Am I being ungrateful and impatient, or is it time to move on?
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Many times people do choose staying close to family over a life away from them. It is a difficult choice but neither one has to be considered a permanent situation. You can choose to do both things at various periods in your life, just not at the same time... unless you take family along when you leave.
No need to get stuck in a pattern of all or nothing thinking at a young age. That is not even close to being how your life will play out over the years. You will have many crossroads decisions to make. You will often wonder looking back after making choices saying ..what if I had done "that" instead?
If you often struggle with emotional reactions to situations sometimes the advice given in the 12 step programs will keep you from doing self harm as well as harm to others. There is much good advice there about the courage needed for making changes and how to tap into your courage.
No need to get stuck in a pattern of all or nothing thinking at a young age. That is not even close to being how your life will play out over the years. You will have many crossroads decisions to make. You will often wonder looking back after making choices saying ..what if I had done "that" instead?
If you often struggle with emotional reactions to situations sometimes the advice given in the 12 step programs will keep you from doing self harm as well as harm to others. There is much good advice there about the courage needed for making changes and how to tap into your courage.
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shadowmoss
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If you have a skill (mine was IT support) you can go to temp agencies and pick up work, some for a day and some for longer, some temp to hire. At least in larger cities. I've spent a day setting up printers for a new office, a couple of months on a software upgrade to a larger office, a year filling in for a guy who was called up from reserves and needed his job held for him while he was gone. Look into the agencies that source the type of work you do. Some are day labor type agencies so not just IT. I once filled in for a lobby receptionist in between tech jobs because the request came in late and my recruiter was desperate and knew I was not working elsewhere right then.
gizmotron
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I like that. Here is what Warren Miller use to say at the end of every movie. "If you don't do it this year you will be one year older when you do."
sparkinprogress
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DannyB1954
I live in the same area as my family and I still don't get those phone calls. After Mom died everyone seem to go their own and do their own thing. Sadly fighting over things that weren't there.. the root of evil, money. We've made up enough to speak now, but everyone still does there own thing. I've been a loner for awhile now and have no problem at all with it. I finally retired, my rv is about ready, & I'll be hitting the road soon!! I waited for retirement so I'd have a pension, longest 5 years of my life!! lol So GetterdoneGary sounds like you already got a lot figured out which is half the battle!! I've always wanted to travel, vacations were Never long enough lol but I knew after 15 yrs in of my job I wanted that pension w/health benefits. I think we all know inside some bottom lines in our life that we want, it's matter of "knowing" it. Been following Nomads for last 5 years & looking at rigs trying to make up mind which one with affordablility which Limits the choice!! lol I chose a 24 ft rv that I'm happy with. Good Luck on all life's choices... especially the hard ones!! Safe travels to All
I live in the same area as my family and I still don't get those phone calls. After Mom died everyone seem to go their own and do their own thing. Sadly fighting over things that weren't there.. the root of evil, money. We've made up enough to speak now, but everyone still does there own thing. I've been a loner for awhile now and have no problem at all with it. I finally retired, my rv is about ready, & I'll be hitting the road soon!! I waited for retirement so I'd have a pension, longest 5 years of my life!! lol So GetterdoneGary sounds like you already got a lot figured out which is half the battle!! I've always wanted to travel, vacations were Never long enough lol but I knew after 15 yrs in of my job I wanted that pension w/health benefits. I think we all know inside some bottom lines in our life that we want, it's matter of "knowing" it. Been following Nomads for last 5 years & looking at rigs trying to make up mind which one with affordablility which Limits the choice!! lol I chose a 24 ft rv that I'm happy with. Good Luck on all life's choices... especially the hard ones!! Safe travels to All
whatsananna
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It's OK to go, my young friend. And it's OK to come back - sooner, later, or at some unexpected time. For me, I fall into the trap of thinking, "OK, it's going to be THIS ONE THING forever, and that means I can't have all the other things."
What nonsense. Go. And if you change your mind tomorrow, do something else. None of this great big world would have been explored and settled if someone hadn't been willing to give it a shot and go see.
What nonsense. Go. And if you change your mind tomorrow, do something else. None of this great big world would have been explored and settled if someone hadn't been willing to give it a shot and go see.
grumpygrizzly
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I'm a little late on the "quotes" part of this message but, this is actually a song lyric that I try to live by and it might give you something to think about...
"There never seems to be enough time, to do the things you want to do once you find them."
Jim Croce - Time in a bottle.
"There never seems to be enough time, to do the things you want to do once you find them."
Jim Croce - Time in a bottle.
Sofisintown
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Leave as soon as you have enough money to carry you along for a few months.
You can always come back if you change your mind.
You can always come back if you change your mind.
work on your budget … if you have a car note, can you sell back your car and get a cheaper one? Maybe an older one, but you wouldn’t have a bill or have to pay full insurance.
I’ve had friends sell back their car to the dealership and gotten more than what they paid for. Yes buying a different one would still mean you’re paying too much, but it would be less of a monthly drain.
If money wasn’t a factor… what would you do? What’s your initial reaction when you read that, not the overthinking part of what we are suppose to do or the fear. Fear can be a tool, it just means proceed with awareness.
I don’t know much about car notes, I’ve always bought used. So maybe that’s for a newer car, but that seems like a big monthly chunk. That’s more than double my food allowance. If you really can’t trade it in or want/need to keep it, Maybe try and refinance it at a lower rate or monthly? You can still pay your old payment amount to knock it down quicker but it won’t be as painful on months when you’re just getting by.
There are pros and cons to every decision, none of them are “safe”. Some may appear less harmful or safer at the onset, but in one way or another there’s a cost, now or down the line. That’s how it is, once you accept that, you’ll realize that there really wasn’t ever a “wrong” choice, which frees up that pressure.
I’m doing my build, taking a ferry and leaving Alaska. Scared poopless. My parents are in their mid 80’s and declining, my kids are in college and still getting their wobbly adult legs … and I feel this responsibility to stay for them. But I would continue to be unhappy, and I would be resentful … and I do not want that to come across to my family, they do not need to shoulder the cost of my choice. If I stay, I need to do it with a clear and open heart, solid in my choice.
I’m lucky, I’ve talked openly with my family and they support me. My parents.. meh, it’s hard for them and I’ve screwed up many times in the past. I’ve done this thing before… buggered off to Europe for months and months without telling anyone… moved to Thailand with my kids after my divorce. They know I’m not happy here in AK, they know I’m happy on the road, and although they would rather I stay, they don’t want me to give up my chance for happiness and adventure. They don’t want to be the reason I didn’t follow my dreams… even if it means it doesn’t turn out the way I hope, (and I know it won’t) I at least gave it a shot.
There’s always a way, it’s a matter of what you’re willing to do and it’s okay .. in fact it’s vital you place boundaries on yourself and others. This is a line I won’t cross, I’m not willing to do xyz, that’s good to know.
I’m rambling
I’ve had friends sell back their car to the dealership and gotten more than what they paid for. Yes buying a different one would still mean you’re paying too much, but it would be less of a monthly drain.
If money wasn’t a factor… what would you do? What’s your initial reaction when you read that, not the overthinking part of what we are suppose to do or the fear. Fear can be a tool, it just means proceed with awareness.
I don’t know much about car notes, I’ve always bought used. So maybe that’s for a newer car, but that seems like a big monthly chunk. That’s more than double my food allowance. If you really can’t trade it in or want/need to keep it, Maybe try and refinance it at a lower rate or monthly? You can still pay your old payment amount to knock it down quicker but it won’t be as painful on months when you’re just getting by.
There are pros and cons to every decision, none of them are “safe”. Some may appear less harmful or safer at the onset, but in one way or another there’s a cost, now or down the line. That’s how it is, once you accept that, you’ll realize that there really wasn’t ever a “wrong” choice, which frees up that pressure.
I’m doing my build, taking a ferry and leaving Alaska. Scared poopless. My parents are in their mid 80’s and declining, my kids are in college and still getting their wobbly adult legs … and I feel this responsibility to stay for them. But I would continue to be unhappy, and I would be resentful … and I do not want that to come across to my family, they do not need to shoulder the cost of my choice. If I stay, I need to do it with a clear and open heart, solid in my choice.
I’m lucky, I’ve talked openly with my family and they support me. My parents.. meh, it’s hard for them and I’ve screwed up many times in the past. I’ve done this thing before… buggered off to Europe for months and months without telling anyone… moved to Thailand with my kids after my divorce. They know I’m not happy here in AK, they know I’m happy on the road, and although they would rather I stay, they don’t want me to give up my chance for happiness and adventure. They don’t want to be the reason I didn’t follow my dreams… even if it means it doesn’t turn out the way I hope, (and I know it won’t) I at least gave it a shot.
There’s always a way, it’s a matter of what you’re willing to do and it’s okay .. in fact it’s vital you place boundaries on yourself and others. This is a line I won’t cross, I’m not willing to do xyz, that’s good to know.
I’m rambling
@Calypso It's tough to decide.
Living with my father, I have no rent, no real food expenses, and lots of security, but living with my father, not through fault of his own but just the living conditions, makes me absolutely miserable. I mean I can barely function at his home, and it's hard to get any private time, and it's hard to do anything with my private time because of the situation. And then my social life here is non-existent. Pretty much just work and maybe church, but I've never liked church.
All of that, and the cherry on top is me having a hard time sleeping in my father's house. It got so bad that I started using, and developing a dependency on Benadryl. But that was making me much more depressed and suck at work and is actually really terrible for your brain, so I had to switch to ***. But then that started to cause me to fail drugs tests. So then I just...Started sleeping in my vehicle and getting hotel rooms.
Eventually I realized, "If living with my father is so bad, that I have to burn through money on hotel rooms and sleep in my vehicle just to stay off drugs, and I can realistically live out of my vehicle, then why keep living with him? And if the benefits of living with him were the only reasons I still am where I am, then why the hell haven't I moved out West yet?"
Living in the Midsouth, I could live out of my vehicle, but I THINK it's tricky. We're just now going through the tail-end of a brutal winter. Winds high as all hell here and the windshield is supposed to be in the teens tonight. Then once the winter is over, we've got Spring, or "Tornado Season" as I like to call it, and then the Summer with it's, quite literally murderous heat and humidity. Pretty much the only nice season here is Autumn.
I'm considering taking a job in Chattanooga so I won't be too far from family in Georgia, but I'd be running into mostly the same situation: Either live out of my vehicle and sleep in some parking lot during the week, or spend $1,200 ~ $1,500 a month on an apartment or extended stay, which sounds ridiculous to me. I never want to pay over a grand for an apartment even IF I could afford it.
The way I see it, the only difference between moving out West and moving to Chatt, is driving distance, and physical distance from family. Maybe I might break down on the way to Colorado or Arizona, but besides that and maybe underestimating the cost of gas getting there, I don't see how it's any different.
For now I'm decided on trying to move to and live in Chatt. Worst case I'll have to either live out of my vehicle or move back home and get another job.
I really do wish you the best with your move out of Alaska.
Living with my father, I have no rent, no real food expenses, and lots of security, but living with my father, not through fault of his own but just the living conditions, makes me absolutely miserable. I mean I can barely function at his home, and it's hard to get any private time, and it's hard to do anything with my private time because of the situation. And then my social life here is non-existent. Pretty much just work and maybe church, but I've never liked church.
All of that, and the cherry on top is me having a hard time sleeping in my father's house. It got so bad that I started using, and developing a dependency on Benadryl. But that was making me much more depressed and suck at work and is actually really terrible for your brain, so I had to switch to ***. But then that started to cause me to fail drugs tests. So then I just...Started sleeping in my vehicle and getting hotel rooms.
Eventually I realized, "If living with my father is so bad, that I have to burn through money on hotel rooms and sleep in my vehicle just to stay off drugs, and I can realistically live out of my vehicle, then why keep living with him? And if the benefits of living with him were the only reasons I still am where I am, then why the hell haven't I moved out West yet?"
Living in the Midsouth, I could live out of my vehicle, but I THINK it's tricky. We're just now going through the tail-end of a brutal winter. Winds high as all hell here and the windshield is supposed to be in the teens tonight. Then once the winter is over, we've got Spring, or "Tornado Season" as I like to call it, and then the Summer with it's, quite literally murderous heat and humidity. Pretty much the only nice season here is Autumn.
I'm considering taking a job in Chattanooga so I won't be too far from family in Georgia, but I'd be running into mostly the same situation: Either live out of my vehicle and sleep in some parking lot during the week, or spend $1,200 ~ $1,500 a month on an apartment or extended stay, which sounds ridiculous to me. I never want to pay over a grand for an apartment even IF I could afford it.
The way I see it, the only difference between moving out West and moving to Chatt, is driving distance, and physical distance from family. Maybe I might break down on the way to Colorado or Arizona, but besides that and maybe underestimating the cost of gas getting there, I don't see how it's any different.
For now I'm decided on trying to move to and live in Chatt. Worst case I'll have to either live out of my vehicle or move back home and get another job.
I really do wish you the best with your move out of Alaska.
I will say that no matter which way you go … it’s temporary. Everything is temporary. This is not the only time you’ll have this choice available to you. You can go down one path and decide… nope, that’s not for me and pick another one.
Everything is temporary.
Right. Well I'm thinking about just giving up for now and just staying with my father and working whatever job I can get unless I can get a job with housing out West.
The world is just too crazy, unpredictable, and unwelcoming, and I'm pretty sick of the US. I'm just going to re-focus on web development and trying to return to Mexico as a digital nomad.
The world is just too crazy, unpredictable, and unwelcoming, and I'm pretty sick of the US. I'm just going to re-focus on web development and trying to return to Mexico as a digital nomad.
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Can you get a van to live in, so it can be more like a home? I know ppl live in cars comfortably out west, but maybe a van would be more enticing for you. I'm guessing out west they have a milder climate and aren't stuck in their cars as much as you would be.
I see youtube vids often about ppl near tech centers in California and near Seattle who live in vans, even though they make $100K a year. Because housing is an issue. You could do that, save your money and still visit your family. I assume you still have the job making $20 an hour.
On the other hand, Mexico sounds nice. Do you speak Spanish? You could do the van thing, save up money for your move and set a goal to learn the language.
Nautithespian
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Just remember wherever you go. There you are
I'd rather be somewhere I can properly deal with my inner demons than someplace that makes them worse.
After the show of family drama today and my family expecting me to act as a mediator between them and my little sister, along with the living conditions and lack of social options here, I've decided that I really am better off moving out West and living out of my vehicle. No matter how bad things could get.
After the show of family drama today and my family expecting me to act as a mediator between them and my little sister, along with the living conditions and lack of social options here, I've decided that I really am better off moving out West and living out of my vehicle. No matter how bad things could get.
rruff
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Gary, based on some of the comments you made (and correct me if I'm wrong!), it sounded like you just bought this FJ Cruiser which is a small jeep-like SUV, which was last made in 2014 so it probably has a good number of miles, and you paid less than $30k for it... but close to that amount?
You came on here asking for advice on a vehicle to get, which is great... but everyone recommended larger vehicles which are nicer to live in, and much cheaper ones given your situation. As I recall you already had a cheap car? So I'm wondering why you saddled yourself with such an extravagant purchase?
I know that you are conflicted over making a change... that's very normal and I think we've all been there. At the very least, it's a leap of faith into the unknown. But it seems like a part of you is actively trying to keep you stuck... and it's writing checks and taking out loans.
I don't know what the answer is... but best wishes to you, and I hope you get it sorted out with minimal pain and misery.
Morgana
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There are no easy options (at least, not at the income levels most of us are working with). Whatever you choose will have some drawbacks, count on it. You are neither entitled nor obligated to come up with a perfect plan.
You may feel better once you have picked one and started to make it so. None of the options you're considering right now seems irrevocable. If you fall flat on your face, so what? you get back up and try the next thing.
Solutions are not out there waiting for you to discover them. They do not exist until you make them.
Good luck!
You may feel better once you have picked one and started to make it so. None of the options you're considering right now seems irrevocable. If you fall flat on your face, so what? you get back up and try the next thing.
Solutions are not out there waiting for you to discover them. They do not exist until you make them.
Good luck!
This thread has made me think about how the internet has changed things. A few decades ago the older folks among us didn't have a forum where we could mull things over with strangers. We would maybe talk to family or friends a little (or a lot) and make the decision(s). The people on this forum don't really know you or your situation well. IDK. I'm not sure if input from others (though mostly well-meaning) is necessarily a good thing.
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I get what you’re saying. I think we have all become too “familiar” and free with our tongues with these types of forums and internet. Sometimes I know for me I’m projecting my own situation and experiences. We don’t know peoples backstory.
That being said, if everyone around you holds the same mentality, and has some type of personal investment in your choices then it’s hard to know or learn what’s outside that bubble. Having a “non biased” suggestion provided by a person (we all have our own personal bias) who is not invested in the outcome can sometimes shed light. But it definitely needs to be tempered by others who are part of a persons life.
We are very eager to help others and give advice or opinion, but we are often going on only a few sentences of the persons life that they are willing to share. Thank you for that reminder, I think I needed it.
