Annie W said:
But (other than common advice of 'eat the elephant 1 bite at a time'), don't know how to clear multiple (family+finance) obstacles on the runway.
If you think this is too silly to be asking, just skip it.
....
And tho Jesus is my best friend, it helps having others' support too.
It's not a silly thing to be asking at all, Annie. And the first word I would use to describe folks in this forum, is supportive! I want to respond as a fellow Christ follower, and recognizing some of myself in a bit of one of your posts.
I had a hard time saying no, too. I struggled for years with perfectionistic tendencies, wanting everything to be just right, and sincerely wanted to help folks in trouble. And I still feel that way. But, it got to the point that saying 'yes' and not setting boundaries for others overtook and overwhelmed me. I was like a lake with a bunch of streams running out of it, giving to others. But I had no streams coming back in to replenish me. The result? My lake dried up and I had nothing left to give because I didn't set any boundaries. I tried to help everyone else at the expense of myself. Not only is that not healthy, or even possible, it's not biblical. Regardless of your feelings, it's not your responsibilty to fix other people's problems. You can be there, listen to, encourage, and pray for/with them, but fixing the problem... it's rarely our job.
God allows situations and circumstances to happen to people generally for two main reasons:
1) He's trying to get their attention.
2) He's allowing the consequences of their choices/actions to play out so they'll finally turn to Him in full surrender and let Him take over. If you try to fix things, you could very well be going against God's plan for that person.
I have to be honest. Your posts are too vague in details for folks to give you the more accurate advice you're looking for. Fair enough if you don't care to spill the details. I'm the
last person to ever fault anyone for not doing so! So, based on what you said, here's what I understand:
A family member made a bad choice that was illegal (or got the law involved) and hurt other people. Now there are enormous financial obligations for that person. You feel obligated to help, and guilty for having your own dream to hit the road, leaving the others involved to deal with the situation. You're asking how to reconcile the situation so you can live your dream. Whether this is correct or not, it's how I understood what you wrote. So, in that light, I can only see two things you can do to 'clear the runway for take-off':
1. Top Priority for
anyone who calls themselves a Christian is to surrender the situation to God. Pour your heart out to Him and seek
Him. Do
not act on the situation in fear, anger, or with your own understanding or emotions. (Proverbs 3:5-6) Wait until you're led to. I've
always found prayer and fasting, especially over a serious situation, to be, hands down, the absolutely best thing you can do. It's
never failed me. Give the situation to God, do what He leads you to do, obey what you've been led to do (or not do), and leave the results up to Him. In a nutshell, that's what Christians are called to do: Obey and leave the results up to Him. And in the meantime, prioritize your own relationship with God through His Word, worship, prayer, study and just plain being with Him! That's how we learn to hear His voice and know His will! If you call yourself a Christian and ignore this, then no matter what you do, or try, you're working outside of God's will and will be left to your own devices.
2. It can help to prioritize the problems. What's the most important thing that needs to be taken care of in the situation, above everything else? Whose responsibility is it? Then that needs to be done first before you move on to the next priority on the list. You can help people with their responsibilities, if God leads you to, but it's not good or wise to assume (join them in) their responsibilities. Even if you can. So make a list of steps, or things that need to happen, and prioritize them. Know where you can help or where your responsibilities in that situation lie. Then do what you can. If you don't know what to do, then you need to talk to someone you trust and can give more details to.
In
my current situation, my best friend is hurting big time with two recent family members dying within the year and two other family members who are terminal. He's had so many unexpected financial obligations come up so often and those on top of his own very heavy financial problems. It's tearing my heart to pieces! I'd give everything I owned to make the situation better for him! I even forgot my own advice and did so much out of my own strength and emotions that I recently had a health scare from the stress.
Then I remembered. I repented for taking over and trying to fix everything because it wasn't my job. I surrendered it to God, making myself available for Him to use me (or not use me) however He chooses. Doing that doesn't help my friend's situation, but my own peace returned... and so did my health. I do what I can to help him, but I do have limits and I have to adhere to them. There's a part of me that would feel extremely horrible if I were ready to take off on a debt-free life of freedom in a van while he's here hurting and struggling! But it doesn't help him, or anyone else (me included), or resolve his problems, if I jump in the swamp of despair with him. And it
doesn't mean that I don't love and care for him, or that I won't be there and do what I can.
