Should You Tell Your Family & Friends?

I'm curious what most of us have done about telling family and friends about your plans to live in a car, van or RV?<br><ul><li>Did you tell them, or keep it a secret?</li><li>Why?</li><li>How did they react?</li><li>If you had it to do over again, what would you do?</li></ul>Bob<br>

I've been telling them this for 40 years. Some wish they could do the same. Others see the trailer and truck and don't believe they will be seeing my tail lights in the distance.&nbsp; <br>Being older than a lot of members means my friends are older. Many of them are just tired like I am and are moving in different directions with their lives. Most don't have a mobile lifestyle concept but they are downsizing and finding retirement homes. My ex and his new wife sold everything last June, bought an older smaller class A and have her toad Smart Car.<br>Sorry SOB was supposed to do that with me. Luckly I have no hard feelings towards him or her little bleach blond head. Just kidding. I absolutly love my ex and his younger beautiful&nbsp;wife.&nbsp; <IMG border=0 align=absMiddle src="https://vanlivingforum.com/images/boards/smilies/biggrin.gif"><br><FONT color=#ff00ff><b>Dragonfly</b></FONT><br>

I ran it past my sister &amp; she says "go for it" with an attitude like "you'll give it up in a week &amp; move back into an apartment".<div><br />My half sister just changes the subject &amp; says "you should build a Tiny House", totally avoiding the issue.</div><div><br />My father is just flat-out vehemently against it. He automatically thinks that he is right about everything regardless of whether he's right or wrong!</div><div><br />My best friend for thirty years says "no, don't do that; you can't live out of a car", as if there is something wrong with it. Funny thing is, is that he used to support any kind of counterculture when he attended college, then he got self-righteous with his "holier-than-thou" religious beliefs.</div><div>&nbsp;</div><div>If I had to do it over again, I wouldn't tell anyone close to me, then I'd disappear, now that I know how they all feel about it-</div><div>&nbsp;</div><div>AkrvBob: I wished that you would've included an option (for the poll) such as: "Yes I told them; they didn't approve; &amp; I don't give a s**t!!!" Then I would've voted-</div>

I didn't see a choice there that represented what happened with me. I told my family and got the reactions I expected. Some understood, some didn't, but I don't regret it at all. No one lost their temper or disowned me for it. I answered all the usual questions and they finally gave up asking them after a while when they realized I'd thought this out.<div><br></div>

&nbsp;This is our second time around. We did it 1976 ( only for a year -does that count?) when our daughter was four. We got a lot of grief&nbsp; and predictions of disaster but had a great time and started working out a way to do it in the future.<br><br>&nbsp;We really didn't have a choice about telling our friends and family. We couldn't just get in the van and drive away. I think that most of them didn't believe that we would do it and we're surprised when we actually did. My mother-in law was the most upset because we were taking her granddaughter away and she thought we were on our way to becoming "hippies". Lots of tension between the generations back in the 70s -glad that's over with!<br><br>&nbsp;They all knew that we planned to live in a RV again so it wasn't a shock this time. Most of them still don't understand it and ask us when we're going to settle down but they're all pretty cool with it or maybe they've just written us off as crazy!<br>

<p style="margin: 0px;">I've only hinted to my daughter who lives here in Alaska&nbsp;near me. The rest of my family...well...they know me.&nbsp; Rae is the one of 16 kids who's always been the wonderlust...adventurer.&nbsp; I was the only one who independently broke the 40-miler chain that plagues people from the midwest.&nbsp; I've lived away from family all of my adult life.&nbsp; So...they're probably expecting it!&nbsp; If they disapprove, it will be behind my back and they will show only positive reinforcement.&nbsp; </p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">Rae</p>

<p style="margin: 0px;">I'm not much concerned with their opinions, but I've mentioned that DW and want to sell the house, travel for a year while searching for a new area to relocate. My best friend is only surprised that I'm not gone already, but there are responsibilities I accepted and wish to follow through on, so next year. He suspects that year might stretch out as long as i can talk DW into it lol.</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">My siblings are all about 15 years older than I, so there's not much connection between us. They made different decisions than I, and have learned to stop whining to me as I'm not very sympathetic lol. If they are critical, it will be behind my back with a hint of jealousy.</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">I think they know I've always lived my life as I wish and will continue to do so. But they made their choices, I make mine, and in the long run I seem to have fewer, if any, regrets.</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">Nope, can't think of a one.</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;(except, maybe,&nbsp;I didn't buy that '61 Vette for a song,&nbsp;which needed restoring...)</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p>

I have already told all my children that when the sad day comes when my husband's failing heart and arteries stop doing what they are supposed to, I'm leaving. I can't afford to stay in this house and pay for all of this without both incomes and everyone already knows that. The hard part for me will be what to do with this house, rent, or sell. Then I will pack my motorcycle into my cargo trailer and hook up to my van and just take off. I told everyone that I would visit with each of them in turn after I get done traveling and going to see the places that I want. There isn't much anyone of them can say cause they know I will have no choice. I told all of them that they could take over the house but they can't seem to be able to live in this small town, they think they need the city to survive, I feel sorry for them, maybe someday they will wake up like all of us. I haven't told my parents yet, as they are in their 70's and I don't like upsetting them till it's absolutely necessary. Anyway my husband may surprise me and live for years, or I may go before him, only God know's for sure, but for now I travel as much as I can afford to.

a therapist once told me that if you have the courage to live the way you want, people will initially express disapproval, but will secretly admire you. i have tried it and he was right! They will probably love you anyway and this will be surprising to you. &nbsp;Very few will cut you off completely, that's the power of connections with family and friends.

&nbsp; <span id="post_message_1273655949">AkrvBob: I wished that you would've included an option (for the poll) such as: "Yes I told them; they didn't approve; &amp; I don't give a s**t!!!" Then I would've voted-</span>

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<br><br>Great one! I added it in. <br><br>I'm writing an article on whether you should tell or not. So tell me specifically would you recommend to a person just starting out to tell or not to tell, YES or NO? Obviously no answer would apply to everybody so it is just your best guess. Bob<br>

&nbsp;This is an interesting topic Bob. I'm a little surprised at how the poll is adding up. I'd have thought that there would be at least one vote for one of the top three.<br><br>&nbsp;Okay -to tell or not to tell. YES but only after you've progressed past the dreaming about it stage. <br>

We've been discussing ours for years. People at work had doubts, but as I get closer and have more preparations complete, they're accepting I'm serious and are behind me. They've had time to get used to the idea and question my plans. As my plans seemed reasonable...

The new truck has convinced several I'm serious.

I'd say clue them in early and slowly

I'm so glad you have brought this topic up Bob. &nbsp;It's the hardest thing I've been dealing with to tell the truth. &nbsp;I am living with my parents at the moment since I got back from my travels overseas. &nbsp;They have seen me work on cruise ships, in china, in germany, travel by myself in europe but when it comes to this it's a very bad response.<div><br></div><div>I told my mom and her response was about putting stress on my dad and about how every week people go missing while camping. &nbsp;I don't know why my dad would be overly stressed I think it was more her. &nbsp;Since she watches Law &amp; Order, NCIS where someone always dies at the beginning of the show. &nbsp;I googled it and could only find a few incidents and they were around suicide, dying from carbon monoxide and one alberta couple disappearing. &nbsp;Then I found a research paper from an organization that says more than 15 million in the U.S. travel in an rv each year. &nbsp;I told her my findings and she said she didn't want to hear about it and that no matter what I find she will not be okay with it. &nbsp;</div><div><br></div><div>So then I try my dad. &nbsp;He ain't happy either. &nbsp;He tells me what he wants me to do. &nbsp;Go take a program for a job like the girl down the street. One that I can do till I retire where I will earn good money. &nbsp;He says I'm almost 40 and I need to get sorted. &nbsp;Even thinking about doing the same job day in and out till I'm 65 sounds like a nightmare to me. &nbsp;He is the one until he came to visit me overseas had never been outside North America. &nbsp;</div><div><br></div><div>I agree with tonyandkaren, don't tell until you are past the dreaming stage and full on decided to do it and no one can change your mind. &nbsp;Since they will try. &nbsp;My mom is working on me being fearful of going because of murderers lol and my dad is working the same thing but more on what if you get a flat tire, the van breaks down etc. &nbsp;Everything that could go wrong is thrown back at me as soon as I bring up my idea. &nbsp;</div><div><br></div><div>Buy the van first then tell just before you leave. &nbsp;Since they do need to know and it's not nice leaving them to wonder where you are.</div><div><br></div><div>Oh and I thought I would add that I didn't vote because&nbsp;</div><div><br></div><div>Yes I told, they don't approve at all, and I do give a .... but not enough to stop living my life the way I want to live it.</div>

akrvbob said:

I'm writing an article on whether you should tell or not. So tell me specifically would you recommend to a person just starting out to tell or not to tell, YES or NO? Obviously no answer would apply to everybody so it is just your best guess. Bob<br>

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<div><br></div><div>Would I recommend telling someone?</div><div>Well, I'd tell the person to bring up the <b><i><u>idea </u></i></b>to the other person in conversation, just to feel his/her reaction, then draw upon that. Kinda like chiseling away.&nbsp;</div><div>Sorry for beating around the bush in reference to your question-but for a specific answer, I'd have to say, yes-</div>

I've told them all last year, and people said "camping is fun you'll be home in a month" now when explain my further self extraction from the "Normal" life they take it a little more seriously. &nbsp;My dad doesn't understand why I would give up a mortgage and a piece of dirt to tend. I try to convey that this is my dream and that his life choice maybe right for him but it is as scary to me as mine are to him. He asks what I'll do when the tranny goes out... Well Dad the same thing you'll do when the basement floods. Take a deep breath and face the problem head on and fix it.&nbsp;<div>&nbsp;Mom On the other hand is excited, she would follow me in a heartbeat but chooses to stay put and take care of my aging grandparents. I hope that by the time she is free to travel I will have paved the way for her to follow and dad to be past the fears of bad wheel bearings, blown out tires, &nbsp;and other roadside repairs.<div><br></div><div>&nbsp;They key is to follow your dreams and make yourself happy and then maybe they can be happy for you, don't let fear keep you in constant search of security. Mark Twain once said "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed in the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."</div><div><br></div><div>&nbsp;Disappointment or approval in the end this is your life, Live it well and you won't need approval. (okay how did I get on this soap box anyway)</div></div>

I woudl think the tough thing is getting together for family times, birthdays, xmas etc.<div><br></div><div>I remember when my sister was a Rubber Tramp/activist and she wasn't there a lot in the late 90s...oh well.&nbsp;</div><div><br></div><div>ALso reminds me of my Aunty who chose to stay in Oregon and be close to family versus going to Australia as the wife of a proffesional basketball coach. Sometimes family can be a real stickler of an issue for moving forward or on to better things...it's tough.</div><div><br>Sometimes I think my parents want me just to be safe and sound in my little crap job here, almost like a pet they want to keep close for comfort and not worry about, while I feel a bit hemmed in by that.</div>

I didn't vote because I'm an 80%'er. I live in a van while I'm at work. Anyone that knows me isn't surprised by the fact. Like others here I dance to the tune of my own drum most of the time and everyone that knows me accepts that about my personality.<br>I don't hide it in the least; the only one that really struggled with it was one of my nephew's that is a detective for the city of Bismark, ND. <br>I just let him struggle with it until he quit hehehehe!!! Cops are an odd lot in their own right; me thinks.<br><br>gus<br>

My family thinks im crazy. They dont understand it but they go a long with it. They know how I am. I used to be very traditional but now I fly by seat of pants. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesnt. I just seem to jump right into things now.

My family gave up on me a long time ago.&nbsp; My children are convinced I have lost my marbles.&nbsp; My grandchildren will grow up believing what their parents tell them.<br /><br />So be it!<br /><br />Lifey

Yep as ive read in a few posts on this, ive thrown the idea out to some family and friends and they all think its nuts.. but.. so far i have only actually told my brother that this is what i intend on doing.... hes a year and some younger than me but hes the 9-5er working for the man dying by the man. and thinks money is whats most important in life.. but on the other hand (i think because we're in that same generation of youth, hes got a bit of an open mind.. at least to me. hes my brother after all and understands the hard life ive had.. when i told him about it.. he told me to just live lik a normal person and tried to convince me otherwise.. but when i told him in a heart to heart way what and why i wanted what i want.. he&nbsp; came around.. and became humbled by my words and&nbsp; i think now he realizes that what im trying to achieve is incredible and not for the average bear.. ( i say that because in todays society the living we are all trying to achieve as dwellers, seems as far fetched as most of the "american dreams" are for the average working man... so that said, he accepts my "crazyness" and knows why i want it.. and thinks its 'cool' haha <img src="images/boards/smilies/smile.gif" alt="" align="absmiddle" border="0" /> now my mother and father..they'll have a different opinion im sure.. but whatever.. and im single and have no kids.. so im set there <img src="images/boards/smilies/smile.gif" alt="" align="absmiddle" border="0" />