I quit

[MG1912]

After one year on the road as a fulltime nomad, I have decided to “quit.”  As I wrote at the outset of this journey, I did not know how long I would continue van life when I started my trip, and I wasn’t holding myself to anything.  I made the decision to retire early last year, and one of my top goals was to not hold myself to things – to let things come and develop as they would.
 
This summer was very tough for me, spiritually.  I was figuratively “wandering in the desert” in my mind, plagued by a feeling of uncertainty about my future.  I debated continuing van life for at least another year.  I debated many things.  I even debated going back to my career and working again.  Maybe I would have been happy with any of those decisions.  I am firm believer that one makes one’s own happiness where one is.  Continuing work would mean more money.  Continuing van life would mean more freedom and travel… albeit in a very uncertain world right now.  I can tell you that I miss the desert.  I miss the smell and the sights.  I miss the people.  I want freedom more than I want the money I could get from work right now, but I want security more than the freedom I could get from the road right now.
 
Van life was glorious for me all through the winter.  Then the temperatures started rising in the desert in the spring, just as the COVID stuff was happening.  I knew I needed to move to a cooler area, and I had had plans to go to Alaska for the summer, but I decided against it and hadn’t yet decided where I wanted to go.  This would be a mild conundrum under normal circumstances, but the confusing responses to COVID were ramping up, too, and I just didn’t know where to go.  Nowhere felt safe or right.  I made the difficult decision to retire early last year because I was tired of pressure on my shoulders.  And here I was, feeling the pressure big time, and I did not like it.
 
I decided to hang out with friends in the Midwest for a while to escape the desert heat and the issues surrounding COVID, and I enjoyed that while it lasted, but I couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling.  I knew I’d have to be back in New England at some point this year – if for nothing else than to register the vehicle, deal with health insurance matters, etc.  I needed to see family, and I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to go home, as I have many older relatives, and it wasn’t (and isn’t) clear how this COVID stuff works exactly.
 
The uncertain atmosphere in the country, combined with the uncertainty regarding my own immediate future, led to an overwhelming desire to have my own place -- where I can’t be kicked out, where I don’t need permission to stay any length of time, and where I don’t have to follow anyone’s rules.
 
I started this van life journey willingly a year ago.  I was not forced into it by circumstances, although I was attracted to the low-cost lifestyle.  I was especially attracted to the mobility and freedom.  I opted to try van life, and I enjoyed the experience immensely.  As a sort of long vacation, there’s nothing else I would have rather done with the past year.  I will never forget the time spent in the desert Southwest or the beautiful things I saw.
 
I decided to buy a little home in Western Mass, where I have deep roots.  I have been living here for a month now.  My rig is in the process of being sold.  I had originally thought that I would keep it even after I settled down, but now that I’m in a S&B home, I feel that I can’t justify the rig just sitting around in my yard.  Even if I took it on trips every year, it would just slowly fall apart over time and depreciate in value.  Someone else can enjoy it now, and I can profit from it while it’s still in good shape and worth something.
 
I am settling in here, and as much as I miss the desert, I am also enjoying my current life.  I haven’t lived this close to family in a long time, as school and career kept me out of this area for many years.  And the truth is that I am enjoying the little things I missed in van life.  I suppose I am trying to make my own happiness where I am, just as I did on the road.  I found happiness that brought me to tears in a hot cup of tea on a cold morning on BLM land in the desert.  I have found similar happiness in the steaming hot water deluging from the bathtub spout here.  Happiness is a state of mind.
 
All this may sound like a “goodbye,” but I don’t think it is.  I definitely feel retired now after a year of not working and with no plans to work again in the future, but I know I am still young in many people’s eyes, and I don’t know what the future holds.  I’ve changed my mind in the past, and who’s to say that I won’t end up on the road again in the future?

 

[Sofisintown]

Do what makes you happy and gives you peace of mind, MG.
You are not a drop-out, you are still learning from your experiences. The road will still be there when or if you want to take it again.
These are weird times that we live in, and each one of us has a different level of comfort as of what and where we need to be at any given time to feel safe and content.
Enjoy your family and your old friends, and keep in touch here, because we can all benefit from your experience.
Best of luck.

 

[user 423]

It's a sure thing that COVID has changed plans for many of us.

Constant travel is not for everyone even in 'regular' times.

When it's 'regular' again, you can always recalibrate.

 

[Qxxx]

There is no try, there is only do. Sorry for channeling Yoda. Heck, life is a series of making decisions as one goes along as to what seems best at the time. We're free agents (at least to some degree, lol), we make our decisions, we do the best we can, we can't see the future, and there are no guarantees. That's life.

 

[landyachtman]

It seems you see yourself in this life as an "either/or" .  Either a "job man" or a "nomad". 

You could go back to work and go camp on the week ends or if not each week end wait for the three or four day week ends when they roll around.
In  your post it appears that you like the flexibility of not being too committed to any decision and let come what may.  

Just wonder if you returned to work that you would begin to miss the freedom you've become used to.

Before Covid I had a job lined up to cook on a Tow Boat a month on and a month off which would allow me some time to travel in my rig between work hitches and still make a decent years living with 100% medical, dental, and visual insurance.  And on my month off I may still work a couple weeks at something.   But in this way the best of both worlds could be a possibility.

 

[travelaround]

Nice exit letter! I hope you have a wonderful life wherever you call home.

 

[bullfrog]

Nice thing about this life is if you need a challenge you can always find it out in the road. Good luck with your endeavors and enjoy life’s pleasures!

 

[eDJ_]

Very interesting letter MG1912.  While it may sound like you are morosing on one hand given a year of
limited human contact in your travels having some feedback now as you transition back to the sticks & bricks could be reassuring.   But as you say,  you could once again in the future decide to do it again.  There will always be newer vehicles available then should you decide to come back. 

You do not need vindication for your choice from anyone here.   This is something you do for yourself at your pleasure.  Some of us are introverts and seek solitude on the road or in the boondocks,  while others are much more social.   The pain point for many is being naturally social but having difficulty making human contact when away from home in areas unfamiliar to them.  And that can be a tough life.  I have driven around in areas far from home feeling like I didn't belong there with feelings of burn out or depression setting in.   In my estimation not having a plan or itinerary to stay focused on (when only on my own) led to boredom quickly and that was beginning of trouble.  When back in the sticks and bricks with family and friends around there will always be activity especially in a densely populated area like New England. 

In the end, complete freedom can be a wonderful thing but we all have to learn to harness it so we are the master of it.  Having had exposure to it is a learning process.  You've benefited and learned from your experience with it as your post indicates.  Glad you are contented now and willing to leave your options open.  I can see a lot of others and newcomers here benefiting from reading your post.

Glad you're back in NE for the Holiday Season.  I'm sure others around you will eagerly listen to the stories of your travels.

*One last note,  there are Fraternal Organizations you could belong to that are National.  When traveling you could drop in and visit as many full time RV'ers do.  Several of these are co-ed now.

 

[PineyCruisin]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings in such well-written detail because it illustrates to me that the nomad life is not the final answer for some. It seems as if it is glorified and romanticized to such a degree that it is seen as the ultimate utopian existence. That said-from my outside perspective, you didn't quit vanlife but, more importantly, you have fully experienced vanlife. And that experience can never be taken away from you.

I applaud how you are taking life by the horns on your own terms. Best wishes to you in this new chapter.

 

[Tony's Dream]

The decisions we make dictate the lives we live. I too am uncertain if I will van life for very lone periods of time, or just a series of short jaunts. Thanks for telling us about you situation. Somewhere within all of that, one could take comfort in your thoughts.

 

[Ikigai]

I'm feeling the need to hunker down too, and I haven't even left yet! I think this situation is so destabilizing it makes us crave security. I'd be interested in hearing more about how the transition back to S&B went, I'm sure that has it's own struggles. Good luck in the next act of your show!

 

[TooFarGone]

I'm feeling the need to hunker down too, and I haven't even left yet!  I think this situation is so destabilizing it makes us crave security.  I'd be interested in hearing more about how the transition back to S&B went, I'm sure that has it's own struggles.  Good luck in the next act of your show!

I agree. Part of adulting is doing what's best for yourself in whatever situation you're in. I'm also hunkered down for the winter which wasn't my original plan. But, there are things I cannot control working here. I'm healthy but my age means I'm at higher risk for bad outcomes in this pandemic. If that particular stuff hits my fan, at least I will be here with my established health care resources, vs. far away and perhaps becoming an additional case in an already overburdened clinic or hospital in a small town or rural area. I'm gonna leave those resources for those who really need them and cherish hopes to be back out on the road when this crazy situation is over.

I hope you will let us know how it's going over the next few months back in S&B.

One of the nicest things about this forum is that people here are respectful of each other's choices. We may have strong opinions about specifics like whether the 2XXX model of Y vehicle is reliable, etc., but I haven't found this place full of the Nomad Thought Police. Thank dog.  :thumbsup:

 

[Jimmyflorida]

i've changed my plans due to covid and purchased another place to live. For me it was about traveling and seeing things not just camping in the dessert my current rig is for sale but only because i purchase another larger rig not sure ill ever go back full time but plan to spend at least 2-3 months a year traveling in the immediate future im very young(48) but i have no kids but life is short and i plan to enjoy it!!

 

[tx2sturgis]

MG, please dont leave, because now you are one of 'us', the 'been there done that' people....you will have extensive knowledge, experiences, skills, and thoughts to share with the newbies....and that has a lot of value.

For many vandwellers and such, it is hard to downsize and transition to roadlife, but it might be even harder (financially) to afford to go back to a stick and brick. 

Congratulations, you did it...like a round trip to a foreign country....maybe an online picture 'scrapbook' could be shared with us someday.


But...Massachusetts? WHAT THE HECK MAN?

 

[tav-2020]

Hey MG, I am a fellow W. MA resident who had planned to be on the road in 2020 but all came to a screeching halt due to covid and it feels safe to be in my home but also feels like limbo. Hit me up if you get the urge to go camping (locally) next summer, if that is even an option then, who knows....?

 

[Imeirish]

MG1912 - I don't know you, but after reading your post, it reminded me of a couple of conversations I've had with friends most recently. They spoke from the heart of their life changes - albeit a different subject - but my response to them was simply just that nothing is forever. Nothing. Its all about having an experience each day. About being true to you and most of all HAPPY! Be well! Tell the east coast hi for me.

 

[NctryBen]

I did extensive canoe trips in back country Minnesota, Ontario and Manitoba. Mostly solo... being on some forums you would hear people get excited about trying solo paddling. Many couldn’t make it more then a couple days. Security was a big factor. I understand this is apples and oranges to a point. I too am watching things unfold... it’s a scary world out there in many ways. I’m hoping to set out in a couple weeks. I totally respect your decision and wish you the best. No shame in following your gut and your heart. Congratulations on being out there at all. The stories I’m sure you can share...

 

[maki2]

Sometimes you just want to shut the door and quit talking about the life you have left behind. Nothing wrong with moving on and focusing on the present.

 

[becida]

We all have our own paths to follow, good luck with yours!

 

[Dingfelder]

Sometimes you just want to shut the door and quit talking about the life you have left behind. Nothing wrong with moving on and focusing on the present.

Well and simply said. I had to put my dog to sleep last week and my mother can't stop talking about it and showing me pictures of him.  Brings me to tears almost every time.  Sometimes you need some time to just process things and not have them waved in your face all the time.  I need some time to figure out the happiness part.  And I can't get that by being dragged right back into the heart-punch of it.