having issues being alone

[wasanah2]

Moxadox: I have to go out to the E. Coast next week to visit my ancient mother.  Guess what, her even more ancient brother and his son and his son's daughter are going to be there too!  This sends me literally into a protracted panic attack.  Wahhhh, I don't wanna go!  I'm useless at making conversation.
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That's easy to fix.  My late husband was genius at this.  Talk about things they don't understand.  At first they nod and listen, but pretty soon it washes over them.  They may ask you questions to explain and that gives you time to converse more about it and get them deeper into a subject they'll never understand anyway. 

Then when topics stray to others, use every opportunity to bring it back to your topic.  When they talk about something, ask a lot of questions about their topic, even if you understand it pretty well.  Then soon it becomes pretty evident that you all don't speak the same language.  My husband had a very obnoxious family member and this tac kept him from panic attacks AND kept peace in the family.

You can't pick your family.  But it's a blessing to have an ancient mom and other family members...it means your DNA is good for longevity!

 

[Dingfelder]

That can be hard when people want your attention.  Non-participation doesn't mean I reject you, but sometimes people seem to have a hard time understanding that or accepting that it could be true.  They need a lot of validation.  I can do that, but sometimes I need a break.

Yep, I hear that.  I have to go out to the E. Coast next week to visit my ancient mother.  Guess what, her even more ancient brother and his son and his son's daughter are going to be there too!  This sends me literally into a protracted panic attack.  Wahhhh, I don't wanna go!  I'm useless at making conversation.

I can feel that way sometimes.  A lot of people, nice as they may be, are not good company.  They don't know how to stockpile anecdotes and are not natural storytellers, maybe don't have a sense of humor or curiosity so they can't pull much out from either the past or present to contribute, they might have cranky attitudes so have little to contribute that doesn't have a sour tinge ... 

SITUATION:  Father of the Bride

Me:  Great to see you, Fred.  
Fred:  You too, how you doing?
Me:  Swell.  Saw that garden you're working on while I was coming up the driveway. That's amazing!  
Fred:  Thanks!
Me:  Been doing anything special with it?  Those tomatoes are killer.
Fred: I've been sharpening a lot of pencils lately.
Me:  Pencils?  
Fred:  They needed sharpening.

 

[waverider1987]

I do like being alone.  But, I especially like being alone with other people who like being alone.  Earlier this year, when I was in the US dessert SW among other vandwellers (camping many yards apart from each other) someone called us a "gathering of introverts."  I thought that was an apt description.   Humans are by nature social creatures; so, it makes sense that most of us need contact.  For some, interacting online is enough.  Others need the face-to-face.

Sometimes when I'm truly alone and need company, I seek out my own.  Writing is a good way to get to know yourself.

Suanne

I'm newly single and about to jump into the van life and am terrified of the loneliness I know I will face.  Being an introvert I don't easily make friends.  However I have heard this saying about van dwellers before, that we are all mostly introverts, so i think it will be nice to gather with others who like alone time and can be "alone together"

 

[Moxadox]

I can feel that way sometimes.  A lot of people, nice as they may be, are not good company.  They don't know how to stockpile anecdotes and are not natural storytellers, maybe don't have a sense of humor or curiosity 

Or worse, they could be professional keyboardists who spent their entire lives playing in lounges, "entertaining." He has no "off" switch! Joke after joke after joke...fun for about five minutes. Sigh....

The Dire Wolfess

 

[Dingfelder]

Or worse, they could be professional keyboardists who spent their entire lives playing in lounges, "entertaining."  He has no "off" switch!  Joke after joke after joke...fun for about five minutes.  Sigh....

The Dire Wolfess

I do love an alive mind -- but you have to pick your spots.  Comedy is hard!

It's strange, too.  A missed joke can seem somehow almost offensive, as if someone's attempt to make you laugh isn't too far from a personal attack ... an attempt to drag you into something horrible you want no part and never said you wanted anything to do with.  We routinely forgive people lots of bungled gestures and move on still smiling, but the death-stink of a bad joke clings to teller and listener alike.

 

[LivGolden]

Dear Q-

I was directed here for my up-and-coming after posting something which appeared to be mocking. 

I would like to offer my most sincere apologies.

I am so use to laughing at myself that I did not take into consideration that my post might be taken as an affront.

I hope you can forgive me.

Sincerely,

Liv

 

[travelaround]

I always, always lived with someone else until I was 61 years old. Then I got my own place, and I thought I'd be lonely and terrified but guess what - I LOVE living alone. Nobody telling me what to do with my time and resources. Nobody complaining about me not doing enough to meet their preferences. Just lots of peace, and an opportunity to pursue my own interests without distraction for the first time in my life. Living alone rocks. I hope you love it as much as I do.

 

[Moxadox]

Ding--what you say here is amazing. It resonates with something I've been seeking out: to understand the border and interface between humor and pain. Specifically looking at comedy that uses devices like repetition of a mildly uncomfortable gag, over and over until finally it becomes unbearable and the reaction of our nervous system is to laugh uncontrollably, just the same as if we were being tickled.

I watched Jim Carrey. He's a master of the uncouth, 7th grade boy brand of humor, but he also knows how to blend that with actual pathos, so much more effective.

Jerry Lewis--he made me squirm with discomfort as a child, because he resembles my actual family. I still don't think he's funny.

Now I'm going to go back and finish Blazing Saddles! I started it yesterday, but I was so tired I actually fell asleep! No reflection on the film....

The Dire Wolfess

 

[regis101]

Coupla posts up, #64, remindes me of a time when I was with a group of like minded people camping for the weekend. Everyone sort of knew someone who knew someone so it was all friendly like. I got to talking with a guy that described himself as a ( loner ). I said, "Hey, me too. We should hang out. We could be alone together." Got a chuckle out of him.
It's all good.

 

[RoamerRV428]

there is being alone and a few chats with like minded people wherever you meet them is all you need.

then there is 'alone' as in your want a significant other. A person directly in your life with a love relationship.

the first is easily handled.

the second means you must find a soulmate to fit that bill and only you can go out and find that person....sometimes chatting with the first group of people can bring a love/true companion interest into your life.

depends on where you are in life, what you are wanting, etc. on how 'just alone' you are at any given time thru your journey.

 

[Honeys Park]

Warm months I'm rarely alone with random guests. Come be one of them for a while with me. Think of honeys as the meet up between. RTR.

 

[Firebuild]

I do like being alone.  But, I especially like being alone with other people who like being alone.  

That states perfectly how I feel.

 

[billybob200138]

This is life. As we travel these lonely roads by ourselves we off times wonder about the life we have chosen. It's human nature to be with someone. But alas. Some of us cannot be with someone else. The new wears off a relationship or we get it in our heads that we don't deserve happiness so we leave. Even though we deeply regret leaving its as if we don't have a choice? The road beckons. There's another sight to see down the road somewhere just ahead, we must see it. I wish you all the happiness you can find in this life. Mahalo HoboJoe