Are relationships a trap?/ split from: Relationships started while Traveling Single.....?

[wb8vyn]

About to embark upon a year or two of living most of the time in a converted cargo van. Curious as to others experiences as single people living a Nomad lifestyle. Have you had romantic relationships that started while on the road? How did you meet? What were the main challenges? Any leading to long term relationships?

Despite cases of immediate attraction, sometimes mutual, I've never been inclined to pick ups, or immediate and quick relationships. Always taken some time to get to know someone and gradually find sources for building a bond of affection. (or that we're not a good fit) But with the exception of the last 4 years have usually been in a relationship. That seems challenging to find the right circumstances for that to happen while living a nomadic life. I guess this applies to building friendships while on the road as well. I can be a bit of a loner but the pandemic experience has really taught me that I do really need connection, companionship, etc. and miss it when its not there. As I haven't embarked yet, I'm interested in hearing others experiences in this area.

Me too, sort of. Looking back in my mind to 60 years ago. I found a perfect life's partner. We really lived life, always talking each other into stuff big and small, each had time to listen and help the other reach for their dream. That life has ended now, so back to the beginning, start over.
For me there is no expectation, although I do believe in miracles, with three billion women on earth, the chances of finding another perfection is like unto winning the lottery or worse.
If by chance there is a passing soft spoken word or shared experience, great, I'll take it with a thankful heart and move on.
I think it would be wrong headed of me to try to trap any woman into slavery to any man. Or any women to trap any man into slavery of that sort. Either one should be free to make those choices with well stocked abilities and tools to take it or leave it, without regret or sorrow. It was fun while it lasted and go on with their life as friends, and maybe distant fond memories.
For some reason, I think such thoughts are biological for either man or woman. I am a human animal, able to think of such matters on a higher level. considering the good or harm that my actions or words could cause.
For me, finding a female companion for the long term is just dreaming. Unless you want to be trapped. Better to go on your way expecting to spend your time alone sharing a cold snack with a nice evening breeze.
In any case, good luck.
Ken

 

[RonDean]

Anyone that thinks a relationship "traps" them probably should avoid them. Although, I suppose a short-term relationship (hook-up?) and then both parties going on their way would still work as long as its eyes wide-open for both.

I am getting to an age where hook-ups are far less important and mutual companionship very much desired. For me, that's not being trapped.

 

[wb8vyn]

Anyone that thinks a relationship "traps" them probably should avoid them. Although, I suppose a short-term relationship (hook-up?) and then both parties going on their way would still work as long as its eyes wide-open for both.

I am getting to an age where hook-ups are far less important and mutual companionship very much desired. For me, that's not being trapped.

This is great RonDean. You are getting older so the choices of partners who are open to explore life as a brand new adventure are almost non existent. Most men and women make those choices in there late teens and to mid 20s. I'll take a guess here but from what I see around me, nearly 50 percent end up failed, often with small children.
The mental scars remain for ever. There is alimony, child support, shared custody, divided assets. (money always creep In there doncha know)
Anyway of those who remain, a certain number stay in ruined relationships because of the "children" or out of fear of not being able to support them selves. And shame of being a failed husband or wife.
Time passes, We do our best to meet responsibilities, measure up, just like you, part of life passes by as you meet daily needs.
Tell me this? Can you. this very minute, pack a bag, walk out the door and not come back? Are your legs broken? Are you trapped?
Now don't get your shorts in a bunch, youngster, I'm also trapped for a different reason than you but of my own making, sorrow. I have a great running pickup, a really nice trailer with all the comforts of a home, plenty of money, all of my senses work fine, I'm legal to go at any time but I don't! Why don't I just go? Why don't you just go?
Well, Maybe I just need someone to take care of me, motivate me, is that the type of woman I'm looking for. Shoot if I were her, I'd be headed away so fast, I'd be nothing but a blur in the distance.
What it comes down to is excuses. Sure I'd like to run across a female companion because I am male and not complete without female. Would it be right to use my manly wiles to attract a female being that needy? Get her away from her routine of support. At some point the return to her past, working normal would be too much, she would feel trapped.
We all have handy caps. You live the best life you can with what you have. Don't expect some one else to make up the difference.
Today is the first day of the rest of your story. you can do it! I'm really old, you are getting there. It won't be better tomorrow for me or for you.
Finding a female companion that you can make complete should be your goal, not the other way around.
My opinion is that that connection will be an accident not planned, It'll just happen. Probably not..
So being fulfilled each day is on you alone as it is for me.
Hey, do you know someone who is trapped. Do you have the ability to make a way out for that person? Just a temporary bridge and then move on? That would be a rewarding endeavor, just a thought.
Ken

 

[wb8vyn]

When it comes to relationships, I'm all over the place. I fluctuate from just wanting a hookup to wanting a relationship to relationships make me want to puke. But I think all of that can easily be had on the road. One of the great things about this life, for me anyway, is I don't have any time or travel constraints. If I meet someone and want to stay put for a few months, I can. If I meet someone and want to travel with them, in separate rigs, for awhile, I can. And there's so many ways to meet people - vanlife gatherings, vanlife meetups, Facebook groups, hiking/climbing at national parks, hiking clubs, rainbow family events, national and regional burns, festivals of all kinds, etc. I think people are only limited by their imagination and their ability to strike up a conversation. My experience anyway.

Smart person you. Facts are what they are. Even when I was a child too young to know the difference my mom was the most beautiful, soft and snuggly. My dad and grand dad were always strong and dependable and rough. I liked that too but always came back to mom for comfort when I skinned my shins. Latter as a teen I discovered that girls smelled good most of the time and were also soft of voice and grouchy some times, but I could ride my bike faster than they could. Along about that time i discovered that both Verda our neighbor and I wanted to know about kissing cause mom and dad did it, Couldn't figure out where the noses should go, took some practice, that was fun. Eventually I grew older (and wiser) The girls taught me what it was all about and how. Worked on that for the rest of my life. Still a rookie.
For me (a man) without trying to be all that, just sharing a time without feeling forced to do or say something "right" at the moment, just letting go alongside some one that smells good (to me) and feels good now and then makes that minute. day, week month just right. To me providing for her security, comfort, shelter, and all those things over the long term made me feel manly. I knew I did good when I was greeted with a hug some times a kiss or just a smile, later a sleepy close cuddle.
I know I'll never pass that way again. I hope that a fleeting encounter can make my heart sing again for a moment, maybe longer than a moment. I can hope but hope without action is worthless. I've got my eyes open, that's all. Too old for anything else.
I've had it all.
Ken

 

[RonDean]

Relationships don't "trap" us. But, we can trap ourselves. It's all on us, not them. While I think it would be nice to have a travel partner to share things with, I am also quite comfortable on my own. I think the better we are at being comfortable on our own the better partners we can be.

People are social animals. Most of us are happier with some kind of human interaction. There is nothing wrong with trying to find whatever level of that makes you (and them) happy.

 

[wb8vyn]

Relationships don't "trap" us. But, we can trap ourselves. It's all on us, not them. While I think it would be nice to have a travel partner to share things with, I am also quite comfortable on my own. I think the better we are at being comfortable on our own the better partners we can be.

People are social animals. Most of us are happier with some kind of human interaction. There is nothing wrong with trying to find whatever level of that makes you (and them) happy.

Respectfully disagree. On some superficial level you are correct, we trap ourselves. However my daughter, now diseased found herself in a bad situation with an abusive husband, far away from family and friends with no way to cry for help. She and her kids were trapped! I got her kids out, Dealt with her husband. Sadly, it was too late for her.
Ken

 

[RonDean]

And I respectfully disagree with wb8vyn. Yes, abusive relationships CAN happen. And I am sorry about each one that does happen.

Still, I remember Gandalf telling Frodo how dangerous it was just to go out his front door. For THIS forum, I think the subject was going solo or with a partner as nomads. I don't see having a relationship as a trap. Some of my best times have been while sharing life with one or more other people.

Relationships don't just happen to us. And nothing I said indicated we shouldn't be very careful with our relationship choices. But, that they are traps - by definition - NO. I can't agree with that.

 

[wb8vyn]

And I respectfully disagree with wb8vyn. Yes, abusive relationships CAN happen. And I am sorry about each one that does happen.

Still, I remember Gandalf telling Frodo how dangerous it was just to go out his front door. For THIS forum, I think the subject was going solo or with a partner as nomads. I don't see having a relationship as a trap. Some of my best times have been while sharing life with one or more other people.

Relationships don't just happen to us. And nothing I said indicated we shouldn't be very careful with our relationship choices. But, that they are traps - by definition - NO. I can't agree with that.

Gandalf and frodo are fictional characters. Those scenes can be replayed over again,
This life involving real time relationships. it's a one time thing, no do overs.
Relationships by definition involves investment of time in which there is no "do over".
You said "abusive relationships CAN happen". NO, abusive relationships DO happen, to real people in real time.
Since time moves on without pause, (space/time) there is no do over. No rerun.
So, relationships are at best a roll of the dice. Even if a person is careful, there is no perfect match.
As time goes on, finding a "fit" becomes more difficult, two people adjusting to one another becomes more painful, most often undoable.
What that means to me is: Enjoy the search.
When you or I find a passing encounter that feels good, Enjoy the moment, expecting more than a moment is wishful thinking. Nomad life style makes that possible.
Pleasurable moments added together as the days go by equal living. Rather than expecting a smooth, comfortable flow, find the peaks and keeping moving along, don't look back at what was, look ahead to what is possible.
Abusive relationships DO happen, that's a fact, FEAR of an abusive relationship is the trap. Fear keeps us stuck, unmoving, either forward or back.
Women are more prone to that fear than men. My idea is as I encounter a woman who has the courage to be visible, make the way out hers, the parachute so that if she decides to give it a go, she feels confident always, that she is her own person with free will. to escape. The same for men. Some women are only looking for a sugar daddy. Beware, they can be devious and make you feel trapped even when you're not. Feeling oblicated can also be a trap.
Nuff said

 

[scaredycat72]

And I respectfully disagree with wb8vyn. Yes, abusive relationships CAN happen. And I am sorry about each one that does happen.

Still, I remember Gandalf telling Frodo how dangerous it was just to go out his front door. For THIS forum, I think the subject was going solo or with a partner as nomads. I don't see having a relationship as a trap. Some of my best times have been while sharing life with one or more other people.

Relationships don't just happen to us. And nothing I said indicated we shouldn't be very careful with our relationship choices. But, that they are traps - by definition - NO. I can't agree with that.

Unfortunately relationships can trap us, especially living this life. A trap is something you're lured into and then can't get out of. The most dangerous time for a woman, and maybe a man too but I don't know those stats, in an abusive relationship is when she's trying to leave it. That's when she's most likely to be killed.

It's very easy for an abuser to isolate, control, and harm their partner living and traveling in a vehicle. There's no friends or family around and a lot of places to go off grid. I'll never forget the guy who would meet women online, get them to travel with him in a RV, and then their families would never hear from them again. The police couldn't do anything because he would say he left them alive in some state and the police couldn't prove otherwise. He was finally convicted and locked up on fraud charges but they never got him for harming the missing women and the women are still missing to this day.

So everyone needs to be careful who they link up with. It's too easy to go missing living this life.

 

[Sofisintown]

There are quit a few well established (like Spiff said) in the USA, and then quite a few more, that operate for a few years and then fall apart.
The problem is that many of us are loners, and we don't want co-habitation situations.

 

[Sky]

Anyone that thinks a relationship "traps" them probably should avoid them. Although, I suppose a short-term relationship (hook-up?) and then both parties going on their way would still work as long as its eyes wide-open for both.

I am getting to an age where hook-ups are far less important and mutual companionship very much desired. For me, that's not being trapped.

Yeah as I was reading that "trapped commentary" I agree after 28 yrs not at all trapped best those who feel that way avoid relationships.

 

[Jraulpilot1983]

Me too, sort of. Looking back in my mind to 60 years ago. I found a perfect life's partner. We really lived life, always talking each other into stuff big and small, each had time to listen and help the other reach for their dream. That life has ended now, so back to the beginning, start over.
For me there is no expectation, although I do believe in miracles, with three billion women on earth, the chances of finding another perfection is like unto winning the lottery or worse.
If by chance there is a passing soft spoken word or shared experience, great, I'll take it with a thankful heart and move on.
I think it would be wrong headed of me to try to trap any woman into slavery to any man. Or any women to trap any man into slavery of that sort. Either one should be free to make those choices with well stocked abilities and tools to take it or leave it, without regret or sorrow. It was fun while it lasted and go on with their life as friends, and maybe distant fond memories.
For some reason, I think such thoughts are biological for either man or woman. I am a human animal, able to think of such matters on a higher level. considering the good or harm that my actions or words could cause.
For me, finding a female companion for the long term is just dreaming. Unless you want to be trapped. Better to go on your way expecting to spend your time alone sharing a cold snack with a nice evening breeze.
In any case, good luck.
Ken

My "two cents"......most humans...(not all), understand that relationships are Not "Traps" but actually a major responsability for both parties involved. That said,.....if you find a "partner" that fully understand the "Nomad Life style"....and is willing to sacrifice and compromise with you...and you with her OR him, then and only then you both will be ready to embark in this new experience. Also if, the feeling of Love is present and BOTH experience it then be happy, as you both have found the best "Treasure" in life, more than money, possesions or anything else. *HAPPY TRAILS..!!

 

[maki2]

No point in over thinking this stuff. If the right person comes along and there is mutual interest and dedication to making it work for full time traveling together it will all sort itself out.

It is not something you can plan on in advance unless you have decided to make it a goal to meet a person for that purpose.

 

[wb8vyn]

been thinking.
I've been reading lots of comments on here about "relationships".
Here is my way of looking at these things and of course, I have opinions like everyone else. No facts, just opinion.
Short update: wife of 62 years up and died on me. Like so many old men like me, I have depended on the other half to do the things she did best. Nurture me and the kids, take care of the "little" things which now have become big things to me. Clothes, laundry, food, reminders of things that I needed to do besides making money.
Since my alphabet of people consisted of "M" and "F" (male and female), that's how I view the world around me.
Now I have discovered that there are a whole lot of other alphabet people out there. I give up! Too old and too set in my mind set and ways. I have no way of knowing which alphabet a person is any longer. Not going to try.
It makes sense to me that older women who share my experience are also set in their ways. The chance that I might run across a woman who can fit with me and I with her are slim to none.
Just to clear the air, I'm still a man and I think females are the most beautiful creatures created, I didn't go blind ya know.
I still like to visit and chat with woman. I like to listen too, lots of listening as I have done over the past 60 plus years.
So-- My plan is to just be me, and if there happens to be some good smelling female around to chat with or share a meal with, I'm going to take advantage of that experience, no matter how long that may take place. Maybe a few minutes or longer. Makes me feel good and If I happen to have something to offer, so much the better.
After looking and listening around, I find that most women have taken on a pet to nurture and keep around as a companion. That's not my deal. I want to listen and maybe say ah-huh once in a while. Animals don't say much.
So, that's why I'm here. I have signed off my 6 bedroom house to my son. Trying to keep that much space clean and orderly is not my thing. My needs are simple. Frozen meals and a microwave, Oh and a coffee pot, keep me from starving to death just yet and I look forward to many more days of moving slowly and going places slowly and enjoying meeting daily challenges. If I happen to run across some one to share this slow moving life with, That's a plus for me and if that slow moving daily life agrees with some woman, that is a full fledged female, It seems to me that is a win win for two people. Me being one of them. If not-- then I am happy with myself.
My trailer is all set now with solar for electric. Still fixing up my old pickup to tow it with. I could buy a new one but I like my old one just fine, Waiting for the new tail lights to arrive and then I'm off to warmer weather.
Time to zap my dinner.

 

[eDJ_]

Choosing to enter into a relationship is an "opportunity" with another person. (no matter the motive) There will be cost/gains if one chooses to pursue it. Whether you have chosen to stay single or have entered a relationship there will be pro's & cons to your choice.

Since I was dating age I would speak with older people I worked with who were married for some time. The men mostly advised me to stay single until older. The women didn't seem to want to say much as they may have seen their marriage as their career. Before my own Grandmother passed away she counseled me that she was glad for all she had in her married life, but if she had it all to do over she would stay single and find a way to support herself....somehow.

With the divorce rate as it's been I've seen so many young people getting married and treating as no more than going steady.

 

[wb8vyn]

Been thinking (again)
Time has passed. This trailer is working fine. Had a few repairs but no big deal. Still sleeping alone and getting used to it although I have turned up the heat a little and I now have two pillows, one for my head and one to snuggle against. Not perfect but cheap.
Ok, I just had my yearly check up and find that I am expected to make 86 years. Just renewed my drivers license and passed all those tests so I can continue to travel for another 3 years and I might add that includes my CDL with doubles/triples and tanker endorsements and TWIX.
I know, no one will hire me due to my age but it makes me feel good to know I still "have it" even though insurance company cost would be to high for useless old guy like me.
The hardest part of day to day living is being alone all of the time. No one to gripe at me for not doing this or that. "the windows need cleaning" And no one to remind me to shave closer. Wife used to tell me that kissing me was like kissing a pelt.. I haven't shaved in 6 months, I'd make a good Santa. I might do that, get a white trimmed red suit and wander around Walmart just to watch kids re-act. Gotta find fun somewhere.
The other day I stopped at a rest area. Got out my folding chair, poured a cup of coffee. A lady pulled in next to me for a bathroom break. When she came back she said hello and then asked where was I headed, When I said "no where in particular" she stopped to ask where I was coming from. So anyway, I got out another folding chair and we chewed the fat for over two hours, had to perk another pot of coffee. Made my week. Now that's nomading for an old guy.
I'm a little worried about getting too far south due to the influx across the southern border with Mexico. I know why they come but I also know that desperate people will do desperate things.
From the news, there are thousands of them, with kids, all hungry and homeless. I Don't mind sharing but my resources are not limitless and it only takes one bad apple. I think I'll stay in the snow belt this winter
Ken

 

[maki2]

The hardest part of day to day living is being alone all of the time. No one to gripe at me for not doing this or that. "the windows need cleaning" And no one to remind me to shave closer. Wife used to tell me that kissing me was like kissing a pelt.. I haven't shaved in 6 months, I'd make a good Santa. I might do that, get a white trimmed red suit and wander around Walmart just to watch kids re-act. Gotta find fun somewhere.
The other day I stopped at a rest area. Got out my folding chair, poured a cup of coffee. A lady pulled in next to me for a bathroom break. When she came back she said hello and then asked where was I headed, When I said "no where in particular" she stopped to ask where I was coming from. So anyway, I got out another folding chair and we chewed the fat for over two hours, had to perk another pot of coffee. Made my week. Now that's nomading for an old guy.
I'm a little worried about getting too far south due to the influx across the southern border with Mexico. I know why they come but I also know that desperate people will do desperate things.
From the news, there are thousands of them, with kids, all hungry and homeless. I Don't mind sharing but my resources are not limitless and it only takes one bad apple. I think I'll stay in the snow belt this winter
Ken

You might try spending the winter months in a BLM LTVA in southern AZ, you can easily create a wider circle of other friends to have chat with over coffee. No major worries about illegal aliens getting to you when you stay in those areas that are not immediately adjacent to the border wall.

Also the non profit Bob Wells and friends started is sponsoring a caravan of nomads for the 2023-2024 camping season. They are meeting up in Pahrump Az this month and will begin heading slowly south. They will be in the Quartzsite AZ area in January for the RTR event. Then continue to other Southern AZ dispersed BLM camping areas before returning back northto Pahrump, NV in April. The schedule of the stops is posted on the homesonwheelsalliance.org website. No cost or fees associated to camp with that caravan. You will make friends if you do. Your chances of finding friends or even a new partner will significantly increase by camping with people you travel with for a while. I know of one caravan group that formed from people in a HOWA caravan last spring who wanted to continue traveling together all summer and fall. They had not just one but three of those close relationships form over the last 8 months of traveling as a group caravan. Complete with marriage and “coupling” ceremonies with all the caravan members helping as family to help celebrate those special events.

So just head south and spend the winter in safety and make lots of friends. Bob Wells started the caravans for persons such as yourself. The moto he created for for those caravans is “You don’t have to camp alone”. He knows what it takes to create a life of friendships and a sense of community for the nomadic lifestyle. You just need to listen to his advice and accept what is offered to you for free. What you do with the opportunities that come along is up to you.

 

[rvwandering]

Thanks for the update! I've been wondering about your travel adventures. Where have you been since you left your house?
Please come to the Rubber Tramp Rendezvous. https://homesonwheelsalliance.org/2024RTRs/ Lots of friendly people!

 

[wb8vyn]

You might try spending the winter months in a BLM LTVA in southern AZ, you can easily create a wider circle of other friends to have chat with over coffee. No major worries about illegal aliens getting to you when you stay in those areas that are not immediately adjacent to the border wall.

Also the non profit Bob Wells and friends started is sponsoring a caravan of nomads for the 2023-2024 camping season. They are meeting up in Pahrump Az this month and will begin heading slowly south. They will be in the Quartzsite AZ area in January for the RTR event. Then continue to other Southern AZ dispersed BLM camping areas before returning back northto Pahrump, NV in April. The schedule of the stops is posted on the homesonwheelsalliance.org website. No cost or fees associated to camp with that caravan. You will make friends if you do. Your chances of finding friends or even a new partner will significantly increase by camping with people you travel with for a while. I know of one caravan group that formed from people in a HOWA caravan last spring who wanted to continue traveling together all summer and fall. They had not just one but three of those close relationships form over the last 8 months of traveling as a group caravan. Complete with marriage and “coupling” ceremonies with all the caravan members helping as family to help celebrate those special events.

So just head south and spend the winter in safety and make lots of friends. Bob Wells started the caravans for persons such as yourself. The moto he created for for those caravans is “You don’t have to camp alone”. He knows what it takes to create a life of friendships and a sense of community for the nomadic lifestyle. You just need to listen to his advice and accept what is offered to you for free. What you do with the opportunities that come along is up to you.

Now that's the reply/comment that has value. Situations change rapidly, too much for me to handle at times.
for example, had yearly physical a few days ago, Doctor called me about results a few minutes ago says. Blood work says I've got a big problem to deal with and decide what action to take.
Right now I think the best for me and everyone around me is to do nothing since I'm 85 years old. Let's face it, any contribution I might make to anyone will be just so much jaw flapping. This is now. This is real, not how I wish it was.
I'm going to do as you suggested, (head to LTVA)
Thanks.
Ken

 

[bullfrog !]

Safe travels!