Alone

[Simran]

<p><em><font color="#000000"><b>“There is a seduction to solitude in a stretch of the World as we were given it, a seduction that stretches across all Human Cultures and all Human History. It may be mocked as foolish, childish, anti-social, misanthropic, retrograde, reactionary, fuzzy-headed, and sentimental, but it exists in the Human Heart and will endure as long as Homo Sapiens survive in even so much as one tribe”<br></b>~ Philip Connors ~ [Fire Season]</font></em><br><em></em>&nbsp;<br><em>and why?</em><br><em></em>&nbsp;<br><em><b>"I played out my future and saw an abyss day after day, the guillotine of an evening deadline, stretching into the murky distance. I looked into the abyss and I jumped. This is were I landed..."</b></em><br><br><em>Same Author, same Book. A good read I can relate to and just wanted to share. Seemed appropriate on this thread. </em><br><br><em>Be well, always.</em><br><br><em>Ara &amp; Spirit</em><br><br><em><a href="http://www.theoasisofmysoul.com" target="_blank">www.theoasisofmysoul.com</a></em><br><em>5 Years under the Stars</em>&nbsp;<br></p><p><br></p>

<br><br><br>Excellent stuff Ara; thanks for that.<br>

 

[Guest]

Hmmm. I have to disagree with the OP. If that is your case, then you don't actually want that kind of freedom, you reached for something that you thought would make you happy, but it didn't, and freedom is only as good as much as you want it.<div><br></div><div>I would rather be free and alone, then want for no friends and be less free.</div>

 

[dragonflyinthesky]

Just putting this out here. I wonder how many of us fear loneliness because we need to be needed?&nbsp;I don't fear loneliness because I am outgoing and will talk to a signpost or a sugaro cactus and be happy. I do fear not being needed and having no responsibilities for someone else.<br><FONT color=#00ffff size=3><b>Dragonfly</b></FONT><br>

 

[Simran]

personally, I don't fear loneliness and I do spend much of my time alone. What I miss the most when I am alone is interacting with another human; talking, laughing and exchanging idea's. Human touch is another thing that I begin to long for after a period of time.<br>I spent a year on an island in the Pacific. There were other people there but I was without my family. This is when I discovered how much the touch of another human being meant to me.<br>I just spent the last 14 months working by myself day in and day out. I was away from&nbsp; home for 2-4 weeks at a time. What I noticed was that many times, in the evening I would go out to eat when I wasn't even hungry. I finally realized I wanted human interaction more than food; even if it was just exchanging a few words with a waitress at a cafe. I know I can do OK in this situation once in awhile because I am that type of person. But day after day, week after week, month after month it began to reveal something about me as a human being and how interaction, or lack thereof, affects me as a normal member of society.<br>My wife claims I need no one; this is simply not he case. She sometimes thinks she and the children are a burden to me; that's not the case either. I've had the chance to prove it to myself. I love my family; but need a certain amount of time alone.<br>I do work alone a lot and I like to work alone. However, I don't think I live up to my potential as a member of society if I spend to much time alone. The last couple of months I've been working with a crew as an inspector instead of the lonely job of drawing jobs for upcoming construction. I prefer to draw jobs and work alone. Most of the people that do what I do would much rather work with a crew instead of draw; they hate drawing. I, on the other hand, love it for the creative aspect as well as the chance to work alone. Fourteen months was a bit long though; even for me.<br>Anyway that's just me. I'm sure there is a skewed number of people associated with this site that spend more time alone than the average person. That would just be the nature of the beast here.<br>gus<br><br>

 

[akrvbob]

<p style="margin: 0px;">

<span id="post_message_1272629794">Just putting this out here. I wonder how many of us fear loneliness because we need to be needed? I don't fear loneliness because I am outgoing and will talk to a signpost or a sugaro cactus and be happy. I do fear not being needed and having no responsibilities for someone else.<br><font color="#00ffff" size="3"><b>Dragonfly </b></font></span>

</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">I would change this just a little. I don't think it is so much fearing not being needed, it is finding joy in serving. Humans are tribal/pack animals, part of our DNA is serving others. The nurturing insinct is biologically stronger in women, but still present in men. I love my dog so much and when I examine why,&nbsp;I've decided it is because it brings me such joy to serve him and make him happy.&nbsp;And of course he "loves" me in return.</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">The best relationships are those in which those involved find the greatest joy in making the other happy. When I log onto this forum, I do so with the idea that I can make someones life better today by sharing my love and knowledge abut vandwelling. That brings me great joy, and seems to drive loneliness away from me. Bob</p>

 

[yesican]

<p>Bob...you hit the nail on the head.&nbsp; Rae</p>

 

[WanderingRonin]

Agreed! It has to be the right person, though.&nbsp;<div>I find that I choose to spend minutes of my life on people who really matter... not just the one true love, but many others. I parcel out my life to them as needed.&nbsp;</div><div>I am single, but not alone.</div>

 

[rattlesnake joe]

<p>For insight on being alone, read the book Robinson Caruso.&nbsp; </p>

 

[Corinne]

<div align="center">Embrace Life's Storms, they're part of the Journey too.<br>(Not sure of author...)<br></div><br>http://www.24x7funonline.com/2011/10/embrace-lifes-storms-theyre-part-of.html<br><br>I've found that the less we know about who we are, individually, the more lonely we can become.&nbsp; I have also found that the opposite is true - the more we know about ourselves, and about who we are, the less likely we are to become lonely.<br><br>"You have a right, if you like."&nbsp; While under the watch of others, make up your own mind about yourself.<br><br>A nice memory of the past:<br><br>!<br><br>

 

[Captain Logos]

A lot of people are confused about what loneliness actually is. People that are afraid of being alone do not suffer from loneliness: they suffer from insecurity and lack of individualism. The true loner and sufferer of loneliness is highly cognizant of their values and their own worth: i.e. they are very self-aware. They have integrated their highest values with their life and every action they make. They seek others of similar enlightenment, values, and worth... and find no one. <i>That</i>&nbsp;is loneliness. Wisdom offers many rewarding things, but loneliness is a negative by-product in many cases.&nbsp;<div><br></div><div>Of course, the ultimate loner, that is totally satisfied and content to be alone is the true enlightened individual, and does not suffer from loneliness.&nbsp;</div><div><br></div><div>Furry friends are a huge help, too <img src="/images/boards/smilies/smile.gif" border="0" align="absmiddle"></div>

 

[owl]

<P>&nbsp;&nbsp; Feeling lonley or loneliness is a human condition. I think some folks are so&nbsp;bothered by it they become obsessed. The advice given above is priceless. Focusing on others rather than self is a sure path out of loneliness.</P>

 

[Corinne]

Hi Owl.&nbsp; But, I didn't know "how" to give to others, nor did I ever even think about it until I lost everything I had and needed the help myself.&nbsp; I had to learn how to give to myself first because no one else was going to help out I discovered. Until I realized my own needs is when I realized the needs of others as well.<br><br>The only way I learned how to share or help out was when I lost everything I had and realized at that time that there aren't a lot of people walking around that are willing to help others, they are few and far between.&nbsp; That is what opened my own eyes.&nbsp; I learned that the only person, in all reality, that was going to help me was 'me.'<br>

 

[Corinne]

" If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance."<br><br>lol... I Love this.&nbsp;&nbsp; <img src="/images/boards/smilies/smile.gif" border="0" align="absmiddle">&nbsp; <br>

 

[owl]

<P>Corinne, you are so right. Remember, out of everything bad something good comes! I'm a lousy dancer but maybe I can teach my skeleton lol.</P>

 

[Corinne]

<p style="margin: 0px;">"I'm a lousy dancer but maybe I can teach my skeleton."&nbsp;&nbsp; <img src="/images/boards/smilies/smile.gif" border="0" align="absmiddle"></p><p style="margin: 0px;"><hr></p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;Hahahahaha...&nbsp; I guess that means the "Hokey Pokey" is totally out of the question then?&nbsp; lol...</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">"Happy Trailers."</p>

 

[txanne]

<p>

Dragonfly<br><br>Why not try Wordpress? I really dont't blog, but as a former computer geek (recovering) I find it an extremely nice interface and reliable service<br><br>Here's one, just messing around:<br> GyrFalcon<br>

</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">Boy do I need UR help.</p><p style="margin: 0px;">I just got this desk=top</p><p style="margin: 0px;">wifi--use 4GJetPack</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">This pc is so veryyyyyfar advanced of my knowledge.</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">Havent had a pc in yrs and the only one I have owned</p><p style="margin: 0px;">was a recond school pc for a 100.00+20.00 internet chip.</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">I have the built in camera--sooooo many nice things to use.</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">Please dont laugh--I dont know how to cut and paste--I am</p><p style="margin: 0px;">a senior that wants to learn it all--but people make fun of ya and I quit asking.</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">Thanks if you did decide to (coach) me LOL</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">annie</p>

 

[peacetara]

As winter approaches, and the sun goes down at 5pm up here, I find myself feeling alone. It's not a terrible loneliness, and I can handle it, but I've noticed a downside to being deaf and traveling alone. Being deaf brings large communication problems, because most people only speak their languages and visual languages like ASL are not as widespread. So in a lot of ways being deaf is like living in a foreign country where you don't know or speak the local language.

That is to say, all of that means its hard to meet new people, and form relationships. It's not impossible , just hard. I wasn't born deaf , and all my alone travels have all been (until now) back when I was able to speak and understand the local language. So it was pretty easy to have interesting conversations wherever I happened to be, and now I've noticed that is most difficult, most people are confused or turned off from communicating with me.

So this had been a very interesting experience, now my connections with people are much much less than they ever have been before. I know there is at least one other deaf person around this forum, so I wanted to bring it up. Be prepared for loneliness.

Luckily I'm pretty comfortable with myself, and I have friends in many places around the country, so I have ways to deal with it, but I do find, that during the northern winter, when it's dark at 5, it's a lot more difficult to deal.

I'm doing ok, I text my friends and kids all the time, so I'm not without some interactions, but they don't make up for in person human to human interactions. Perhaps if I continue to find this an issue I may look into a dog or something sooner. I have diverse hobbies and am in the process of trying to teach myself to knit, which is really me just making more messes to clean up, but hopefully with time my messes will be a little less drastic <img src="/images/boards/smilies/smile.gif" border="0" align="absmiddle">

Also next week I get to see the kids again, so that will fix me right up! And then I'll have a busy social schedule thru December and then it's RTR time! <img src="/images/boards/smilies/wink.gif" border="0" align="absmiddle">

Anyways, just wanted to chime in on loneliness, since I have a little bit of that going on right now.

With love,
Tara

 

[josephusminimus]

A few days ago I was reading SirJoey's Thanksgiving Day post on the Happy Thanksgiving thread and his description of his protracted agony, depression and near-suicidal loneliness.&nbsp; He sees no relief for it in the future and only hangs on because of his religious faith.<br /><br />The responses he got were more a demonstration of how helpless the human beings around us are to offer meaningful solace for others inside that particular box.<br /><br />Those of us who are alone, but not lonely probably are the least able, when it comes to it, of giving any help or relief because we already aren't lonely.<br /><br />Comes down to something that appears to be each of us dealing individually with whatever miseries life deals us .... we see someone in a wheel chair, we can smile and be friendly, but if he's bitter and has attitude, say, we can't relieve him of that any more than we can restore the use of his legs.<br /><br />Learning to see our miseries in a way that allows us to open up the box and call them blessings is a state of mind not easy for most of us to locate and adopt.

 

[Simran]

Tara,
I'm deaf as well. I can hear with hearing aids though. But up until recently I couldn't even hear the TV with my old aids. I recently got some new digital ones that work far and away better than any of the other aids I've had so I am thankful.
I can, however, relate to being in a room full of people and still feeling alone because you can't communicate with anyone. When I was younger it bothered me a great deal. As I grew older (and more deaf) I started to bring a book with me, even to public functions, so I had something to do. My wife thought it was rude until I explained to her my view of the world. Then she was more able to deal with it.

Tara, I understand this type of alone. You are OK but it just begins to grind on you after awhile. Feeling alone in a world with other people bouncing around is a feeling kind of like helplessness but not really that either. It is just hard to put your finger on but it there and it is a fleeting feeling. There is nothing to grasp.

Email me anytime you feel the need to chat with someone who understands both the serenity and the helplessness that silence holds for some of us.

Gus

As winter approaches, and the sun goes down at 5pm up here, I find myself feeling alone. It's not a terrible loneliness, and I can handle it, but I've noticed a downside to being deaf and traveling alone. Being deaf brings large communication problems, because most people only speak their languages and visual languages like ASL are not as widespread. So in a lot of ways being deaf is like living in a foreign country where you don't know or speak the local language.

That is to say, all of that means its hard to meet new people, and form relationships. It's not impossible , just hard. I wasn't born deaf , and all my alone travels have all been (until now) back when I was able to speak and understand the local language. So it was pretty easy to have interesting conversations wherever I happened to be, and now I've noticed that is most difficult, most people are confused or turned off from communicating with me.

So this had been a very interesting experience, now my connections with people are much much less than they ever have been before. I know there is at least one other deaf person around this forum, so I wanted to bring it up. Be prepared for loneliness.

Luckily I'm pretty comfortable with myself, and I have friends in many places around the country, so I have ways to deal with it, but I do find, that during the northern winter, when it's dark at 5, it's a lot more difficult to deal.

I'm doing ok, I text my friends and kids all the time, so I'm not without some interactions, but they don't make up for in person human to human interactions. Perhaps if I continue to find this an issue I may look into a dog or something sooner. I have diverse hobbies and am in the process of trying to teach myself to knit, which is really me just making more messes to clean up, but hopefully with time my messes will be a little less drastic &lt;img src="/images/boards/smilies/smile.gif" border="0" align="absmiddle"&gt;

Also next week I get to see the kids again, so that will fix me right up! And then I'll have a busy social schedule thru December and then it's RTR time! &lt;img src="/images/boards/smilies/wink.gif" border="0" align="absmiddle"&gt;

Anyways, just wanted to chime in on loneliness, since I have a little bit of that going on right now.

With love,
Tara

 

[peacetara]

@josephusminimus I missed that thread apparently, I hope SirJoey finds a way out of his despair.&nbsp; It's tough to deal with for sure.&nbsp; Otherwise, I think I understand what you are saying (sometimes I have a hard time getting meaning from your prose) and I agree with you. But I think anyone that has been thru depression has some common ground, since loneliness I think is just a form of depression.<br /><br />@Simran: I agree.&nbsp; I have an awesome support system now, and I TOTALLY agree about bringing a book everywhere I go! There definitely is a disconnectedness from people when you are deaf. I just have found while traveling it's a much bigger disconnect.&nbsp; I try to attend Deaf gatherings/events around wherever I happen to be, but sometimes they can be a little hard to find.<br /><br />With Love,<br />Tara