Charting a new course.

[jimindenver]

Little River Band put out a song call Cool change. It starts "there is a time in my life that I have been missing, it's the time I spend alone, sailing on the cool and clear blue waters" The chorus is Time for a cool change.

After 31 years of choppy waters, violent storms and fighting the current I have decided it's time to chart a new course and head for smoother sailing. I thought I was trapped here until I spoke with someone and found out that since gay marriage became legal that I can use it to get out of a gay marriage like others are getting into them. What a concept. I'm not trapped anymore, I don't have to walk with nothing to escape, I signed the divorce papers yesterday.

It will take time to right this ship but in the end I plan on joining your ranks, it's why I have been here. (bet ya have been wondering) That time will let me prepare for the journey in a not so half assed way. Being here as a outsider has allowed me to see what I have to look forward to and what to prepare for. Various assets should leave me a decent jumping off point and I think it will be 6 months or so before I am ready to tear it up again. I'll get her patched up but it's gonna take some time. I need a few patches myself, a nice buff and shine wouldn't be bad either.

By the way I have never discussed being gay here for a few reasons. A. I have always felt it was discussion to be held with the person I wish to spend the evening with and B. I have lost many long term friends once they figured it out, even those that proclaim they are fine with it would become distant. I realize that at that point they are not worthy of my friendship but the only way to know is to run around introducing my self as gay Jim. I don't have sex often enough to be worthy of title or the hassles.

So here's to a new heading out there some where or maybe I should say anywhere but here.

I do need to say thank you to one that is no longer here. Grant listened to me vent and instead of comforting me, said Dude, this is abuse and you need to call a lawyer NOW. Thank you for your strength and compassion my friend, I couldn't have done it without you.

 

[BradKW]

That's awesome that you can choose a happier course! And hopefully frequency of sex doesn't really determine the label, or I might not qualify as hetero any more... :O

 

[jimindenver]

Thank you Brad, I needed a laugh right now.

 

[Gunny]

Being gay is non of our business to begin with. Should not matter in the least. I can only hope wherever your path leads you that you find the happiness and peace that seems so elusive to us all, gay, straight or in-between.
Travel safe, Rob

 

[speedhighway46]

Jim: best of success in your new life's heading. I certainly enjoy your posts; I consider you one of the "leaders" here on CRVL.

 

[jimindenver]

Thank you but I think you are too kind. I haven't even owned a van since 2002.

 

[jimindenver]

Being gay is non of our business to begin with. Should not matter in the least. I can only hope wherever your path leads you that you find the happiness and peace that seems so elusive to us all, gay, straight or in-between.
Travel safe, Rob

Thank you
It's the way I have always felt but then again I came from a time when sex wasn't discussed at all. I could have omitted that part but wanted to show the impact that gay marriage has had other than what most think of.

 

[Gunny]

I am not making light of gay marriage, just recalling a comedian ( I don't remember who) said " Let gays get married and be miserable like the rest of us".

I was in The Marine Corps when just a hint of being gay would either get you discharged or all clearances revoked. Times change.

Again, I wish you well.

 

[wagoneer]

We have numerous all gender friendly folk here, it does not surprise me having gone through sexual identity questions myself. I think it came to my ballet classes when things began to make themselves obvious and met my future spouse in 1974 we should be looking into the "D" word ourselves as we have been split the last 10 years but she is very supportive and a starving mosaic artist and I afford her a place to live and work her craft, as soon as I re-finance this old house perhaps like you I can leave for extended periods and let the crew take over command. I am done with San Francisco but it ain't done with me LOL

 

[jimindenver]

I am not making light of gay marriage, just recalling a comedian ( I don't remember who) said " Let gays get married and be miserable like the rest of us".

I was in The Marine Corps when just a hint of being gay would either get you discharged or all clearances revoked. Times change.

Again, I wish you well.

That was likely Carlin, one of my favorites. My thought is gay, straight or otherwise, if you are going to screw it, it's gonna screw with you at some point and time. lol

 

[cyndi]

Good for you, Jim! I have no doubt there's some tough times, ahead. Keep your eye on the prize!

See you out there!

 

[jimindenver]

We have numerous all gender friendly folk here, it does not surprise me having gone through sexual identity questions myself. I think it came to my ballet classes when things began to make themselves obvious and met my future spouse in 1974 we should be looking into the "D" word ourselves as we have been split the last 10 years but she is very supportive and a starving mosaic artist and I afford her a place to live and work her craft, as soon as I re-finance this old house perhaps like you I can leave for extended periods and let the crew take over command. I am done with San Francisco but it ain't done with me LOL

Lot of folk maintain a marriage while living separate lives for a variety of reasons. Kindness and compassion makes yours the most admirable of all. I dabbled on both sides of the fence but decided that it wasn't fair to either party as I knew what turned my head. I would have loved San Fran back in the day when I was 6'4", built and had long curly blond hair.

 

[jimindenver]

Good for you, Jim! I have no doubt there's some tough times, ahead. Keep your eye on the prize!

See you out there!

Thank you Cyndi. The toughest part was signing the forms knowing that it would change everything forever, the rest is just work.

 

[Bast]

Abuse is abuse whether it is gay or Hetreo. It shouldn't be tolerated. No one group has a corner on it. I hope you get out of this abusive relationship safely. Abusive relationships are at there most dangerous when the person being abused is trying to get out. Take care, be careful and be safe.

 

[anewbiewannabe]

LRB. Brings back memories. Great tune.  :heart:  I really need a cool change myself but medical issues are slowing me down and making me wonder if I'm going to get to sail away or continue fading away.

You started the sailing analogy so, congrats on tossing the anchor overboard (too soon?   ) so you can sail away into calmer waters. Sorry, dang anchor thing just wouldn't stay unsaid. Seriously though, it's good that you have a chance to become unstuck from a situation like that. Glad Grant was there for you and I hope y'all are still in touch.  Be kind to yourself as you navigate the changes as it sounds like they've been a long time coming.

As for those kinds of labels, they are a nonissue for me. Oh wait, that may be because I haven't learnt what my new label is and I only just learned my old one---demi-sexual. It's surely not the business of a buncha strangers on the internet even if you do share it. Stinks that you had long-term friends bail for that. I don't think you'll have much trouble finding new friends in your new life as you've always seemed personable here.

Here's wishing you a BON VOYAGE!!!  

 

[jimindenver]

Abuse is abuse whether it is gay or Hetreo. It shouldn't be tolerated. No one group has a corner on it. I hope you get out of this abusive relationship safely. Abusive relationships are at there most dangerous when the person being abused is trying to get out. Take care, be careful and be safe.

Thank you Bast for the reality check. I know what is possible and have contingency plans for it. A restraining order takes 6 weeks I'm told so if need be, I can put that trailer so deep in the Rockies that you could look endlessly and never find it. If nothing else I have family and friends insisting I come home and let the lawyers deal with it.

 

[jimindenver]

LRB. Brings back memories. Great tune.  :heart:  I really need a cool change myself but medical issues are slowing me down and making me wonder if I'm going to get to sail away or continue fading away.

You started the sailing analogy so, congrats on tossing the anchor overboard (too soon?   ) so you can sail away into calmer waters. Sorry, dang anchor thing just wouldn't stay unsaid. Seriously though, it's good that you have a chance to become unstuck from a situation like that. Glad Grant was there for you and I hope y'all are still in touch.  Be kind to yourself as you navigate the changes as it sounds like they've been a long time coming.

As for those kinds of labels, they are a nonissue for me. Oh wait, that may be because I haven't learnt what my new label is and I only just learned my old one---demi-sexual. It's surely not the business of a buncha strangers on the internet even if you do share it. Stinks that you had long-term friends bail for that. I don't think you'll have much trouble finding new friends in your new life as you've always seemed personable here.

Here's wishing you a BON VOYAGE!!!  

Lady was the first LRB song I remember and my favorite.

Medical issues I have known well this year and weighed heavily in my decision. The thing is I had the gold ring in my grasp 20 years ago and let go, I'm not giving up the chance again. I'll sort it all out once it's over if need be.

I had to apologize when I sent Grant a update. I was too embarrassed to face him and admit I hadn't done any thing yet. I hope he can forgive me, I wasn't much of a friend was I.

Anchor, no no, I'll need that some day. I'm tossing dead weight, excess ballast and SPOILED cargo.

 

[akrvbob]

Jim, you are so obviously a deeply kind, decent and good man--and that's the only thing that counts!

You'll always have family here! Those Rockies get mighty cold in the winter, can we look for you at the RTR? Bob

 

[jimindenver]

Thank you Bob, I really appreciate that.

I really don't know how long this will take. I have been packing my things for years but that leaves a huge house, a company and even the trailer that since I want it, not a chance in..... That's the real reason the solar isn't installed on it yet as I didn't feel like taking it off again or loose it. That's okay, I couldn't lift the trailers stinger if I wanted too. I have been looking at motor homes, class B's and yes, even vans. (why are the 4x4's so dang expensive)

So if I can get out of here by then, I'll be there. The same is true if I have to cut and run, won't make a difference by then, I'll be there. What state I or the rig will be in, I have no idea.

 

[BradKW]

Thank you Bast for the reality check. I know what is possible and have contingency plans for it. A restraining order takes 6 weeks I'm told so if need be, I can put that trailer so deep in the Rockies that you could look endlessly and never find it. If nothing else I have family and friends insisting I come home and let the lawyers deal with it.

You should come to key West! There's lots of gay people, but more importantly, I happen to know someone who needs an electrical system wired into his box truck...