Am I crazy, or are they crazy?

[Noah]

Hi all,<br><br>&nbsp;I'm new here but if anyone in the world has some real insight&nbsp;to my situation, it must be the members of this forum. I thank you in advance for your blunt, and honest answers...<br><br>&nbsp; I've been living the 'vehicle dwelling' lifestyle for&nbsp;almost&nbsp;4 years, but find myself sticking to one place for months or&nbsp;in my current case, over 2 years at a time.&nbsp; I can't seem to avoid committing to a job, a girlfriend, a band, or whatever.&nbsp; Living this way helps avoid relationships as I'm sure you all know. This will be the third time I've completely let everyone I know down, and had to leave and start over somewhere else.&nbsp; When I do commit, I go all in, and I don't give up. I've learned that this is simply not sustainable, and eventually I will drop the ball. As pesimitic as that is, I'm straight forward with people when I meet them now. I tell them exactly where I stand in my life, that I'm not here long term, I'm not looking for lasting relationships, and I'm not everything you'd like me to be.<br><br>Can I put it any more simply?<br><br>What I've now learned, is that no one listens to me when I tell them who I am.&nbsp; They see me as who they want me to be, not who I am.&nbsp; My co-worker has told me since I met her, to believe people when they tell you who they are.&nbsp; Who knows a person better than themselves?&nbsp; Yet, even she is surprised that I turned out differently than she expected and is hurt that I don't value our relationship as much as she does...<br><br>Do you ever feel like relationships are worth very little and can't understand why others value them so much?<br><br>I've been telling myself that I feel that way because I have something else calling me towards it and can't be held back by these relationships. It's better to run towards something than away from something.&nbsp; But perhaps I am the only one that thinks all humans are just giant disappointments and not worth getting emotional over... good or bad. It is after all, our expectations that lead to pain.&nbsp; We don't expect a stranger to care, so we aren't hurt when he/she doesn't.&nbsp; For some reason, everyone around me, no matter where I may be, is hurt that I don't care as much as they do.&nbsp; My own mother thinks I'm the most selfish person she knows for leaving, yet I find her selfish to try to hold me back from living my dream! (don't tell her I said that.. haha)<br><br>I'm not looking for sympathy, nor am I seeking new friends.&nbsp; I simply want to share my story with unbiased people who might possibly think I make any sense at all.&nbsp; I feel like I'm speaking my own foreign language with others and am starting to wonder if I even have a soul. Perhaps I just came out of the factory broken...<br><br>Again, not a pity party, just looking for your opinion if you are kind enough to share it. If not, feel free to ignore this thread and respond to others that you enjoy more.<br><br>-Noah

 

[James AKA Lynx]

That is the way people are. I stopped trying to please everybody a long time ago. As long as I am not breaking the Law, I am OK with what I am doing and if somebody does not like it they can go to the next person. <br><br>Work place politics are always a game. Hard to play sometimes even harder to understand.<br><br>James AKA Lynx

 

[Noah]

Thanks Openminds and James,<BR><BR>&nbsp; I've always thought we should be able to live freely and make our own choices as long as we don't hurt others. Of course, it is other's choice to be hurt emotionally by what we may or may not do.&nbsp; <BR><BR>&nbsp; As far as following the law... I'm starting to question if it's so simple.&nbsp; I currently live in an area with an ordinance stating that I can be put in jail for 6 months simply for sleeping in my vehicle.&nbsp; Technically its a fine the first time, a huge fine the second, and jail time the third time.&nbsp; What happened to liberty?<BR><BR>&nbsp; I break the law every time I lay my head down between 9pm and 9am.&nbsp; So when the cops come by, I tell them I was just playing scrabble with my canine companion.&nbsp; That's not against the law. <img src="/images/boards/smilies/wink.gif" border="0" align="absmiddle"><BR><BR>&nbsp; I appreciate any more input others may have.<BR><BR>-Noah

 

[lampliter]

Perception is reality.

 

[WanderingRain]

Man, sorry to hear about the ordinances in your area. <br>Yeah, unless you are heard snoring away, you can say anything --even that you were just changing clothes or looking at a map. <img rel="lightbox" src="/images/boards/smilies/smile.gif" class="bbc_img"><br><br>Thanks for sharing.<br>That's one of the things I have begun learning with relationships as well.<br>I love moving around and changing location often. I often find myself eliminating possible relationships because I know they are steeped in the culture of this commercialized world we live in. It's a part of society that I do not want to participate in so unfortunately, those women will have to go by the wayside.<br><br>You are not crazy. At least to us, you aren't. <img rel="lightbox" src="/images/boards/smilies/smile.gif" class="bbc_img"> If you are on this side of the fence, you see those on the other side as "crazy". Of course, I certainly have to remind myself not to be too judgemental of people who have not been taught or told all the options in life. Or that they even had a choice in the matter.<br><br>Also, there is no "one size fits all" in the world.<br>There will be people who cannot commit to one person in life. This is why monogamous marriage is not for them. This is why there's religions (ISlam) that allow multiple marriages. To expect people to act the same way is just impossible. You and probably the most of us, have been taught that the only way we can have relationships is to have them long term with only one person. I am finding out that there are people to whom that is not suited to and it helps to be honest up front: "This is who I am, this is what you can expect." It's not that we won't change; many people do. But some personality types are more suitable to temporary relationships than others. <br><br>You are correct in saying just be honest up front about who you are. <img src="/images/boards/smilies/smile.gif" border="0" align="absmiddle">

 

[fluffabear]

Noah,<br><br>I can relate. I don't ever see myself dating or anything of that sort, and I also currently live in a town with an ordinance against sleeping in your vehicle. <br><br>I have had a lot of acquaintances come and go, and very few long-term, truly accepting friends. It seems like a lonely place to be, or a pessimistic take on life, however I would rather have a few honest and true friends than a lot of fake ones, if that makes sense.<br><br>Stay true and dwell on!

 

[Noah]

You guys make some great points, Thank you!<BR><BR>&nbsp; I had someone tell me the other day, about me leaving again; that she isn't sad that I'll be gone, she is sad for me because one day I will wake up and realize I'm all alone and I threw away the people who cared about me.<BR><BR>&nbsp; First, she is expecting me to mirror her value system and her way of thinking.&nbsp; I simply don't have the same goals in life.&nbsp; I think people often think that all humans are very similar.&nbsp; The way we think, the way we love, what makes us happy... it must be pre-programmed when we come out of the womb.&nbsp; I think that 100% bogus!!&nbsp; We have different attitudes, beliefs, and values just like we have different taste in music, fashion, and religion.&nbsp; Though it is difficult to be the one that the majority&nbsp;of society sees as crazy, or wrong,&nbsp; I like the view from here!&nbsp; I choose to see the world as close to accurately as possible, while people seem to view me the way they would like me to be.<BR><BR>&nbsp; Thanks again for your thoughts, It's nice to have people on my side of the spectrum.<BR><BR>&nbsp;&nbsp; As a side thought, Serial killers have a way of separating themselves from their emotions. They have a methodical way of thinking and plan things out in advance. Interestingly enough, successful CEO's and entrepreneurs have very similar traits.&nbsp; Perhaps certain qualities are not bad, just misused.<BR><BR>-Noah

 

[WanderingRain]

I've been talking about this with another single guy friend today.<br>The operating mode we have right now is that we are happy as we are... and are happy if we find someone.<br>But finding a partner is NOT a trigger for our happiness. NOr is it a prerequisite for a complete life. <br>It's just we are happy or are determined to be happy either way.

 

[Willy]

&nbsp;Everybody's crazy.. 'cept me.

 

[Noah]

<p>I've put a bit more thought into this since my original post...<br><br>I suppose the reason I was upset was that I felt like I'd let people down. They were counting on me, and I didn't measure up.<br><br>But that, like just about any other problem we run into, is personal. It's their expectations that lead to their disappointment.&nbsp; It's my expectation to satisfy them, which lead to my being upset.<br><br>So is there a healthy middle ground between having (and hopefully meeting) expectations, and going through life as a carefree sociopath who doesn't feel anything? It would seem to me that our emotions are what cause pain, but aren't our emotions also what make us human? <br><br>-Noah</p>

 

[WanderingRain]

I believe there is a middle ground of sorts.<br>I'd describe it as living free and wild.<br>I love and cherish people and want to be with them as often as I can. When I need a break, I simply go to another part of the world where there's even more people to begin caring about and socializing with.<br><br>Whenever the issue of insanity arises, I remember this quote from a long ago movie:<br><br><br>And the lyrics to this song always inspire the vagabond rebel in me that I am following the right path of freedom:<br><br><br>

 

[Zil]

I'm not crazy!!

 

[caseyc]

Sounds like you only let down women? <img class="emoticon bbc_img" src="/images/boards/smilies/biggrin.gif">&nbsp;Joke!

 

[creationode]

When you 'let people down', realise they are secretly envious of your 'wild nature'.<br><br>When somebody cannot say something uplifting/positive to you when you 'go away somewhere', they are just trying to turn you into their hostage.<br><br>Misery loves company.

 

[TxGypsy]

Ok....I'm not supposed to tell 'trade secrets' and I'll probably get in trouble with other women everywhere.....women like to change men.&nbsp; Yes, what y'all have suspected all this time is the truth!<br><br>A prime example was when my ex father-in-law became a widower in his 70's.&nbsp; He's one of these people that absolutely cannot be by himself.&nbsp; In about a month he had proposed to a widow that he'd known most of his life (everyone was scandalized that he hadn't mourned for longer of course....people don't like it when you don't suffer enough).&nbsp; This lady was in her 70's as well.&nbsp; I was visiting with her in the foyer of the church right before the ceremony and she was explaining to me how she was going to change him and get him to stop drinking, dipping, cussing and how he was going to start going to church every Sunday.&nbsp; It was all I could do not to laugh in her face.&nbsp; You'd think she would have been old enough to know better!<br><br>So, to some women, when you are honest and straightforward about your relationship expectations....they take it as a challenge.&nbsp; Sad but true.&nbsp; Ok, that's it....they'll probably meet at a tasteful little bistro somewhere and revoke my woman card.<br><br>In my opinion, if you have been honest from the beginning, there is no reason to feel guilty.<br><br>Edited to add....my ex father-in-law was divorced from that lady in less than 6 months.

 

[VanLifeCrisis]

I am a strong believer that a lot of marriages (including mine) and other close relationships fail because unfulfilled or unreasonable expectations we put on others and ourselves.

 

[kidiekat]

People usually assume that you want the same things that they have been successfully programed into from birth.&nbsp; When you do not fit into that mold....&nbsp; You are a,b,c,d and all the psychopath labels in between.&nbsp; <br><br>Yes women think they can change the man they have at the moment focused on, but men do the same.&nbsp; Neither sex has the patent on that idea.<br><br>I think a good lasting friendship is worth more than the miserable life people commit to and then decide later they need a divorce or they will kill each other or they opt to do the silent martyr thing, till the kids are grown exposing the kids to their misery, terrible example of life to them.&nbsp; <br><br>I know so many living in a life they hate and yes they envy my single life but do not have the u-know-whats to make a change.&nbsp; They come drunk to my door crying in their beer about how miserable they are.&nbsp;&nbsp; I just pat them on the back, tuck them into my spare room and thank the Lord it is not me.<br><br>Enjoy the now and the people around you, be happy with what ever life brings, deal with the worse as best you can.&nbsp; If you do not expect any thing, you can not be disappointed.&nbsp; We have right now.....&nbsp; Tomorrow is not promised, it's just a possibility.<br><br>Personally, I think your honesty is to be praised.&nbsp; You are unique unto your self.&nbsp; People will come and go in your life.&nbsp; Take the best into your heart and memory banks and leave the rest when you knock the dust off your shoes as you get into your van...&nbsp; A real friend will be happy to see you when you pass their way again and love catching up with your adventures.&nbsp; <br><br>You only let yourself down if you do not follow your dreams and your heart.&nbsp; All you can promise some one else is truth and good company for right now.&nbsp; Who knows, maybe one day, some one you meet will get a van and share the adventure.

 

[offroad]

Its scary to some, being free.&nbsp; "Freedoms just another word for nothing left to lose".

 

[Darkhematite]

One of the hardest lessons I have learned to do was to live my life with integrity. &nbsp;I'm continually confused by how "Say what you mean, and mean what you say" is so difficult for the people around me. &nbsp;I have lost what I thought were close friends because they refused to listen to my words and instead wanted me to be somebody that I'm not. &nbsp;It's hard to get over, and I replay what happened over and over. &nbsp;but I have to stand by the fact that I expressed my expectations of them, and gave an account of who I am and how I will respond to situations before ever encountering them. &nbsp;(This was all going through a divorce) I'm perpetually confused when people are surprised that I do exactly what I say I will do, My only consolation is that they had forewarning of what ever action, and I can't be responsible for their emotions. &nbsp; &nbsp;

 

[Noah]

Many wise words from all, and I sincerely thank you for your input!<BR><BR>I'm feeling much better about being less tied down by other's emotions. (if that makes sense)<BR><BR>I guess you could say I'm a pleaser, and am good at meeting expectations. It's when those expectations directly get in the way of me fulfilling my dreams where I am called selfish or heartless.&nbsp; Perhaps because, like mentioned earlier, people expect you to have the same dreams as they do. Find a mate, make a family, buy a house... It just never appealed to me. So when I tell them, I'm not looking for those things, they don't believe me because it seems so foreign to them.<BR><BR>And thank you Darkhematite for reminding me of how being truly honest with spoken words often goes unnoticed. People make too many judgements and assumptions and don't actually listen to what you are telling them.<BR><BR>again, Thanks for your support<BR><BR>-Noah