having issues being alone

[Goshawk]

And you can have a dog too. Some have a great four legged companion. Others have a cat.

 

[Chancebond]

Hey! Don't feel bad! Do you have family or other relatives that you are able to talk to? I found that when I was depressed, I would talk to a close friend, and that worked!

 

[Luciano151]

I enjoyed reading everybody's post. A book that changed my life and really helped me to learn how to be still and embrace the moment is Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth. A friend gave it to me as a gift several years ago. It's the kind of book that when you begin reading you continue because it's speaking to you and you are ready for it, or it seems to "new age" or "hippy," which means you aren't ready for it, and perhaps never will be.

Anyway, I shared this because even though I enjoy people, I've come to the conclusion that I am an introverted soul in an outgoing person's body. If I'm in the right frame of mind, the right kind of mood, I can chat about pretty much anything for hours on end and be sincere about the action of socializing, but the majority of the time, I am extroverted out of obligation i.e. at a friends party, celebrating holidays with family or friends, a particular date. It seems that I'm happiest when I'm occupied with whatever I'm doing and I'm embracing the experience. No judgement is going on. Whatever is going on isn't "right" or "wrong." It just is. I've learned that when I embrace the moment, whether I'm washing dishes or talking with a friend, it's almost always an enjoyable experience, because I'm entering it open to all the possibilities, without judging, without an agenda, without an expectation or an outcome. It makes a world of difference in how the experience unfolds in your mind. 

Although I spend probably 80% of the time by myself, I never feel lonely. I embrace the experience of being alone, accepting it for exactly what it is, being alone. Because I don't judge my state of being, I can't label the experience of being by myself anything but, I'm experiencing of being by myself.

Perhaps you might try this yourself. Every day, just embrace everything that is going on, even physical pain if need be, understanding that the experience is just than the experience, and you will find yourself so much happier in all situations, not just when you are alone, because you are letting yourself embrace the moment. It's amazing the sense of empowerment and transformation that occurs when a person does this throughout the day.

I hope this was helpful.

 

[Sameer]

Hi Guys,

I was just wondering if anyone else is having the same issues as I do. I live in my Van and I really miss someone around me. I lived with my girlfriend for over 4 years, we are still together but I felt like I needed to change my life a little and decide to go off the grid in my van.

I'm fine throughout the week as I have to work, but I am pretty lonely over the weekends. I am so use to being with her that its hard for me to take road trips by my self, now I have a free weekend where my trip to Germany got canceled and my girlfriend already made plans.

Last time I took a trip by my self I was pretty lonely and dont think I enjoyed it as much as I would with someone else.

Anyone having the same issues...perhaps because I'm fresh off the grid so I need to get over certain things.

Simple solution...Go to the Summer RTR in Flagstaff and meet people that you can be friends with and camp/live with....You know, Comrades...
Since my first RTR...three years ago I spend a lot of time during the year camping/living with friends. I just spent the last seven months with small group that took me from Ehrenberg, Cottonwood, Winslow and Cortez, Colorado and back to Flagstaff. Although we have parted ways as one was returning to the East Coast and others had to start Summer jobs and I am now camping/living with just me and Mr. Pico here in the 'trees'....Soon 'friends' will arrive in Flagstaff and I will have company again. UNDERSTAND...we are not that social that we hang-out a lot together. May be a morning walk and an evening chat..that is the most of it. However, it is most comforting to have someone you know at a distance...

 

[cherterr]

Maybe it's to do with getting older, but I savor the times I'm alone. I'm a recluse, but I'm not a total recluse. I enjoy the company of people, just not too much company...

Agreed! 

In my early 20s before I had kids, I spent a couple of years in LA working downtown.  I was once interviewed in a 'man on the street' type situation.  The question they were asking:  "What do you fear most about getting old?".  My answer: "Being alone".

It's actually funny to me now. (62)  If only I'd know THEN what I know (learned the hard way?)
Someone mentioned the 'co-dependent word'.  Yeah. Maybe/sort of.  I once had a relationship that was so intense that when we broke up, I thought I was broken.  I fumbled around not knowing what to do with myself (spent entirely too much time on phone/texting, etc.w/ex).  It took a little while, but I realized this was SICK, and that I was just not having it.  Or maybe it was just a bad habit.  Anyway, I set my mind to go on and get over.

I think rather than co dependence, we sometimes just get entirely too HABITUAL.  Habits.  You know what they say about those things and  how hard they are to break! 

My advice would be to just ReLearn, every day, how to LIVE your life.  It requires being In the Moment, letting yourself Think, play, even if just in your head.  Understand?  ANYWAY..

Glad I got over it.  I DO like having someone nearby if I get into trouble, but Good Sam Road Side Assistance, and 'my little friend' go a longway to keep fears at bay. (ALso, a big bag of money would be seriously cool and calming.. but I digress)!

 

[cherterr]

Maybe it's to do with getting older, but I savor the times I'm alone. I'm a recluse, but I'm not a total recluse. I enjoy the company of people, just not too much company...

Agreed! 

In my early 20s before I had kids, I spent a couple of years in LA working downtown.  I was once interviewed in a 'man on the street' type situation.  The question they were asking:  "What do you fear most about getting old?".  My answer: "Being alone".

It's actually funny to me now. (62)  If only I'd known THEN what I know (learned the hard way?)
Someone mentioned the 'co-dependent word'.  Yeah. Maybe/sort of.  I once had a relationship that was so intense that when we broke up, I thought I was broken.  I fumbled around not knowing what to do with myself (spent entirely too much time on phone/texting, etc.w/ex).  It took a little while, but I realized this was SICK, and that I was just not having it.  Or maybe it was just a bad habit.  Anyway, I set my mind to go on and get over. No more 'dependence'!!

I think rather than co dependence, we sometimes just get entirely too HABITUAL.  Habits.  You know what they say about those things and  how hard they are to break! 

My advice would be to just ReLearn, every day, how to LIVE your life.  It requires being In the Moment, letting yourself Think, play, even if just in your head.  Understand?  ANYWAY..

Glad I got over it.  I DO like having someone nearby if I get into trouble, but Good Sam Road Side Assistance, and 'my little friend' go a longway to keep fears at bay. (ALso, a big bag of money would be seriously cool and calming.. but I digress)!

 

[arctic cat]

I'm a disabled veterans and for very obvious reason I enjoy to be alone.   I traveled alone for many years and I felt pretty good about it.  My daughter even made me a teddy bear "Teddy" so I had some company.   Talking to the bear is not bad or but when you ask questions and the bear answer or the bear ask question and you answer is time for civilization (usually about 6 weeks overlanding with no one around and no cellphone and radio to listen will do it)  The saddest part is see the most beautiful things in life and having no one to shared with.   Well October came around and I gained girlfriend and a military Service Dog.    My girlfriend is great, because I knew her for over 30 years, so she is more like a great friend,  She is widower and have income and she is the "roll with the punches type of gal" So we decided to prepare a van and we are currently working together on that project and she is more eager than me and is very excited about it.   She is loner herself and like me she enjoy simplicity and between both us we have a great income.   This year were are going to take a about three months on the road.   Next year we are heading to Alaska in a slow moving trip.

 

[highdesertranger]

great story cat. I wish you and your girl friend all the best. but most of all thank you for your service. maybe one day our paths will cross. highdesertranger

 

[Gunny]

I enjoy being alone most of the time, I do not enjoy large groups or loud conversations. I too am a retired/disabled Veteran, not sure that matters, in most places that and 3 dollars might buy a cup of coffee. There are very few in my 'Inner circle' , the ones who know my weaknesses and know when to let me be alone. There are times I do enjoy company, especially with like minded folks who are honest and forthright. I have no problems making decisions, but there are times that I want someone else's input to see how bad I am screwing up. I love seeing my kids and grandkids show up, and I enjoy them driving away.

I enjoy my own company and have for quite some time. I had to go to a Urologist last week, seems I had some blood in my urine which was a cause of concern since I am on blood thinners and that's a bad sign. Turns out the blood test was from 2012 and my fine Primary Care doctor misread my chart. Confidence inspiring. Not. Then she ( am sure I will sound a bit sexist but as a guy I would rather have a male urologist) starts asking about my sex life and did I want The Blue Pill. Nope and Nope.

I hope your doubts and concerns are addressed and you get out there and enjoy life to it's fullest. No matter how you do it.. Gunny Rob.

A long winded and rambling way of saying being alone is not unusual but wanting company or conversation at times is normal too.

 

[highdesertranger]

that thank you was meant for all you guy and gals that served. so thank you gunny. highdesertranger

 

[arctic cat]

great story cat.  I wish you and your girl friend all the best.  but most of all thank you for your service.   maybe one day our paths will cross.  highdesertranger

Hopefully sooner than later.

 

[MrNoodly]

Speaking as a representative of the Legion of Loners, the social club of the Institute of Introverts, I think everyone should learn how to be alone. Extroverts and socially active people get energy, validation and distraction from others, making them dependent rather than independent. People are their addiction. Or at least certain people are. If someone doesn't know what to do alone, or can't enjoy doing it alone, then they've limited their horizons. The more they can do alone, the larger their lives will be, because it increases options. The extrovert says, "If no one can come with me, I won't go either." The introvert says, "If no one can come with me, I'll go anyway. And enjoy it."

 

[Luciano151]

lol.....Legion of Loners......classic.

For the most part, I agree with you. Most people that are really extroverted thrive on having people around them. On the contrary, members of the Legion of Loners often find themselves getting sucked dry by so much social stimulation. I'm a little bit of both, so for the most part I can straddle the line. However, between choosing a party with a bunch of friends or reading a good novel, the novel will win 90% of the time.

 

[Sameer]

Speaking as a representative of the Legion of Loners, the social club of the Institute of Introverts, I think everyone should learn how to be alone. Extroverts and socially active people get energy, validation and distraction from others, making them dependent rather than independent. People are their addiction. Or at least certain people are. If someone doesn't know what to do alone, or can't enjoy doing it alone, then they've limited their horizons. The more they can do alone, the larger their lives will be, because it increases options. The extrovert says, "If no one can come with me, I won't go either." The introvert says, "If no one can come with me, I'll go anyway. And enjoy it."

That is the silliest thing I have ever read about extroverts...we are not afraid of social situation nor is it something that we crave. We enjoy the physical and social world. We do not have fears of being alone and can live/camp with others with out anxiety and mental anguish.. I respect those who want to be part of the Legion of loners. We extroverts look at introverts as a little bit too self-absorbed..too concerned with the Self. Human-beings are social animals.

 

[SternWake]

Being forced to socialize stresses me out.

I always seem to be plotting my escape without being insulting to those, who for some unknown reason, want my company.

I don't enjoy being the master of the awkward silence.

 

[arctic cat]

That is the silliest thing I have ever read about extroverts...we are not afraid of social situation nor is it something that we crave.  We enjoy the physical and social world.  We do not have fears of being alone and can live/camp  with others with out anxiety and mental anguish..  I respect those who want to be part of the Legion of loners.  We extroverts look at introverts as a little bit too self-absorbed..too concerned with the Self.  Human-beings are social animals.

Some people suffer from certain diseases such as PTSD, while I can socialized with people at times, I keep to myself for your protection as well as mine.   I do take offense at the "little too asorbed too concerned for with self" comment.  Maybe it take to do 6, one year each combat tour to understand that, something that you probably haven't done.   I do socialized with people and even tell great jokes and make people laugh, I just can't do it for extended period of times.  Trying to make fun or insulting other with a diseases I don't believe is a way to go, my friend. Fortunately we lived in great country with freedom of speech where you can express your opinion and your upinion is respected.  Opinions BTW are like buttholes, we all got one of those, right?   That and $3 get us a cup of coffee. Have wonderful day my friend!!! :heart:

 

[B and C]

As usual, I am a day late :-(  Thanks to all armed forces personnel for your service.

Back to topic:

Yes, we are social animals and need others company (at times).  Isn't this what the RTR is really for?  We also need alone time (at least I do).  I do not go to the evening campfires as there are way too many people for my comfort.  I would rather have a small campfire and have one or two people to talk to over some good brown water or beer or not.  I have no problem meeting neighbors and have a friendly chat or lively discussion, but these are usually one on one interactions.  It is a great way to get to know someone.  To me, small groups are good and large groups stress me out.  I am not "afraid" of large groups anymore than an extrovert is "afraid" of being alone, I am just uncomfortable and avoid them.  Can I force myself to be in large groups?  Yes, but I am not happy doing it.

I don't consider myself to be self-absorbed any more than an extrovert considers themselves to be dependant on being around other people.  We just have a different way of looking at life.  I seem to find myself around people that have to "fill the silence" with incessant babble.  Small talk is one thing but another is to ramble on about nothing.  It drives me up the wall.  Introverts are the opposite and don't talk much at all.  Has anyone heard the term "silence is golden"?

I was given two ears and one mouth.  I try to listen way more than talk (not always successful if I know you well).  By listening, I know what I already know and then know (probably more than I wanted) what the speaking person knows.  I enjoy talking (and listening) to good company even if the conversations wanes into silence.  Sometimes it is great to just sit there and stare into a campfire without a word being said and enjoy the moment.  When there is a small group, the conversations can be quite good as well as the staring into the campfire.  

Thank you MrNoodly for "Legion of Loners, the social club of the Institute of Introverts".  LOL  I may have to use this if I can remember it.

 

[Sameer]

Some people suffer from certain diseases such as PTSD, while I can socialized with people at times, I keep to myself for your protection as well as mine.   I do take offense at the "little too asorbed too concerned for with self" comment.  Maybe it take to do 6, one year each combat tour to understand that, something that you probably haven't done.   I do socialized with people and even tell great jokes and make people laugh, I just can't do it for extended period of times.  Trying to make fun or insulting other with a diseases I don't believe is a way to go, my friend. Fortunately we lived in great country with freedom of speech where you can express your opinion and your upinion is respected.  Opinions BTW are like buttholes, we all got one of those, right?   That and $3 get us a cup of coffee. Have wonderful day my friend!!! :heart:

NOBODY IS TALKING ABOUT DISEASES.....See, that is the problem with being self-absorbed....you cannot take everything personal....My statement was not a reference to you and what ever issues you have.

CLINICAL DEFINITION OF INTROVERT...

1.a shy person.
2. Psychology. a person characterized by concern primarily with his or her own thoughts and feelings

 

[Gunny]

Hi Guys,

I was just wondering if anyone else is having the same issues as I do. I live in my Van and I really miss someone around me. I lived with my girlfriend for over 4 years, we are still together but I felt like I needed to change my life a little and decide to go off the grid in my van.

I'm fine throughout the week as I have to work, but I am pretty lonely over the weekends. I am so use to being with her that its hard for me to take road trips by my self, now I have a free weekend where my trip to Germany got canceled and my girlfriend already made plans.

Last time I took a trip by my self I was pretty lonely and dont think I enjoyed it as much as I would with someone else.

Anyone having the same issues...perhaps because I'm fresh off the grid so I need to get over certain things.

Back to the OP, being lonely is not an issue. There will be plenty of chances to interact with others as you choose. How me or anyone else deals with our loneliness or lack thereof is our issue. 

If you find Vanlife is too lonely for you, there are many other options. Maybe start with small, short trips and see how that goes. No one else can give you a direct answer, the answer has to come from within you.

Whatever you decide I wish you the best.. Take Care....

 

[arctic cat]

Hi Guys,

I was just wondering if anyone else is having the same issues as I do. I live in my Van and I really miss someone around me. I lived with my girlfriend for over 4 years, we are still together but I felt like I needed to change my life a little and decide to go off the grid in my van.

I'm fine throughout the week as I have to work, but I am pretty lonely over the weekends. I am so use to being with her that its hard for me to take road trips by my self, now I have a free weekend where my trip to Germany got canceled and my girlfriend already made plans.

Last time I took a trip by my self I was pretty lonely and dont think I enjoyed it as much as I would with someone else.

Anyone having the same issues...perhaps because I'm fresh off the grid so I need to get over certain things.

Well going alone is good at times and you will learn to value that time and perhaps learn from it.   There are two type people in life, acquaintances, are the people that you may interact on a day to day basis, and then there are friends, people that actually mean something to you.  While acquaintances can be a lot of people, friends you should be able to count them with one hand.  The thing about friends is that you don't who they are going to be.   Only with time you will know.    Nothing wrong with been alone, but when feeling depress, look for other to at least chat.   If you are shy one way to break the ice is to offer some assistance or some advice.   Maybe that person is having a little hard time expressing him or herself.   On 2012, for an example I was near Canyonland in Utah, overlanding.   It was getting late and it look like it was going to rain so I pick a higher site to pitch my tent.   While setting up I notice a vehicle and this young lady on a tent.    I felt that even that I was far away  from her, I was little close for her comfort.  After all she was a lady all by herself in the middle of nowhere and I just did not want her to think that I was creepy guy.  So I walk to her campsite, introduce myself and ask her if it rain hard the night before, she said no.  Next thing you know we were talking and still remember her name, Ashley, she was from Austin, TX and she was a Bat Field Reseacher and while she was very experience at her field of work.  She admitted she was not well prepared for her trip and she knew very little about camping.   Well I haven't talk to someone in about 6 week, so I invited to eat at my camp and I even let her used my shower unit.   We talk all night about things to prepared herself for future trip, eventually she went to bed at her site and me to mine.  In the morning I prepared some breakfast and we ate together and with that said she went her way I went mine.   What did we get out of this interaction?   She got a couple of meals, a shower.    Some training and advice and I got some company, some to interact (other than my bear) and the satisfaction that I help someone.    Maybe when you are alone you can help other people and teach them things that you know.  You may even learn some things in the process.  Is in my opinion a way to be alone, but at the same time have some company, until you are ready to be with someone in a more extended basis.