privacy if the car was parked outside a city.  I heated my shower water most times via putting a couple of clear gallon jugs in the front window of the van in the sun. Many simply heat water and combine it with some cold. But some days I washed my hair inside the van in cold water and then took a thorough "spit bath."

Our shower mechanisms vary widely -- there is a TON of info on the Personal Hygiene threads.

Same with toilet systems. They vary from built-ins with black water tanks to 5-gallon buckets. I found no problem in adjusting to the simplest method used by Bob and many others:  good quality garbage bags, a comfy topper for a bucket,and a little kitty litter. I found that I like to buy quart sized freezer bags (heavier than storage versions) and use that to seal up the sealed up garbage bags. Using a commercially made porta potty of some sort is the compromise in between.

Is all this as easy as a s&b bath?  No way. Are the other rewards worth a little extra work or inconvenience?  Oh yes.

I do have the bucket "toilet" system - and I thought about getting a porta potty. But I'm currently in a car, so there really isn't room for the latter. Something to think about for the future. The freezer bags are a good idea.

Thanks for your response!

 

[thatchickinpa]

As far as the comforts of indoor plumbing go, well one can adapt.

When one has go dig a hole and squat for a week, then that plastic public porta potty with a locking door does not seem so bad.  And your personal Bucket with a screw on lid, might even seem luxurious, briefly.  Nothing like flinging that plastic baggie in the trash though.

Makes a clean toilet all the better when one gets to use one.

Haha ... too true    It is all relative  

 

[Patrick46]

Actually, that sounds like it would have been fun for everyone ... always off on an adventure  

Here's a book I just got, about a family who have lived in their 1928 Graham-Paige motor-car, since 2000, WITH their 4 kids!!!

http://www.amazon.com/Spark-Your-Dr...d=1442935470&sr=1-1&keywords=spark+your+dream

http://www.criticalcactus.com/zapp-family-spark-your-dream/



...talk about your ADVENTURE!!!!!!

I always knew it CAN be done with a family.

 

[akrvbob]

The most important question any human can ask and answer is "Why am I here?" The terribly sad thing is that every moment of our lives someone else is screaming an answer at us so loudly that we rarely get to listen to the inner voice that is the only one that tells us the truth.

Religion screams, "You are here to be good, and if you not you will go to hell!" Of course they get to define what good is.
Society screams that being goods means, "You must work hard and do what you are told." In other words you are supposed to be a good cog in the big machine.
Too many parents scream, "You're supposed to make me proud!!"
Your spouse screams, "You're supposed to make me happy!"

And of course everything screams at women "You must obey, submit, serve and make someone else happy!"

If only we could hear the still, small voice in our heart, that I believe has the touch of the divine in it. Maybe we could have some hope to actually find our purpose and be happy.

I read something in a book one day that changed my life forever. It was too simple to be profound. It said, "We are sure that god wants us to be happy, joyous and free."

The only sin I can commit is to fail to be at least one of those all the time. When my son died, I was neither happy or joyous, but I could be free. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I clawed my way through to freedom. A very long time later the happiness and joy came back.

All the voices that had been screaming at me all my life had never once made me happy, joyous or free, so they were all sinful lies that demanded that I disobey the one thing god wanted from me. If I obeyed them, only then was I a sinner. I committed my life to never listening to their voices again.

What does your inner voice say? Can you hear it? Would you like to?
Bob