Battered Family Shelters, The Holidays, and Dollar Stores

josephusminimus · Dec 14, 2012

I don't trust organized charities to use dollars wisely.  If I can I'd far prefer to donate things needed that can't be converted to higher salaries and bigger desks for the rankers in the charity organizations. I discovered battered family shelters about 25 years ago.  Investigation on the subject revealed that every Christmas they get packed to the gills with women and kids beaten to a pulp and forced to spend Christmas at least, packed into a shelter for their own safety. When this happens, every Christmas, year after year, they're always short of wet wipes, diapers, toys for the kids who need some toys at that point in their lives, kid clothing, kid shoes, the works. These people aren't in need of dollar donations more than they need well-spent dollars on the essentials for the unanticipated mob this year. If you go down to the Dollar Tree, or Everything's A Dollar, and walk around spending your own dollars on the items, $100 will fill up four plastic leaf-bags without a single piece of it going unused, wasted, supporting anyone who doesn't sport a lot of tears and bruises. $25 will fill one plastic pulltop leaf bag with toys, diapers, tee shirts, shoes and socks. Anyone inclined to this can contact the place to donate it locally by a quick web search.  For a head start, here are the local contacts in Texas: <a href="http://www.usattorneylegalservices.com/texas-women-shelters.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.usattorneylegalservices.com/texas-women-shelters.html</a>

bk2valve · Dec 14, 2012

Good choice Jack...very good choice... bri

Stillwater · Dec 14, 2012

Outstanding idea.

josephusminimus · Dec 14, 2012

It wasn't exactly my idea.  A friend of my lady-friend of the time worked in one and was complaining how everyone working there was taking money out of his own pocket when they ran short of things essential, keeping receipts and trying to get reimbursed for it later. What they were running out of would have qualified as lousy planning if they hadn't asked ahead of time for it, or the price of it, and been refused by United Fund, etc, in hopes there would be fewer needing sheltered this year, each year.

sl1966 · Dec 14, 2012

+1

josephusminimus · Dec 14, 2012

It's tempting to wonder whether there's any similarity between the types of people beating hell out of their wives and kids, and the people going into school houses slaughtering as many as they can. But that's off topic. On the subject of the shelters, usually you'll have to turn the bags of merchandise over to the local contact organization.  The authorities have to keep the locations of the actual shelters as secret as possible to reduce the possibility of a violent person coming in to continue what happened at home. Occasionally they'll modify that if you have a history of handing over bags of the stuff and they have a shortage of something coming on strong.  They'll just ask you to take it directly to the shelter. You'll have to dodge a hug though, from the person who answers the door.  Mostly they only see social workers and law enforcement people and what they bring isn't solutions to shortages.

Seraphim · Dec 14, 2012

This time of year, don't forget the Marines collect toys for underprivileged kids, as well. Contact any recruiting station, reserve center, or active unit. Slightly off topic, perhaps, but appropo for the season.

josephusminimus · Dec 14, 2012

Strong point.  There might be other organizations doing that, too.

yesican · Dec 15, 2012

That's a good idea Joseph.  Having a friend who went through that with 6 or her 8 kids, I know how well those donations get used.  When kids hurt because of a parent or parents, they need all the Santas they can get to ease at least some of that loss of Christmas spirit.  Sometimes its the one single gesture that turns a child from going deep into depression.  Gives them a sense of worth.  Great idea Joseph...glad you mentioned it.

karl · Dec 15, 2012

Thanks for the tip Jack, that is one that is close to my heart, yet never thought of that means of help.

missmillpl · Dec 15, 2012

Great subject matter. If I may put in my 2 cents worth I have also found a great way to help, ok a few. 1st if you have a large amount of items (we took up donations for a month to do this at a local auction house I clerked at) you can contact your local children's protective services. They will direct you to who is in charge of children in temporary foster care over christmas. This is one of my favorites. 2nd go to a local food pantry, I like the ones with a clothing bank for this purpose. Ask if they would see to it that your items get passed out with those in need. We did this with my sister's big haul of boots and as a grandfather proudly walked out with a new pair of boots for his grandaughters present he also commented that he was wondering where to come up with the money to get her something. I have to admit it made my heart happy. 3rd adult protective services they deal with the elderly living in scary situations. The elderly involved often dont even see a holiday dinner much less a present. In some cases you can wrap the presents or provide a gift bag to put them in. I once witnessed a gentleman come to tears unwrapping a pair of socks as he hadn't received a christmas present in a very long time. 4th is a cancer treatment center. Many time the folks there are alone in their struggle. A really great idea for them is a little lunch bag of treats,eating is a chore for them.Treats are usually something they can get down. Also some little throws (dollar tree has them) there's  the bone chill you can't shake while getting chemo. Just a few ideas.

josephusminimus · Dec 15, 2012

Good info. Thanks Millie. Depending on the cats, later tonight or early tomorrow morning I'm swearing to myself I'll be headed west.  Hopefully, again depending on the cats, tomorrow night I'll be in Midland, Texas.  I'll have to check out the local contact folk there, along with the dollar stores, etc.  I shouldn't be there more than a couple of days but I'll squeeze some of that in. Gracias, J

WanderingRain · Dec 19, 2012

A bit off topic, but since Joseph opened it: The types of men who beat their wives come under the description of the "Authoritarian Personality Type". Just go look it up and see what other scourges in society come under that description. I haven't been active as much with the charities of late. My one act of charity this year has been to help a friend battle his drinking problem. He is now sober and done with his rehab. Just spent dinner with his whole family tonight. <img src="/images/boards/smilies/smile.gif" border="0" align="absmiddle">

missmillpl · Feb 7, 2013

I know it has come and gone but please keep in mind for anyone who wishes to do so at any time holidays are not necessary for this one. I recently spent christmas in the hospital on the trauma ICU unit and that has to be one of the most stressful and sad places any day of the year. You are litterally scared to leave as something could change any moment. Most of them have a lounge just for the trauma families as they have to take turns only 2 people at once are able to go in. You sit there in tears most of the time and others are the same way so more often than not you bond over your broken hearts. Anyway my point is hot coffee and donuts or a deli meat tray with bread. Even a cookie tray or chips and dip whatever will always bring a smile to some very sad faces and a little lift in their heart. This my fellow travelers is a great idea for anyday if you can do it.

Mortisha · Feb 7, 2013

Many years ago, I lived in a battered women's shelter for 8 months due to the severity of my case. That is a long story but let me say this... there are lots of people who donate around the holidays and it is wonderful to say the least but it seems that people don't donate much during the rest of the year and there are new people coming in and out of these shelters all the time. The maximum stay in most shelters is 30 days in which they try to get other arrangements for living. Also most women and children come into these shelters in the middle of the night dressed only in pj's with nothing else. I was in a place called The Golden House in Greenbay WI and I remember they would always give each child a stuffed animal to give them comfort. During the holidays, most places donate turkeys. I remember having turkey and spaghetti every other day. Today I will not even think to touch spaghetti. Under garments are very much needed in shelters.... socks, bras, panties and underwear for kids of all ages. Hair dressers would donate their time by coming in and doing hair which was wonderful. People would also call in and send pizzas on occasion which was really nice. I agree with no money donations because who knows how it is spent! When I donate now, I remember how I felt there..... depressed, very low self esteem and in horrible pain both mental and physical. I try to always donate makeup, fake nails, hair supplies and beauty products. I remember that is what the ladies would do to pep us up. We would do perms, nails and make overs just to cheer ourselves up and feel a bit normal again. I have seen so much living in a shelter for that long and traveling in secret to another state to start new. The one thing that sticks in my mind is that a woman loses all decision making skills at that time and feels basically like a zombie just taking it minute by minute. I couldn't even decide on an outfit to wear that day without asking if it looked ok. WOW this post has made me think of things I have not thought of in years... Thanks so much for it. When you donate stuff to a woman's shelter...donate things that you would like if you knew it could be your last days on earth because many women die after leaving the shelter. I knew way too many that did. HuggZ

ccbreder · Feb 7, 2013

Also remember, every one jumps on board for the holidays, but the suffering and the lost are there 366 days. I try to do something mid month every month. Mostly it is just the food bank.

CrossCountryGal · Feb 7, 2013

Another group to consider is children already in foster care.  As a former foster parent of 14 I'm here to tell you things could get pretty snug around the holidays.  In addition to the children permanently placed in your home, there are those children mentioned earlier who suddenly find themselves in foster care temporarily and foster parents do their best to make sure all children receive equal surprises under the tree Christmas morning.  We loved being foster parents - but it was expensive. In the two years we kept track of expenses over and above the stipend the state gives for each child we spent in excess of $10K of our own pennies.   Please consider contacting your local foster parent support group who can put you in touch with families whose hearts are full, but bank accounts aren't.  The foster parents can tell you exactly what each child wants, including sizes, colors, etc. I've always said if I won the lottery I'd spend all the proceeds making sure every child in foster care in my home state could dress like the other kids.  They struggle so much to fit in while trying to understand how they wound up in their predicament to begin with.  Fashionable, sturdy clothing would level the playing field for them.