Women Only: Lost my mind

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Maggie Flinn

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After 5 months on the road I returned to my house and quickly reverted to my life of insanity.   I never did quite master this forum but immediately felt at home when I saw my messages from a friend I met in Ehrenberg.    I kid you not, I was told by my doctor to go to the mental ward that that was the quickest way I could get into a psychiatrist.                    
I just got back from Home Depot which I believe was my lifesaver now as I had questions about getting a dorm fridge instead of a dometic.  Omg, I just feel like I restored my sanity.        I need to do my new van build and get the **** out of here before I am committed.   [HEAVY BLACK HEART]️[emoji4][emoji304][emoji56]



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I left my dysfunctional family years ago. I make short visits back to see the ones I like. Now that i have solar power in the van I can visit then wander around before heading home.
 
I know what you mean about family. My sons and grandchildren are all I care to visit. None from my past. They haven't changed in all these years. PTSD is not something that is easily noticed "at home". We HAVE gone through our own "war", and (as children that were confined to that life) imprisonment. Take out the child inside and treat her special. Get on the road and be YOU, the real you that needs (and deserves) to be discovered. I have a pet (cat) that comes up and nuzzles me when I start going into a panic. She picked me for some reason. If a pet finds you, welcome it. Just make sure it's not a bear or an alligator or something bigger than a breadbox. You've been on the road and you know the freedom of finding out who YOU are and you LIKE that person, even though we aren't suppose to. Give your little (inner) girl a big hug from me.
 
If the situation fits, I found a very good support group for adult children of alcoholic and other family dysfunction. As a classic “lost child” I sought to blend into the walls and dreamed of the day I could run away and be left the hell alone by the world. (RV life!) Well, it took 40+ years but I got here. Sometimes “familiar” is not the same as “functional”.
 
Ya know, the definition of intelligence is how many repetitions it takes to learn something. As such, this means I'm not very intelligent, because I keep going back, hoping, I guess, that something will have changed...or at least that by going back, showing up, that I'll be the "good person." But the truth is, and I know it, that I'm not anything like them. I don't relate to their values, and they don't relate to mine, so why do I put in the time, energy, and expense to go visit? Because I think I **should.** Somebody once said, "Don't 'should' on yourself!" But do I listen? Yes, but it doesn't go all the way in, because my little girl self still wants to be loved by my family for who I actually am, rather than who they want me to be. I spent most of my life trying to be someone they could love, and that strategy didn't work. So now I don't try to please anyone but myself (and of course my dog, who is the real VIP in my life!) But even though I've made it this far, there's still that little girl who misses the mommy she never had. I guess that never goes away. We just have to develop strategies to recognize and deal with it as it arises.

The Dire Wolfess
 
Moxadox said:
Ya know, the definition of intelligence is how many repetitions it takes to learn something.

The Dire Wolfess

I don’t think that’s the definition....
 
Intelligence = [font=Roboto, arial, sans-serif]the ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills. [/font]
[font=Roboto, arial, sans-serif]Knowledge and skills are a set of learned behaviors and information. I can vouch for the fact that many childhood information and behaviors CAN be relearned, and behaviors are modified almost daily as we grow and experience new life patterns and skills. Santa Clause being one of American's childhood beliefs and interactions.[/font]
[font=Roboto, arial, sans-serif]This tells me that Intelligence is a fluid behavior, not a "set in stone" mental capacity. It changes slowly or rapidly according to each individual. By trying to define oneself as a certain intellectual point in time makes one stagnant and warp the time since that point. [/font]
[font=Roboto, arial, sans-serif]The ONLY persons we can change is ourselves. "They" won't change as long as they stagnate in their warped world and refuse to grow.[/font]
[font=Roboto, arial, sans-serif]I have been trying not to stagnate for several years now and it is slowly working. I am in my 60's, so, I would suggest, t[/font][font=Roboto, arial, sans-serif]he sooner you set boundaries and goodness for yourself, the sooner you will start growing again. Good Luck and GOD bless your beautiful self.[/font]
 
Cammalu said:
I don’t think that’s the definition....
Actually, it is the definition when testing dogs'intelligence. When I first became familiar with it, all kinds of things snapped into place, like: how many awful relationships did it take before I realized I was not learning anything? How many times do I have to demonstrate to my puppy what "sit" means? If it's a Border Collie, she'll probably pick it up the first or second time. Bulldog, maybe never, but it's cute [emoji6]

The Dire Wolfess
 
:p   I'm somewhere between a Border Collie and a Bulldog. I may be slow, but I DO figure it out given enough time. I just hope I live long enough. I am aiming for 102. That day, I'll finally have life figured out and I will keel over. LOL
 
Dire, I saw you are heading east? Will you be anywhere near KY? We are going to be here until the end of next month probably. We have plenty of camping room.
 
Cammalu said:
Dire, I saw you are heading east? Will you be anywhere near KY? We are going to be here until the end of next month probably. We have plenty of camping room.
Hey there Camma! Yep, in fact I'm bolting for Asheville (family) this week from CO, heading down the 25 to 40. Are y'all anywhere close? PM me, if that's OK with you.

The Dire Wolfess
 
We're headed to Asheville, Wednesday. Maybe rain but still...
 
LivGolden said:
We're headed to Asheville, Wednesday. Maybe rain but still...
Seriously? I'm also headed to AVL. Where are you starting from? I'm in CO north of Denver. Taking the 25 into NM then 40 all the way. I have my own special groove in the 40, I think...

Are you from there, going to visit?

The Dire Wolfess
 
Moxadox said:
Ya know, the definition of intelligence is how many repetitions it takes to learn something.  As such, this means I'm not very intelligent, because I keep going back, hoping, I guess, that something will have changed...or at least that by going back, showing up, that I'll be the "good person."  But the truth is, and I know it, that I'm not anything like them.  I don't relate to their values, and they don't relate to mine, so why do I put in the time, energy, and expense to go visit?  Because I think I **should.**  Somebody once said, "Don't 'should' on yourself!"  But do I listen?  Yes, but it doesn't go all the way in, because my little girl self still wants to be loved by my family for who I actually am, rather than who they want me to be.  I spent most of my life trying to be someone they could love, and that strategy didn't work.  So now I don't try to please anyone but myself (and of course my dog, who is the real VIP in my life!)  But even though I've made it this far, there's still that little girl who misses the mommy she never had.  I guess that never goes away.  We just have to develop strategies to recognize and deal with it as it arises.

The Dire Wolfess

Hi ladies
First time posting,  trying to figure it out.....it it said that our families are our best teachers, taking a deep breath.
 
Moxadox said:
Seriously?  I'm also headed to AVL.  Where are you starting from?  I'm in CO north of Denver.  Taking the 25 into NM then 40 all the way.  I have my own special groove in the 40, I think...

Are you from there, going to visit?

The Dire Wolfess

Sorry I missed you. I didn't check in here. Asheville was great! They have a 'doggy" welcome center. We stayed at Nancy and drove up for the day. It was great!
 
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