Coping with a spouse's mid life crisis

[caseyc]

That can be my new forum title name "Head In The Gutter Kahuna".

Hopefully your name was on their beneficiary form(s) before they croaked, haha!

 

[WheelEstate USA]

Casey, I threaten Margie with trading her in for 2 younger ones and she's 11 years my junior

 

[caseyc]

That reminds me of the joke. Whaddya do when your wife (spouse) turns 40?

Take her to the bank to trade her in for 2 20s.

 

[Unchained]

I could make a mathematical observation about how 20 goes into 40 a lot better than 40 goes into 20, but that wouldn't be modlike. :angel:

Back on topic, folks

 

[AltTransBikes]

Oh well.

Worse than figuring out how to get a corkscrew out of a heart is how you allowed it to get in there in the first place.

 

[Unchained]

Wish I had some words of wisdom for you, ATB.
Afraid the best I can do is say you're not alone, many of us have been there and we're here for you.

 

[wagoneer]

58 year woman going through it. I know it tough.

 

[owl]

Alt, this is about you and someone you have cared about for a long time. The people who respond and want to make this about them and how cute they are will do you no good. In fact, it may make things worse. I would encourage you to find someone you can speak to in person, either over the phone or face to face. Sometimes it is easier to talk to someone you don't know than to folks you do. There are good, decent people here who would, without question, give you an ear. I bet if you were open to that they would PM you and offer a shoulder. Take care, Michael

 

[Donedirtcheap]

This is the first time I have read the whole thread and it seems as though most of you have possibly hung out together camping or whatever. I only have a general idea of whats going on. All I will say is you have some very good friends in here with very good advice. During my marriage I have often times found that I was a lot of the problem. Im too mechanical, too driven and want to fix it fix it fix it. Whats the problem? Bam lets fix it and move on. My wife on the other hand probably like many other women is not like that at all. She wants a slower closer relationship. Don't know if I described that right.
I don't want to be gross or lewd but I will give you a short example of how I learned something pertaining to a woman's period. Many guys grow up in an environment that basically thinks of women during this time of the month as just being a bitch or a pain in the ass. Unbelievable number of times that I have heard "Oh the bitch is on the rag". I never treated my wife bad over it but I started to notice that we had most arguments during this time. Well.....my dumb ass finally thought about it and started giving her the consideration and extra help that she might like at a time when shes feeling so bad. I mean we guys enjoy the good physical aspects of our women so we should fully participate in and be as kind as possible as she gets through her physical torture.

I'm not saying anything is your fault or that my story is her issue. I just use my story as something I learned that may in some way help you. Consider everything your friends have offered, look at yourself, are you being to rigid, too guy ish, and dig real deep to connect with her and fix your problems. I always tell people it aint worth all the trouble and fussing, lets be happy and enjoy, we're going to be dead before long. I truly hope everything works out for you.

 

[Stargazer]

Ok. I've kept my hands off the keyboard long enough. But, Tallman's post pushed me over the edge.

So, Tallman, if you start with the "premise" (assuming that's the word you meant) that all men are selfish pigs, that solves the problem entirely.

As for trading us in for younger models, seems to me it should be the other way around. There's a reason sales of Cialia and Viagra have made their investors rich.

Have a nice day ;-)

 

[VanLifeCrisis]

A midlife crisis probably made me a vandweller...they arent always bad

 

[steamjam1]

After I read this thread, I realized that even though I am in my 40's, it never occurred to me I could be in a mid life crisis myself... So I went to the bathroom and sat for a very long time on the throne of thought and really analyzed the reasons for my own radical lifestyle change via living in a van.

I fired up my droid and looked up "mid life crisis" on Wikipedia and after a read, I do not fit any of the listed characteristics. My goal in van dwelling is clear and unambiguous. I could care less for goals I did not accomplish. I *AM* the successful colleague. I do not care to feel youthful mostly because I'd have to be profoundly dumb again, and I've already done the "have a young G/F" thing and all I can say is the next time anyone sees me doing that, it will only be after my failed attempt at sepuku.

 

[wagoneer]

Turning 66 soon (very) soon route 66 is a road I have traveled many a time. take heart in your dreams, age is a passing time line of opportunities regard these well and have no regrets. No one is a failure.

 

[Patrick46]

Wasn't it Richard Pryor who said: "There's no such thing as an old fool, because you don't get old...being a Fool!"

 

[owl]

Pryor was a perfect example of his statement.

 

[jeanontheroad]

ATB, I don't know about your situation, but have you taken a good look at some of your own behavior that your wife is complaining about? When I hit The Big Change, I started loosing patience with DH tossing dirty socks and underwear on the floor for me to pick up, leaving a greasy mess all over the stove and counters when he cooked, dragging things out and leaving them for me to put away, etc. He had some gripes that came out then, too, and we both worked on our behavior. Life together is good, but that is only because we were both willing to work at it.

 

[jeanontheroad]

BTW, women go thru The Change. Mid Life Crisis I usually refers to what happens to men. If you think that's a barrel of laughs for the people around them, you are delusional.

 

[Patrick46]

Yep....I've been going through this Mid-Life Crisis for some years now. (the economic downturn 6 years ago had alot to do with setting it off.)

All I kin say is that I feel sorry for my family! I wouldn't wanna live with ME these days either!!

 

[caseyc]

I've already "graduated" out of at least 3 mid life crises (plural). Haha! When I was younger, I swear I used to give a d@mn about trying to get ahead and making the most out of a career and other worldly aspirations (having family, building nest egg, etc). Nowadays, I'm content with not giving a rat's @ss about aforementioned aspirations. I just don't have the motivation that I used to, and I'm good with that. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not, haha! Besides, all of that "stuff" would have simply kept me in the rat race that much longer and racing to an early grave from undue stress. Not for me. At least not any more.

 

[Simran]

Not real sure what a mid life crisis is. I may have had one when I was 45. I quit my job and worked over seas a couple years. The job was killing me. I had an ulcer and I knew it was the job so I took a tour with the National Science Foundation in Antarctica; the ulcer healed itself. I've been on the road ever since and have spent as many as 3-5 month away without seeing my spouse. Mainly because I was off continent. The last few years I get home at least once a month and usually every two weeks. We both seem to be committed to this relationship; although it has been sketchy a time or two. Never any infidelity from either party; we just have different ways of viewing the world. She likes her stuff and I don't need much stuff and don't like to be tied down much. We both like to travel and have gone overseas together but I like to live on the road; she doesn't. My checks all go home after I take what I need; which isn't much. She pays what bills we have and always throws the covers back when I get home. Not sure I can ask for much more than that for now. I think much of the time we ask to much of our spouses or ask of them what they just can't deliver. I'm guilty of it myself sometimes. But for now our relationship has worked for 25 years; all-be-it vicariously at times.