BabyKellyMensa
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- Aug 23, 2021
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Er, I don't know where my new post is supposed to go on this forum, but I'm posting anyway. I have to tell about my issue of financing the van I'm hoping to be able to buy on Craig's List near/at end of Sept. Ok, I'm on Social Security Supplemental Income, it's a fixed, tiny income of $836 a month, but I have to pay Mom $400 rent just to live with her. The other $400 I have to pay tuition with that money since I'm taking 12 credits (full load) of classes for this Fall semester of 2021 (and I'm trying to remain on schedule to move to North Carolina, a nicer climate, by transferring to that state's Blue Ridge Community College to study film production by the Fall of 2022 semester) at my school (Community College of Allegheny County) which is in West Mifflin, Pa. I've read (I bought a copy of Bob Wells book "how to live in a Car, Van, or RV, and..." (see link),
on amazon) it tells how Bob was financially in trouble so he bought a van and lived in it to save on rent money. This is what I want to do so I, too, can save on rent money. But at her age now (92), Mom is very strict and tough with me (older and way less patient/less forgiving of me). She was paying me $5 a day for doing the right thing, and now (today, this afternoon) when I blew it, she changed her mind about paying me reward money. She told me, after changing her mind (meaning she revoked her rewarding me of $5 a day for good) "you wern't supposed to have that money. I thought I was helping save up your money towards an RV..." and now at her age, I can no longer redeem it anymore, although when I was in my early 20's, when this sort of thing happened, Mom'd tell me that "you've redeemed yourself" (meaning the reward funding is restored), but this time in Mom's life, it's like as if I committed a horrible/heinous crime, and have to get punished severely, like as if "Mom's the Law of the Land/the court judge of the highest court in existence" and I was the hardened criminal (hence "the tough judge's punishment of revoking my reward payments for good), just like as if I ruined my life by doing something stupid. At an earlier time (in my 20's when Mom was 45 -60) she'd redeem this reward money, but not anymore now that she's 92. These days once I ruin a good blessing Mom gives me, (reward money) it stays ruined for good, there's no fixing it, ever. it's like a murderer who cannot restore their victim's life, and he now has to be locked up for good without any chance of parole. This is how I feel living in Mom's house since once I ruin a good thing, and Mom changes her mind and revokes this blessing, it's unbending now with her. So I can only make it worse for myself living in Mom's house but not better (which used to be in the past) anymore.
[size=small]currently, I've found out that I cannot focus on my studies unless I'm all alone, even when it means I'm living alone, independently, as a Van Dweller. (there are books, articles online about "authoritarian" parenting (which my parents are (dad is dead) that make for blind obedience, will not negotiate, once they make up their minds up about something, it's set in stone, if it's negative, (such as taking away a blessing or a reward) but if it's positive, it can be easily lost or ruined for good/for keeps (and I think also stricter, and less , forgiving, more like the police, or a criminal judge for bad people who end up getting punished in jail/prisons for really bad crimes) but I've noticed that other kinds of parenting such as "authoritative" are the more forgiving, loving, (less strict, more gentle love) kind, and they are able to negotiate with people in their families. In short, since Mom's a lot less patient with at her age now, I believe I do have to somehow move out temporarily to keep me from ruining my opportunity to have conversation with Mom at end of Sept (she has this set in stone/metal or steel) about the time in which she and I will have this conversation about me getting this RV so I can move out of her house and start living independently. In about 1 more week (Sept 7) my classes start at school and they're all on Zoom. I have to have my own space right now before Sept comes so I won't have to worry about paying rent (as did Bob Wells when he was getting a divorce and moving out of his wife's (as for my mom, replace "wife" with "mom" in this issue) house by getting himself a "ratty looking van" (on pg. 3 of Bob Well's book that I've linked to), I have no savings, I tried to get an RV thru a charity site online last Feb 2020 (poured out my whole heart, gave them my contact info) but they never replied to me, let alone even acknowledged me and my plight. I believe this situation I'm in right now is a kind of Financial emergency (a crisis) regarding an argument between Mom & I (which made her revoke my daily reward money) since I told Mom I have to "move out as soon as I can" (before Sept 7) and then Mom asked me if I have the money? & then she told me "that's why she was helping me out financially, by paying me $5 a day cuz she believed I was putting my weekly pay (up to $35 on Sundays pay) towards the RV, and when she found out I wasn't, she revoked this reward/helping out money, and now, (cuz she's less patient, less forgiving, more stern/tough like "I was her "jailbird son, who's out of jail, a criminal" who you have to be tough with like it is with the law is tough on criminals/people who have police records for serious crimes like John Gacy kind of people), this is the way it feels living with Mom's easily offendedness, less forgiving ways these days, and any time I slip up (to keep that reward money I have to be perfect) it's like "I landed back in the slammer already" with an instant, stiff jail sentence and when this kind of thing happens out our house (where I live with Mom, it's her house, she owns the house) I beat myself up and I say bad things about myself (like I'm "another John Gacy" I'm headed for a forensic hosp (mental hospital where criminals go) and when I do this to myself to punish myself (Mom's an "authoritarian" the kind of parents who focus more on:[/size]
By contrast, the other kind of parenting "authoritative" focus more on:
Thanks for reading this, at least, by me getting out of Mom's house temporarily in a loaned van, I'd, I believe with all my heart, it would really be a "win/win" situation (Mom's peace & quiet, & my relaxedness, all by myself kind of peace & focus for my schoolwork) for both Mom and I at this time, date. I live in West Mifflin, Pa. I mean, for me lately, it's too upsetting for me to stay at Mom's house at this time, regarding the end of sept.
[size=small]currently, I've found out that I cannot focus on my studies unless I'm all alone, even when it means I'm living alone, independently, as a Van Dweller. (there are books, articles online about "authoritarian" parenting (which my parents are (dad is dead) that make for blind obedience, will not negotiate, once they make up their minds up about something, it's set in stone, if it's negative, (such as taking away a blessing or a reward) but if it's positive, it can be easily lost or ruined for good/for keeps (and I think also stricter, and less , forgiving, more like the police, or a criminal judge for bad people who end up getting punished in jail/prisons for really bad crimes) but I've noticed that other kinds of parenting such as "authoritative" are the more forgiving, loving, (less strict, more gentle love) kind, and they are able to negotiate with people in their families. In short, since Mom's a lot less patient with at her age now, I believe I do have to somehow move out temporarily to keep me from ruining my opportunity to have conversation with Mom at end of Sept (she has this set in stone/metal or steel) about the time in which she and I will have this conversation about me getting this RV so I can move out of her house and start living independently. In about 1 more week (Sept 7) my classes start at school and they're all on Zoom. I have to have my own space right now before Sept comes so I won't have to worry about paying rent (as did Bob Wells when he was getting a divorce and moving out of his wife's (as for my mom, replace "wife" with "mom" in this issue) house by getting himself a "ratty looking van" (on pg. 3 of Bob Well's book that I've linked to), I have no savings, I tried to get an RV thru a charity site online last Feb 2020 (poured out my whole heart, gave them my contact info) but they never replied to me, let alone even acknowledged me and my plight. I believe this situation I'm in right now is a kind of Financial emergency (a crisis) regarding an argument between Mom & I (which made her revoke my daily reward money) since I told Mom I have to "move out as soon as I can" (before Sept 7) and then Mom asked me if I have the money? & then she told me "that's why she was helping me out financially, by paying me $5 a day cuz she believed I was putting my weekly pay (up to $35 on Sundays pay) towards the RV, and when she found out I wasn't, she revoked this reward/helping out money, and now, (cuz she's less patient, less forgiving, more stern/tough like "I was her "jailbird son, who's out of jail, a criminal" who you have to be tough with like it is with the law is tough on criminals/people who have police records for serious crimes like John Gacy kind of people), this is the way it feels living with Mom's easily offendedness, less forgiving ways these days, and any time I slip up (to keep that reward money I have to be perfect) it's like "I landed back in the slammer already" with an instant, stiff jail sentence and when this kind of thing happens out our house (where I live with Mom, it's her house, she owns the house) I beat myself up and I say bad things about myself (like I'm "another John Gacy" I'm headed for a forensic hosp (mental hospital where criminals go) and when I do this to myself to punish myself (Mom's an "authoritarian" the kind of parents who focus more on:[/size]
- You believe kids should be seen and not heard.
- When it comes to rules, you believe it's "my way or the highway."
- You don't take your child's feelings into consideration.
By contrast, the other kind of parenting "authoritative" focus more on:
- You put a lot of effort into creating and maintaining a positive relationship with your child.
- You explain the reasons behind your rules.
- You enforce rules and give consequences, but take your child's feelings into consideration)
Thanks for reading this, at least, by me getting out of Mom's house temporarily in a loaned van, I'd, I believe with all my heart, it would really be a "win/win" situation (Mom's peace & quiet, & my relaxedness, all by myself kind of peace & focus for my schoolwork) for both Mom and I at this time, date. I live in West Mifflin, Pa. I mean, for me lately, it's too upsetting for me to stay at Mom's house at this time, regarding the end of sept.