Am I being ungrateful and impatient, or is it time to move on?

[Anon]

I recently started experimenting with living out of my car in Tennessee when a bunch of bad tornado weather and winter weather hit, so I got posted up in an extended stay hotel, but I'd rather be practicing cardwelling.

Since I had to move out of my father's house to do all of this, I ask myself every day, "Why am I still here in Tennessee, when I could be doing the same things out West in Arizona or some similar place?"

It's hard to leave my job behind because I like my boss and make $20 an hour, but I know I'll never be content with where I am now, and I have no more real reasons to stay where I am now other than for the money, and fear of letting my boss and family down. Not that I have kids, I mainly mean my little sister.

But I know me moving to at least Texas (so I'm only a 12 hour drive from my family) is going to happen eventually no matter what.

Has anyone else ever been in a situation where you've got to decide when the be patient and when to move on? How do you overcome it? What advice do you have?

 

[SierraVanCampers]

I have removed my post info. I understand and this sounds great. My info was for you and glad you got a chance to read it. Wish you the best and PM me anytime. I think you are now on the right track! Cheers

 

[Anon]

I see you must have read my post before I chopped it down to size. I appreciate your response, it gives me something to ponder and almost makes me think I should have left the post the way it is.

For what it's worth I'm not on drugs at the moment and don't plan on being on them in the future. I never really liked them, I just couldn't get any sleep at home.

I'll remove the quote but save your post in a journal in respect to your privacy as well. See you around!

 

[Ripper238]

We are all are at that cross roads at some point. Sometimes it takes a tornado to make us relies we should move on. While sometimes it takes 30+ years at the same job to relies you should have done something a long time ago. In my case its taking both to get my butt in gear.

You are wise to ask your self these questions. Most people get stuck for way more money then $20hr, good bosses/jobs, kids & family. You are lucky to know you have a choice in your 20's and not in your 50's.

Being be patient is a huge asset. Never loose that, but don't let patients hinder your ability to move forward. Sometimes its hard to move on, but you also have a choice to move forward. Moving forward is exciting and you can bring what you have learned from the passed with you.

 

[Morgana]

I have a feeling there was more to this thread, but I'll just respond to this part:

Has anyone else ever been in a situation where you've got to decide when the be patient and when to move on? How do you overcome it? What advice do you have?

In situations like that, I tend to kick myself a lot ("chicken!" "reckless person!" etc.) ... so my first advice is, don't do that, it doesn't help. There are no perfect solutions. You'll make the best decision you can, based on the information you have, and the results will inevitably have flaws, and you'll deal with it.

It might be worth taking your time if any of the following seem important: saving a bit more money, fully researching a new location (including jobs), parting from your boss and family on the best terms possible, keeping a bit of a safety net (if there is one) while you get better acquainted with the new lifestyle. OTOH it might be worth speeding up your exit if, for example, the motel is eating into your savings, or you really feel distressingly much like you're spinning your wheels and losing momentum.

But if you can do constructive things with some extra time (prepare, research, etc.), I'd vote for taking your time. One thing you can count on (as you've already found out with the weather) is that complications will crop up! There's something to be said for being on familiar turf while you work out the kinks in this new skill set. And a good job and a good sister are nothing to sneeze at! Make the most of them while you have them near.

I can almost guarantee you that whichever option you choose, there will come a moment when you say "dang! why didn't I choose the other option?" Just remember that the other option would have thrown up similar "dang!" moments, too. They talk about the frog in the pot of hot water, but they never talk about what's on the other side of the pot

Good luck and have fun!

 

[Anon]

I appreciate both your posts, @Ripper238 and @Morgana . And yes there was more to my initial post but I cut it down because...Idk, felt like I was kind of rambling on a bit too much about myself. Basically, I'm no stranger to traveling and bad situations, but this feels different somehow.

I've camped in the Rockies, lived in Mexico, been to a prison-of-a-school, endured abuse as a kid, so I trust I can handle this stuff, but it's just so...New to me.

And basically I got hooked on Benadryl and weed back in my old living environment with my family because I couldn't get any sleep there, but now I'm in a motel, I'm fine and off the stuff. But man, even back in TJ I didn't feel the need to use drugs.

I've also been reading self-help books and listening to podcasts, so that's been helping too.

 

[scaredycat72]

My motto is always to just do it. Life is so freaking short and the worse thing I can imagine is dying with regrets. I read a summary of the book about the five regrets of the dying and it just woke me up to the fact that this is it. This is all the life we get. There are no do overs.

I say take off and see what happens. Family is wonderful but I don't believe in living my life for other people. We all get one life. If I live my life for other people, I give them 2 lives - theirs and mine - and I have 0 life. I refuse to do that. As far as your job, if you got one job making $20 an hour, you have the skills to get another one. If traveling doesn't work out, you can always go back to Tennessee. They're not going to close the borders on you as punishment for leaving. Almost every decision we make is changeable - as long as we don't end up sentenced to decades in prison or die. The only thing you can never, ever get back though is time. That's my way of thinking anyway.

 

[user 32232]

I agree with Scaredycat... seems like everytime I'm confronted with similar conundrums, I'll make the jump and realize that my fears, if not totally unfounded, were pretty much minimized.
I'm a quote freak, here's a few I've found inspiring:

"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."
Albert Einstein

"Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."
Helen Keller

"Be brave, right through, and leave for the unknown."
Rabindranath Tagore

Good luck!

 

[WayOutWest]

, but I know I'll never be content with where I am now, and I have no more real reasons to stay where I am now other than for the money, and fear of letting my boss and family down.

It's this part of what you say that I believe is the clincher. In making big decisions, or even smaller ones, discernment is necessary, and sharpening one's ability to wisely use discernment is a big part of life's lessons. I really believe in the saying, "There are only 2 choices in life, fear or love" and I also believe a great many people choose fear. When we find ourselves doing something that we are not really content with, mainly "for the money" or for fear of something, then that is a big clue that we are choosing fear. I would encourage you to move on to Texas or beyond, as this is where your deeper self is wanting to lead you, to live in love and not in fear.

 

[RonDean]

I'm pretty old now and have a pretty eventful life to draw from. In my case, I have made more stupid decisions I later regretted when I didn't give myself at least a little time to consider the options. Sometimes what you have is better than you realize and the grass is not always greener down the highway.

So, give it some thought first. - As I think you are now doing. But, also remember you will never have ALL the answers before making a decision. Eventually, you will have enough information to push you past the flipping a coin state. Then, when you make your decision, stop looking back. Either at the place you left or at the place you might have gone. Just get on with your life.

 

[Ripper238]

I appreciate both your posts, @Ripper238 and @Morgana . And yes there was more to my initial post but I cut it down because...Idk, felt like I was kind of rambling on a bit too much about myself. Basically, I'm no stranger to traveling and bad situations, but this feels different somehow.

I've camped in the Rockies, lived in Mexico, been to a prison-of-a-school, endured abuse as a kid, so I trust I can handle this stuff, but it's just so...New to me.

And basically I got hooked on Benadryl and weed back in my old living environment with my family because I couldn't get any sleep there, but now I'm in a motel, I'm fine and off the stuff. But man, even back in TJ I didn't feel the need to use drugs.

I've also been reading self-help books and listening to podcasts, so that's been helping too.

Its clear you have an understanding of your passed and the desire to move forward. You even felt open enough to let it all come out, yet moved on enough to think it may be unnecessary to just put it all out there on a forum.

Its one thing to be able to handle what happens to you, its another to actually make things happen for YOU.

I am sure it feels different, it should. You are taking your life into your own hands and looking to the future. It can feel like a lot, but you clearly have the tools and willingness to do whatever it is that makes you happy, or at least find that happiness.

Give it some time, think about what you truly want, then take action.

 

[frater secessus]

Has anyone else ever been in a situation where you've got to decide when the be patient and when to move on? How do you overcome it? What advice do you have?

I don't have advice, but I do have a story.

I was working at a Good Job (decent pay, good benefits, excellent cow-orkers . Downsides were crippling bureaucracy and a direct supervisor who was both an ***** and a belligerent.

I was sitting in a meeting listening to the boss announce a new policy that was

1. obviously unethical
2. quite possibly illegal (ADA)

My concerns were shut down in the meeting. After the meeting I expressed them in email up the line and received an in-person visit: I was told not to document in email because email could be FOIAed by the public.

Note to organizations: the problem isn't FOIA. The problem is doing stuff that is unethical/illegal and getting caught by FOIA. Stop doing unethical stuff and you won't have to worry about FOIA.

I walked back to my desk and ran the "can I retire yet?" spreadsheet one last time. I would have liked to have banked more savings/401 but I walked to HR and started the exit paperwork.

I am much happier for it, and on-target with spreadsheet projections.

Not that I have kids

As Eisenhower said, beware the wedding-kids-mortgage-divorce-childsupport-legal-industrial complex. I may be mis-remembering exactly what he said. but I think that was the gist.

There are no perfect solutions

My favorite quote along these lines is: "There are no solutions. There are only trade-offs" (T. Sowell).

 

[JeepLiving]

I envy you that you're at least giving thought to your options. All I can say is that, 40-ish years ago I had similar debates with myself several times and ended up sticking with the "program" (frater-secessus' "wedding-kids-mortgage-divorce-childsupport-legal-industrial complex.") Granted, back then we didn't have the internet to help us figure out what was waiting out there or to possibly generate some income out on the road. But even still, might be my biggest regret that I didn't do it then. Now I'm 63, poor as a church mouse and loving my new-found freedom. If you decide you really want to give it go, the "Program" will still be here waiting for you if you decide you don't like it.

 

[tx2sturgis]

If I was in a similar situation and knowing what I know, and if I was gonna be full-timing in a vehicle of some type, I'd be quite happy spending summers in Northern New Mexico and winters in Southern Arizona...Quartzsite area mainly.

You can still venture back east in the spring and fall to visit family.

New Mexico and Arizona both offer a lot of BLM land and other amenities for full time (or part time) vehicle dwelling. Plus, both Arizona and New Mexico have a variety of elevations to choose from to establish the average temperature range you wish to enjoy.

For example, you can go set up and camp free in Carson National Forest and Lincoln National Forest in the summer and you will rarely need any sort of air-conditioning system even in July and August. You will need some source of heat at night at 8000 feet elevations and above. But that is easier to sustain for most beginning nomads.

Then in the fall, head on over to Quartzsite and Ehrenburg, Yuma areas. Generally decent weather even in winter.

You can still find work here and there if you look, the great economic exodus we find ourselves in has created a lot of entry-level jobs everywhere.

Good luck.

 

[Anon]

If I was in a similar situation and knowing what I know, and if I was gonna be full-timing in a vehicle of some type, I'd be quite happy spending summers in Northern New Mexico and winters in Southern Arizona...Quartzsite area mainly.

You can still venture back east in the spring and fall to visit family.

New Mexico and Arizona both offer a lot of BLM land and other amenities for full time (or part time) vehicle dwelling. Plus, both Arizona and New Mexico have a variety of elevations to choose from to establish the average temperature range you wish to enjoy.

For example, you can go set up and camp free in Carson National Forest and Lincoln National Forest in the summer and you will rarely need any sort of air-conditioning system even in July and August. You will need some source of heat at night at 8000 feet elevations and above. But that is easier to sustain for most beginning nomads.

Then in the fall, head on over to Quartzsite and Ehrenburg, Yuma areas. Generally decent weather even in winter.

You can still find work here and there if you look, the great economic exodus we find ourselves in has created a lot of entry-level jobs everywhere.

Good luck.

Thanks, this really helps with my patience. I wanna see Arizona, but the more I think about it, my ultimate goal is to live in Baja, but seeing New Mexico in the summer also sounds bueno.

 

[DannyB1954]

Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into years. One disadvantage of moving long distances is you can start a new life somewhere and not want to give that up later. It could be for many different reasons like getting married to someone that does not want to be where you came from, a great job, a hobby like ocean surfing, etc. You then become a stranger to all those related to you.
I joined the Navy at 18 and except for a few vacations have been on the West coast for the next 40+ years, (grew up in Michigan). I would call back on birthdays and holidays but never got a call from any of them, (out of sight, out of mind). One year I thought I will wait and let them call me. 40 years later the phone has not rung. Cousins get married and are busy with children, (that you don't know), Older relatives die off. Miss a few birthday parties and funerals, and nobody will even wonder about you.
Travel is wonderful, but if you build a life for yourself elsewhere, be ready to be a loner. I am OK with it.

 

[Anon]

Feels like that's partially happened to me already. I've discovered there are much better places for me and now I want to go back because where I come from seems insufferable in comparison. But all my family is here.

Now I've got my sis here, but kids I help all the way on the other side of the country.

But I wouldn't take back my discoveries for anything.

 

[Anon]

Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into years. One disadvantage of moving long distances is you can start a new life somewhere and not want to give that up later. It could be for many different reasons like getting married to someone that does not want to be where you came from, a great job, a hobby like ocean surfing, etc. You then become a stranger to all those related to you.
I joined the Navy at 18 and except for a few vacations have been on the West coast for the next 40+ years, (grew up in Michigan). I would call back on birthdays and holidays but never got a call from any of them, (out of sight, out of mind). One year I thought I will wait and let them call me. 40 years later the phone has not rung. Cousins get married and are busy with children, (that you don't know), Older relatives die off. Miss a few birthday parties and funerals, and nobody will even wonder about you.
Travel is wonderful, but if you build a life for yourself elsewhere, be ready to be a loner. I am OK with it.

I'm okay with it too. I guess I'm just a bit afraid of how okay I really AM with it because some old part of my brain thinks that it's wrong for me to not want to stay close to my family and be involved with their lives, but I also have to have one for myself.

 

[Spaceman Spiff]

"If you wait until you are absolutely sure, you'll never take off the training wheels." Cynthia Copeland.

 

[WanderingRose]

Has anyone else ever been in a situation where you've got to decide when the be patient and when to move on? How do you overcome it? What advice do you have?

More times than I can count.

I have found that if I allow myself to be mentally still, take my time, think thru the issue and maybe make a balance sheet of pros and cons, the right answer comes to me.

You can maintain relationships from a distance, unless they depend on you for care.

It is important to be responsible in our dealings with others, but also to ourselves.

Good luck to you.